Heart Fate (51 page)

Under the sun, the snow was white and pretty and unthreatening. Pristine. Like her future.

She'd keyed the spellshields of FirstGrove to the members of the Mugwort Family with great success. Letting the spellshields of the estate walls flood her had been soothing, seeing the intricacy of their pattern was awesome. She'd never create such shields.

She was still allowed into the estate. She thought she always would be. Despite the mind Healers and the spiritual counseling and Healing of a priestess and priest of the Lady and Lord, she had a deep scar in her for killing T'Yew. She'd hated him and had killed him and couldn't know if her Flair would have been so strong in the blow if he'd been anyone else.

Though Taxa D'Yew hadn't openly called “feud” against Lahsin, hatred burned in her gaze, acid in her words. Lahsin had a deadly enemy for as long as one of them lived. The newssheets had wrung every moment of sensation from the story. Lahsin had the ironic feeling that now the scandal of the Burdocks and Yews might be as encompassing as the Hollys' recent problems.

She couldn't help but think of Tinne often. Now the shock had worn off and life had inevitably gone on, she knew her first thoughts of what he'd done were wrong. But she still couldn't bear to admit them. If she did, she'd have to decide to act on the HeartMate bond.

A bird chirped, and there was a whir of feathers. A flock scrabbled for purchase on a fountain rim Lahsin had filled with food last night. Snow made her footsteps vague dents.

The landscape outside was as pristine as her new life. Her brother had asked her to live with him and his wife, but Lahsin didn't want to move to Gael City. She could stay in the Turquoise House for five years, the payment for her spellshields.

She was still awed at the amount of gilt she could command. Her spellshields had been tested and withstood several attacks from FirstFamily GreatLords. Only when six had banded together had her weakest fallen—and she'd learned how to strengthen that weak point.

Since the FirstFamily Residences were sprawling manors or actual castles, Lahsin didn't have the energy to form shields on more than one a month, and her fees and stipend from the NobleCouncil reflected that. Three FirstFamily Residences a year were paid for by her annual NobleGilt. The rest of the Families would have to wait for next year—and show up on her doorstep at the first of the year to request the free services—or they would pay her or trade services with her.

T'Ash had been the first to ask for her, and she'd already spellshielded his home, and it hadn't turned out yolk yellow. Shiny, but not a deeper color. T'Ash Residence was much newer than most others. Only the size and the fact that D'Ash had occasional Fam Healing emergencies had made the job difficult. She'd done T'Ash's shop, too, and been paid for that.

In two years, when she finished all the FirstFamily Residences, she would be a wealthy woman, and no doubt would have allies, too. If she stayed in Druida, but the pressure of the FirstFamilies was on her to stay and shield their homes. Except for D'Yew Residence. It was a little nugget of pleasure to know that soon that mighty Residence would be the least secure of all the great houses. She'd heard Taxa was looking for a husband to ensure the Family line.

Great Residences and FirstFamilies and NobleGilt and a title of her own, when she decided who she wanted to be. GrandLady... what?

She didn't know.

Her thoughts cycled to Tinne. He'd finished helping the Mugworts with their move to their new Family home, BalmHeal Residence. Their Vows of Honor were in place. The moment an individual broke that promise, the estate would banish them and knowledge of the location would disappear from their mind.

That Tinne could still easily enter FirstGrove was due to her, Lahsin thought. Another guilt laid upon her shoulders, one that shadowed her emotions about him.

She remembered his hands on her body, and a ripple of pure sensuality throbbed through her. If she followed her body's needs, she'd be 'porting to T'Holly Residence in a second. A chuckle caught in her throat. Her body had had no needs until Tinne Holly had awakened them in her.

The birds flew away, and the sun went behind the clouds, and suddenly the yard was cold and gray.

Thirty-eight

Lahsin couldn't sleep. For three days she'd stayed inside TQ.
She'd wanted to go out but hadn't wanted to talk with people. She was restless, couldn't settle.

Her body was achy. She'd been practicing the first patterns Tinne had taught her, and her self-defense moves, but she was sure she was doing some of them wrong.

