Heart of Darkness and the Congo Diary (19 page)

“‘And of all this,' she went on, mournfully, ‘of all his promise, and of all his greatness, of his generous mind, of his noble heart, nothing remains—nothing but a memory. You and I——'

“‘We shall always remember him,' I said, hastily.

“‘No!' she cried. ‘It is impossible that all this should be lost—that such a life should be sacrificed to leave nothing—but sorrow. You know what vast plans he had. I knew of them too—I could not perhaps understand—but others knew of them. Something must remain. His words, at least, have not died.'

“‘His words will remain,' I said.

“‘And his example,' she whispered to herself. ‘Men looked up to him—his goodness shone in every act. His example——'

“‘True,' I said; ‘his example too. Yes, his example. I forgot that.'

“‘But I do not. I cannot—I cannot believe—not yet. I cannot believe that I shall never see him again, that nobody will see him again, never, never, never!'
¹²

“She put out her arms as if after a retreating figure, stretching them black and with clasped pale hands across the fading and narrow sheen of the window. Never see him! I saw him clearly enough then. I shall see this eloquent phantom as long as I live, and I shall see her too, a tragic and familiar Shade,
¹³
resembling in this gesture another one, tragic also, and bedecked with powerless charms, stretching bare brown arms over the glitter of the infernal stream, the stream of darkness. She said suddenly very low, ‘He died as he lived.'

“‘His end,' said I, with dull anger stirring in me, ‘was in every way worthy of his life.'

“‘And I was not with him,' she murmured. My anger subsided before a feeling of infinite pity.

“‘Everything that could be done——' I mumbled.

“‘Ah, but I believed in him more than any one on earth—more than his own mother, more than—himself. He needed me! Me! I would have treasured every sigh, every word, every sign, every glance.'

“I felt like a chill grip on my chest.
¹⁴
‘Don't,' I said, in a muffled voice.

“‘Forgive me. I—I—have mourned so long in silence—in silence…. You were with him—to the last? I think of his loneliness. Nobody near to understand him as I would have understood. Perhaps no one to hear…'

“‘To the very end,' I said, shakily. ‘I heard his very last words….' I stopped in a fright.

“‘Repeat them,' she said in a heart-broken tone. ‘I want—I want—something—something—to—to live with.'

“I was on the point of crying at her, ‘Don't you hear them?' The dusk was repeating them in a persistent whisper all around us, in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind. ‘The horror! the horror!'

“‘His last word—to live with,' she murmured. ‘Don't you understand I loved him—I loved him—I loved him!'

“I pulled myself together and spoke slowly.

“‘The last word he pronounced was—your name.'

“I heard a light sigh, and then my heart stood still, stopped dead short by an exulting and terrible cry, by the cry of inconceivable triumph and of unspeakable pain. ‘I knew it—I was sure!'…She knew. She was sure. I heard her weeping; she had hidden her face in her hands. It seemed to me that the house would collapse before I could escape, that the heavens would fall upon my head. But nothing happened. The heavens do not fall for such a trifle.
¹⁵
Would they have fallen, I wonder, if I had rendered Kurtz that justice which was his due? Hadn't he said he wanted only justice? But I couldn't. I could not tell her. It would have been too dark—too dark altogether….”

Marlow ceased, and sat apart, indistinct and silent, in the pose of a meditating Buddha. Nobody moved for a time. “We have lost the first of the ebb,” said the Director, suddenly. I raised my head. The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds, and the tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed sombre under an overcast sky—seemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness.

Arrived at Matadi
¹
on the 13th of June 1890.–

Mr Gosse
²
chief of the station (O.K.) retaining us for some reason of his own.

Made the acquaintance of Mr Roger Casement,
³
which I should consider as a great pleasure under any circumstances and now it becomes a positive piece of luck.

Thinks, speaks well, most intelligent and very sympathetic.–

Feel considerably in doubt about the future. Think just now that my life amongst the people (white) around here can not be very comfortable. Intend avoid acquaintances as much as possible.

Through Mr R. C. Have made the acquaint[tan]
^ce
of Mr Underwood the manager of the English factory (Hatton & Cookson,
⁴
in Kalla Kalla). Av[era]
^ge
com[merci]
^al
–hearty and kind. Lunched there on the 21st.–

24th Gosse and R. C. gone with a large lot of ivory down to Boma. On G['s] return intend to start up the river. Have been myself busy packing ivory in casks. Idiotic employment. Health good up to now.

