Healthy Brain, Happy Life (16 page)

And I knew exactly the person I wanted to teach that class: my friend Erika Shannon, who had taught me intenSati during my teacher training and who was a sassy, vivacious, and playful dance teacher with a love of hip-hop. I wanted her to come to class and teach a hip-hop routine to my students to illustrate motor learning in the flesh. I remember I was so nervous when I asked her if she would do it. I think I was also a little nervous to do something so different in class. But I just
knew
the students would love it, and she graciously agreed to teach a routine for me.

I didn’t tell the students what we would be doing but just asked them to wear something comfortable to move in to class. I had all the chairs cleared from the classroom, and they came in to find Shannon at the front, ready to take charge. I explained the premise of the class, and all the students were excited (if not a little trepidatious) to give hip-hop a whirl. The class was a smashing success and generated an enormous amount of discussion about the differences between the hippocampal learning system and the basal ganglia learning system and how one might differentiate the two.

That class happened because I had stepped out of my lab to see what else out there in the world might interest me. Not only that, I felt myself getting bolder, more creative, and more energized about what was possible. It was also an exercise in improving self-awareness for what I needed in my life. But I had more serious challenges directly ahead.

TAKING ON ANOTHER CHALLENGE: DATING IN THE CITY

I had started an avalanche of change in my life. Strength, fitness, weight, even new friends! But the question was, were all those positive affirmations enough to entice me to try my hand at dating? It had been so long since I dated anyone, I’d forgotten how! Or maybe I never learned very well in the first place. And my theory that men were just not that into me was still ringing loud and clear in my ears. What I really needed was an affirmation called “I will date now!” Despite the fact we never said that particular affirmation in class, buoyed by my new gym friendships, I took the big bold step to begin dating in New York City.

Bravely, I decided one day to give online dating a try. I created my profile and was immediately drowning in a sea of totally unappealing options. Were the interested men even telling the truth? What can you really learn from a picture and a few answers to questions like, What was the last book you read?

But I took the plunge. I ended up dating a cute guy in finance. We even went to the same gym, which felt like a positive recommendation in my book. In hindsight, I can see that his energy was really a mask for manic tendencies. While he was great fun to be with in the manic stage, he eventually disappeared, never to be heard from again.

Next!

I put the online dating sites on hold after that experience and moved on. I decided I needed a few moments to catch my breath and that I might have to bring in the big guns. I had read about matchmakers and how they get to know you and prescreen dates for you, choosing from only the men they believe will be a great match. In other words, the matchmaker and not I would be doing the equivalent of sorting through all the profiles of men who take a picture of themselves holding a camera in front of their bathroom mirror with their frayed toothbrush and razor in the shot for all to see. Yes, that was exactly what I needed.

So I googled “Matchmaker NYC” and found one that sounded reasonable, and made an appointment. I found myself in a sterile corporate suite that she clearly rented out for just these kinds of interviews. She seemed to have a wide selection of eligible, highly educated, intelligent men and a reasonable fee so I decided to give her a try.

My first date was with a guy in the banking industry but currently “between jobs.” He suggested we meet for a drink at a bar in Bryant Park and we had a very nice chat in which he impressed me with the books he had read and the people that he met hanging out at this very bar (Malcom Gladwell of
Blink
fame, for one). This seemed like a good start, and our second date was even more promising because he asked me to come dancing with him at one of the Midsummer Night Swing parties, a yearly event at Lincoln Center. You go an hour early and get a big group dance lesson and then you stay for the live band that plays swing, Lindy hop, or salsa, depending on the week. I was thrilled! I’d been wanting to go to that event for years but had never had a partner to accompany me. I couldn’t wait.

Yet, not everything was Prince Charming perfect. This guy had an annoying habit of pulling out a little comb from his pocket and combing his hair for apparently no reason at all. A nervous trait maybe? And then he kept talking about the fact that he had a car. He talked about how this car was so convenient to get away from all the chaos in the city and how lucky he was to have it.

Hence the nickname I gave him: “Car Boy.”

One day, Car Boy called to invite me on a “car-centric” date. He proposed that we take a drive in his car down to Philly to visit the Barnes museum. I had never been to see this formerly private collection. I love museum visits so I accepted. We were set to meet on a sunny Saturday morning.

I should have realized immediately that something was wrong when a few days before he asked if I could meet him at his place on the West Side at about 10:30 on that Saturday morning. Now, wait a minute. Car Boy is asking me to take the subway across and up town on the morning of our date instead of using his fancy car to come and pick me up? Most women, I realized only now, would have immediately canceled or at least demanded to be picked up in his
car
, but no, I said to myself, maybe it’s just a kind of New York thing and I made my way on the subway too early on a Saturday morning all the way across town to meet Car Boy and his fancy car.

