Heart in the Field (19 page)

           
“Not frightened now?”

           
Her hands moved down his back to the
smooth leather of his belt. “No,” she whispered, her eyes locked with his.

           
“Who’s in there?”

           
Nick raised an eyebrow and let her
go. “It’s Nick and Serena.”

           
“Well, this is Joseph. We’re running
again. You should go down to the ground floor now.”

           
Serena could feel the movement in
the elevator once again.

           
She looked at Nick. He shook his
head at her, as if he was saying he didn’t know what to do about their
predicament. Her only suggestion to herself was that she be brave and go for
it, knowing full well that he was only for a short time and would be gone in
the future. But was she brave enough for that?

           
Nick walked her to her car.

           
“All right?” he asked as she opened
her car door.

           
“Not particularly.”

           
He moved closer. “I haven’t been
right since I met you, Serena. I always thought I had my head together when it
came to women, but I’m not sure I do anymore.”

           
“Kiss me again.”

           
She closed her eyes and let his
mouth drive her into delirious fantasies: together they were on a bed. They
were naked. He was inside her. They were making love like there was never going
to be an end. He was filling her emptiness.

           
She opened her eyes and slid both
her arms around his neck. She clung to his kisses, she pressed herself against
him, felt his need against her. Then he left her limp against the side of her
car.

           
His features were outlined in the
jumpy shadows cast by the interior light from her car. “Go to Seth’s. He’s
expecting you.”

           
Serena drove to Seth’s, hardly
registering the way. Seth’s big van was already parked in one of the two spaces
he said were reserved for him. Serena parked in the other one. She went up to
Seth’s loft and realized, as she was creeping about inside the loft in the
dark, that despite his van being there Seth wasn’t even home.

           
She turned on some lights and found
a note pinned to his bulletin board: Make
yourself
comfortable. The sofa pulls out into a bed. There is a comforter and some
pillows tucked inside.

           
She made up the bed, undressed, and
tumbled beneath the quilt in her underwear. She lay staring at the high
ceiling. She’d known loneliness when she was a child, when she’d waited for her
father to come home and when he never did come home any more. But she’d never
known such loneliness of the spirit or of the body. She’d never felt such a
desperate craving for a man.

           
She buried her face in the soft
pillow. She was really mixed up these days. If work wasn’t such a pressure on
her life, she’d take off on a holiday.
Which was exactly what
she’d done when another relationship had threatened her peace of mind a few
years ago.
She’d run away to the Bahamas for two weeks. When she’d
come back she’d been rested and calm, and had made up her mind there was to be
no more of this love stuff. She wasn’t suited for relationships or being in
love. She couldn’t take the agony, the pain, the complete disorder a man made
of her life.

Chapter Eleven

Kiss me
again.
Serena’s words hurtled from one side
of Nick’s brain to the other. It was four
AM
and he was popping a beer cap off a bottle and drinking
from the bottle as if hoping the contents would help him drown the ache in his
gut. He knew they wouldn’t. He’d learned that early in his life. Mornings
brought the same pain.

           
Holding the bottle, he wandered into
the living room. He could blame his parents for this predicament even though
he’d unfairly blamed them for all of his past predicaments. Even if they were
the reason he was now home doing a studio show with a gorgeous co-host who
drove him to distraction. He had to stop that blame. He was an adult they’d
lost control of years ago. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t honestly feel that
he needed something more in his life. Was that the basis for the tug of war in
his body and his mind? Did he want something more, other than a career that
took him around the world and put him in dangerous situations?

           
Did he want Serena Brown?

           
Yes. He did.

           
And that was the core of his
internal battle.

           
Some of these feelings were the
beginnings of love.

           
He dumped the bottle down on a
table.
Get some sleep Nick. You’ll be a
wreck tomorrow, and you can’t afford to be a wreck with a new show debuting on
Thursday.

           
He stripped off his clothes and
climbed into bed. But with his hands behind his head on the pillow he stared at
the ceiling light above him. What if he never had Serena? What would happen to
him then? His stomach spiraled into an abyss and he closed his eyes against the
pain that washed over him.

•

           
When Seth came in, he turned on a
small desk lamp and asked if she was still awake.

