Having Faith (13 page)

At least she wasn’t shutting him out completely.  He decided to count that as a small victory.

“I’d love some, thanks.”

He followed her into the kitchen, glancing around as he did so.  Over the past week she’d finished painting the living room walls and trim.  He had to look twice at the ratty old sofa; it was now covered in a deep green and hazelnut print with cream and chocolate colored throw pillows.  A few sketches hung on the wall, charcoals that looked like originals; drafts of the cottage and the grounds as seen through Faith’s eyes.  The hardwood floor had been cleaned and polished until it shone, reflecting the soft hues of the small light she’d left on just inside the door.  He could only imagine the number of hours she’d put into it; the transformation was stunning.

“The living room looks amazing,” Kieran said sincerely.  “When did you have time to do all this?” 

Faith shrugged, but she seemed appreciative of the compliment.

The kitchen wasn’t overly large, so Kieran had no trouble staying in close physical proximity to Faith as she prepared a pot of decaf.  It helped.  He felt better just by being near her.  He hoped that he was able to do the same for her on some level, even if she didn’t consciously recognize it. 

He watched her closely, studying every nuance of her features as she absently puttered about, gathering her strength.  With every passing moment, she became more entrenched in his heart. 

“You didn’t need to come all the way out here, you know,” she said, handing him his coffee a few minutes later.

They’d have to agree to disagree on that, because he certainly felt the need to see her, to be with her.  There was no way he could have gone back to the Pub knowing what happened and how she’d left.  Deep in his chest, his heart ached.

Forcing his hands around the cup so he didn’t pull her into his arms, he shrugged.  “You weren’t answering your phone.  And I wanted to see you.”

Faith sat down across from him, a serious expression on her face.  “Why?”

“Do I need a reason?”

She pinned him with her soft gray eyes.  “Yes.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t have an answer; he just didn’t think she was prepared to hear it, and he could sense the walls she’d put up to protect herself.  So he went with a partial-truth variation.  “You left without saying goodbye.” 

Faith blinked back the moisture pooling in her eyes.  Kieran had to fight the sudden urge to wrap his arms around her and comfort her. 

She offered him an apologetic smile.  “I’m sorry, Kieran.  I didn’t realize it would bother you so much.”

Slightly mollified, Kieran took a drink from his mug.  “They told me what happened.”

It was Faith’s turn to shrug.  “It’s okay.  Most people wonder, I think.  I overreacted.”

“No, you didn’t.  If I had been there - ”

“They didn’t realize I was there, Kieran.  I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping.”  She smiled slightly.  “What’s that old saying?  ‘Those who eavesdrop hear nothing good of themselves’, or something like that?”  She exhaled.  “It really is okay, Kieran.  It is what it is.  You can’t be twenty-eight with a fourteen year old son and not have people wonder.” 

She paused, sipping her coffee.  “Well?”

“Well what?” he asked.

“Aren’t you going to ask?”

“Ask what?”

“Where’s Matt’s father?  Do I even know who he is?  Was I raped?  Those are the most common questions.”

Kieran’s jaw clenched.  “There’s only one question I need to know the answer to.  Is there another man in your life?  Someone you care about?  Are married to?  In love with?”

Faith’s eyes widened.  “Besides Matt?  No, there is no man in my life.”

“Then none of that other shit matters,” he said firmly.  “Everything that’s happened has brought you here, to Pine Ridge, and that’s all I care about.”

* * *

F
aith felt a hollow ache deep in her chest.  She wanted to believe him.  Wanted to believe him so badly it actually hurt.  But she’d been down that road once before.  She’d fallen in love with a handsome, popular man once, making the mistake of thinking that he’d felt the same way.  Some lessons you only had to learn once for them to stick.

“Someday,” he said, his voice softening as he laid his hand over hers, “I hope you will have enough faith in me to share parts of your life you won’t share with anyone else.  And when that day comes, I will do the same.  Until then, can we agree to just take each other at face value?”

His hand was so large and warm over hers; his eyes so blue, looking at her so earnestly.  Face value.  Asking for nothing more than what they already shared.  Not delving into inglorious pasts or asking awkward and humiliating questions, making judgments.  Yeah, she could do that. 