Wrote to Simpson,
⁵
to Gov. B.
⁶
to Purd.
⁷
to Hope,
⁸
to Cap Froud,
⁹
and to Mar.
¹⁰
Prominent characteristic of the social life here: People speaking ill of each other.
¹¹
–

 

Saturday
28th June left Matadi with Mr Harou
¹²
and a caravan of 31 men. Parted with Casement in a very friendly manner. Mr Gosse saw us off as far as the State station.–

First halt. M'poso. 2 Danes
¹³
in Comp[a]ny.

 

Sund. 29th. Ascent of Palaballa. Sufficiently fatiguing–Camped at 11
^h
am at Nsoke-River. Mosquitos.
¹⁴

 

Monday. 30
^th
to Congo da Lemba after passing black rocks long ascent. Harou giving up. Bother. Camp bad. Water far. Dirty. At night Harou better.

 

1st
July
.

Tuesday
. 1st. Left early in a heavy mist marching towards Lufu River.–Part route through forest on the sharp slope of a high mountain. Very long descent. Then, market place, from where short walk to the bridge (good) and camp. V[ery] G[ood]. Bath. Clear river. Feel well. Harou all right. 1st chicken.
2p
.[m.]

No sunshine today–

 

Wednesday
2
^d
July–

Started at 5
^h
30 after a sleepless night. Country more open–Gently andulating
¹⁵
hills. Road good in perfect order. (District of Lukungu). Great market at 9.30. bought eggs & chickens–

Feel not well today. Heavy cold in the head. Arrived at 11
^h
at Banza Manteka. Camped on the market place. Not well enough to call on the missionary.
¹⁶
Water scarce and bad–Camp[in]
^g
place dirty.–

2 Danes still in company.

 

Thursday 3
^d
July.

Left at 6am. after a good night's rest. Crossed a low range of hills and entered a broad valley or rather plain with a break in the middle–Met an off[ic]er of the State inspecting. A few minutes afterwards saw at a camp[in]
^g
place the dead body of a Backongo.
¹⁷
Shot? Horrid smell.–Crossed a range of mountains running NW-SE. by a low pass. Another broad flat valley with a deep ravine through the centre.–Clay and gravel. Another range parallel to the first-mentioned with a chain of low foothills running close to it. Between the two came to camp on the banks of the Luinzono River. Camp[in]
^g
place clean. River clear. Gov[ernmen]
^t
Zanzibari
¹⁸
with register. Canoe. 2 Danes camp[in]
^g
on the other bank.–Health good.

 

General tone of landscape grey yellowish (Dry grass) with reddish patches (Soil) and clumps of dark green vegetation scattered sparsely about. Mostly in steep gorges between the higher mountains or in ravines cutting the plain–Noticed Palma Christi
¹⁹
–Oil palm. Very straight tall and thick trees in some places. Name not known to me. Villages quite invisible. Infer their existence from cal[a]bashes
²⁰
suspended to palm trees for the ‘malafu'.
²¹
–

Good many caravans and travellers. No women unless on the market place.–

Bird notes charming–One especially a flute-like note. Another kind of ‘boom' ressembling
²²
the very distant baying of a hound.–Saw only pigeons and a few green parroquets; very small and not many. No birds of prey seen by me. Up to 9am–sky clouded and calm–Afterwards gentle breeze from the N[or]
^th
generally and sky clearing–Nights damp and cool.–White mists on the hills up about halfway. Water effects, very beautiful this morning. Mists generally raising before sky clears.

Friday–4
^th
July.
–

Left camp at 6
^h
am–after a very unpleasant night–Marching across a chain of hills and then in a maze of hills–At 8.15 opened out into an andulating plain. Took bearings of a break in the chain of mountains on the other side–Bearing
NNE
–Road passes through that. Sharp ascents up very steep hills not very high. The higher mountains recede sharply and show a low hilly country–

At 9.30 Market place.

At 10
^h
passed R. Lukanga and at 10.30 camped on the Mpwe R.

