Henry James: Complete Stories 1864-1874 (85 page)

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Authors: Henry James

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Page 503
for if she wanted not to miss Selina she had no desire at present to have to tell her brother-in-law why she was sitting up. She prayed Selina might arrive first: then she would have more time to think of something that harassed her particularlythe question of whether she ought to tell Lionel that she had seen her in a far-away corner of the town with Captain Crispin. Almost impossible as she found it now to feel any tenderness for her, she yet detested the idea of bearing witness against her: notwithstanding which it appeared to her that she could make up her mind to do this if there were a chance of its preventing the last scandala catastrophe to which she saw her sister rushing straight. That Selina was capable at a given moment of going off with her lover, and capable of it precisely because it was the greatest ineptitude as well as the greatest wickednessthere was a voice of prophecy, of warning, to this effect in the silent, empty house. If repeating to Lionel what she had seen would contribute to prevent anything, or to stave off the danger, was it not her duty to denounce his wife, flesh and blood of her own as she was, to his further reprobation? This point was not intolerably difficult to determine, as she sat there waiting, only because even what was righteous in that reprobation could not present itself to her as fruitful or efficient. What could Lionel frustrate, after all, and what intelligent or authoritative step was he capable of taking? Mixed with all that now haunted her was her consciousness of what his own absence at such an hour represented in the way of the unedifying. He might be at some sporting club or he might be anywhere else; at any rate he was not where he ought to be at three o'clock in the morning. Such the husband such the wife, she said to herself; and she felt that Selina would have a kind of advantage, which she grudged her, if she should come in and say: And where is
he,
pleasewhere is he, the exalted being on whose behalf you have undertaken to preach so much better than he himself practises?
But still Selina failed to come ineven to take that advantage; yet in proportion as her waiting was useless did the girl find it impossible to go to bed. A new fear had seized her, the fear that she would never come back at allthat they were already in the presence of the dreaded catastrophe. This made her so nervous that she paced about the lower rooms,
 
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listening to every sound, roaming till she was tired. She knew it was absurd, the image of Selina taking flight in a ball-dress; but she said to herself that she might very well have sent other clothes away, in advance, somewhere (Laura had her own ripe views about the maid); and at any rate, for herself, that was the fate she had to expect, if not that night then some other one soon, and it was all the same: to sit counting the hours till a hope was given up and a hideous certainty remained. She had fallen into such a state of apprehension that when at last she heard a carriage stop at the door she was almost happy, in spite of her prevision of how disgusted her sister would be to find her. They met in the hallLaura went out as she heard the opening of the door. Selina stopped short, seeing her, but said nothingon account apparently of the presence of the sleepy footman. Then she moved straight to the stairs, where she paused again, asking the footman if Mr. Berrington had come in.
Not yet, ma'am, the footman answered.
Ah! said Mrs. Berrington, dramatically, and ascended the stairs.
I have sat up on purposeI want particularly to speak to you, Laura remarked, following her.
Ah! Selina repeated, more superior still. She went fast, almost as if she wished to get to her room before her sister could overtake her. But the girl was close behind her, she passed into the room with her. Laura closed the door; then she told her that she had found it impossible to go to bed without asking her what she intended to do.
Your behaviour is too monstrous! Selina flashed out. What on earth do you wish to make the servants suppose?
Oh, the servantsin
this
house; as if one could put any idea into their heads that is not there already! Laura thought. But she said nothing of thisshe only repeated her question: aware that she was exasperating to her sister but also aware that she could not be anything else. Mrs. Berrington, whose maid, having outlived surprises, had gone to rest, began to divest herself of some of her ornaments, and it was not till after a moment, during which she stood before the glass, that she made that answer about doing as she had always done. To this Laura rejoined that she ought to put herself in her place
 
Page 505
enough to feel how important it was to
her
to know what was likely to happen, so that she might take time by the forelock and think of her own situation. If anything should happen she would infinitely rather be out of itbe as far away as possible. Therefore she must take her measures.
It was in the mirror that they looked at each otherin the strange, candle-lighted duplication of the scene that their eyes met. Selina drew the diamonds out of her hair, and in this occupation, for a minute, she was silent. Presently she asked: What are you talking aboutwhat do you allude to as happening?
Why, it seems to me that there is nothing left for you but to go away with him. If there is a prospect of that insanity But here Laura stopped; something so unexpected was taking place in Selina's countenancethe movement that precedes a sudden gush of tears. Mrs. Berrington dashed down the glittering pins she had detached from her tresses, and the next moment she had flung herself into an armchair and was weeping profusely, extravagantly. Laura forbore to go to her; she made no motion to soothe or reassure her; she only stood and watched her tears and wondered what they signified. Somehow even the slight refreshment she felt at having affected her in that particular and, as it had lately come to seem, improbable way did not suggest to her that they were precious symptoms. Since she had come to disbelieve her word so completely there was nothing precious about Selina any more. But she continued for some moments to cry passionately, and while this lasted Laura remained silent. At last from the midst of her sobs Selina broke out, Go away, go awayleave me alone!
Of course I infuriate you, said the girl; but how can I see you rush to your ruinto that of all of uswithout holding on to you and dragging you back?
Oh, you don't understand anything about anything! Selina wailed, with her beautiful hair tumbling all over her.
I certainly don't understand how you can give such a tremendous handle to Lionel.
At the mention of her husband's name Selina always gave a bound, and she sprang up now, shaking back her dense
 
