Hearts Ablaze (Hearts On Fire Series) (4 page)

CHAPTER 5

AUBREY

We’ve been waiting in the room with Dad for a while now. After they told us that he’s going to be fine, Mom and I decided to go home to get some sleep before coming back this morning. We’re waiting on the doctors to come in and talk with us. And I still haven’t spoken to Landon. I’ve left him multiple voice messages and texts, and Mom has even tried calling, but to no avail. Clearly, he’s shutting us out. I pick up my phone, thinking about trying to call him one more time, when there’s a knock at the door. Assuming it’s the doctor, I drop my phone back in my purse.

But it isn’t a doctor who walks in. It’s Noah.

“Hey, Aubrey! I’m so sorry to drop by unannounced, but I wanted to see how your dad was feeling, and find out if there was anything I could do for you guys.” He has a balloon in one hand and a teddy bear in the other, setting them both on the cart next to my dad’s bed. I sit there in silence, maybe even a little in shock as he holds his hand out to my dad.

“Noah Davis, sir. It’s a pleasure to meet you. How are you feeling?”

“Mike Stevens. I’m doing well, thanks for asking. I take it you and Aubrey know each other?”

“Yeah. We met several weeks ago when we literally ran into each other at a bar downtown. And I was actually one of the firefighters who assisted with the call yesterday.”

“He was also one of the firefighters who gave the kids the tour the other day at the fire station. He was awesome with the kids,” I explain to my mom, who is clearly confused.

“Oh, where are my manners. Noah Davis, ma’am. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Noah reaches out to shake my mom’s hand, who smiles back at him.

“Sharon. Nice to meet you.” She looks over at me with a knowing grin on her face. I can already tell she’s getting her hopes up, because that’s how my mom is. When she and my dad were my age, they were already married. And she had never liked my ex-boyfriend from college. He was a jackass though, so she wasn’t entirely wrong.

“Aubrey, could I speak with you privately for a moment? I promise I won’t take up too much of your time. I just need to ask you something really quick.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be right back, Daddy.” I lean over and kiss my dad on the cheek.

“No rush, baby girl. Noah, it was nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Mike. I hope you feel better.” Noah places his hand on the small of my back as he ushers me out of the room, pulling me over to the small waiting room nearby. He motions for me to sit down, and when I do he takes a seat next to me. He has another freaking baseball hat on backwards, and he smells so good, like he just showered. I’m tempted to stick my nose into the crook of his neck and take a big whiff, but instead I just sit there, waiting to see what he wants to talk about.

“I’m sorry for dropping by like this, but I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know yesterday was probably really difficult, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He looks so genuine I almost can’t believe this guy is real.

“Seriously?” I can’t help the disbelief in my voice.

“Seriously.” He smiles at me and reaches over to take my hand, lacing our fingers together. Resting our hands on his thigh, he looks at me, waiting for me to speak.

“I’m doing okay. Relieved it wasn’t anything worse. We’re still waiting for his oncologist to get here so we can find out if anything else is going on, but for right now I’m okay. Thank you, Noah. I know I can be really hot and cold with you, but I’m just trying to figure out how to deal with all this. It’s not something I ever thought I’d have to deal with.” I can feel the damn tears welling up in my eyes. I am so sick of crying.

Noah reaches out and cups my cheek in his rough, callused palm, giving me a small smile. Using his thumb, he brushes a tear off my cheek.“It’s okay, sweetheart. I understand. Not what you’re going through, but I understand the emotions behind what you’re feeling. I told you I wanted to be there for you. I’m not asking you to marry me and sail off into the sunset. I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk to someone, or scream and hit something, or hell, cry until your eyes are swollen shut, I’m here for you. I told you I wanted to be friends, and I mean it.”

“Noah…” I don’t even know what to say, so I lean over and wrap my arms around his neck. He immediately enfolds me in his, hugging me tight. I let him hold me for just a moment and then I release him.

“Well, I should get back, but thank you for coming, Noah. I really appreciate it. I’m sure my dad did too.”

“Not a problem, Aubrey. Will you let me know what his doctor says?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll text you later.”

He leans down and kisses my temple, then smiles and walks away. I’m left standing there trying to understand what’s happening. I hardly know him, yet he came all this way just to check in on my dad, someone he doesn’t even know. And he’s offering to be just my friend. Noah seems to be one of the most genuine people I’ve met. I think he really cares.

***

Later, we receive the news that the chemo isn’t working. The tumor hasn’t shrunk at all, so they want to start a more aggressive round of chemo. They tell my dad this is his final option, but to be prepared for the worst. As soon as they leave the room, my mom breaks down sobbing. I can feel the backs of my eyes burning, but I hold the tears in. This is a nightmare, but I’m never going to be able to get out of it. My dad is dying. They may be able to slow it down and delay the inevitable, but he is dying. And there’s nothing we can do.

After making sure my parents are all set, I head home. I texted Kennedy before I left that I need my best friend tonight, so I know she’s there waiting for me. I slowly trudge up the stairs and open our front door.

“Kenni! I’m home!” I shout as I step into the living room, pulling off my boots and throwing them next to the front door.

Kennedy comes walking out of my bedroom, a small smile on her face.

“Hey, girl. So, uh, you have a visitor. I had him wait in your room because I didn’t know how you’d feel about his visit.”

I immediately assume Noah is stalking me now and has somehow found my address, but it’s Landon who steps out of my bedroom.

“Landon. What are you doing here?” I see Kennedy point at him and then back at me before heading to her room. She’s giving us some alone time before I talk to her.

“Hey, sis. I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to any of you in a couple weeks. I’ve been such a dick, and I am so sorry. That wasn’t fair, and I know that.” He’s fighting his emotions, I can tell. His blue eyes are bloodshot and watery, and his brown hair looks like he’s been running his hands through it.

