Hearts Under Fire (17 page)

Clark wrapped Daniel’s arms around him even tighter, gently squeezing his hands.

“Mom rolled over me to cover me when Dad fired, and her blood was warm against my pajamas. Dad missed, hit Williams in the shoulder, but while that was going on, Mom looked at me.” Daniel’s voice went quiet, almost tender. “Mom had eyes like mine. Gran Gran used to say we had the blue Eye of Sophia, eyes that were made to look evil right in face and never back down. Mom saw me. She couldn’t quite breathe right, but she said, ‘Love you. Promise. You live. You put him away.’ I looked back, and I said, ‘Yes. I will. Love you, too, Mom.’”

Clark heard the hitch in Daniel’s voice, and he made a soft sound when Daniel pulled a hand free and it came back damp with tears. “I still don’t know why I only cry at the good part of all this... but... well...” Daniel took a deep breath. “I promised, Clark. I made that promise, and she died when she got it, and I was... it took me years to be okay with how glad I was that she died then. She wasn’t hurting anymore, you know?”

Clark felt like someone twisted a knife in his gut. Slowly he turned and kissed Daniel’s chin. “I do know,” Clark said quietly.

Giving a long, slow sigh, Daniel hugged Clark. “It... it
is
easier telling you.” He rubbed his eyes against Clark’s shirt. “Williams shot my dad in the head, and I didn’t look. I knew he wasn’t there anymore. And I knew Mom was gone when Williams kicked her.” Again Daniel paused. “I don’t know why, but that made it easier for me to pretend I was dead. His profile said that when he couldn’t hurt his victims anymore, he left. So when he pulled me out from under Mom and kicked me, I just flopped. I had my promise to keep, and it was only pain.”

Clark couldn’t stand it any longer. He shifted so one of his hands wrapped around and through both sets of Daniel’s fingers, and he felt Daniel shudder. Clark lightly stroked Daniel’s arm, thinking about last night and how Daniel’s presence had kept him in the 
now
 as opposed to the 
then.
Maybe Daniel didn’t need the reassurance like Clark had, but right now, Clark wanted the tactile sensation to remind him that Daniel was alive, and well, and here with him: safe.

“Thank you for believing me,” Daniel said clearly. “It’s easier when someone just listens. You wouldn’t believe how many adults don’t think a kid knows what he saw, or did, or felt. It’s such a relief to be able to tell it and not change it to make someone feel better.”

“You’re welcome,” Clark murmured. “So what happened then?”

“He left, just as the profile indicated. Having him leave still surprised me, as I thought... it felt like forever, you know? I found the phone. I remember being annoyed about the blood making everything slippery, and called 911. Mary Innes was on the other end. She’s still the dispatcher for the department, and to this day she swears I used all the correct codes to tell her what happened. I just...” Daniel shifted and stroked one hand down Clark’s arm. “I just remember telling her, ‘Mary, tell them to bring him in alive. I promised Mom I’m going to put him away.’ Even as a ten-year-old, I knew what cops did to cop-killers. She played the tape as part of her dispatch, and they brought him in alive.

“I was the main witness at the trial. Still bald from all the stitches, my ribs wrapped, and all yellow and green from the bruises. I looked a mess.” Daniel huffed a laugh. “The defense didn’t have a chance. I’d seen what that DA used to do to Mom and Dad on the stand, so I was ready and nearly disappointed when he didn’t question me after my story. When the verdict came down as guilty, I broke. Snapped. Or, as my family says, became a real little boy again. I...” Daniel shivered and hugged Clark harder. “I finished what I promised to do.”

Goosebumps breaking out over his skin, Clark touched Daniel’s face. Three words rested on the back of Clark’s tongue, but he kept them choked and away from his lips. Clark settled for kissing Daniel’s jaw and gently turning his head to kiss the side of Daniel’s mouth.

“Remembering all this, I think I know why I made those promises to you. I think I’m in love with you. I haven’t promised things to people for the longest time. But when you asked, just because it was
you
, I promised three things.” Daniel ticked the items off on fingers still twined with Clark’s. “I’ll always come and find you when you’re down. I’ll stay with you. I’ll keep you as best I’m able, though -- when I said it, I thought it was as a dom with a sub. Now we have to talk that over, I think.”