“I’d like that,” she said honestly.

––––––––

S
everal days later, Faith sat in one of the employee break rooms of the Celtic Goddess, absently fingering the remains of her apple with one hand while she sketched with the other.  Normally she would just work through lunch, but the Pine Ridge location was much more adamant about employees taking a break if they were scheduled to work for more than four consecutive hours.  She had given up lunches a long time ago, a sacrifice to her necessarily tight food budget, and her body had adjusted.  It was a good thing, too.  The bigger Matt got, the more he ate, and she had promised herself a long time ago that her son would
never
go hungry.

Her hand moved automatically, drafting the images from her head without conscious thought, recreating the décor of the opulent new suites the way her mind’s eye saw them.  She didn’t think anything would ever come of it; her sketches were for her and her alone.  It gave her hands something to do while the more alert parts of her brain concentrated on something infinitely more complex:  Kieran Callaghan.

She still felt the echo of warmth from his hand where he had held it over hers.  Still envisioned the sincerity in the depth of those bottomless blue eyes.  Still heard his deep, soft voice, telling her that he liked having her around.

She was paraphrasing, of course, but the overall gist was clear enough.  The biggest question, the one that had been haunting her ever since, was, why?

Why would a man like Kieran care about her one way or the other?  He owned and operated a highly successful business.  Was stunning beyond belief.  Had a large, close family that obviously cared for him.  Women would give their right arms to simply be with him.  What benefit could he possibly find in her?

No doubt his brothers’ wives had been asking themselves the same question.  The converse to that query – what benefit could Faith find in Kieran – unfortunately had several definitive answers, every one of which made Faith appear to be what her mother would call a ‘gold-digger’.  They were about as far apart on the equality scale as they could be and still live in the same town.  Obviously, she wasn’t the first one to have come to that realization.

She had nothing to offer him except her friendship.  To be fair, he had asked for nothing more.  Maybe that was the key right there.  There were so many women that wanted him for something, something that would benefit them like wealth or power or the prestige of being on his arm.  She hadn’t asked anything of him, and maybe that was all he really wanted – a person he could hang out with, no strings, no pressure.  Someone who didn’t care about his money or his job or the fact that he looked like something right off the cover of a romance novel.  All good things, to be sure, but they didn’t matter to Faith.

Well, she thought ruefully, that wasn’t exactly true.  If Kieran hadn’t been so gorgeous or successful, she might allow herself to acknowledge some of those unfamiliar feelings simmering inside her, the ones she kept tightly lidded and hidden away, even from herself.  As it was, he was as unattainable as it got.

“Those are incredible,” said a soft-spoken voice from behind her, startling Faith from her musings. 

Faith looked up to see Lexi Callaghan peering over her shoulder, checking out her sketches.  She had managed to capture a perfect balance of the cultures defining the Celtic Goddess, created with a series of raised layers of flooring, steps, and columns that had a decidedly Greek feel, mixed with the old-world charm and appeal of ancient Ireland. 

“Thanks,” Faith murmured as she hurriedly closed the cover of her sketchbook.  With the exception of her son, she didn’t allow anyone to look at her etchings. Kieran had seen them that once, too, but she was more apt to overlook that.  He had seemed to like them, though he hadn’t mentioned them since, either, so maybe he’d just been being polite.

“We met the other night,” Lexi said, looking disappointed when she tucked her sketchbook away.  “I’m Lexi Callaghan.”  She extended her hand.  Faith looked at it for a moment before taking it.

“I remember,” Faith said.  It would have been hard to forget the woman who had inspired the Celtic Goddess franchise.  Flowing golden blonde hair.  Eyes that glowed like a tiger’s eyes, a beautiful, clear amber flecked with gold.  Roughly the same height as Faith, Lexi Callaghan had more grace and poise in her little finger than Faith had in her entire body. 
This was what a woman worthy of a Callaghan was like
, she thought.

“Do you have a moment?” Lexi asked shyly, which was odd considering who she was and all.  Faith definitely pictured someone that important displaying a lot more attitude – or exuding a boatload of confidence at the very least.  Lexi looked almost as uncomfortable as Faith felt.

