Have His Carcase (63 page)

would come in.

‘It sounds a very risky plan, but it sounds riskier than it was. Its boldness

was its strength. From the Flat-Iron and for a mile or more before you come to

it, the coast-road is visible from the shore. He could keep an eye on it and bide

his time. If it looked dangerous, he could put it off to a more convenient season.

Actualy, the only real risk he ran was of being seen at the very moment of the

murder and chased by car along the coast. Otherwise, even if it turned out later

that a horseman had been seen on the shore about noon, who could prove who

the horseman was? It could certainly not be Mr Haviland Martin, who had no

connection with anybody and had spent the morning musicaly in Wilvercombe.

And in any case, how many people did pass along that road? What were the

odds that the body would be discovered under a few hours? Or that the death

would be supposed to be anything except suicide?’

‘What are the odds now that it wasn’t suicide?’ said Inspector Umpelty. ‘By

your own showing it can’t have been anything else. But I see what you mean,

my lord. You mean that al this plan was made out, and then, when Weldon got

along to the Flat-Iron, something made him change his mind. How’s this? When

Alexis sees his Rider from the Sea, he recognises Weldon and asks him to

explain, Weldon tels him how they’ve made a fool of him and somehow gets

him to promise to chuck Mrs Weldon. Maybe he threatens him with the razor.

Then Weldon goes away and Alexis is so disappointed that, after thinking it

over a bit, he cuts his throat.’

‘Weldon having thoughtfuly armed him with the razor for that purpose?’

‘Wel, yes – I suppose so.’

‘And what did the bay mare see?’ asked Harriet.

‘Ghosts,’ replied Inspector Umpelty, with a snort of incredulity. ‘Anyhow,

you can’t put horses in the witness-box.’

‘Weldon made a mistake afterwards in coming to Wilvercombe,’ went on

Wimsey. ‘With that identification mark on his arm, he should have kept away,

mother or no mother. But he
had
to poke his nose in and see what was

happening. And Morecambe – wel, his possible appearance as a witness was

foreseen, of course. I wonder, though, if he was realy wise to answer that

advertisement of ours. I suppose it was the best thing he could do – but he

ought to have smelt the trap, I think. But my private impression is that he

wanted to keep an eye on Weldon, who was blundering about al over the

place.’

‘Excuse me, my lord,’ said Inspector Umpelty, ‘but we’ve wasted a good

hour now speculating about what these people might have done or meant to do.

That’s very interesting to you, no doubt, but meanwhile we’re no nearer to

knowing what they did do, and here’s three people in prison for doing

something they can’t have done. If Alexis cut his own throat, we’ve either got

to release these people with apologies, or get up a case against them for

conspiring to procure by menaces or something. If some accomplice of theirs

kiled him, we’ve got to find that accomplice. In either case, I mustn’t waste any

more time about it. I only wish I’d never touched the bleeding case.’

‘But you’re so hasty, Inspector,’ bleated Wimsey. ‘I only said the plan went

wrong; I never said they didn’t carry it out.’

Inspector Umpelty looked sadly at Wimsey, and his lips silently formed the

word ‘loopy’. But aloud he merely observed:

‘Wel, my lord, whatever they did, they didn’t murder Alexis at two o’clock,

because they weren’t there to do it; and they didn’t murder him at twelve

o’clock, because he didn’t die til two. Those are facts, aren’t they?’

‘No.’

‘No?’

‘No.’

‘You mean, one or other of them was there at two o’clock?’

‘No.’

‘You mean, they did murder Alexis at twelve o’clock?’

‘Yes.’

‘By cutting his throat?’

‘Yes.’

‘Right through?’

‘Right through.’

‘Then how is it he didn’t die til two o’clock?’

‘We have no evidence at al,’ said Wimsey, ‘as to the time Alexis died.’