The floor opened up beneath Clark, and he happily and eagerly fell into the place in his mind where there was nothing but heartbeats, and breathing, and peace. Some part of him said that life was crazy, but never 
this
 crazy. Said that Clark should be careful. But he didn’t want to be. A confusing swirl of memory and dream and desire and ache filled him up, and he turned in Daniel’s arms and buried his face in Daniel’s neck. His lips brushed and kissed, and he felt lucky and doomed at the same time.

But it felt good. Really good. And he thought maybe Daniel wasn’t the only one with fatalistic thoughts about the ending of relationships, because at that moment, Clark wouldn’t have been surprised if the earth really had opened up and swallowed them whole. He felt too good for it to last.

Daniel cradled Clark against him, nose in Clark’s hair, and he sighed. “I’m... I’m not practiced at this lover thing. In traditional BDSM relationships, I know what to expect, how to expect it, and exactly where the boundaries are. I’m really, really bad at being helpless, after all that. I can sub with negotiations and a contract, but it’s really hard.” He whispered, “I’m not as strong as you think I am.”

“You’re as strong as you need to be, Daniel,” Clark said, pulling back so Daniel could hear him. “You’ve been that way all your life... and it’s...”

Oh just say it, Clark. Guts, man.

“It’s one of the reasons I love you. But you don’t have to be strong for me,” Clark continued, in a breath. “You just have to be yourself. And if that’s tired and in my arms, then I want it. If it’s above me when I’m on my knees, I want it. And if it’s just in my bed wrapped around me and warm...” Clark shrugged. “I just want you, Daniel. Just you.”

Tears started flowing again from Daniel’s eyes, and looking surprised, he touched his fingertips to the wetness. “You... how do you do that?”

“Do what? Be completely honest? I’m not sure. It’s sort of a new thing with you.” Clark laughed but pressed himself against Daniel and ran a hand up to twine in dark hair.

Daniel cried, holding onto Clark “That feels good. And I’m glad we’re here. I like... I like seeing you happy.”

Humming, Clark pressed gentle kisses to Daniel’s skin anywhere his mouth could reach. He shifted so he could rise up and kiss Daniel’s cheek, tasting the salt there. “And I’d do anything to keep you content and safe,” Clark said, rubbing the back of Daniel’s neck while he kissed the tears away.

“You would, wouldn’t you?” Daniel asked, searching Clark’s eyes. “You do love me.” He gave a soft laugh, wiping away tears. “That must be why I’m crying. It’s the good part.”

Clark pursed his lips, mock-serious. “Remind me of this when we go to the movies. It’ll help me remember to grab extra napkins for my boyfriend when the guy finally gets the girl at the end.”

Laughing, Daniel used Clark’s knuckles to dry the tears still in his eyes. “Yeah, good thing I don’t go to the movies that often.” Daniel sighed a huge, slow, shaking sigh. “I could get used to just sitting around with you and talking.”

“Me, too,” Clark said. “And speaking of talking...” Bracing himself on the couch, Clark sat up and back, swinging his long legs around. He hooked them over Daniel’s and scooted closer, knees bending. He leaned forward and lazily smirked at Daniel, who cocked an eyebrow at him.

Clark grinned. “Maybe you do have the ‘evil eye.’ You always look at me like you’re going to chain me to a wall or eat me for dinner when you’re waiting on me to say something.”

Daniel laughed out loud. “Uhm... guilty?”

“Forgiven.” Clark winked. “So long as you make good on threats.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But... really... we should...” Clark laughed. “Shit. I’m going to blush. But we should talk about this dom and sub stuff you mentioned earlier.” He felt the heat creep into his cheeks. “Shouldn’t we?”

“Yes. We should. I’ll admit I’m a little lost. Especially after last night.” Daniel smiled at Clark and brushed a finger against Clark’s cheek.

“After which part of last night?” he asked. It was like Daniel’s skin was Clark’s new personal drug of choice.

“The... when you went down on me, and...” Now Daniel flushed. “It’s why... I have subbed, but I’ve never felt like I was in sub-space, or what other people described as sub-space. I let go last night, to the point where I needed you to say I did well, that it was all right to be that helpless. It’s a little crazy, ‘cause people have beaten me, tied me up, I’ve tried all kinds of stuff, but when you...” He swallowed. “When you just made love to me, I was so lost.”

Clark’s breath shuddered, both on the way into his lungs and on the way out. Daniel stroked Clark’s cheek, and he kissed Daniel’s inner wrist. “You were incredible,” Clark said. “I was so...” He thought about how hard he’d come after Daniel got off in his mouth. “It was intense for me, too. And it can be like that anytime you want it.” Clark paused and tried to clarify. “I want to do that for you. With you.”

