Hello, I Love You (34 page)
Authors: Katie M. Stout
He bends down so we’re eye level. “You’re worried I’m going to be like my dad.”
“What? No, I—”
He shakes his head. “Don’t lie to me, Grace. I know you, and I know you’re worried. You saw your brother on drugs, you saw him drunk, and when you found out that my dad drank, you assumed the worst of me. You let Sophie’s fears become your own.” His voice drops. “But that’s
not
going to happen. I’m not my father. And I’m not your brother.”
His words stab right through me, and I nearly lose my breath. He lets the truth sit between us a moment, lets it simmer, until I can internalize it.
My eyes slide closed. “I’m still scared.”
He laughs, a throaty sound, deep and slow. “I’ll be honest. I was basically terrified to sing that song to you. I was afraid it wouldn’t convince you to come.”
“But that was about our deal. With the music.” My brain flips back to the conversation we had under the tree in the plaza, of the promise. “You said you would introduce South Korea to the Doors and I would become a producer. You even mentioned it on the show. You basically threw down the gauntlet.”
“Yeah, but you could have rejected me and gone off to be some fancy producer in America.” He stares down at his shoes, his voice getting soft. “I don’t want you to leave. I want you with me.”
I shake my head, awe filling my chest. “That’s insane. You’re insane to want to be with me. I’m screwed up, in case you haven’t noticed.”
He cups my face with his hand, leaning in close. “In case
you
haven’t noticed, so am I.”
No kidding.
I almost tell him that’s one of the problems, but he beats me to it with, “But we’re both fixable. Neither of us is perfect, but there’s still hope for me. And for you. You stuck with me through everything, and now I want to be there for you.” He chews on his bottom lip, a mixture of awe and nervousness mixing in his eyes. “Forever.”
The intensity in his voice sends a shiver through me, tingling all the way down to my fingertips. “You love me,” I whisper, clarifying for myself. “No one’s ever loved me before. You know, like
that.
Hard to wrap my head around.” I laugh, though my heart twists.
He wants me. And I want him. Even with his issues. I don’t want anyone like him. I don’t want anyone besides him. I just want Jason, despite the problems.
“Don’t be so shocked,” he says, brushing the hair off my shoulder and taking a step closer. “You’re the first person to love
me
like that, too.”
His forehead presses against mine, our noses just close enough to brush against each other, and he continues in a whisper, “I’m always excited to see you, more excited than I am to see anyone else. I get nervous if I think I said something stupid around you. I’ve never taken so long to get dressed in my life, trying to pick out something I think you would like.”
I join in his laughter, our breaths mingling between us.
“Well, you’ve made good decisions thus far.” I tug at his ugly orange sweater with a smile. “Before today, anyway. I like the way you dress.”
He beams, his voice lowering to a murmur. “You’re the only one that really sees me. Everyone else looks at me and sees Jason Bae the singer, the guitarist. But you look at me and just see Jason, the guy that doesn’t know how to interact with fans and isn’t good with words.”
“You’re doing a pretty good job with the words right now.”
He grins. “Still, maybe I should try a different tactic.”
And he closes the space between us. Our first kiss was like a collision, our anger and frustration crashing together in a swirl of emotion. The second was quick, my send-off when I thought we wouldn’t see each other again. But this kiss is a beginning.
He cradles my face with both hands, his lips searing into mine with individual lingering kisses. His breath comes quickly, and I realize I’ve done that. I lean into him, and he takes a sharp breath, then pulls me even closer.
Everything he’s said, everything he’s done—it slams into me with such force it jars me into understanding. This is real. What I’m feeling, what
he’s
feeling. This is for real. I let myself hold on to the guilt of Nathan for so long, I didn’t realize how I had taken safety behind my fears. I didn’t think Jason and I could ever work because he was so broken.
But everyone’s broken, in their own way. And I’ll never be happy holding on to the fear that someone will hurt me. I have to let it go. Like when Jane told me I had to keep living, to move on, to get past my grief. I need to keep living. Nathan would want that.
I
want that.
Jason’s lips smile beneath mine, and I break away, laughing.
“Wait,” I say, “does this mean I’m going to get accosted by enraged Jason Bae fangirls everywhere? Is your label even going to let us be together?”
“Yes and yes.” He chuckles. “We’re still negotiating my contract right now. I’ll make it work.
We’re
going to work. Maybe we’re crazy, but you and me? I think we can handle anything.”
“I don’t know.” I pause. “But I trust you.”
His entire face lights up, and he reaches his arms around my back, locking me in his embrace. “That sounded suspiciously like the start of a long-term commitment to me.”
I laugh. “Yeah, well, you’re going to have to figure out my life for me—I have nowhere to go and nothing to do in Seoul.”
He shrugs. “We’ll work something out. I’m pretty sure any college would accept you.” His smile turns wry. “Besides, wouldn’t you rather be here than at Vanderbilt?”
He has a point. I already committed to leaving Nashville behind. I don’t have to go home. I have options. And one of them is staring at me.
I reach a tentative hand out and brush my fingers across his collarbone. He glances down at them, then shoots me a questioning look.
“I’ll stay, but you have to promise me one thing,” I say.
“What?”
“You have to wear V-necks every day. Even when it’s cold outside.”
A smile stretches across his face. “Deal.”
“And one more thing.”
He groans dramatically, and I punch his shoulder.
“I want to hear you sing. All the time.”
“What about right now?” he whispers near my ear.
I swallow hard, nodding.
“
Oh yeah, I’ll tell you something I think you’ll understand,” he sings in a whisper, repeating the words of his favorite band, the Beatles, and threading our fingers together. “Oh please say to me you’ll let me be your man. And please say to me you’ll let me hold your hand.”
He cuts the lyrics short to press his lips against mine. And I let him kiss me, just because we’re overlooking the lit-up Seoul skyline and he’s a rock star and being with him makes me feel more confident, more comfortable than anything else. I breathe in his familiar scent—he still smells like rain. But now I notice he tastes like hope.
He tastes like a future.
Big Brother,
I think I found it—what I was looking for. And I found it in a boy who’s kind of awkward and wears neon-colored shoes. I just wish you were here so I could tell you about it. I wish you could meet him and the other friends I made here.
I’ve decided not to run anymore. It’s time to face life. It’s time to face my future.
I’m ready for love.
I’m ready to trust.
I’m ready for my new beginning.
But I’ll still give you this last letter,
From Seoul, with lots and lots of love,
Grace
KATIE M. STOUT
is from Atlanta, Georgia, and works for an international charity that sends her to fun places like Spain and Singapore. When she’s not writing, you can find her drinking an unhealthy amount of chai tea and listening to Girls’ Generation, Teen Top, and all her other favorite KPOP tunes. You can sign up for email updates
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Contents
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
THOMAS DUNNE BOOKS.
An imprint of St. Martin’s Press.
HELLO, I LOVE YOU.
Copyright © 2015 by Katie M. Stout. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
Cover photographs by Shutterstock
Cover design by Crystal Ben
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The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN 978-1-250-05259-9 (hardcover)
ISBN 978-1-4668-5459-8 (e-book)
e-ISBN 9781466854598
First Edition: June 2015