           
Serena leaned her elbow on the
pillow. “If I wasn’t I would be now.” She smiled. “What have you been doing?”

           
He plunged into a chair and
stretched out his long legs in black jeans.
“Rehearsing in
Rob’s parents’ garage.”

           
“You’re too good for garages now. I hope
this show really helps you get some exposure.”

           
“I hope so as well. And I hope you
and Nick get together.”

           
“Why?”

           
“Because I think he’s the kind of
guy you need in your life.”

           
“If I need a guy.”

           
“That’s up to you of course.”

           
“Do you have a girlfriend?”

           
“No one steady.”

           
“You have, though?”

           
“Oh, I have, though. Have you had
many boyfriends?”

           
“No.”

           
“You have a lot of hang-ups, big
sister.”

           
“I do. All connected to one person.”

           
“Not all. Some of them you invent
because they provide a cool, mysterious shield to hide behind. I know.” He
levered himself from the chair.
“Because I do it myself.
Anyway, I’m tired. See you later this morning. Help yourself to coffee or
whatever if I’m still dead to the world.”

           
“Do you always come in this late?”

           
“It’s part of the music game.
Strange hours.”
He yawned. “I’m beat.”

           
Serena snuggled beneath the quilt.
“Go and sleep. Be there tomorrow.”

           
“You used to say that when you baby
sat me.”

           
“I know. After Dad died I always
wanted everybody to be there tomorrow.”

           
“That’s understandable.” He came
over and touched her shoulder. “Sleep tight.”

           
“Thanks. I really appreciate this.”

           
He smiled. “It’s quite fun.”

           
It was. The light flicked off and
Seth went behind the screen into his sleeping quarters. Serena listened to his
movements for a while,
then
he slipped into his bed.
She rolled on to her side, ready for a long night craving Nick. But she must
have fallen asleep because she awoke to light coming through the windows and
silence. It was obvious that Seth was gone.

           
She scrambled from the cocoon of the
comforter and reached for her watch on the table. It was nearly noon. Darn. She
couldn’t afford not to be at Steel early this week. She should have asked Seth
to wake her. He’d left her some coffee in a carafe and it was still quite warm,
so she poured a mug, discovered how to work Seth’s shower, and then dressed in
the jeans and silk shirt from her overnight bag. This time she made sure her
phone was in her purse.

           
Serena arrived at Steel to find
everyone down in Studio Three. She thought Nick looked wasted. His cheeks
seemed hollow and his eyes blank. Didn’t late nights agree with him? Or was it
something to do with her? They had shared passion last night and parted without
discussion of that passion. To her it proved that neither one of them wanted a
commitment. She wished they could just meld together and have sex without all
these initial mental gymnastics.

           
She glanced at him, to see if he
would respond to her with some wry remark or even a look, but he ignored her. Their
kisses last night might never have been.

•

           
Three, two, one.
On Air.
Neon Nights
was launched with exhilarating chords from Seth’s
guitar. Serena was prepared for Nick on the set from all their rehearsal takes.
She knew he smiled, he teased, he cajoled. However, the program he was about to
present was serious. Even though the content appeared like entertainment, it
wasn’t. Nick’s agenda came through: clean up your act, world. Get the homeless
and the drugs off the city streets. None of this should be in our good
democratic society. Serena could feel the edge so much it was as if someone was
running a high-pitched drill in the studio.

           
With forty minutes to spare before
she was back on air Serena removed her mike and stood up to stretch her limbs.
The interviews chosen from Monday night were edited into a fast-paced
neon-streaked documentary that voiced, via the people, all Nick’s concerns and
a lot of her own. She had to admit that Nick and Cam
had given her equal air time.

           
Nick stood beside her and she gave
him a glance. The chemistry between them today was all on-air. Off the set Nick
acted as if Serena wasn’t even there. But immediately they were tucked together
on the black sofa, he became a different person. Serena hadn’t got a clue what
was going on in his complex mind.
If it was that complex.
She was just relieved when night one of
Neon
Nights
was over.