“I’d like that,” Daniel replied. “You told me exactly what you were going to do, and that helped a lot. You held me after, and I needed that. I think part of what turned me on was how turned on you were, too. I still... I want to get used to that.”

Clark thought that he would never get accustomed to seeing Daniel undone -- he wanted to savor every time it happened -- but he tried to find some shred of himself that had gone through negotiations and scenes. The touch on his face was damned distracting, and Clark might have worked up enough energy to fuss at himself for that, but Daniel’s eyes were large, deep, and kind.

And so freakin’ blue in this light.

Clark cleared his throat. “Yeah, well. We can work on that.” He was proud that his voice was steady.

“I do like the thought of chaining you to a wall and eating you whenever I want. I will admit that,” Daniel said with a tilt of his head, and Clark’s cock twitched. “But I think I’m going to go insane if I have to punish you in any way. Is that something you want?”

“No,” Clark said. “That’s not how I envision this going. But I should probably admit that I have no idea how this works. With Brian...” Clark’s breath caught when he didn’t feel the immediate stab of pain usually associated with saying his ex-lover’s name. “It was accidental. We didn’t plan anything; it just happened. Hell, I don’t even know if he’d done anything like that before or...” Clark shook his head at the gaps that would forever be in his knowledge of Brian.

“We talked about getting back together. Doing it again. But day-to-day? All the time?” Clark shrugged. “I don’t think that’s for me.” He smiled ruefully. “Everything I’ve had was short-lived, and I wasn’t exactly on this side of it.” He felt heat and trepidation swirl and settle.

“I haven’t had much that’s lasted longer than a weekend, either,” Daniel answered. “And when it lasted a whole weekend, I was so wiped out from having to 
watch
everything he did, I realized I just couldn’t do that level of dominance for that long. I’d rather just talk about what we want to do. I love it when you call me ‘Sir,’ but you don’t have to do it all the time. In fact, it has more impact after you’re...” Daniel laughed. “After you’ve been yourself for a while. Your surrenders are breathtaking.”

Clark rubbed one hand over his face and let his arm fall, elbow on his bent knee. “I’m still working on not kicking myself for wanting to... surrender.” The three syllables were quite possibly the most difficult Clark had had to enunciate in years, but he managed. “And you’re right; there’s too much to spell it all out in one conversation. I like the idea of talking, and I like the idea of letting it just happen.” Clark frowned. “Within reason.”

“I’ll do my best to help you not kick yourself,” Daniel said. “I love it when you give to me so thoroughly, especially because I see you as being so strong, so independent, and so obviously dominant. When you asked for what you wanted, it was easy. The more I know of what you like, the more confident I can be.”

Clark’s face and body flushed. The images that flashed through his mind of pent-up fantasies that might not only get voiced, but also fulfilled, made the room rock. Clark kissed Daniel, just to find some ground and distract himself from his sudden inability to quit blushing like a helpless seventeen-year-old.

“Mm...” Daniel’s tongue gently probed Clark’s mouth, his hands running over Clark’s t-shirt. He broke the kiss and sighed. “Bad form, this, negotiating while I have my hands on you.”

Clark made a soft, entirely eager noise, and he winced. He licked Daniel’s lower lip and breathed against the wet skin, one hand going back around to play in Daniel’s hair. “Well, it’s easier for me to talk about it when I’m hard.” Clark grinned, playful with his eyes closed. “If that helps ease the guilt.”

“Oh, good.” Daniel laughed. “A reason for me to break my own rules. It’s easy to make exceptions for you. You’re worth every broken rule, every moment of confusion, every time I hesitate wondering if I should jump, ‘cause when I do... God...” Daniel’s hands slid under Clark’s t-shirt. “Every time I take the chances you give, it’s well worth it.”

Clark swallowed, pulse getting faster. The word “exception” did a waltz in Clark’s mind, and he felt the banter do away with the other walls and resistance Clark normally kept. Pulling himself closer, Clark’s hands found their way to Daniel’s bare back, playing along Daniel’s spine. Clark didn’t kiss the lips that were a breath away from his own mouth; he liked the tease.

“So tell me, Clark,” Daniel murmured, “What kind of things have you dreamed of doing?”

Clark bit back the response that sprung to mind --

You mean other than you?