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braids. I give him no handle and you don't know what you are talking about! I know what I am doing and what becomes me, and I don't care if I do. He is welcome to all the handles in the world, for all that he can do with them!
In the name of common pity think of your children! said Laura.
Have I ever thought of anything else? Have you sat up all night to have the pleasure of accusing me of cruelty? Are there sweeter or more delightful children in the world, and isn't that a little
my
merit, pray? Selina went on, sweeping away her tears. Who has made them what they are, pray?is it their lovely father? Perhaps you'll say it's you! Certainly you have been nice to them, but you must remember that you only came here the other day. Isn't it only for them that I am trying to keep myself alive?
This formula struck Laura Wing as grotesque, so that she replied with a laugh which betrayed too much her impression, Die for themthat would be better!
Her sister, at this, looked at her with an extraordinary cold gravity. Don't interfere between me and my children. And for God's sake cease to harry me!
Laura turned away: she said to herself that, given that intensity of silliness, of course the worst would come. She felt sick and helpless, and, practically, she had got the certitude she both wanted and dreaded. I don't know what has become of your mind, she murmured; and she went to the door. But before she reached it Selina had flung herself upon her in one of her strange but, as she felt, really not encouraging revulsions. Her arms were about her, she clung to her, she covered Laura with the tears that had again begun to flow. She besought her to save her, to stay with her, to help her against herself, against
him,
against Lionel, against everythingto forgive her also all the horrid things she had said to her. Mrs. Berrington melted, liquefied, and the room was deluged with her repentance, her desolation, her confession, her promises and the articles of apparel which were detached from her by the high tide of her agitation. Laura remained with her for an hour, and before they separated the culpable woman had taken a tremendous vowkneeling before her sister with her head in her lapnever again, as long as she lived, to consent
 
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to see Captain Crispin or to address a word to him, spoken or written. The girl went terribly tired to bed.
A month afterwards she lunched with Lady Davenant, whom she had not seen since the day she took Mr. Wendover to call upon her. The old woman had found herself obliged to entertain a small company, and as she disliked set parties she sent Laura a request for sympathy and assistance. She had disencumbered herself, at the end of so many years, of the burden of hospitality; but every now and then she invited people, in order to prove that she was not too old. Laura suspected her of choosing stupid ones on purpose to prove it betterto show that she could submit not only to the extraordinary but, what was much more difficult, to the usual. But when they had been properly fed she encouraged them to disperse; on this occasion as the party broke up Laura was the only person she asked to stay. She wished to know in the first place why she had not been to see her for so long, and in the second how that young man had behavedthe one she had brought that Sunday. Lady Davenant didn't remember his name, though he had been so good-natured, as she said, since then, as to leave a card. If he had behaved well that was a very good reason for the girl's neglect and Laura need give no other. Laura herself would not have behaved well if at such a time she had been running after old women. There was nothing, in general, that the girl liked less than being spoken of, off-hand, as a marriageable articlebeing planned and arranged for in this particular. It made too light of her independence, and though in general such inventions passed for benevolence they had always seemed to her to contain at bottom an impertinenceas if people could be moved about like a game of chequers. There was a liberty in the way Lady Davenant's imagination disposed of her (with such an
insouciance
of her own preferences), but she forgave that, because after all this old friend was not obliged to think of her at all.
I knew that you were almost always out of town now, on Sundaysand so have we been, Laura said. And then I have been a great deal with my sistermore than before.
More than before what?
Well, a kind of estrangement we had, about a certain matter.
 
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And now you have made it all up?
Well, we have been able to talk of it (we couldn't beforewithout painful scenes), and that has cleared the air. We have gone about together a good deal, Laura went on. She has wanted me constantly with her.
That's very nice. And where has she taken you? asked the old lady.
Oh, it's I who have taken her, rather. And Laura hesitated.
Where do you mean?to say her prayers?
Well, to some concertsand to the National Gallery.
Lady Davenant laughed, disrespectfully, at this, and the girl watched her with a mournful face. My dear child, you are too delightful! You are trying to reform her? by Beethoven and Bach, by Rubens and Titian?
She is very intelligent, about music and picturesshe has excellent ideas, said Laura.
And you have been trying to draw them out? that is very commendable.
I think you are laughing at me, but I don't care, the girl declared, smiling faintly.
Because you have a consciousness of success?in what do they call it?the attempt to raise her tone? You have been trying to wind her up, and you
have
raised her tone?
Oh, Lady Davenant, I don't know and I don't understand! Laura broke out. I don't understand anything any moreI have given up trying.
That's what I recommended you to do last winter. Don't you remember that day at Plash?
You told me to let her go, said Laura.
And evidently you haven't taken my advice.
How can Ihow can I?
Of course, how can you? And meanwhile if she doesn't go it's so much gained. But even if she should, won't that nice young man remain? Lady Davenant inquired. I hope very much Selina hasn't taken you altogether away from him.
Laura was silent a moment; then she returned: What nice young man would ever look at me, if anything bad should happen?
I would never look at
him
if he should let that prevent

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