Her Anchor (43 page)

And suddenly, back in the real world of the present, I gasped, startling Clarissa, who'd been entranced by the yearbook, and had ended up spilling her wine on the carpet in shock.

“Oh! Oh, God, Clarissa, I'm so sorry...”

“Oh, it's no big deal... I spill wine on this thing all the time... Honestly, I think I'm going to have to start going to AA meetings or something. Don't worry about it!”

“Well, still... Let me at least help you clean it up or something...”

“Nahhh, it's seriously nothing. I'll get it after you leave. It'll be fine.”

“I... Well, alright... I am going to have to get going before too much longer, though... This wine is really starting to go to my head, I think...”

2

“Oh, God, you look amazing! It's so good to see you, it's been such a long time!”

“It's great to see you too!” I responded happily, bringing myself into Justin's strong arms and trying my damnedest to seem neutral about the fact, even if, in reality, I was as on edge in his presence as I thought it might be possible for a girl to be.

Our hug lasted a few seconds longer than I might have anticipated, and I felt simultaneously crushed somewhat in his grip, yet like dissolving in his arms all the same. Finally, though, it had come to a conclusion, and the two of us split apart, staring into one another's eyes in a fashion that was awkward to say the least.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen... I had given into temptation...

Or, well, I at least tried not to think of what I was doing on just those terms, actually. For the sake of being able to go through with it at all, I had tried to convince myself that this was nothing more than just a friendly meeting- two people who had briefly been together during high school, meeting up again just to reminisce about old times and catch up.

And I mean, yeah, I was seeing someone now, but that didn't mean I should completely discount the fact that this era of my life had ever occurred, now did it? It deserved as much recognition as anything that had happened for me over the years, and there was nothing at all wrong with me wanting to see Mark again to talk about it, now was there?

But of course, that was all just me justifying it to myself...

The reality of it was, I had been unable to stop thinking about that man since that day over at Clarissa's place, thoughts of him spinning around in my head almost constantly, and never giving me a moment's piece.

I still can't say, exactly what it was about him... It's really quite possible that it was, like I suggested it might be earlier, nothing more than just nostalgia, than wanting to believe that something I had once had could be restored to me again if I allowed it.

And it's true that, at least on the surface, I had no real plan for this to be anything more than just an innocent rendezvous, nothing seedy or any sort of seduction concealed under my cap to be brought to fruition. Just a meeting for coffee between two grown, mature adults, without all of the raging hormones that might have flung us together into one another's arms back when we were two dumb eighteen year olds...

But, I can't deny it, I think something in me wanted to believe the notion that, somehow, Mark could go about restoring some portion of whatever the hell it was I felt was missing inside me. That he could bring me back around from this pressing feeling that something was wrong with my life, and that he could provide me with the answer.

Of course, all that week, Mark didn't help me all that much either in the matter...

Like, alright, I knew, at least on the surface that he loved me, as well as that, for me to be testing that love in the manner that I was, was rather a dick move on my part, if you'll excuse me saying so. I knew that he spent his days providing for us so that we could have a decent life together, and that reasonably I didn't have any true cause for complaining about his absence all the time.

But, I don't know... It just felt like he was getting more and more distant from me as I buried himself deeper in routine, leaving me all day with these feelings of want for something, only to have him come home and be completely emotionally unavailable for me.

Like, okay, to give you some idea, during that week any time I would be feeling a bit frisky and want to get intimate with him, I would begin to kiss him and to touch him. And he would just sort of sit there for a bit, letting me get on with it without any sort of objection, until at last turning to me, and saying something along the lines of, “Not tonight.. I'm too tired...”

And excuse me, please, if I think it's a sign that a relationship is on unstable footing when a twenty-something couple like us isn't even having sex anymore.

It could have just been a slump on his part, sure- I knew there were certainly nights when I didn't feel like having sex, either, but that didn't stop whatever this was happening to the two of us from being hurtful.

I was craving some sort of touch, some sort of physical spark with another human being that would get me feeling like I needed to be again. Something that would pull me back around after feeling so far down deep in the lurch...

And again, I had no real reason to suspect, nor did I let myself think, that that would be the sort of direction things would be taking with Mark. But, as wrong as I knew it was, I'm fairly certain that in the back of my mind, I imagined things with my old high school flame escalating throughout the course of our meeting, and that was a hope far too sweet for me to really let go of...

“So,” I said nervously in the present, “how are things going for you? Everything going well since college?”

“Yeah, yeah, great really... I'm really excited about this new business I'm starting. I've had a lot of success with some things like it in the past, and I'm investing some of the capital I've earned from former endeavors to try and see if I can make it on my own two feet. It's looking very promising, so far, in fact...”

“Oh, I see. And it's, um... Something with computers, right?”

“Well, sort of, yes and no. Not specifically with computers, but there is a lot of technology involved in it... And, well, I mean, it's pretty complicated to explain in twenty words or less, actually. I could give you the complete run-down if you're really that interested, but I wouldn't want to bore you to tears with it...”

