Have Cowboy, Need Cupid (19 page)

“Our guest can take her charity and go back to Atlanta where she belongs. We don’t need or want her here anymore.”

Rafe turned on his heels and charged out the door. Suzanne heard the door slam behind him and bit back a sob.

Mrs. McAllister pressed a hand on Suzanne’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for my boy’s bad manners, but he has a lot of stubborn pride, just like his daddy.”

“I…know. That’s one of the things I love about him.”

Mrs. McAllister took Suzanne’s hands in hers. “If you really love him, then make him listen.”

Suzanne looked into the wise woman’s eyes and nodded. Her determination back in place, she kissed Mrs. McAllister’s cheek, then went to tell Rafe exactly how she felt about him.

And he would listen, even if she had to hog-tie him in the barn to keep him from escaping.

Chapter Eighteen

Rafe hated the way he’d caused a scene in front of his mother, but he seemed to have no control over himself whenever he was around Suzanne. And to think that she had sat in his house with his own mother, acting all chummy. The sight had thrown him for a loop and made him want to grab her and kiss her.

In fact, the only way he could keep his hands off her was to remember his anger and the humiliation she had caused him.

He grabbed the shovel to muck the stalls when footsteps sounded behind him.

“Rafe McAllister, I know you’re mad,” she said, “but you’re going to listen to me.”

“Look, I’ve had just about enough of you Hartwells offering me charity.” He almost spat into the dust. “By the way, thanks for telling your father about my financial situation. That was real decent of you.”

“My father?” Her mouth gaped open.

If he hadn’t known better, he would have thought she was truly shocked. But he’d been sure her father had been lying, that she had put him up to coming. “Yes, he paid me a little visit to offer me a loan, but I turned him down just like I am you.”

“Oh, my gosh, Rafe, I had no idea.”

He swung around. The image of her all fired up, her dark hair tangled around the angry flush of her cheeks, her hands on those luscious hips, nearly made his knees buckle. She was so damn sexy he wanted to have his way with her right there in the hay.

He clenched his jaw instead and leaned on the shovel like a crutch.

“I swear I didn’t know Dad came by. He must have known I was worried about you and he was trying to help.”

“I don’t need or want your help. What kind of man do you take me for?”

“I think you’re strong and resourceful and handsome and full of too much stubborn pride.”

He fumed at her. What was she doing, giving him compliments and insults at the same time?

She crossed the barn in three strides and yanked the shovel from his hand. “But I said you’re going to listen and you damn well are. Now, I understand you have reason to be mad, and I was wrong not to tell you that I worked for Horton Developers when I first met you. And I should have told you about James. His proposal had come as a shock to him. At the time, I had no idea how I was going to answer him.”

“Because you’re in love with him?” Rafe snarled, the green-eyed monster of jealousy clawing at him.

She held up a hand. “That didn’t come out right. What I meant to say was that I…I actually considered his proposal but only because at the time, I had no idea what real love was. His offer was more of a business proposition than a marriage proposal.”

“I see.” Actually, he didn’t, but he refused to hear any more about the other man. “Your life is always about business, isn’t it?”

“It used to be,” she said in a voice tinged with emotion. “But not anymore.”

He waited, a heartbeat of silence passing, filled with tension.

“You knew when I came here that I was in favor of the big development. That’s the reason you challenged me to come out and see your property—”

“Oh, so now this is my fault?”

“Let me finish,” Suzanne said between clenched teeth.

Her temper didn’t surprise him, instead it roused him even more. Damn it, how could he still be attracted to her when she’d lied to him?

“When you challenged me,” she said, her voice growing softer, “I was certain I would sway you into believing it was better for you to sell, Rafe. You needed the money, and Horton Developers needed your land. I really thought the deal would be lucrative for all of us. But…” She hesitated and fiddled with her hair, drawing his gaze to the long column of her neck, eliciting fantasies about kissing her again. Oblivious to his turmoil, she continued, “But instead I saw your side, that you were right.”

He chewed the inside of his cheek. What had she just said?

“I saw the beauty of the land and how much you loved it and how much your mother treasured her memories. I realized that no amount of money could ever replace what you have here. You have a real home, something I never had.”

He swallowed, his emotions flying into a tailspin. Admiration rose for her, unexpected and just as unwanted. Not many people would admit they were wrong, and it took guts for her to do so. She almost sounded wistful, envious of his humble house.

