Heal Me (A Touched Trilogy Book 2) (12 page)

“I don’t want to pry.”

“Lily, I know you’re not gonna gossip about me or Hannah. So just ask.” He smiled and leaned he elbows on his knees, bringing him just a bit closer to me.

“Where’s her mother?”

“Jaime didn’t want Hannah. She tried, but...”

“You don’t have to tell me, Micah.” I reached out and placed my hand on top of his. It was innocent. A friendly gesture that had nothing to do with the quickening of my breath or the shiver that passed through me. I pulled back before I could read more into it than that.

“Jaime and I met in tenth grade. She was gorgeous, all long legs and big...well, real pretty. She was outgoing and loved to have fun. We started dating and got mixed up in some stuff that my parents definitely wouldn’t have been happy about. Then she got pregnant. We talked about what to do and decided to go through with it. She was really into the idea of us getting our own place and…” Leaning his elbows on the small table, he dropped his head into his hands, tunneling his hands through his short hair.

“But she changed her mind?”

“Not at first. After Hannah was born, we tried to make it work. We had big plans and it seemed like it was all gonna be so great and easy. But nothing really worked. I didn’t want to drop out of school just to work at McDonald’s and we couldn’t afford a place because we didn’t even have jobs. She got overwhelmed pretty quickly. So did I. Then one day when Hannah was a month, Jaime told me she wanted to give Hannah up for adoption. I didn’t understand how she could just not want Hannah anymore. I mean, I know it’s hard, but still she’s our baby.”

He coughed and took a sip of his drink, keeping his head turned away from me. I wanted to cry for the pain he’d gone through and was obviously still dealing with. My hands trembled, sloshing my drink in its cup. I put it down and clenched my hands into fists, trying to contain the burning. No way could I take the chance of healing him here. If I passed out, they’d call an ambulance then I’d end up at the hospital and Dad would definitely find out then.

“Mom and Dad helped me convince her to give me sole custody. Once the papers were signed, we moved here. Mom thought it would be good for me to have a fresh start, and all that crap. I think she was sick of all the neighbors knowing our business.”

“What if Jaime changes her mind again? What if she wants Hannah back?”

“She can’t. The papers she signed gave up all of her legal rights.”

“What about if Hannah wants to met her?” I knew how much not having a mother could affect a child, and mine hadn’t made the decision to leave us.

“I can only give her the contact info if Jaime agrees. Right now, I don’t see that ever happening. She has plans. College and a career goal.”

“And you don’t? I’ve seen how hard you work in school, Micah. How important it is to you that you do well. You must have plans.”

“If I can get a full scholarship to a school, then yeah, my parents will help me out, but if I can’t get that there’s no way I can go. My folks have already done so much for me.”

“Is Hannah why you were grounded?”

“Basically. Dad told me that if I wanted them to trust me again, we were going back to the beginning, including my curfew and driving privileges from seventh grade.”

“You had driving privileges in seventh grade?”

“No, which was pretty much the point. Once it was over, I figured I needed to prove it to them that I had changed. Sometimes I see my mom looking at Hannah as if she’s about to cry and I know it’s because she’s disappointed in me.”

“I don’t think she is disappointed in you, Micah. At least not anymore.” Every time I’d seen Mrs. Davidson, she’d seemed happy, and the few times I’d had physical contact with her there had been no transfer.

“She was when I had to tell her Jaime was pregnant. She cried so hard and my dad just stared at me. He didn’t talk to me for almost five months. I don’t want to do that to them again. They want me to have a normal high school experience and all that, which is why they take care of Hannah so much, but I need them to know that I can do it, too. That I want to do it.”

He shrugged and took one last long sip from his cup, drained it and then stood to toss it in the trash bin behind our table. The conversation was clearly over. I carried my drink as we went back to my dad’s car, needing it to cool the burning in my hands. It was lessening, but I wanted to feel more in control. Driving wasn’t my strong point and I needed to concentrate as much as possible.

“Do you still miss Dylan?” The question seemed to come out of the blue, but I knew he was thinking about Jaime. Maybe he still missed her.

I let the question echo through me before answering. “Yes. Every day. I think about how he used to pick me up for school every morning even though I lived in the opposite direction. I miss having him come over and lay on my bed with me as we listened to music. I wonder if I could have done more to help him. I wish I’d done things differently with him.”

