Heart of Ice (9 page)

His hand contracted behind her head, catching her hair, tangling in its fiery depths to press her mouth to his. As if passion were riding him hard, he bit at her closed lips and shocked them into parting. And then she was his. Totally his, as he explored the soft warmth of her mouth expertly, possessively.

When he stopped, her hands were clenched in his thick hair, and she moaned when he lifted his mouth.

“No more, baby,” he whispered huskily. “We don’t have the luxury of privacy, and I had a hard enough time sleeping last night as it was. A man can only stand so much.”

Her eyes opened slowly and she looked up at him drowning in the silver of his eyes. “I didn’t mean to tease,” she whispered. “It wasn’t like that.”

“I know that,” he replied quietly. “You were with me every step of the way, from the first second I touched you. Circumstances have been the problem. I need to be alone with you. Completely alone.” He drew in a slow breath. “Come back to Wyoming with me, Kati.”

Her eyes dilated. “What?”

“You said you had to research that damned book. All right. I’ll help you. Fly out with me in the morning, and I’ll show you everything you need to know about ranch management.”

She studied his hard face. She knew exactly what he was saying: “during the day.” His eyes were telling
her that he had different plans for the night, and she already knew exactly what
they
were.

“Still afraid?” he asked thoughtfully, watching the expressions change on her young face. “Let’s get it out in the open. Why? Do I strike you as a brutal man? Do you think I’d be kinky in bed or something?”

Her face burned and she looked down. “I’ve never thought about it.”

“Liar. You’ve thought about it every second since yesterday morning, just like I have.” He bent his head and kissed her quickly, roughly. “It was just the way I told you it would be. We touched each other and exploded. I wanted you, and it made me rough at first. But it won’t be that way anymore. I promise you, Kati. I’ll be as tender a lover as you could want.”

“You…you never seemed gentle,” she said involuntarily. “And you’ve been so harsh with me…”

He brushed a lock of hair back from her cheek and frowned as he looked down at her. “It’s the way you write, damn it,” he said. “So…openly.”

“Egan, I don’t make love with strange men in bathtubs,” she said. It was one of the ironies of her life that she could write torrid romances at all. But the writing never embarrassed her. It was as if the characters did what they wanted to, taking over as the words went onto paper. The situations arose from the characterizations, not out of her own personal experience.

He shrugged. “That may be. But no man likes to think he’s being used for research.”

Her eyes opened wide. Her eyebrows went straight up. “You don’t imagine that I…that I’d even consider—” She felt herself puffing up with indignation. “Oh, you monster!”

She jerked up from the table, glaring down at him as she fought tears of pure fury. “What do you think I am, damn you, an exhibitionist? What I write comes out of nowhere! The characters create themselves on paper, and their own motivations produce the love scenes! I do not write from personal experiences with a multitude of lovers!”

“Now, Kati,” he began, rising slowly.

“But you just go on thinking whatever you please, Egan,” she continued. “You just go right ahead. I don’t care. I don’t need you at all!”

And she turned, tears in her eyes, and ran from the room, colliding with Ada.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” Ada asked gently.

“Ask Dracula!” came the broken reply, and she threw a last accusing glare at Egan before she went into her room and slammed the door.

It was a bad start for the day. And it didn’t help that when she got herself together and came back out, Egan had vanished. She’d overreacted, and she was ashamed. But his opinion of her had hurt in unexpected ways and brought home how he considered her widely experienced.

Wouldn’t he be shocked, she thought miserably, to know how innocent she was?

In fact, the love scenes in her books were mild compared to those in other genres. They were sensuous, but hardly explicit. That was why she was able to write them. She didn’t have to go into a lot of explanations that she’d have to dig out of anatomy books anyway—because she didn’t know the first thing about fulfillment, except what she’d learned second-hand.

“Will he be back?” Kati asked miserably when Ada told her that Egan had walked out.

Ada lifted her shoulders helplessly. “I don’t know. Things were going so well this morning. What happened?”

“He accused me of doing my own research for the love scenes,” she muttered. “In bathtubs with strange men.” She hid her face in her hands. “You can’t imagine how it hurt to have him think so little of me!”

“Then why not tell him the truth, my dumb friend?” Ada asked. “He doesn’t read minds, you know.”