She licked her lips. “I considered telling you that I worked for Horton Developers a while back, but I decided to look for alternative sites for the development first.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” She walked toward him, but he stiffened, and she froze, circling her arms around her waist.

“And then things got hot between us, and—”

“You were still wearing Horton’s ring?”

She winced, regret shadowing her face. “Yes, right before Dad’s heart attack I decided to tell James that I couldn’t marry him. Then my dad collapsed, and I was so upset and we wound up together, and…well, everything just happened so fast I didn’t have a chance.”

He wanted to believe her. Desperately wanted to touch her.

But she had hurt him, had humiliated him by paying off his loan.

“Why did you come here, Suzanne?”

Her gaze met his, hunger and need and remorse filling her lovely eyes. “Because I care about you, Rafe.”

“Is that the reason you paid off my debts? Pity?”

“It wasn’t pity,” she said, her voice tight with renewed anger. “It was because I love you, Rafe. I love you and I wanted to make everything up to you. I didn’t want you to lose your home.”

His throat felt so thick he couldn’t swallow. She couldn’t mean what she’d just said.

And even if she did, didn’t she realize that she had stomped on his pride? That he couldn’t accept her money, that he would always feel as if she’d bought him, that she didn’t respect him because he couldn’t take care of her?

That he had nothing to offer her.

The tension crackled between them, the sound of the farm animals, the horses neighing outside, floating into the quiet. Even amidst the hay and stench of horse dung, she looked breathtakingly beautiful. And he would forever remember those three little words she’d just murmured.

“I…I don’t know what else to say except that I’m sorry, Rafe. I’m sorry and I love you.”

Then she turned and left the barn, the scent of her perfume lingering long after he heard her car disappear into the night.

S
UZANNE LET HERSELF
into Rebecca’s, her heart shattering. This was her apartment now. She’d officially let her lease go on her condo in Atlanta, so she could pay rent here while she oversaw the new development. She would have to make it her home. She certainly wouldn’t be making a home with Rafe.

At least she had tried. Short of begging, she had done everything she could to convince Rafe she was sorry. And she had been brutally honest, even when she’d confessed her love.

But he hadn’t returned the words or feelings.

Because he didn’t love her.

Just like the other men in her past.

She headed to the bedroom to change into her nightgown when she spotted the hope chest. The cowgirl bridal hat and boots. She picked them up, one at a time, tracing a finger over the lacy edges, then slipped them back inside the chest. How ironic that she’d laughed when she’d first seen them, and now all she could do was cry.

I
T GALLED
R
AFE
that he had to accept Bud’s money, but he’d rather take the loan from him than Suzanne. “I’ll pay you back, man, as soon as we sell some of the heifers.” He still didn’t understand why he’d had no calls about boarders.

“I don’t want you to pay me back,” Bud said. “Consider it my contribution to the family.”

“You don’t need—”

“Yes, I do,” Bud said. “I have my pride, too, Rafe. I’m not going to freeload off you and your mother.”

Rafe’s hand tightened around the check. He hadn’t meant to insult Bud. And although he’d always thought of him as a ranch hand, he realized Bud had been a friend for years, practically a member of the family. Maybe they should make it official; he could let him buy into part of the ranch. “I didn’t mean to imply you were, Bud.”

“Then say no more about it.” Bud chewed a blade of grass between his teeth. “You are a damn fool to let Miss Suzanne go. A stubborn damn fool.”

“I don’t recall asking you.” Rafe turned to brush down the horses.

“You didn’t. But I had to say it.” Bud scratched his chin. “When your daddy was alive, I sat back and watched him cheat on your mama and I never said a word. Stupidest thing I ever did.”

“It’s not the same thing, Bud.”

“In a way it is. I didn’t think I had anything to offer your mama back then. Thought if I didn’t have my own spread or a lot of money I wasn’t worthy of her.”

Rafe’s hand stilled on the saddle.

“Is that what you think now, boy? That I’m not worthy of her, that I want to mooch off your mama?”

Worry roughened the older man’s voice. Rafe shook his head. “No, Bud, of course not. You’re the best thing that’s happened to my mother in a long time.”