“Do you believe that we can change people?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think it’s even possible to know if you should try until it’s too late.”

Silence took over for the rest of the ride and when I pulled up in front of Micah’s place, he hopped out, squashing any hidden thoughts I had about kisses.

He started to close the car door, but stopped at the last minute, and rested his arm across the top of the car, leaning in.

“You’re a great friend, Lily. Probably my best.” He smiled and then jogged up the path to his house. I waited for him to go inside, a habit my dad had drilled into us, before I sped off, going way faster than the speed limit.

A friend. Friend. Really?

What about the kiss? The kisses? Once was a mistake, but twice? A friend?

Confusion gnawed at my stomach. Maybe this was how it was supposed to happen.

I pulled up to my house, my headlights reflected on the back of Chloe’s car. I watched the rays of light flicker each time another car passed by. I wasn’t sure exactly how long I’d been sitting there, but it was long enough that I knew how many cars could make it through the intersection at the end of our block before the light turned red.

A knock at the passenger side door caused me to jump in fright. With one hand over my heart and the other reaching for my cell, I looked over to see Chloe peering in the window. I pressed the unlock button and she climbed in, rubbing her bare arms.

“What are you doing out here?” I asked.

“Uh, I think that should be my question. You pulled up fifteen minutes ago and then just sat here, staring into space.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? That’s not an answer, Lils.”

Silence hung between us. What could I say when I didn’t even really know why I was sitting there? I had no clue what had happened between Micah and I, yet it was driving me crazy just thinking about it.

“How do you know if a guy likes you?” I asked. Chloe stared back at me like I had gone mad. I wanted to tell her I was thinking the same thing.

“Lily, you and Dylan dated for four years.”

“That’s different. We were thirteen when he decided he liked me. Thirteen year olds act a bit differently. How would a guy who’s eighteen act?”

“Oh my God! Are you crushing on some guy? Who is it?”

“Chloe, stop! Please. Just... come on. How would he act?”

“Okay, well I guess if they didn’t want to come right out and say it, they’d make an effort to be near you. Try to touch your arm, or hand. They’d watch you a lot and talk to you about things you like.”

That sounded like how Micah acted around me. The problem was that most people tried to be near me and touch me, simply because they were drawn to me for my gift, even those who didn’t know me. It was as if their bodies sent out a kind of echolocation that led them to me.

“So? Am I getting any details?” Chloe eagerly rubbed her hands together.

“No, besides wouldn’t you know before I did if I was suddenly going to start dating some guy?”

The glee drained from her instantly. “No. I’ve been trying not to see anything. I was so wrong about you and Dylan, and then I didn’t even see what he did. I don’t want to be wrong like that again.”

“Chloe, you shouldn’t doubt yourself or your gift.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re gift works all too well.”

“Not all of the time.”

“What do you mean?” she asked and I realized Phoebe had actually managed to keep it a secret. One whole day must have been a record for her.

“With Micah, sometimes I feel the burning to heal him, but nothing transfers. Other times I think he’s perfectly fine and it hits me.” I smiled at her so she would know the idea of not being one hundred percent perfect was okay by me. “You know, now that you’re not checking our futures, Phoebe’s gonna be thrilled that she’ll finally know something before you.”

“Uh, no. I’m still keeping tabs on Phoebe. No way am I going to give up the ability to lord her future over her head.”

“You’re evil you know?” I laughed at the wicked smile she wore.

“This is nothing compared to what she’s going to get when she ruins my blue dress next month at Homecoming.” She laughed with me then once we settled down, she said, “So is there a guy you like?”

“Maybe. Possibly.” I sighed and looked back at the trunk of her car. “It feels different than it did with Dylan. That was so easy at first. There was no guesswork. He told me he liked me first and then went from there. This guy...I don’t know if he actually likes me or if he can’t stand me.”

“I wish I could help, but the male mind is still a mystery to me. You should ask Nathan or Micah or even that Orville guy.”

“His name is Owen and that isn’t an option. I’m totally humiliated just by the idea of asking them.”

“Well, then you’re shit outta luck. Now let’s go inside before Dad wonders what we’re doing out here and tries to give you some of his advice.” We ran inside and I threw my purse on the footrest by the front door.

