Heart Of Texas (Historical Romance) (16 page)

He noticed that Kate's house was dark, and she
was usually up at this hour.

Loneliness weighed heavily on his shoulders, a
feeling so dark and deep it was almost like a physical pain. It had been difficult to face his father,
but he had learned something important today.
There had been fear in Cyrus's eyes, and something else Gabe could not define.

As he dismounted and led his horse to the corral, he noticed that there was a faint light coming from one of the stalls in the barn. He closed the
gate and moved silently toward the light. A lantern hung from a hook, and he made his way toward it. He was surprised to see Casey sitting on
scattered hay with the newborn calf he had rescued.

She had no idea he was watching her, and he
felt a little like he was invading her privacy. He
would have made her aware of his presence except that he was mesmerized by the sight of her
trying to entice the calf to drink from the bottle.
Gabe had a feeling that he was looking into
Casey's soul as her delicate hand swept up and
down the calf's neck, and tears glistened in her
eyes.

"Come on," she whispered, rubbing the nipple
across the animal's mouth. "You have to drink, or
you will die."

Gabe watched as her red-gold hair came alive
under the glow of the lantern and framed her
beautiful face. He felt a tight clenching inside his
heart. He was in awe of Casey's gentleness and
her love for a helpless animal. The sudden outpouring of emotion rocked his world. When he
had held her and kissed her, he had trembled for
an hour afterward. What he felt for her was pure
and deep.

Casey had not heard a sound, but she glanced
up to find Gabe watching her. His silver eyes were
shining, and he had the softest expression on his
face.

It
took
her
a
moment
to
find
her
voice.
"Gabe,
I'm so glad you're here. Jenny tried to feed this
calf several times today, and it wouldn't eat."
There was panic in her voice. "I don't know what
Jenny will do if this animal dies. Can you help
me?"

He sat down beside her and took the bottle
from her hand. "You know, Casey, most of the
time newborns die when they have no mother."

"This one can't!"

He slowly began to tease the animal's mouth
with the nipple. "She isn't going to take this."

"Please try a little longer," she implored him.

He would have done anything she asked. In
that moment he wanted nothing more than for
the animal to latch on to the bottle. Casey held
her breath as the animal's tongue lapped out and
touched the nipple. She smiled and glanced up
at Gabe when the calf took it in her mouth.

"You did it, Gabe!"

He felt ten feet tall. He wished he could solve
all her problems as easily. Soon the bottle was
drained, and the animal closed its eyes to sleep.
Casey gave the calf a soft pat and stood up beside
Gabe.

"I was so afraid it was going to die, and I'd have
to explain to my sister what happened. Sam had
to take her to the house and put her to bed because she wanted to stay with the calf all night.
She's lost so many things in her young life. The death of this calf would have been devastating for
her. She takes everything so hard."

"What about you?"

She smiled mischievously. "I have a sinister side
to my character. You see, I love fried chicken, and
I would have eaten it with no guilt involved."

He grinned. "So you're not an angel. You can
be tempted by fried chicken?"

"As I said, I love fried chicken."

His gaze swept across her face, and he reached
out to take a sprig of hay from her hair. His hand
lingered, touching, sifting the softness between
his fingers. Then he dropped his hand while she
stood there, trembling inside.

When Gabe touched her like that, didn't he
know what it did to her? But she had reached a
place where his touch was not enough. She
wanted so much more, even though she didn't
know exactly what it was. Her face flushed, and
she wondered if Gabe could guess her thoughts.

He brushed against her arm as he stood. Then
he clasped her hand, bringing her up beside him,
taking care not to hurt her injury.

"How is your shoulder?"

She was reluctant for him to move away. "It
hardly hurts at all."

He grinned down at her. "Maybe I'm a better
doctor than I thought."

"I took your advice and had Kate look at it. She
says it's healing nicely."

"Did you tell her who dressed the wound?"

She smiled up at him. "Yes."

"And what did she say to that?"

Casey laughed. 'She said she was going to go
out and hurt her shoulder so you could tend her,
too."