When I finally arrived at his apartment, Car Boy buzzed me in, and we made our way down to the garage. I must admit the car was beautiful. It was a big Jeep or Range Rover kind of model. It just seemed way too big for a single person to have in the city, but very nice nonetheless. I perked up a little and sat myself down in his big fancy car for the ride down to Philly.

The ride was uneventful and the museum was wonderful, but the more time I spent with him, the more annoyed I got with myself for actually agreeing to tromp all the way over to his house instead of insisting that he pick me up. The more I thought about my mistake, the more I wanted to get out of the car and away from this man. By the end of the excruciatingly long car ride back, where I had nothing to do but sit there in his fancy car and couldn’t think of anything I wanted to talk to him about, I could not get away from Car Boy fast enough. You won’t be surprised to learn that he didn’t even offer to drive me home either. He did agree (just a tad begrudgingly) to stop the car so I could catch the subway home. If I had not asked, I think he would have just let me off at his place to make the long cross-town trek on my own.

Next!

I was willing to give the matchmaker another chance; besides I had already paid her for five introductions so I might as well see if she could come up with someone better than Car Boy.

Next up: Cabin Boy.

Cabin Boy specialized in the high-tech field. On our first date, we had a lot of fun. The food at the restaurant he had chosen was nothing special, but he had a lot of interesting stories about all the high-tech gadgets he was involved in developing. He also told me about his prized cabin or “dacha,” as he liked to call it. Apparently his magical getaway from the stressful city was in the middle of nowhere, yet easily accessible from New York, quiet, pristine, and secluded. A perfect hidden treasure.

I was intrigued.

After a lot of flirtatious e-mail back and forth, we had a few more dinner dates, during which he continued to talk about his cabin along with the high-tech things. He was interesting and smart, if a little distant, and I was enjoying going out with him. I also found myself becoming a little obsessed with his cabin. Would I see it? How far away was it? How often did he go? Was there a bearskin rug on the floor? Was I more intrigued with the cabin than with Cabin Boy himself? I was asking myself all but the last question.

One Thursday afternoon he e-mailed to see if I wanted to drive out to his cabin the next day for a drink. The
next day
? For a drink? What kind of weird last-minute invitation was that? He didn’t tell me how long it would take to get there, if there would be a possibility of food after the drink, or how long the drink invitation would last. I declined, yet part of me really wanted to see the magical cabin in the woods.

Well, that mythical cabin was never meant to be. About a week later, when I was at a conference in Colorado, Cabin Boy called to tell me he was seeing someone else and that he had decided to “take the high road” and break it off with me.

All I could think of in response was, You mean rather than taking the low road and keep dating me?

Next!

After that episode, I took a break from the car boys and the cabin boys of my dating world and retreated back to the gym where I thought I belonged. I had not given up hope, I just needed to regroup and reconsider my strategies. It was the first time out of the gate for me. I think I needed more practice or better luck or both. But the point was I
did
it! I was slowly resuscitating my sickly social life into something interesting. Not perfect yet, but getting there. Things were looking up. I was getting curious about lots of things that I had not experienced before. Dating was just a kind of hobby or curiosity for me at that point. I still very much believed in my old theory that men were simply not that into me. But I was about to turn my curiosity on another part of myself. I started to wonder exactly what was the origin of my sky-high mood and energy. In other words I started to get super curious about how my workouts were really affecting my brain.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR WORKOUT INTENTIONAL

The unique thing about intenSati is that it pairs positive spoken affirmations with aerobic workout moves. The affirmations not only increase the cardiorespiratory level of the workout but add an intentional component to the workout. But any workout can be intentional. All you have to do is add a powerful or uplifting or fun mantra or affirmation to your own favorite workout. For example, while jogging you could be chanting, “I am strong now!” in time to your stride. While biking, you could say, “Today, I am inspired!”

Saying the affirmations out loud is great because it strengthens the declaration. But sometimes you can’t shout affirmations out loud—for example, if you are in a big class at the gym with lots of other people. In that case, you can just choose your favorite mantra or affirmation and either just have it run through your mind or just declare it softly to yourself. For example, kickboxing class or spin class or cardio boot camp classes would all be great possibilities to include an affirmation like “I am powerful” or “I have no fear of mistakes” along with your workout. Another great example is if you are somewhere out in nature on a hike or a bike ride all alone with your thoughts. Or try sharing the experience with someone else; then you can say your affirmations together and feel the powerful effect of shared intentional exercise.