I dreamed of Dylan that night. He sat on the front steps of his house and I walked toward him. I smiled, so glad to see him. I walked faster up the path, but got no closer to him. I called his name and he looked up at me, a silly grin on his face. My arm stretched out, reaching for him. He mirrored the motion, but we were further away than ever. His lips formed words, although I heard nothing. My hand dropped and I stopped moving. Dylan rose from the stoop and turned to go back inside, giving me a wave over his shoulder. As he moved, I noticed the blood dripping down the side of his face. I squeezed my eyes shut before I could witness more of the damage done to him with the gun shot blast.

When my eyes fluttered open, I was back in my room, staring at the plastic stars Dylan had put on my ceiling in the shape of the constellations. It was just a dream, yet had felt so real. I wanted to believe that it was telling me something profound, but I didn’t know what. I tried going back to sleep, but Dylan was gone and what he’d been trying to say had disappeared with him.

I’d dreamed of Dylan over the last few months, but none had left me feeling so confused. Was this dream prompted by the kiss with Micah? Was it a sign of my guilt hiding just beneath the surface? Whatever it was or wasn’t, I was determined to not let it drag me back into the numbness.

I waited for Micah to call, text, come by, anything, but when he didn’t after the third day, I forced myself to be normal again. It was a little easier now that my numbness had been broken. I felt the need to do things and to talk to others. Even if he was blowing me off, at least I got something out of the whole mess. I was feeling again. And I liked it.

Chapter 10

The first day of school arrived and I was in one piece again. I tried remembering what it had felt like at the end of last school year, or even what I’d been thinking by signing up for some of my classes. I had beginner French second block, and no Spanish. Spanish was my strongest subject, yet somehow I’d decided to drop it? I glanced around the cafeteria, which at this time of day was nearly empty.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Micah asked, sliding into the chair beside me. It was the first time I’d seen him since the movies and he was acting as if everything were normal. Well, I could do that. Normal wasn’t too hard.

“Is it too weird to say I’m glad to be back?”

“Yeah, it is.” Bianca laughed as she came up behind Micah.

She sat across from us and within minutes my once quiet table was full of people. I rubbed my hands together under the table as everyone’s stress and anxiety brought the heat to life. I thought I’d been hiding it well, until Owen gave me a curious look.

“What’s wrong, Lily?” he asked. Everyone turned to look at me and I flushed at the attention.

“Nothing.”

“Liar,” Phoebe said, and I wished that just for once she had kept her mouth shut. “Does this have to do with Dylan?”

“What is it, Lils?” Micah asked and the others echoed his question, until their worry grew so much that what had been a mild discomfort in my hands was now a fire spreading up my arms.

“Stop it!” I snapped. Their voices cut off mid questions and they all watched me warily. Did they think I was going to snap under the pressure of being back here? They weren’t going to let this go. My shoulders drooped and I said, “I’m fine.”

I kept my eyes on Phoebe, knowing I’d have to do a sneak attack on her. Under the table, I pressed my leg against Micah’s. Nothing transferred. Well, then he was going to have to deal with his own worry. Nathan was just as easy as Micah was. He was more laid back about school than Karin or even Bianca. A simple nudge of my foot against his under the table was enough, and Bianca had no clue anything was even happening when I mentioned her tag was sticking up and pressed my fingers to the back of her neck.

Karin was on my other side and, too bad for me, she was a complete mess of nerves. It flowed into me and I sucked in a breath. Luckily, it left as quickly as it came. Phoebe’s eyes widened and she pushed back her chair, but I had anticipated her move, and jumped up from my seat while reaching across the table for her. I managed to snag the hand she was using to lever herself up from her seat.

“Damn it, Lils. I’m going to kill you,” she said without any anger, just an awareness that she would feel it later.

That left only Owen. Our eyes met and he shook his head. He’d known what was happening and as I turned my attention to him, he scooted his chair back and stood.

“Sorry, gotta go. Catch you guys later.” He took off and the burning went with him. I felt bad that he’d left because of me, but the relief to my hands was wonderful.

“What’s your schedule like?” Micah asked, trying to sneak a peek over my shoulder. “French? I thought you were taking Spanish.”

“So did I.” My schedule crinkled in my hands as I tried to remember what had possessed me to make that change. “Maybe it was just a mistake. I’m going to head over to the office and see if they can switch it.”