Faith glanced at the clock on the far wall, wishing she could honestly say no, but the darned thing said she still had ten minutes left in her mandatory break. 

“Not much,” she hedged, hoping that Lexi would understand.  Unfortunately for her, Lexi did. 

“I won’t keep you long, I promise.”  The break room had gone strangely silent as the curiosity of several others was piqued the moment Lexi spoke her name aloud.  It was not often that the head chef made her way into this particular area, where those without plush, private offices came to take a load off for a few.  Aware of the glances they were getting, she added, “Do you mind if we go up to my office?”

Dread pooled in the bottom of Faith’s stomach.  What choice did she have?  Feeling cornered, she nodded.  She picked up her sketchpad and tossed the apple core into the nearest waste bin, then followed Lexi out of the break room, avoiding the curious glances of the others.

What could Lexi Callaghan possibly want to talk to her about?  Was this about the other night?  Was she going to warn her off of Kieran?

Lexi’s expression gave nothing away; she looked every bit as poised and beautiful as she had at the Fair.  If Faith hadn’t known better, she never would have pictured the young, denim-clad woman to be the world class chef behind the Goddess’s success.  There were no airs about her at all, and she seemed almost embarrassed by the people who called out to her as they passed.  That made two of them. 

Lexi’s office, too, was a surprise.  It was relatively small and simply furnished.  The most imposing thing about it was the adjoining door into Aidan Harrison’s office.  Aidan Harrison was the owner of the entire Celtic Goddess franchise, a highly lucrative division of his father’s worldwide restaurant empire.

Faith had glanced him once or twice, had even shaken his hand at the Fair, but she doubted he’d remember that.  The man oozed success and power, both of which intimidated Faith and made her want to run as fast as she could in the other direction.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Lexi offered, twisting the cap from a bottle of water.  Faith noted it was the same brand sold in the local supermarket; she would have thought Lexi would have opted for something a bit more expensive or imported.

Faith shook her head; even if she had been inclined to accept out of courtesy she didn’t think it would sit well with her stomach doing flip-flops.

Lexi sat on the small but comfortable couch and indicated that Faith should take a seat as well.  She did, though she remained perched on the very edge. 

“First, I want to apologize for what happened at the Fair last Saturday.”

“No need,” Faith said quickly.

“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that,” Lexi said, sounding sincerely regretful.  “It’s just that... ”

“You care for Kieran,” Faith interjected.  “I can respect that.”

Lexi smiled.  “You do understand,” she said with obvious relief, “but we should have been more sensitive.  It’s no excuse, but you kind of caught us off-guard, you see.  Well, except Lacie, that is.”

Caught them off guard?  Had she broken some unspoken rule by showing up at their family event?  Kieran had assured her it was alright, and she’d made a point not to eat or drink anything or take advantage of their hospitality.  She’d been very careful not to say or do anything that might embarrass Kieran. 

“I’m sorry.  I’m not sure I understand.”

“I’ve known Kieran a very long time, Faith.  He is my oldest, dearest friend.  I was surprised – and maybe even a little hurt – that he hadn’t told me about you.”

“Why would he?” Faith asked honestly. 

“Like I said,” Lexi said, shifting uncomfortably, “we’re very close.” 

“Kieran’s a good man,” Faith said slowly.  She couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that she was missing something important, but couldn’t for the life of her put her finger on it.  “He’s gone out of his way to be kind and help us get settled in Pine Ridge – stubbornly so, I’m afraid,” she added.  “Matt and I are grateful for that, but we’re not trying to take advantage of him, if that’s what you think.”

Lexi’s eyes opened wide.  Before she could say anything, Faith stood.  “I’m glad he’s got so many people looking out for him,” she said quietly.  “I have to get back to work.  It was nice seeing you again, Mrs. Callaghan.”

Faith let herself out of Lexi’s office, glancing briefly at the personal assistant eyeing her as she made her way out toward the bank of elevators.  She forced herself not to run. 

“F
aith!”  Kieran walked out of
BodyWorks
into the parking lot with Matt.  “Got a sec?”