Hearts Attached (18 page)

“McKenzie, I’ll wheel you back. You shouldn’t be doing that,” Stew says.

“Oh, that’s alright. I got it.”

“Stop being difficult, and let me help you,” he says before taking hold of the handles. Damn, this day keeps getting worse.

He asks a lot of questions about the twins on the way back to my room. I really need to thank him for what he did for me but it’s awkward.

After he backs the wheelchair up to the side of the bed, he squeezes past me and scratches his head as he looks around. I think he’s questioning why he offered to help.

“Ok, I guess I’ll go.” Stew turns to leave, so I grab his hand.

“Stew, wait. Thank you for what you did yesterday. Who knows what would’ve happened if you hadn’t of got all that debris off my chest and stomach and kept my leg from bleeding more? You did so much. The babies might’ve fell out had I tried to get up.”

I start laughing and he does, too.

“What the fuck?” Luke asks as he walks into the room. He’s holding a bouquet of flowers and is noticeably pissed from his furrowed brow and glare.

“Luke, Stew wheeled me back from Liv’s room, and I was thanking him for helping me yesterday. You should thank him, too. I’m sure it kept the babies healthier.”

I watch him take a deep breath as he sets the flowers down on my tray table. Reluctantly, he turns back to Stew. “Noah and Kenzie told me how much you did for her. Thank you, but I got it from here.”

“It was the right thing to do, and we’ve all been friends a long time. Of course, I would help. I’ll see you two later,” Stew says with a smirk before leaving the room.

“Why were you holding his hand?” Luke asks.

“I grabbed it as he walked away, so I could thank him. He didn’t hit on me, and I can’t believe you are jealous, or think he would do that, after I gave birth to your children less than twenty-four hours ago.”

I’m frowning as I manage to stand up from the wheelchair. Luke hurries over and helps me into bed.

“I’m sorry. You’re right.” He covers me up and sits next to my legs.

“What’s wrong, Luke?”

“I’m scared I’m going to lose you, the twins, and everything else that means something to me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I found out Stew has liked you a long time. I’m still fearful that if we can’t keep the babies, you’ll want a fresh start with someone who doesn’t remind you of them. So, seeing the two of you holding hands was difficult.”

“
If
we can’t keep the babies?”

Luke eyes dart away from mine.

“You know what I mean.”

I sigh. I was hoping he was trying to say something else. “Luke, we’ve been over this. Our hearts are attached, whether we have kids or don’t. I love you.”

Leaning over, he kisses me.

“I love you, too, and I’m sorry. It will be hard enough to say goodbye to Lucy and Mac. I couldn’t live without you, too.”

My arms wrap around his neck before I hug him hard.

“I brought you flowers. You deserve more, but it’s all I could afford.”

I pull away, and Luke is frowning.

“Let me see the flowers and stop pouting. Did you pick a couple?”

“Um, no.” He doesn’t make eye contact as he holds the flowers in front of me.

“Luke, we have to. The babies need attention.”

He looks at me, and I’m smacked with an angry gaze. “They have names now, and we can give them attention until we decide.”

I scoot up in my bed. He’s making me crazy.

“Maybe you can turn off the switch when you walk away from them, but I can’t. I won’t be able to let them go if I get closer to them, so they are the
babies
, and I won’t be seeing them again because they already stole a part of my heart. I can’t let them take any more of it, or there won’t be any left.”

“Kenzie, I can’t turn it off either–”

“Get out. As usual, you’re the most confusing boy ever!”

Luke

“I’ll try to give you enough attention, but it’s kind of difficult when you’re stuck in this spaceship looking thing,” I say, rubbing Lucy’s arm.

“I don’t know what to do. I’m being selfish, waiting to find you new parents, and I want your mommy to be selfish with me for a bit longer, but she’s right.

“This here will only make it that much harder to give you up, but you and your brother are too stinkin’ cute not to see for as long as possible.”

I need to talk to Dalton. I’m lost as to what to do, so I go to Liv’s room. Thankfully, Stew and Noah are gone, and it’s only Dalton, Liv and my parents.

“Dalton, could I talk to you?” I run my hand across the back of my neck. I’m stressed, and I’m trying to remember the last time I ate anything. Everyone is staring at me, and I get the impression I was the topic of discussion when I walked in.