           
It was late by the time she walked
up the steep concrete stairs to her office. She hadn’t ridden in the elevator
since that night with Nick, and she didn’t intend to ride in it again. Getting
stuck was not her idea of fun. She also didn’t want the memories. She’d
obviously done something to displease Nick that night. Had she been too
forward? She should never have begged,
Kiss
me again.
Maybe guys like Nick needed the
upper hand.
Which made sense if he didn’t want to get his
emotions involved.
Which was exactly what she wanted.
So why was she worrying about him? This way they could remain business like.

           
She thought she was in good shape
for the few flights of stairs, but she was out of breath by the time she
reached the suite. All the lights were on. Nick was there, so were Cam and Don.

           
Don said when he saw her, “We’ve
decided to go with
City Streets
next week.”

           
Serena was so tired that Don’s comment
didn’t register at first, but when it did, anger fired up inside her. Hell, it
was bad enough that Nick kissed her one night and ignored her the next morning,
but to take away her scheduled program. Oh, she saw his agenda clearly. She
really did. Reduce her to mush and then he’d have his way with all the
programming. He obviously didn’t want to share the fame. But, instead of
showing them she was close to losing her cool, she said, “Haven’t we scheduled
Bad Men, Good Women
for next week?”

           
“We did,” Cam
said, “But we’re on a track here. The switchboard is buzzing. This show started
a heartbeat. Nick and I figure if we jazz up the footage we already have, we
can draw this into a few more weeks and really cause a stir.”

           
Nick looked at her. “You haven’t got
much ready, have you?”

           
“I’m working on the script and I
have a contact.” She needed to sound confident about her story. She’d have to
go and look for Angela’s brother again. He was becoming her imperative link to
Angela.

           
“It sounds like you haven’t got
enough. Which means, now you don’t have to rush,” Don put in. “If this works,
we’ve got a few weeks programming in the can. Then we can do your story.
All right?”

           
Serena lost it then. “No. It’s not
all right. You scheduled my show for next week and I was going to produce a
product.”

           
“You’re tired, Serena,” Nick said.
“Go home and think about this. In the morning it will make perfect sense. We’re
only postponing the other show.”

           
She glared at him. “You told me you
thought John’s idea was garbage.”

           
“It won’t be when I’ve finished with
it.”

           
“You bastard.”
She walked into her own office and slammed the door. She changed into black
slacks and a sweater and hung up her pristine white suit. She hated Nick. Hated
him for what he was doing to her. She’d been conned.
Thoroughly
conned.
Her mother thought he was unreliable. Well, unreliable was too
good a word for Nick Fraser. And Seth thought he’d be a good man for his
sister.

           
Well
think again, Seth. He’s a bastard.

           
She sat down in her chair and
realized she was shaking so much she felt sick to her stomach. Had she actually
considered going to bed with Nick? Had she actually considered she might be
falling in love with him?

           
When there was a rap at the door she
didn’t acknowledge it. The door opened and Nick was there, reminding her of
that first night, which wasn’t that long ago, when he walked into her other
office. She’d been furious that night as well. She was being deceived right,
left and center.

           
Nick pushed his hands into the back
pockets of his jeans. “It’s only a postponement.”

           
She avoided his gaze. “It’s rotten.”

           
“You hadn’t got anything concrete
anyway.”

           
“I do. I was going to deal with it
tomorrow.”

           
“That’s fine. This will give you
time to present it well.”

           
She clasped her hands together and
stared down at them. “Don’t sweet talk me, Nick.”

           
“I’m not. Reality says keep going
with what is causing a stir. We have to wing this show. It’s new. But let’s
give the viewers what they want, and they want a chance to explore the
questions we laid on them tonight. We might even bring some political changes
about because of this.”

           
“Always the
journalist.”

           
“Aren’t you?”

           
“No. I have some sense of decency
when it comes to other people.”

           
“You don’t think I’ve treated you
decently?”

           
“It’s not only you. It’s Don as
well. I feel like I’m being shoved around.”

           
“I can understand that feeling. But
all we’re doing is re-scheduling programs.
Shuffling them
around, in other words, to make sense.
There was no sense to
Neon Nights
. It was a
concept. Don had some idea in mind but he wasn’t sure what it was exactly.
Tonight we showed him a direction. Hell, you were up there on the screen doing
your thing as well. You asked some pretty tough questions and got some pretty
vast answers. You broke the dam on this as well.”