He didn't scry.

He didn't come by to see her.

No one else's company would please her. She wanted Tinne. He'd shocked and misled and hurt her, but not deliberately. And wasn't she being a fool in not claiming such a lover?

But she hadn't wanted to go from parents' house to husband's house and never be independent. She was seventeen. If she went to Tinne, she'd be with him the rest of her life, live in T'Holly Residence.

Was loving him, being a HeartMate, a prison or true freedom?

She'd be part of a couple who'd die within a year of each other, that scared her, too. Did the benefits outweigh the problems? She didn't know.

She didn't know much, except that she was tired of herself, and if she was tired of herself she wasn't doing something right. It wasn't anyone's job to amuse her or please her or give her life meaning except herself. If she felt a lack, it was in
herself
and
she
had to fix it.

Except Tinne would amuse her and please her and give her life meaning if she went to him, just by being himself.

Muttering under her breath, she addressed TQ. “Do you have any divination devices here?”

“Of course. I have a bag of ancient runes; two sets of cards, holo and flat; a pendulum; and divination dice. I could call GreatLord T'Vine for a consultation?”

No, not Vinni T'Vine. What he said could be all too true, could not be ignored. “The dice,” she decided.

“In the lower cabinet under the scrybowl.”

“Thank you.” She got the bag, deep purple and embroidered with sigils that were on the dice themselves. Luck. Inward. The Lady. Listen. HeartMate. The pouch hummed with Flair, the dice within were potent. “They're cleansed?”

“No one has used them yet,” TQ said.

“Ah, all right.”

“There's a spiritual cleansing bowl to put them in after each use. The one made of glisten with the proper symbols.”

Lahsin got that and set it on a table. She poured the dice out. They were made of polished stones in all the colors of the rainbow. Gathering them in both hands, she sent them energy, whispered a prayer. “Lady and Lord bless these dice and this reading and me. Please be true. Tell me what to do.”

She tumbled them from her hands. Three separated.

Be True to Yourself.

Change.

Follow Your Heart.

Strother came in and saw the dice before she could hide them. She didn't know if he understood them. He'd been dropping hints about Tinne for days.

Be true to herself. Who
was
she? Lahsin Rosemary, who had a great Flair for shields. What did she need? Tinne.

Change. The time spent in FirstGrove had been the only stable time she'd had lately, and even then she'd been in the midst of Passage. Continue to change? She hadn't finished growing, didn't ever want to stop growing mentally, emotionally, spiritually. The greatest change and risk would be to go to Tinne, accept him as her HeartMate and the Hollys as her Family. Lose her independence. Which she wasn't valuing right now.

Follow Your Heart. Oh, yes, she knew what that meant. Her heart yearned for Tinne. Time and again throughout the day she'd check their bond. She was ever aware of it.

She paced the mainspace. She could ignore the dice and her Flair that had imbued them. Or not.

Finally she swept the dice back into the bag, put them in the glisten bowl, and covered them with the top.

“Thank you, Turquoise House. For everything.”

Strother yipped and wagged his tail.

She strode to her room and took out the scruffy, much-mended sack she'd escaped T'Yew Residence with. The only thing holding it together was her spellshields. She rubbed her hands on her trous legs, which were equally shabby. She hadn't gone shopping, hadn't thought of it. No one had seemed to care what she was wearing.

The bag held her drum, and she could see the shadow of it in the bottom, and her hands tingled. She still didn't have much to put in the sack. A change of clothes, the gilt T'Ash had given her for her wedding necklace. He'd told her he'd ship it to a shop in far Chinju across the ocean. Someone would buy it and bless it and cherish it. It only meant pain to her.

She'd need all her courage to walk up to T'Holly Residence and request admittance with only the sack containing a few possessions and her ugly but lovable Fam.

Your HeartGift.
Strother panted beside her.