“Oh, no, that's really alright. Are you, um, settling in okay again and everything?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah that's all been great... Yeah, I was living in the city for the longest time, and I mean, it was great with having things to go do and see, but, I don't know. It was all just a bit too much for me day in and day out. I kind of missed a simpler way of living, I guess, and I'd kind of forgotten how much I loved this old town.”

“It is a pretty beautiful place,” I said, smiling just a bit too much, I could tell, but doing little to stop myself.

“You can sure say that again... I found myself with the opportunity to go just about anywhere with this new business, without any sort of limitations, and I thought, why the hell not? I know people here, and it's a great place to get started with things...”

I didn't say anything to this, but just smiled again, and then said, “Oh, thank you,” as the waitress had just arrived with our food.

“So,” he continued, taking a drink of his soda, “Enough about me. How are things with you? Things all going alright? Seeing anyone special or anything, working?”

“Oh, no, no I'm not seeing anyone, really,” I lied through my teeth, not knowing what the hell was wrong with me even as the words passed from my lips. “I'm, uh... You know, things are fine, really... Things don't really change all that much around here, I guess, so uh... Yeah, things are good...”

He smiled at this, and the two of us proceeded to eat our meals, this one exchange setting up a strange, dense atmosphere over the entire course of the lunch.

Things had only proceeded to get chummier as the minutes ticked on, and by the time we were finished we were both stumbling down the street, laughing out loud as though we were both drunk off of our asses, despite neither of us having consumed a single drop of alcohol.

And suddenly, I found myself pressed up against the wall of the building, much of my own will, I assure you, with his body pressed up against mine and pinning me there quite pleasantly.

His lips were on mine.

The two of us kissed, for a long, mind-blowing moment, his flavor sweet and dirty and almost exactly like it recalled it from so many years ago, except now, perhaps, having aged a bit, matured, and gotten even sweeter for the fact of it.

There was this brief, insubstantial moment when it occurred to me what a colossal mistake I was making, what an unforgivable betrayal this was. I thought of Mark, of all he'd done for me, and of what a shocking blow this would be for him, if he ever, ever found out.

And then Justin's tongue came creeping into my gullet, penetrating me, and any thoughts I might have had of Mark or guilt or betrayal or anything at all came draining away on the spot.

My entire body heated up for him, sensitizing and growing taut with arousal, my desire for his flesh quickly becoming an insatiable need, and my reservations about the affair proceeding to all but drain away from me entirely.

And then, at last, the two of us pulled away from one another, gasping, our chests heaving, his eyes boring into me and mine staring back up, astonished, into his own.

“Oh God... I... I... I don't know what to say, exactly...”

“I don't either,” he wheezed, but I could feel his arousal pressing up against me through the fabric of his clothes, and it got me so turned on in that moment that I felt ready to do it right there in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Are... Are you sure this is a good idea?” I pressed, as though clinging stupidly for that last, minuscule scrap of decency to be found somewhere, anywhere, even as I knew it was unlikely that I would come up anything but empty-handed. And of course, Justin himself had no reason to suspect that this could be a bad idea in any way, because I'd lied to him about the very existence of my very real boyfriend.

“No, or... Well, I'm not sure, no... But why wouldn't it be?” And he said it with just the right dash of charm, the right sort of look in his eyes, so that I as good as melted in his hands right there on the spot.

And the next thing I knew, I was in bed with him...

I didn't know what the hell had come over me... Even when I was actively dating and not in a supposedly committed relationship, I had never been this impulsive when it came to jumping into bed with a guy, and particularly not on the first date.

But, it could be argued, this was not Justin and I's first date, and it was more like an extended hiatus had taken place between our most recent meeting and the present. And, in the meantime, our loins had had ample opportunity to become very, very, very hot and bothered over one another...

The entire afternoon of our love was like a dream in retrospect, flashing from one glorious act to the other in my head, and everything tumbling along in what seemed to be some hot, sticky slow motion of carnal desire.

He peeled me out of my clothes, his hands dancing along my burning body and causing me to burn with sensation, my breasts on fire for this man, and my head spinning, and my femininity actually angry at how long it seemed to be taking for the two of us to cut to the chase with things.

As he removed me from my bra, I had to actually giggle at how adept he was with his hands this time around, unhooking the damn thing with none of his past clumsiness, and sliding the cups from my tits with complete and total ease.

He then leaned in, and proceeded to suckle on my breasts like a newborn, rolling his tongue around my nipples and sinking his teeth into me, causing them to grow hard, erect, sensitized with arousal even as he glazed them with his spit. I moaned passionately, my head spinning, the beauty of the scene seeming almost hypnotic in its nature...

And then there was his own body... Oh, Christ almighty, what a physique... He had, in no way, lost the physical assets to which he had laid claim so many years ago, and in fact, in many ways, his features were even more sculpted, more refined, more absolutely mind-blowing than they had been before.