Saw another dead body lying by the path in an attitude of meditative repose.–In the evening 3 women of whom one albino passed our camp–Horrid chalky white with pink blotches. Red eyes. Red hair. Features very negroid and ugly.–

Mosquitos. At night when the moon rose heard shouts and drumming in distant villages. Passed a bad night.

 

Saturday 5th July. [18]
90
.

Left at 6.15. Morning cool, even cold and very damp–Sky densely overcast. Gentle breeze from NE. Road through a narrow plain up to R.
Kwilu
. Swift flowing and deep 50 yds wide–Passed in canoes–After[war]
^ds
up and down very steep hills intersected by deep ravines–Main chain of heights running mostly NW-SE or W and E at times. Stopped at Manyamba.

–Camp[in]
^g
place bad–in a hollow–Water very indifferent. Tent set at 10
^h
15
^m

Today fell into a muddy puddle. Beastly. The fault of the man that carried me. After camp[in]
^g
went to a small stream bathed and washed clothes.–Getting jolly well sick of this fun.–

Tomorrow expect a long march to get to Nsona. 2 days from Manyanga.–

No sunshine to-day.–

 

Sunday 6
^th
July–

Started at 5.40.–the route at first hilly then after a sharp descent traversing a broad plain. At the end of it a large market place

At 10
^h
sun came out.–

After leaving the market passed another plain then walking on the crest of a chain of hills passed 2 villages and at 11
^h
arrived at Nsona.–Village invisible–

In this camp (Nsona–) there is a good camp[in]
^g
place. Shady. Water far and not very good.–This night no mosquitos owing to large fires lit all round our tent.–

Afternoon very close

Night clear and starry.

 

Monday-7
^th
July.–

Left at 6
^h
after a good night's rest on the road to Inkandu which is some distance past Lukungu gov[ernmen]
^t
station.–

Route very accidented.
²³
Succession of round steep hills. At times walking along the crest of a chain of hills.–

Just before Lukunga our carriers took a wide sweep to the southward till the station bore N[or]
^th
.–Walking through long grass for 1½ hours.–Crossed a broad river about 100 feet wide and 4 deep.–After another ½ hours walk through manioc plantations
²⁴
in good order rejoined our route to the E[astwar]
^d
of the Lukunga Sta[ti]
^on
. Walking along an undulating plain towards the Inkandu market on a hill.–Hot, thirsty and tired. At 11
^h
arrived on the m[ar]ketplace–About 200 people.–Brisk business. No water. No camp[in]
^g
place–After remaining for one hour left in search of a resting place.–

Row with carriers.–No water. At last about 1½ p.m. camped on an exposed hill side near a muddy creek. No shade. Tent on a slope. Sun heavy. Wretched.

Night miserably cold.

No sleep. Mosquitos–

 

Tuesday 8th July

Left at 6
^h
am

About ten minutes from camp left main gov[ernmen]
^t
path for the Manyanga track. Sky overcast. Road up and down all the time–Passing a couple of villages

The country presents a confused wilderness of hills, land slips on their sides showing red. Fine effect of red hill covered in places by dark green vegetation

½ hour before beginning the descent got a glimpse of the Congo.–Sky clouded.

Arrived at Manyanga at 9
^h
a.m.

Received most kindly by Messrs Heyn & Jaeger.
²⁵
–

Most comfortable and pleasant halt.–

Stayed here till the 25.
²⁶
Both have been sick.–Most kindly care taken of us. Leave with sincere regret.

Friday the 5
^th
July 1890.–

Left Manyanga at 2½ p.m–with plenty of hammock carriers. H[arou] lame and not in very good form. Myself ditto but not lame. Walked as far as Mafiela and camped–2
^h

 

Saturday–26
^th

Left very early–Road ascending all the time.–Passed villages. Country seems thickly inhabited. At 11
^h
arrived at large Market place. Left at noon and camped at 1
^h
pm.

Sunday. 27
^th

Left at 8
^h
am. Sent luggage carriers straight on to Luasi and went ourselves round by the Mission of Sutili.

Hospitable reception by Mrs Comber
²⁸
–all the missio[n-aries] absent.–

The looks of the whole establishment eminently civilized and very refreshing to see after lots of tumble down hovels in which the state & company agents are content to live.–