She hadn't forgotten it. Quite. She
reached
out, found it in the BalmHeal greenhouse, naturally invisible to everyone except her and Tinne. She 'ported there, felt the lustful heat of the HeartGift, slapped a spellshield on it, and murmured an anti-grav couplet. Then she 'ported back to TQ's pad, sat down hard for a couple of minutes, breathing raggedly. That had been a long trip, but had used up some of her nervous energy.

She hauled her HeartGift back to her bedroom—no, the bedroom she'd been staying in. What rooms would she have at T'Holly Residence? Would she share them with Tinne? She had to stop and sit and put her head between her legs for an instant at the thought. She clutched her fists between her breasts. This was the right thing to do, following her heart, but it was scary. Then she wrapped her other tunic over the pot, around the plants and the holly being trained over the heart-shaped lattice.

“You're packing,” the Turquoise House said.

Though it had been said in a calm, adult tone, Lahsin winced. “Yes. I'm leaving, I'm sorry.”

“I will be fine. I've had GreatLord Muin T'Vine here.”

Lahsin shoved the last of her jars in her sack. “Really?”

“Yes. He did a prophecy for
me
.” The House sounded justifiably proud.

She sat on the bed. “I'm fascinated, what did he say?”

“He said that though it might be many years before my true Family finds me, I will always have new and interesting people staying with me to amuse me and help me grow.”

“What a lovely fate!” Her stomach knotted. She hoped she, too, was on her way to a lovely fate. She swallowed. How could she truly know? She stopped, thought, then carefully studied the glowing bond between herself and Tinne, examining it mentally, emotionally. It looked strong. She missed the House's words, though she caught the reference to Tinne. “What was that?”

“I learned from Mitchella that I was an entity in my own right, and how to be beautiful. I learned from Tinne how a young man lives and about honor and promises—”

“Of course.” Lahsin wet her lips, “You learned from me?”

“Of course,” it echoed. “I learned how a young woman lives and that I will not need Passages to grow strong in my Flair and that I will never be a victim again.”

It was like a gong went off in her head. She
had
continued to act like a victim, allowed her past with T'Yew to define her, and destroy— no, postpone—her happiness. She had given his dead ideas power over her, had let Taxa's spite infuse her to the point of questioning herself. She stiffened her spine. No more.

She had survived her Second Passage and found herself. She had a lover, a HeartMate, a future with him.

“I'll miss you,” she said to the Turquoise House. “But I'll come back to visit.”

Strother yipped, grinning.
We go to T'Holly Residence now.

“Yes.”

“I will miss you, too, Lahsin Rosemary Holly. All my former people visit me. Except Antenn. But he will come someday.”

She cleared her throat. “I'm sure.”

“Mitchella told me what to do now. I am to call the All Councils clerk and tell her that I am ready for a new tenant and that they should send me some people to interview.”

“You'll do great!” Lahsin jumped to her feet. “And so will I.” She knotted her sack and slid it onto her shoulder, tangled her fingers into Strother's fur. “So will we.”

When she opened the front door, the Turquoise House said, “Merry meet.”

“Merry part,” Lahsin said.

“And merry meet again.” It closed the door after her when she left. With a shaky breath, she went to a corner of the courtyard and glanced down at Strother. “I think we can teleport to that area just inside Noble Country. All right with you?”

Yes.
He turned his head for a last look at the Turquoise House.
An interesting place. Now we go to T'Holly Residence. We will have our own rooms?

Her stomach began to pitch at definite plans. She clutched the sack. “I don't know, but I heard Tinne has moved into the small tower attached to the west wing. We'll have rooms there.”

Strother heaved a sigh.
It will be difficult living with all those
cats.
But his gaze was soft on hers, he licked her hand.
But I will manage. I love you.

She petted him. “You're bigger than all of them, and I love you, too.”

With one last mental check that the teleportation area was empty, she took them there.

 
 
The walk to T'Holly Residence was long enough to have her
nerves twanging. People stared, Lahsin heard snatches of comments— some condemnatory, some approving. She didn't like the attention, but it was a pilgrimage she thought she had to make. She'd run away and hidden for too long. That child was gone. Now she was a woman, an adult, and knew her own mind.