“It wasn’t fair to Dad, Landon. I’m a big girl and can take care of myself, but it’s not fair to put him and Mom through your bullshit. I get it, Land. This fucking sucks, and you don’t even know the half of it. You haven’t been here these last couple weeks. Where have you been, anyway? It’s like you just went completely off the grid.”

“I just holed up in my apartment, shut my cell phone off. I needed some time to come to terms with Dad being sick. I didn’t know how to act, what to do. I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry, Aubrey. Please, sis, I need you to forgive me.”

This sucks. I completely understand why he reacted the way he did, and now I have to give him even worse news. He has no clue the things that have transpired in three weeks.

“Landon, it’s okay. I understand, and you’re forgiven. I’m glad you’re here though. We need to talk.” Taking him by the hand, I lead him into my bedroom where we sit on my bed as I explain all the events from the last couple of days. He loses the fight to not cry when I tell him about Dad’s spell at the house. And then the worst of it. Tears start rolling down my cheeks as I say some of the hardest things I’ve ever said.

“He’s dying, Land. The tumor isn’t going away, and even with this round of chemo, they’re just going to be prolonging the inevitable. Our dad is dying, Landon, and there’s nothing that can be done about it.” My chest shakes as I cry, finally allowing myself to succumb to the pain. I feel my brother’s arms come around me, crushing me to his chest as he cries with me.

This is so unfair.

***

I wake up in my bed, with Kennedy next to me.
I must have cried myself to sleep while Landon was here earlier.
I reach for my purse on the floor, grabbing my cell phone. I have a message from my mom, letting me know that Landon is at the house and they were all talking. I also have one from Noah, asking how it went with the doctors today. I completely forgot to let him know.

Opening my messages, I type out a quick reply.

Aubrey: Not good. Not feeling up to talking, sorry.

Noah: I’m so sorry, Aubrey.

I drop my phone on the nightstand and roll over, giving in to the exhaustion rolling through my body.

***

When I wake up the next morning, I’m all stiff and my eyes hurt. Shuffling into my bathroom, my reflection is a total nightmare. My blonde hair is sticking up all over the place, and my eyes are incredibly red and swollen. As is my nose. I’m a mess.

Starting the water in my shower, I turn it to the hottest temperature I can stand before quickly stripping out of my clothes and stepping under the spray. I can feel the tears threatening to spill again, but I hold them back. I can’t just walk around crying all the time; I need to be strong for my family. They need me.

After rushing through my shower, I turn the water off, I step onto the bathmat, wrap a towel around myself and my hair, and then head into my bedroom. I grab an old T-shirt and a pair of yoga pants to wear, and throw my damp hair into a ponytail. I’m exhausted and need a cup of coffee. Or maybe twelve.

As I come down the hallway, I can smell it brewing. Thank God for Kennedy. She’s standing in the kitchen in pajamas, sipping a cup of coffee. As soon as she notices me, she puts her mug down on the counter and comes to hug me tightly.

“Oh, Aubrey. I heard everything you told your brother last night. Jesus, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?”

“I’m okay, Kenni. But thanks.”

I step over to the cabinet and grab a mug, quickly filling it and adding cream and sugar. Taking a sip, I try to think of something, anything to take my mind off my dad, but nothing’s going to work. I head back into my bedroom, hoping to just drown out the day, but then I notice my phone flashing, alerting me to a new message. It’s just a simple ‘thinking of you’ from Noah. I stare at my phone for just a second then reply, before I lose the courage to send it.

Aubrey: Can you meet me in a little while? I could use a friend.

Noah: Of course. I’m on shift at the station, but if you come down you can hang out with me here. I won’t be off until tomorrow morning.

I respond that I’m on my way before grabbing a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, throwing them on with my favorite Chucks. I let Kennedy know I’m going out for a while, and that I don’t know when I’ll be back. Grabbing my purse, I head out to my car. Since it’s a Sunday, there are hardly any cars downtown, so I’m able to find a parking spot easily. I stroll towards the open bay, not really sure where I need to go, but as soon as I walk in I’m immediately greeted by the sight of Grayson. He waves me over to him with a huge smile on his face.

“Aubrey! What did we do to deserve this visit?”

I smile back at him. “I’m looking for Noah. He’s expecting me. Is he around here?”

The words have hardly left my mouth when Noah comes bounding over to me.

“Hey, you’re here!” He leans down and gives me a hug, and I return it then pull away. For once, he doesn’t have on a hat, so I’m able to get a look at his hair. It’s wavy and just past his ears. It looks so soft I have to resist reaching out to run my fingers through it. He grabs my hand and pulls me away from Grayson, who I wave good-bye to. He brings me out back of the station, where it’s quiet and we have privacy.

“What’s going on, sweetheart? Is everything okay? I got worried when you didn’t respond to me last night.” He runs his hand through his hair then shoves his hands in his pockets.

“Sorry. After I got home, my brother, Landon, was waiting to talk to me. He’s been kind of MIA since Dad told us about the cancer, so we finally discussed everything and I didn’t get a chance to check my phone before I ended up falling asleep.” I cross my arms over my chest and walk past Noah, not really sure what to tell him.

“Well, that’s good, right? Now you can all help your dad fight this.”

“He’s dying, Noah.” I whisper it, hating the way the words sound coming out of my mouth. They feel foreign.

“I don’t understand….”

“The chemo isn’t working. The tumor isn’t going away, isn’t even shrinking, and this round of chemo probably won’t help. They told him to prepare for the worst. My father is dying, Noah.” My breath hitches in my chest, but I force the tears back. I didn’t come here to talk about Dad, but I figured Noah should know. I can feel him come up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

“I’m so sorry. I know it isn’t enough, but I am. Is there anything I can do?”