The office, it turned out, was not as helpful as I’d hoped. The small space was full and I ended up having to wait almost thirty minutes to get things figured out, at which point I was then late for my first class.

I raced to class, and thankfully the teacher had just started, so I snuck through the entrance sticking close to the wall. I spotted Chloe sitting in the row farthest from where I was, with Micah seated on her right. There were a few random seats around the room and I found one near the back. I tried to catch Chloe or Micah’s eye while the teacher went through roll and then the class syllabus, but all class they were either focused on the teacher, or talking to each other.

The rest of the morning flew by, including the advanced Spanish class the office was able to squeeze me into. It was a higher level than I’d been expecting, but if I worked hard, I’d be able to catch up, and Spanish was one of those classes I didn’t mind studying for.

When lunch hit, I went to my locker and pulled out my lunch bag. There was no knowing what the cafeteria would serve on the first day. The cafeteria was packed when I went by, so I headed outside to one of the picnic tables scattered around the courtyard. Despite the beautiful weather, the tables outside were nearly empty.

“Are you avoiding everyone or just me?” Micah plopped his tray across from me.

“I’m not avoiding you.”

“So everyone else then?”

“Pretty much. The first day is always intense and it was pretty crowded in there. I really just needed some air.” I picked at the crust of my sandwich and took a small bite of one piece. One glance at his tray confirmed my suspicions about the day’s lunch. Maybe I’d try in a few days, after they’d had time to settle back in.

“So, we’re cool then?”

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t we be?” I gave him a smile that I hoped looked authentic.

“Right.”

“You know, I’m really starting to hate that word.” This time the curling of my lips was real.

“I just don’t want things to be weird or anything between us. I mean, with Hannah and everything, I’m not really wanting...you know.”

Wow. It was a lot more awkward than I’d thought it was going to be.

“No, I get it. Things happen. We’re just friends.” Things happen? Really? Because this thing had never happened to me before. Other than Dylan, I’d never kissed anyone like that. But it was all I could think to say.

“Good. What have you got this afternoon?” He dug into his lunch and I wondered how he could eat the sloppy mess I could only guess was a form of spaghetti.

We spent the rest of lunch discussing our classes and teachers. Apart from calculus in the morning, we also had English and History in the afternoons together. Things felt normal between us again.

Since English was right after lunch, we walked together and, once inside, found neighboring seats.

“We should save one for Chloe,” Micah said, placing one of his books on the desk behind him to save it.

“She has this class with us?” How and why did Micah know Chloe’s schedule?

“Yeah. You didn’t know?”

“No, I didn’t get a chance to ask her what she had.” I focused on organizing my backpack and the notebook I was going to use for class. Once my highlighters and both pencils were lined up across the top of my desk, I stared at them blankly.

My stomach clenched in a knot and I tried to decipher what was wrong with me. What came wasn’t a pretty thought. I was jealous. Micah was my friend. Not Chloe’s. Sure he was friends with Phoebe, but that was different. Phoebe had Nathan and Tonya, Bianca, Owen and even Karin. I only had Micah.

I’d tried with the others, but none of them felt as comfortable as Micah. And everyone had paired off into BFF or dating relationships. Even Karin was constantly attached to Owen’s hip regardless of if he wanted her there.

Micah was mine. Chloe had her own friends. She didn’t need another. She had Nadine and the other cheerleaders. Why did she have to take mine?

A poke on my arm tore me out of my jealous mental tirade. I looked for the poker and found Chloe, smiling behind Micah.

“Can I borrow a pencil? I lost mine.”

I glanced at my two sharpened pencils, then back at her. I needed two pencils in case one broke. I didn’t want her to have one of them. I was on the verge of saying no, when it hit me how vindictive I was being over Micah simply knowing her schedule. I grabbed a pencil and practically flung it at her.

“Thanks,” she said sarcastically as she picked it up off the floor.

I ignored the looks she and Micah exchanged and prayed for class to start. Ms. Garcia stood up, and I almost groaned in frustration. I’d hoped this year I would have a different English teacher who wanted cookie cutter essays and boring analysis of the pieces we read. English wasn’t completely horrible, though by the end of the week I was fairly certain I wouldn’t be jumping for joy every time I walked into her class.

“You busy tonight?” Micah asked as we headed toward History class two weeks into the school year.

“No, why?”