“Because…” She clenched her fists and hit the air impotently. “Because,” her voice lowered, “the only thing about me that attracts him at all is my ‘experience.’”

Ada gaped at her. “You’re in love with him,” she said half under her breath.

Kati smiled sadly. “Doesn’t it show? Hasn’t it
always shown? Ada, I’d walk over a gas fire just to look at him.”

“And I thought you hated him.”

“I did. Because he hated me, and I knew it would never be more than that.” She smoothed her hair. “And now it’s worse, because he’s like a bulldozer and I’m terrified of him.”

“I warned you,” Ada reminded her. “He’s utterly relentless.”

“He wants me to go home with him,” she said.

Ada’s face brightened. “He does?”

“Don’t be silly, I can’t go! If I do, he’s bound to find out what an absolute idiot I am, and then where will I be? He’ll throw me out on my ear!”

“And then again, he might not.”

“I’m no gambler, Ada. Losing matters too much. I’d rather stay here and pull the pieces together. Maybe it’s just a physical infatuation and I’ll outgrow it,” she added hopefully.

“If you’d walk through fire just to look at him, darling,” Ada said gently, “it’s got to be more than physical. And you know it.”

“But what can I do?” Kati wailed. “Ada, I’m not the kind to have affairs. I’m too inhibited.”

“Not when you write, you aren’t!”

“That’s different. When I write, I’m a storyteller, telling a story. In real life, I get too emotionally involved, and then I can’t let go. And Egan hates even the idea of involvement.”

“He looked pretty involved to me this morning.
He could hardly take his eyes off you long enough to eat,” Ada remarked.

“You know why, too.”

“Men are attracted first, then their emotions get involved. Look at Marshal and me! He liked my legs, so he called me. And now here we are almost engaged!”

“And here it is Christmas and I’ve ruined it again,” Kati moaned.

“No, you haven’t. Egan will be back when he cools down. He’s mad at himself, I’ll bet, not at you.” She smiled. “He didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Tears welled up in her eyes and she turned away. “I never meant to hurt him, either.”

“Then cheer up. It will all work out, honest it will.”

“So you keep saying. I’ll try to listen this time.”

They had everything ready just as Marshal and Jack arrived, and the four of them stood around and talked until noon.

“Should we wait for Egan?” Marshal asked.

“Well,” Ada said, biting her lower lip. “I don’t know when he’ll be back.”

Even as she said the words, the front door opened and Egan walked in. He tossed his Stetson onto the hall table.

“Waiting for me? I got held up at Jennie’s,” he added, glancing toward Kati with pure malice in his eyes.

So much for Ada’s helpful optimism, Kati thought
as she took off her apron. She didn’t even look at him again, and her entire attitude was so cool and controlled that she felt she deserved an Oscar for her performance all the way through the holiday meal. The turkey was perfectly browned, the ham beautifully glazed. Egan, at the head of the table, carved, and Ada passed the plates down. He said grace, and everyone was far too busy to talk for the first few minutes.

Kati was just bursting with fury about Jennie. She could imagine what Egan had been doing and why he’d been held up. She was rigid with the effort not to get up and fling the turkey carcass the length of the table at him.

“The cherry pie is delicious,” Jack offered as he finished his last mouthful and followed it with the rich black coffee Ada had made.

“Thank you,” Kati said with a smile.

“Kati does all the desserts,” Ada told Marshal. “I’m no hand at pastry.”

Egan hadn’t touched any of the pies or fruitcake. He barely seemed to eat anything, like Kati. Her eyes found his across the room, and it was like lightning striking. She felt the longing she’d been fighting down all day coming to life again. It was incredible that she could look at him and go to pieces like this.

“Well, I hate to eat and run,” Jack said, “but I promised my cousin I’d stop by and see him and his family this afternoon. There are so few of us left these days.”

“Yes, I know what you mean,” Ada said quietly, and her face showed the loneliness Kati knew she must feel this first Christmas without her mother.

“I’m sure you do. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up such a sad subject,” Jack apologized.

Ada smiled. “Don’t be silly. Happy Christmas, Jack. I’m glad you could come.”

“Me, too,” Kati said, avoiding Egan’s eyes as she got up to walk Jack to the door.