He placed his hand over hers, wanting to touch
her, hold her, be near her. "Kate is like no one
else."

Gabe was speaking words, but Casey couldn't
quite catch their meaning because she was thinking about the hand that touched hers with such
gentleness. She met his gaze and felt as if a swirling tide were washing toward her.

His silver eyes were drawing her in. She was not
even aware that she had moved closer to him. He
clasped her hand against his chest. "Do you feel
my heart beating?"

She did. It was thundering beneath her fingertips. Her gaze went to his beautiful mouth, and
she wanted to feel it pressed against hers.

As if he could read her thoughts, Gabe brought
her closer, raising her chin and slowly lowering
his head. His lips were soft as they skimmed over
the fullness of her mouth, savoring the caress,
drawing out their mutual need. "Do you want me
to stop?" he asked.

Her arms slid around his shoulders in answer.
He drew her closer, pressing her against him, his
lips settling firmly against hers.

The soft touch of his mouth made her insides
quiver, and she pressed tightly against his thighs.

He accommodated her by fitting her against his
hard swell.

Gabe had a deep need for Casey, but he wanted
their loving to be right; he wanted to tell her
everything about himself, or it wouldn't be fair to
her. He raised his head and looked into her shimmering eyes. His gaze dipped to the gentle swell
of breasts that begged to be cupped in his hand.

He touched their softness in wonder and
watched her eyes widen and then drift shut. He
had half expected her to protest, and when she
didn't, he dipped his head to touch his lips to one
tempting point that pressed against the material
of her gown.

Gabe heard her sigh when he cupped the fullness of her breast in his hand and gently traced
the nipple; the sound filled him with the sweetest
sensation. Need, want, desire tore through him,
but he kept his feelings under control. He could
touch her only in this way, and only this one time,
and then he had to let her go.

Casey hadn't known the sweep of a man's hand
could bring such pleasure. When he touched her
like this, she wanted more. His hand drifted up
her back to settle near her throat, bringing her
unbelievable joy. She thought she would die if he
didn't satisfy the aching need that was building
inside her as he deepened the kiss. She trembled,
and her knees almost buckled when his tongue
parted her lips and darted inside.

Gabe realized that Casey trusted him as his mouth explored the silken curve of her neck. He
could tell she was inexperienced, but she wanted
him as much as he wanted her. He drew back so
he could look into her eyes, and he saw total surrender in the blue depths.

He needed her to fill the empty void inside
him. No woman had ever touched the part of his
heart that she had taken as her own. Gabe had a
feeling that when he left her, he would leave behind everything that was good in him. No woman
but Casey would ever satisfy the hungry need that
gnawed at him.

He also knew that he should stop before he had
gone too far to turn back. It would be wrong for
him to take what she offered. Her life was complicated enough without him making it worse. He
was a breath away from heaven's gate, but he
could not enter. He had to let her go.

"You have never been touched this way by a
man, have you?"

Her eyes shimmered. "No. James Udall kissed
me once after a ball, but it was nothing like this."

He pressed his cheek to hers, wanting to hold
her for a moment longer. "It's lucky for Mr. Udall
that he isn't here right now. I'm afraid I'd have
to take his head off for touching your lips." He
dipped his head and pressed his mouth against
hers, fitting her against his hardness. "Feel what
you do to me."

"Yes," she said, burying her face against his
chest. "I do feel it."

"Have I erased Mr. Udall's memory from your
mind?" he asked in a husky voice.

She smiled. "His kiss was nothing."

He tilted her chin up so she had to look into
his eyes. "Casey, I know what you are feeling, because I feel it too. But I was wrong to take it this
far. I have more experience than you, and I took
unfair advantage of your innocence."

His words were like a dash of cold water in her
face, and she drew back from him. "You didn't
take advantage of me. I knew what I was doing."

He cupped her face in his hands. He had hurt
her, and the knowledge was like a knife in his
heart. "Sweet Casey, I would gladly pick you up
and carry you to my bed, but it isn't the right
thing for you-you know that."