XXXIV

EVIDENCE OF WHAT DID HAPPEN

‘Take thou this flower to strew upon
his
grave,

A lily of the valley; it bears bells,

For even the plants, it seems, must have their fool,

So universal is the spirit of folly;

And whisper, to the nettles of
his
grave,

“King Death hath asses’ ears.” ’

Death’s Jest-Book

Wednesday, 8 July

‘Do you mean to say,’ demanded Inspector Umpelty, with slow indignation,

‘that the young lady finds herself mistaken al this time?’

Harriet shook her head, and Wimsey said, ‘No.’

‘Wel, my lord, I don’t think you can go against the doctor. I’ve asked other

doctors about it, and they say there’s no doubt about it.’

‘You didn’t tel them the whole of the facts,’ said Wimsey. ‘I don’t blame

you,’ he added, kindly, ‘I’ve only just thought of the rest of the facts myself.

Something you said about blood put it in my head, Harriet. Suppose we put

down a few things we know about this supposed heir of the Romanovs.’

1. He is known to have been very il as a child, through being knocked down

in the playground.

2. At the age of twenty-one he wore a beard, and had never used a razor.

He was also

3. Extraordinarily timid about using sharp weapons or visiting the dentist.

4. Moreover, he had had at least one molar crowned – the last resort to

avoid extraction.

5. On Thursday 18th, when scrambling over rocks, he wore gloves.

6. Periodic pains in the joints caused him acute suffering.

7. He used antipyrin to relieve this condition.

8. In no circumstances would he see a doctor, though he anticipated that the

trouble would eventualy cripple him.

9. Lack of the usual post-mortem stains were remarked on at the inquest.

10. Inquest also established that the great vessels were almost completely

drained of blood.

11. And, finaly, one may inherit other things besides Imperial crowns through

the female line.

Harriet and the Inspector stared at this for a moment or two. Then Harriet

laughed:

‘Of course!’ she said. ‘I thought your style was a little laboured in places!

But as an impromptu effort it’s creditable.’

‘I don’t see what you get from al that,’ said Umpelty. And then,

suspiciously: ‘Is it a joke? Is it another of these ciphers?’ He snatched up the

paper and ran a large thumb down the lines. ‘Here!’ he said, ‘what are you

playing at? Is it a riddle?’

‘No, it’s the answer,’ said Harriet. ‘You’re right, Peter, you’re right – you

must be. It would explain such a lot. Only I didn’t know about antipyrin.’

‘I’m almost sure that is right; I remember reading about it somewhere.’

‘Did it come through the Romanovs?’

‘Possibly. It doesn’t prove that he realy was a Romanov, if you mean that.

Though he may have been, for young Simons recognised something familiar in

his face, which may have been a family resemblance. But it may quite likely

have been the other way: the fact that he had it may have lent colour to the

tradition. It often occurs spontaneously.’

‘What
is
al this?’ asked the Inspector.

‘Don’t tease him, Peter. Try the initial letters, Mr Umpelty.’

‘Ah – oh! You
will
have your fun, my lord! H, A, E – Haemophilia. What in

the name of blazes is that, when it’s at home?’

‘It’s a condition of the blood,’ said Wimsey, ‘due to a lack of something-or-

the-other, calcium or what not. It is inherited, like colour-blindness, through the

female, and shows itself only, or practicaly only, in the male, and then only in

alternate generations. That is to say, it might lie hidden in generation after

generation of daughters, and then, by some malignant chance, pop suddenly up

in a son born of a perfectly healthy father and an apparently quite healthy

mother. And so far as is known it is incurable.’

‘And what is it? And why do you think Alexis had it? And what does it

matter if he did?’

‘It’s a condition in which the blood doesn’t clot properly; if you get even a

tiny little scratch, you may bleed to death from it. You may die of having a tooth

drawn or from cutting your chin with a razor, unless you know how to deal with

it – and in any case, you wil go on bleeding like a stuck pig for hours. And if

you get a fal or a blow, you have internal bleeding, which comes out in great

lumps and swelings and is agonisingly painful. And even if you are terribly

careful, you may get internal bleeding at the joints for no reason at al. It comes

on from time to time and is horribly painful and gives you a hel of a fever.