“I enjoyed it,” Jack said. “Merry Christmas!”

Kati saw him out into the corridor. “I’ll see you later, then.”

Jack stared down at her quietly. “Do you realize how that big cattleman feels about you?” he asked unexpectedly.

Her face paled. “What?”

“He watched you as if he’d bleed to death looking. And the one time I smiled at you, I thought he was going to come over that table to get me.” He laughed self-consciously. “If you get a minute, how about telling him that we haven’t got anything serious going? I’d like to keep my insurance premiums where they are.”

She laughed too, because they were friends who could ask such things of each other. “I’ll do my best. Want to spend New Year’s with us?”

“As far as I know, I don’t have a thing planned. But,” he added with a wink, “you might. So let’s leave it alone for now, and I’ll call you. All right?”

“All right. Merry Christmas,” she added.

“You, too.” He bent and kissed her lightly on the cheek. He was just lifting his head when Egan appeared in the doorway with eyes that glittered dangerously.

“You’re taking a long time just to say good-bye,” he muttered.

“Discussing the weather,” Jack said quickly. “Damned cold outside! In here, too. Bye, Kati!” And he took off for the elevator with a grin.

Egan caught Kati’s hand in his, holding it warmly, closely, and pulled her just inside the door. They were out of view of the living room, and when he closed the outside door, they might have been alone in the world.

“I can’t stand it,” he ground out, gripping her arms as if he were afraid she’d fly out of his reach. “You’re driving me out of my mind, damn it!”

“You started it,” she bit off, keeping her voice down.

“I didn’t mean it, though,” he returned in a harsh undertone. His hands loosened their grip, became caressing, burning her even through the blouse’s long sleeves. “Kati, I’m so used to hitting at you…but this morning I didn’t mean to.”

Her lower lip trembled as she looked up at him. “You went to her,” she said shakily.

Every trace of expression left his face, and only his eyes showed any emotion at all. They glittered at her like silver in sunlight. “I didn’t touch her,” he
said huskily. “How could I? All I want in the world is you!”

Her lips parted, and before she could speak, he bent and caressed them slowly, sensuously, with his own. His breath was suddenly ragged, uneven, and the hands that were on her arms moved up to cup her face and hold it where he wanted it.

“Are you going to fight me every inch of the way?” he asked in a strained tone.

“I’m not,” she protested dazedly.

“Then kiss me,” he murmured.

She didn’t understand what he meant until the pressure of his mouth forced hers open and she felt his tongue in a slow, even penetration that made her blood surge.

She gasped, and he deepened the kiss even more. She felt his body tremble, and he groaned softly—deep in his throat—like a man trying to control the impossible. He whispered her name under his breath and his arms went around her like chains. He crushed her into the taut muscles of his body until she hurt, and she didn’t care. She wanted to be closer than this, even closer, with nothing in the way…!

“Kati?” Ada called from the living room.

In a fever of hunger, Kati watched Egan lift his head and take a slow, steadying breath.

“We’re talking, all right?” he asked in what sounded like an almost normal tone.

“Oh, excuse me!” Ada called back. “Never mind!”

Egan’s eyes burned down into Kati’s. “Are you all right?” he whispered, watching the tears shimmer in her eyes.

“Yes. I…just…just feel kind of shaky,” she stammered.

He took her hands to his hard chest and held them over the vest. “So do I,” he said. “From the neck down. My God, you stir me up!”

Her eyes searched his slowly, curiously. “You’re a passionate man,” she whispered. “I imagine most women make you feel that way.”

He shook his head very slowly. “I’m not promiscuous, Kati. I’m selective. It takes a very special woman.”

She felt unreasonably flattered, but then, she wasn’t thinking straight. How could she, this close to him, wanting him with a fever that was burning her alive?

“I’m scandalous, remember?” she said. “I seduce men to help me with my research—”

He stopped the words with a touch to her lips. “I’m not a virgin. How can I sit in judgment on you?”

“If you’d listen to me,” she said softly, “I’d tell you.”

“I don’t want to hear it,” he said curtly. “The past is over. We’ll go from here. Are you coming home with me?”

And there was the question she’d wanted and dreaded, staring her in the face. She looked at him
and knew she wasn’t going to be strong and sensible. She could feel herself falling apart already.