“Well, my parents have been taking care of Hannah every night since school started back, but it’s their anniversary and I wanted them to have a night off. So, it’s just going to be me and Hannah and I figured that’s kind of a lame way to spend a Friday night. I thought you might want to come over and watch a movie. Dad finally broke down and upped our cable package so we can order pay-per-view. Your choice.”

“Sure, that sounds great.” My skin gave a delicious tingle like it did every time I knew I’d be alone with Micah.

Going to Micah’s place wasn’t that unusual for me. Since school had started, I’d spent a lot of time with him and Hannah. She was a cute little girl, only just trying to walk and I loved how she would hold onto the table or couch and inch her way around the room. Watching Micah with her was so amazing. He was a completely different person. Gone was the sarcastic, tough guy vibe he normally sent out, and in its place was a boy who would press raspberry kisses on Hannah’s little tummy and let her pull his hair nearly out.

Mr. and Mrs. Davidson were pulling out of the driveway just as I drove up. They waved at me and I waited for them to drive off before I pulled into their spot. I’d be gone by the time they got back.

I gave a short knock on the door and then let myself in. Micah was on the couch, flipping through the channels, while Hannah entertained herself by chewing on a giant pink Lego block. She dropped it and let out a squeal when she saw me, holding her arms out to me, a wordless beg to be lifted. Ignoring the uncomfortable warmth that always accompanied her, I scooped her up and tickled her ribs with one hand. Her tinkling laugh made it feel as if my heart were smiling. She was so innocent and sweet. Drawing in a deep breath and smelling her own special scent mixed with baby powder, I wondered how her mother could have not wanted her. I was years from being ready to have a child, but if Hannah were mine, I never would have let her go.

“Hey, you’re blocking the view,” Micah said and leaned to the side to see around me.

“Sorry.” I pressed a kiss to Hannah’s head and put her back on the ground within reach of the new purple Lego that had drawn her attention. “So what are we watching? And please do not say a zombie movie. Phoebe has been on a zombie marathon this week and I’ve started to dream in moan.”

“Moans aren’t all bad you know.” His wicked smile came out to play and I wished I’d had the flirting ability of Chloe or even Phoebe. Flirting wasn’t something I’d tried very often on Dylan, and I’d learned that Micah was way too good at it. So instead, I suffered through a severe case of flaming freckles.

I curled onto the opposite end of the couch from him, and then stretched out my legs, letting my feet rest on his knee, while he started the movie. Hannah crawled over to the couch and pulled herself up to a standing position. Her mouth opened wide in a yawn that scrunched her face up into the sweetest little butterball. Micah reached down and lifted her up onto the couch and she squirmed her way over to me. As much as Hannah was Daddy’s girl, she loved cuddling with her grandma and me. I liked to think it had to do with me and not my gift drawing her in. Within minutes, she’d settled onto my chest, belly down and her face against my neck, her back lifting rhythmically in time with her breathing.

Micah let her rest there a while, until eventually he got up and took her to her crib. I didn’t watch him put her to bed. It seemed like such a private moment between them. Instead, I used the time to pop a bag of popcorn and grab a glass of water for myself. I settled back on the couch and munched on the popcorn while waiting for Micah to return. I tossed a piece up into the air and caught it in my mouth.

Anytime we’d had popcorn, Dylan had made me throw it at him so he could catch it in his mouth. He said it drove the cleanup crew at the theater crazy, but that he couldn’t hide his talent just because they were a little disgruntled.

“You awake?” Micah said, as he flopped onto the couch. I lifted my feet back into position, but he was sitting much closer now and it was practically my thighs lying on his. I started to curl them back in toward me, but he rested his hands on my legs, holding them in place.

Every cell in my body tingled and it was suddenly hard to swallow. Micah flipped the movie back on and explosions filled the room. Mercenaries weren’t much better than zombies really and they did even less to keep me focused on what was happening on screen rather than on how Micah’s fingers were gliding along the top of my thighs. Goose bumps broke out along my arm as a shiver traveled through me.

I tried to watch the movie, but each breath I took pressed his fingers harder against my legs, every movement he made brought me closer to him. He watched the movie and I studied his profile. His nose had a slight bump near the top of the bridge that I’d never noticed before, and he had just a shadow of stubble along his jaw. I wanted to know if it was like the soft peach fuzz Dylan had, or if it was rougher.