The tears started to roll down my cheeks. I loved him once and I think he loved me. As a child his safe arms were a place I longed to be, but now he was too far removed for me to reach. I was terrified of him and spent every moment trying to protect myself from his torment. I gave him one last glance before I walked back to my room. A shower would have to wait. I didn’t have the energy for the mundane tasks of life anymore; I only wanted to reach the security and warmth of my room.
I was woken by a loud thud somewhere in the house. I set straight up in bed, my heart pounding, and listened for it again. There was a crash and glass breaking, followed by the sound of scraping against the linoleum floor in the kitchen. I heard my father groan and a string of profanity followed. It was barely six in the morning so I assumed he woke on the floor and decided to finally find his bed.
I hid under the covers, hoping they would protect me from the dangers outside these four walls. But no matter how hard I tried, problems seemed to follow me wherever I went and right now my biggest problem was that Dean had decided to resurface. When I went to bed I thought my dreams would be haunted with visions of my father like they usually were, but what little sleep I was blessed with was filled with Dean. I could already feel my heart betraying me as my dreams filled with his face, his smell, his laugh and the way his presence brought me a small sense of relief.
I’d loved him since the day I understood what love truly was. My day began and ended with him. But I had to stop thinking about him before I drove myself crazy. I couldn’t go back to missing him and waiting for him to come back to me; those days were gone. I hit myself on the side of the head several times, trying to shake loose the memories and hoping they would fall out.
It didn’t work.
Maybe the only way to fight those feelings was to replace them with the pain and hurt I’d felt after he abandoned me. It was easy to picture that day at the cemetery four years ago, the pain always lingered just below the surface. Dean was standing across the cemetery, far enough away that I might not have known it was him, but every inch of his body was seared into my brain. I watched him intently as he paced from gravestone to gravestone, stopping every few turns to shake his head and wring his hands before pacing again. Searching for something to ease the ache in my heart, I kept my eyes focused on him during the entire graveside service until it was time to lower the caskets into the ground.
I stood with everyone when the preacher instructed and listened to them sing the words to Amazing Grace, but there was
nothing
sweet about the sound. Gusts of wind blew dirt from their graves onto my bare legs, dirt that I knew would cover them in a matter of minutes. Succumbing to my grief my knees gave way, pulling me to the ground. Hands grasped my waist, trying to hold me up, and I saw Violet’s resilient face trying to give me strength. The scraping of metal rang in my ears as Easton was slowly lowered below ground. I pulled away from Violet and shoved my way through the people, unable to watch another second of my brother disappearing forever.
As the crowd of mourners disappeared behind me, Dean looked my direction. I took several tentative steps toward him, fearing my presence wasn’t welcomed. Our eyes locked. We stared at each other for several seconds before he slightly shook his head and turned to walk away. His figure moved further and further into the distance, finally disappearing down the side of a hill. Without considering the emotional consequences, I ran after him. I ran as fast as my legs would go, but by the time I reached the top of the hill he was gone. I collapsed to the ground and cried. I cried until there were no tears left to shed.
There was a loud pounding on my door. I heard my father’s muffled voice coming from the other side, but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying. It was late afternoon and I’d spent the entire day wallowing in my Dean-induced misery. It sounded like he was hitting the door with something, but I knew there was no way he could do an ounce of damage to the sturdy doors in this old house. He screamed a few more words that I couldn’t understand and then I heard his footsteps retreating. There was a hard tapping on the window just to the left of my head. I looked out and came face to face with him. I ducked down as fast as I could, praying he somehow didn’t see me.
“I know you’re in there, Liliana. I just saw you. Don’t play games with me!” he screamed, trying to peer further into the window. “Why don’t you make this easier on yourself and come out here and talk to me? I promise not to touch you,” he said, menacing laughter in his voice.
I wasn’t sure what he wanted. He hadn’t bothered me in a long time. He’d barely touched me since I turned eighteen, but I knew I shouldn’t trust him. He didn’t deserve anything from me, especially trust, even though things had been fine for over three months. Maybe he wouldn’t do anything.
“I’ll come out there, but you move over by the fence first!” I moved toward the door and watched as he walked backward until he was at the fence. He kept his eyes on my door the entire time. I opened the door but stayed inside, propping it open with my body. We stared at each other for several minutes, both waiting for the other to give in first.
“Why don’t you come all the way outside, Liliana? I told you I wouldn’t touch you.”