“Sure, man. I’ll be back,” he says to Liv.

“Care if we go to the cafeteria? I don’t remember even eating lunch today,” I say as we walk down the hall.

“No problem. What’s up?”

“I don’t know what to do about Lucy and Mac.”

“Cool names. Liv said you want to raise them.”

“Yeah, but I don’t see a way to make it happen.”

“What’s McKenzie saying about it?”

“I haven’t told her.”

“Um, I think that’s a good place to start.”

“Yeah, but what if she’s upset about giving them up but still doesn’t want to keep them. She might think she has to then, and either I give up Dartmouth, or she has to put college on hold, and I can’t ask her to do that.”

“Don’t ask her to. First, ask her if she wants to keep them. If she does, then discuss how to make it happen.” Dalton and I get a tray of food and sit in the cafeteria.

“You know what problem you and McKenzie have?” I’m puzzled as I stare at him. Like we don’t have a million he could name off.

“You both have always been so afraid of hurting the other ones feelings that it causes you to do it anyway. Look at all the years neither of you dated anyone, but you were too afraid of hurting your friendship to be with each other.

“You’re mindful of what that girl thinks every second, so you know she wants to keep those babies as bad as you do, but you two won’t tell each other out of fear of hurting one another.”

“I guess we do that.”

“You’re not doing each other any favors. Do you think Olivia holds back? Hell no, but I always know how she feels and what she wants, and I tell her, too.

“We’ve had some fights, but we work it out and move on. You two are never going to get anywhere or have what you really want if you don’t speak up.

“If you can’t work it out after talking about it, at least you’ll both know you tried and were honest with each other.”

“OK, Dr. Phil.”

“Hey, I’m just telling it like I see it.”

“Well, do you want to see Lucy and Mac?” I ask, smiling at him.

“Your sister will kill me if I see them before her.”

“We’ll kidnap her in a wheelchair,” I say.

***

“A
ww, look at their teensy-weensy fingers and toes,” Liv says. “I want to kiss their little noses, and their hands and feet.”

Dalton chuckles. “Damn, they’re cute. Even with all those tubes and shit. I thought they would be scary looking, but they are cute, man.”

“I know. I think they both look like Kenzie.

“I see you, too.” My sister’s face is lit up as she grins at them. “How cool that Lucy could grow up and look like both Kenz and me.”

“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself.” Mac is squirming and making a grunting noise. “I wish she’d see them again. They need to hear her voice.”

“Go talk to her, Luke,” Liv says. “You can’t blame her for not wanting to get more attached.”

Liv furrows her brow at me. “If you don’t keep them, I better get to say goodbye.”

“Of course, sis.”

Dalton takes her back to her room as I head to Kenzie’s. A nurse is speaking to her when I enter, and then leaves with more breast milk.

“Hi, we need to talk,” I say before sitting in a chair.

“Yeah, we do. I called the Mannings.”

I’m stunned as I stare at her. “You did what?”

“We were leaning toward them, and since you won’t tell me your opinion, I took it upon myself to call them. They are coming tomorrow afternoon to talk, after you get out of school.”

“No, Kenzie. We should be deciding this together.”

“You don’t want to decide.”

“You’re right, I don’t. I have to get out of here.”

After marching out of her room, I have Dalton take me home. I need my car, and I have homework I have to catch up on.

I should’ve told her I want to keep Lucy and Mac, but she pretty much made it clear she’s ready to move on. I can’t ask her to work her ass off and give up college, so I can have everything I want.

McKenzie

I
’m waiting for Luke to arrive. He came to the hospital before school to check on Lucy and Mac and stopped by my room long enough to see that I was doing OK.

He was visibly upset about Mr. and Mrs. Manning coming this afternoon but still wouldn’t say he wants to keep the twins. My maternal instincts are making it near impossible not to see them. All I’ve done today is pumped breast milk and cried.

“Hi, how are you feeling?” Luke asks before he kisses my forehead.

“I’m managing. I found out this morning that I’m going home tomorrow.”

“When will the Mannings be here?”

“Anytime, and our parents are coming, too. I guess after seeing the twins, they want to know what the couple is like. I thought after we talk, you could take them to the neonatal unit.”