She closed her eyes, wondering if he just didn't
want her, or if he thought her too forward. "I'm
sorry if I did something wrong." She wedged her
elbow between them, attempting to shove him
away and refusing to give in to the tears gathered
behind her eyelids. "I have to go now."

"No, no, Casey, don't go like this." He held her
firmly in his arms. "You don't understand what I
am saying. I want you so badly I almost forgot you
have troubles enough without me complicating
your life."

She saw pain and devastation in his eyes. "What
do you feel for me?"

His breath came out in a great rush. "What do
I feel for you? I have walked in darkness for so long, I want to bask in the light of your smile.
Until I met you, my life was the same from one
day to the next. Now the simple touch of your
hand can get me through a whole day. There is
not an hour that passes without me thinking of
you. That's how I feel about you."

"You probably think I'm too young to know
what I feel, but I'm not. I want to... I... think I
love you."

His breath hissed out, and he pressed his face
into her hair, his body trembling and quaking.
Those were the sweetest words he'd ever heard,
and they pushed away his loneliness like the sun
breaking through the darkest clouds. But still, he
had to do what was best for her. "Sweetheart. If
you only knew the truth about me, you would despise me."

She pulled away from him, wondering what he
meant. He had not said he loved her; he'd said
only that he needed her. "Nothing you could do
would make me despise you. You are a good and
honorable man. Don't you think I know that? I
couldn't feel about you the way I do if that
weren't true."

"The time will come when you will regret what
you've said here tonight."

"Gabe, what are you talking about? I know
there's something in your past that's bothering
you. Why don't you tell me about it? It won't matter. I trust you more than I trust any man."

He saw the confusion in her eyes and thought about admitting the whole truth. But he couldn't
say the words. When she heard them, she would
probably order him off the place, and he needed
to stay close to her to protect her from Cyrusespecially after today.

"I'm just an ordinary man. I have no criminal
past, and I have killed no man except faceless enemies in the war." He touched his mouth to her
cheek and closed his eyes. "I want nothing more
than to hold you like this forever." He pressed his
face against hers. "I know just how to touch you
and make you need me-I know the words to say
that will make you fall willingly into my bed, but
I won't. Do you understand that?"

Casey didn't understand at all. She only knew
that he was rejecting her, and that hurt so badly.

"I'm sorry, Gabe, about the way I threw myself
at you. I should never have behaved in such an
unladylike manner. I don't know what I was thinking."

He knew it was better to hurt her a little now
rather than to destroy her completely by taking
all she had to give. "I have never allowed any
woman to get as close to me as you have. I never
needed anyone-I still don't."

"I see." And she did see what he was trying to
do. He was trying to do the honorable thing by
her. But she believed he needed her, whether he
would admit it or not. "I understand what you are
doing better than you think. It's all right to put
your past behind you and start a new life."

He felt a gut-wrenching twist in his heart, and
it left him breathless. She had reached inside him
and found a tenderness that he hadn't known existed. He had lain awake many nights trying to
imagine what it would feel like to be a part of her
family.

Casey saw pain and indecision in his eyes, and
she thought she might know him better than he
knew himself. What set of events had made him
such a loner? Gabe's strength and endurance had
been apparent from the first day she'd met him,
but there was a part of him that cried out for
something-she wasn't quite sure what.

"You have no family, have you, Gabe?" She
stepped closer to him and touched his cheek, feeling the stubble of his beard. "Has your life been
so intolerable?"

He turned enough to touch his lips to her
hand, and he knew this would be the perfect time
to tell her about himself. But he let the moment
pass and said, "I had not given my life much
thought until I met you."

"Are you saying you love me?"

Love... he certainly had never given that emotion much thought, either; he wasn't sure he
knew what it meant. He had seen what love had
done to his mother. Her whole world had been
wrapped around the husband who so rarely came
to see her. He remembered her standing at the
door for hours watching for Cyrus. Most of the
time, she'd been disappointed. His mother had died without her husband beside her, and she
had been buried without him to mourn her.