“I’m fine right where I am. Just speak,” I said, ducking my head to avoid his eyes.
“Fine, have it your way. I wanted you to see it for yourself, see what you did to me.” He pointed to a bruise on the side of his face. “I know it was you that hit me.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t hit you. I was walking to the shower and didn’t know you were lying there -”
“So you kicked me? I should’ve known you couldn’t hit hard enough to actually do any damage,” he mocked, interrupting my explanation. He wasn’t interested in any explanation; he had other plans.
I was still looking down, so I didn’t see him running toward me until he was too close. I tried to slam the door, but he wedged his foot inside. I leaned all my body weight against the door, trying to hold it closed, but he was much stronger than me and I was thrown to the floor as he pushed it open. He walked into the room and stood over me. I scooted away from him and caught the door with my hand so it wouldn’t close completely.
“Hmm, wondered what it looked like in here. You got yourself a pretty nice setup, little one. Much better then what I’m stuck with, maybe we should trade.” He walked further into the room. I took the opportunity to push the door open and escape the room that had always been my safe place. I made it several feet away from the house before he grabbed my hair to stop me.
“And where do you think you’re going? I owe you something in return for last night. Here I was trying to be father of the year and back off since you turned eighteen, but you just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? Well I’ll be sure you remember our lesson after today.” He pushed me against the fence hard enough to knock the breath out of me. I felt his hand impact with the side of my face and I fell to the ground from the force.
“Get away from her now!” I looked up just in time to watch Dean slam into my father.
I couldn’t get Lily out of my head.
After seeing her at the grocery store yesterday, I spent the rest of the day thinking about Lily and trying to figure out how to fix things. That was what brought me to her house. I couldn’t wait another minute; I had to see her. I pulled up and noticed immediately that nothing had been done since the tornado. Part of the wall had been ripped away, showing what was once her parent’s bedroom. It had never been fixed and you could see the furniture covered in snow. I couldn’t imagine why her father wouldn’t have fixed it already.
I was walking to the front door when I heard a scream from the side of the house. I quickly rounded the corner and saw a man shove someone against the fence, then rear back and hit her in the face. When she fell to the ground, I realized it was Lily. I took off running and yelled, getting the man’s attention before our bodies collided, knocking him to the ground. I tried to help Lily stand and look at the damage done to her face, but she turned her head and backed away from me.
“Well, well, look who decided to grace us with his presence. Did you finally realize you aren’t too good for the white trash in this part of the state and that you actually belong here?” the man slurred from behind me.
I turned to look at him as he slowly stood and I realized it was Lily’s father, Michael. The past few years had been rough on everyone, but he barely looked like the same man. He seemed to have aged more than a decade. A man that I once thought was so tall and frightening now appeared weak and sickly to me.
“What the hell were you doing? You hit her?” I asked, trying to reign in my anger. I grabbed Lily’s upper arms and moved her behind me, trying to shield her, but I felt her slightly pull away.
“Yeah, and what of it? She’s my daughter and I’ll do as I please. You better watch yourself. Next time you touch me or my property you’ll pay.” He pointed toward Lily to emphasis his meaning. Lily moved from behind me and quickly tried to walk back to the house, but her father moved to block her path.
“I’m not done with you yet, little one, so you just stay put,” he said, holding his hands up to stop her. “And you, Dean Haven, you get off my property before I personally escort you off.”
“I’m not going anywhere until I know Lily’s safe. You’re sadly mistaken if you think I’ll just voluntarily leave her here for you to hit some more. What the hell is wrong with you?” I tightened my fist, preparing for battle.
“And exactly who do you think you are? You have no right to come here and tell us how to live!”
“Tell you how to live? I’m not telling you how to live. I’m telling you not to beat your daughter, something a sane person wouldn’t need to be told.”
“Sane? What do you know about being sane? You’re a worthless bastard! You’ve already proved you were no better than your shitty parents, so take your sorry ass and get off my property before you regret it.” He started moving toward me and I knew we would fight; I knew neither of us would willingly back down. I didn’t know what he was fighting for, but I was fighting to protect the one I loved.
“Old man, I’m not going anywhere. I may not be better than my parents, but at least no one in my family walks around hitting women. Maybe that’s your problem, maybe you need someone your own size to pick on. That
would
make it a fair fight, but I’m not sure that’s the kind of fight you’re prepared for.” My body tensed to attack him; I saw his hand clench as he took a swing at me and I easily avoided his punch by leaning to the side.