Luke looks as if he wants to either cry or hit something. There’s a knock on my door, so I yell to come in.

“Hi, McKenzie, Luke,” Mrs. Manning says with a nervous smile. She’s thirty five and pretty with her dark hair and eyes. I guess the babies will sort of look like her.

She’s also a physical therapist and swears she’s going to take two months off to care for the twins and then only work part-time for at least a few years.

Mr. Manning is thirty-six and a purchasing manager at a manufacturing company. He has blonde hair and is noticeably tall. Mrs. Manning is unable to have children, and they’ve spent thousands of dollars on unsuccessful fertility treatments.

“Hi, come in and have a seat,” I say.

Luke moves his chair next to the bed and takes hold of my hand, but he doesn’t speak. Small talk is made about the accident and what led up to the early birth. My mom arrives next and then the Harris’s.

It’s awkward at first, but David and Mr. Manning begin talking about their jobs and sports, and the tension eases some.

The Mannings tell us a great deal more about their extended family and goals for the future. We had discussed pertinent details at our first meeting with them.

“Luke, you haven’t said much since we arrived. Is there anything you want to ask us that would ease your mind about the adoption?” Mr. Manning asks.

“There isn’t anything you could say that would make me feel better about giving them up. I don’t want to do it.”

I snap my head to Luke. “You don’t?” I ask quietly.

“No, Kenzie. I feel that’s been apparent, but I don’t know what other option we have,” he replies at almost a whisper.

We stare at each other for several seconds. I realize the room is silent, so I turn and see everyone looking at us. Mom is biting on her lip the way I do, and I fight the waterworks yet again.

Glancing back to Luke, I swallow hard.

“I’ll take them, Luke, so you don’t have to.”

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tightens the hold on my hand, and it causes me to have a flashback.

***

A
ge 8:

“It’s so hot out,” I say as I push my sweaty hair off my face. “Let’s go in and get something to drink.”

“Sure,” Liv says.

“Luke, are you comin’?” she asks.

He tosses his baseball in the air before catching it inside his glove.

“Yeah, I’m thirsty, too.”

All the cups are dirty, so I climb up on the counter and open the cabinet to get glasses.

“Don’t fall, Kenz,” she says with a giggle.

I hand her three of them carefully before I hop off the counter. My bare feet hit the floor, making a thumping sound.

“We should practice our backflips outside next,” Liv says before she scratches at a bite on her leg.

“Yeah, but we should go to your house since my dad is cutting grass.” I fix all three of us glasses of Kool-Aid and go into the family room. Luke takes his and sits on the couch.

“I bet I can catch this baseball five times in a row from as high as the ceiling,” Luke says before he slings the ball into the air from his glove.

Liv frowns at her brother when he catches it the third time. “Luke, you’re going to spill your drink.”

“I have it in this hand,” he says before he looks to the ceiling and slings the ball from his glove again. He doesn’t get it as straight this time, so he has to lean to the side to catch it.

His glass tips over in his hand, spilling red drink all over the light tan carpet.

“Luke!” Liv jumps to her feet and runs to the kitchen. His eyes are round, and he looks worried.

“Kenzie, I’m sorry.”

“It’s OK, Luke,” I say before Liv comes back with wet paper towels.

“No it’s not. Your dad is going to flip.”

“Good one, Luke. I told you to watch your drink. Kenzie’s going to be in so much trouble now.”

Liv, Luke and I drop to the floor and try to clean it up.

I hear my dad come in the back door. Oh, no. The stain isn’t coming out. The sink comes on, and I hear him get a glass from the cabinet. Maybe he won’t hear us and will go back outside.

Holding a finger to my lips, I show Luke and Liv that they need to be quiet. The footsteps get closer, and I know I’m in trouble.

“What are you three doing?” my dad asks as he wipes sweat off his forehead. I watch as he notices the red stain on the floor.

“Who did that?” Oh, no. He’s angry.

“I–I did, Mr. Baker,” Luke replies. “I’m sorry.”

“I did it, Dad. Luke just doesn’t want me to get in trouble.”

“That’s not true. I did it,” Luke says before scowling at me.

“Olivia, did McKenzie spill the Kool-Aid?” Dad asks.