Hence, if I remember rightly, the antipyrin. And what’s more, it generaly ends

up by ankylosing your joints and making you a permanent cripple.’

‘The Tsarevitch had it, of course,’ and Harriet. ‘I read about it in those

books of Alexis – but like a fool, I never thought about it in connection with the

murder.’

‘I don’t know that I see it now,’ said the Inspector, ‘except that it explains

why Alexis was such a namby-pamby and al that. Do you mean it proves that

Alexis realy was a royalty of sorts and that the Bolshies –?’

‘It may or may not prove any of that,’ said Wimsey. ‘But don’t you see, my

dear old goat, that it completely busts up and spifficates the medical evidence?

We timed the death for two o’clock because the blood hadn’t clotted – but if

Alexis was a haemophilic, you might wait til Kingdom Come, and his blood

would never clot at al. Therefore, he may have died at noon or dawn for al we

know. As a matter of fact, the blood might end by clotting very slightly after

some hours – it depends how badly he had the disease – but as evidence for

the time of death, the blood is a simple washout.’

‘Good lord!’ said Umpelty.

He sat open-mouthed.

‘Yes,’ he said, when he’d recovered himself a little, ‘but here’s a snag. If he

might have died any time, how are we to prove he died at twelve o’clock?’

‘Easy. First of al, we know it must have been then, because that’s the time

these people have an alibi for. As Sherlock Holmes says somewhere: “Only a

man with a criminal enterprise desires to establish an alibi.” I must say, this case

is realy unique in one thing. It’s the only one I have ever known in which a

murderer didn’t know the time he was supposed to have done the murder at.

No wonder the evidence at the inquest gave Henry Weldon such a jolt!’

‘Yes – but –’ the Inspector seemed worried. ‘That’s al right for us, but I

mean to say, that doesn’t prove it was a murder – I mean, you’ve got to prove

it was a murder first, before you prove anything else. I mean to say –’

‘Quite right,’ said Wimsey. ‘Unlike Mr Weldon, you can spot the
petitio

elenchi
. But look here, if Alexis was seen alive on the road between half-past

ten and half-past eleven and was dead at two o’clock, then he must have died

during the period covered by the alibis; that’s certain. And I think we can get it

down a bit closer. Jem Polock and his grandad puzzled us by saying that they

thought they saw the man lying down on the rock wel before two o’clock. In

that case, he was probably dead already. We now know that they were in al

likelihood speaking the truth, and so we need not now imagine them to be

accomplices in the crime. You can whittle the period during which death must

have occurred down to about two hours – say from 11.30, when Alexis could

have reached the rock, to about 1.30, when the Polocks first set eyes on the

body. That ought to be near enough for you – especialy as you can trace the

weapon quite definitely to the hands of one of the accomplices. I suppose you

can’t find that the razor was sent anywhere by post for Weldon to get hold of?’

‘We’ve tried that, but we couldn’t find anything.’

‘No. I shouldn’t wonder if Weldon’s trip to Wilvercombe on the

Wednesday was made for the purpose of picking up the razor. It could so

easily have been left somewhere for him. Of course, Morecambe took good

care not to be in Wilvercombe that day himself, the cunning devil – but what

could be easier than to deposit a little parcel at a tobacconist’s or somewhere

to be caled for by his friend Mr Jones? I suggest that you look into that,

Inspector.’

‘I wil, my lord. There’s just one thing. I can’t see why Weldon and

Morecambe should have been so surprised about the inquest evidence.

Wouldn’t Alexis have told them about this disability of his? If he thought it

proved his descent from the Romanovs, you’d think he’d have mentioned it first

thing.’

‘Oh, no, you wouldn’t. It’s pretty clear that Alexis disguised that little matter

very jealously. It’s not a recommendation to a man who wants to lead a