Bud studied him for a long minute, obviously trying to decide if Rafe was sincere. “That’s ’cause I care for her,” Bud said in a thick voice. “Money ain’t the most important thing in the world, you know. It’s family, and family works together, during the good times and the bad.”

Rafe glared at the older man. “I never said money was the most important thing.”

Bud chuckled sardonically. “Hell, yeah, that’s exactly what you did when you threw Miss Suzanne’s check back in her face.”

Rafe stared at his friend as he loped off and shook his head. That wasn’t the way it had gone down at all.

Was it?

T
HREE DAYS LATER
, Suzanne fought a wave of dizziness as she finished reviewing the plans the mayor had dropped off. She had to start eating right again, but her appetite had been nonexistent the past few days. Not since she’d declared her love to Rafe and realized that he didn’t return it.

Grabbing a handful of saltines to ward off the nausea that had threatened since five this morning, she headed to the shower to dress for Mrs. McAllister’s wedding, reminding herself that she didn’t have to talk to Rafe. But she had promised the kind woman she’d attend, and she wouldn’t disappoint her for anything in the world.

Not even if Rafe didn’t want her there.

Thirty minutes later she dressed in a baby-blue silk sleeveless dress, adding pearl studs to her ears as she studied the cross her mother had given her in the mirror. She had bought one for Rafe’s mother, as a wedding present and a show of friendship, and had wrapped it in silver paper. Somehow she knew her mother would approve if she were still alive. She and Mrs. McAllister might have even been friends.

Slipping on beige sandals, she brushed a little blush on her cheeks to hide her pale color and added a touch of lipstick. Then she grabbed the gift, sucked up her courage and headed to her car. She hoped the wedding didn’t last too long.

Every minute in Rafe’s presence would be torture.

R
AFE’S BREATH CAUGHT
in his throat at the sight of his mother on his arm. She and Bud had decided to marry beside the waterfall on the property. The place where he had fallen for Suzanne.

She wore a simple off-white lace dress with a hat, the smile on her face radiant. “You look beautiful, Mom.”

“Thank you, honey.” She adjusted his navy-blue tie. “You look pretty swanky yourself.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, well, this monkey suit’s coming off as soon as the ceremony is over.”

She laughed and looped her arm through his. “Can we talk for a minute?”

“Sure. Is something wrong? Because if you’re having second thoughts—”

“I’m not having second thoughts. But I was hoping
you
were about Suzanne.”

“Mom—”

“Listen, Rafe, I appreciate the fact that you’ve tried to protect me the past few months, that you didn’t want me to know the extent of our debt, and you tried to keep your father’s gambling and affair from me…”

Shock rode through him.

“But I knew all along.”

“You did?” He couldn’t believe it. “Then why didn’t you say something?”

She smiled sadly. “Because I knew it would upset you. Now I’m thinking I was wrong. I loved your father, but he wasn’t a perfect man. In fact, I loved him enough to forgive him.”

“But he hurt you—”

“Yes, he did. But he only slipped up that one time, and he tried to quit gambling.” She cleared her throat, swiped at a tear. “What I’m saying here is that love is about forgiveness and acceptance and working together. If the old coot hadn’t been so stubborn and had let me work like I offered, we might not have gotten so deeply in debt.”

He studied her face, letting her words sink in. His mother had wanted to work to help out, but his father had refused. He had been stubborn and prideful, and it had almost cost him the Lazy M.

But Landon had said his father had had lots of women. Had his mother been in the dark about them, or had Landon lied? And if he had lied about that, could he have lied about other things—like how much money his father owed him?

“It’s always easier to give love than it is to accept it,” his mother said softly as she kissed him on the cheek. “But it’s important to be able to do both.”

“It’s time,” Maria yelled. “The wedding march is beginning,
señora.
”

Red, who’d offered to play the guitar, began strumming the wedding march. He walked her across the grassy bank, spotting several of his mother’s friends sitting in the fold-up chairs near the falls, Suzanne wedged in between two of the elderly women.

Suddenly his mother’s words and Bud’s advice sank into his brain. His very stubborn, prideful brain.

Nothing really mattered except the fact that he was in love with Suzanne. And that she loved him.

Did she still love him?

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…” the preacher began.

Rafe barely heard the words as his mother and Bud exchanged vows. He couldn’t take his eyes off Suzanne. Their gazes locked, the ceremony fading into a distant haze.

He remembered Suzanne challenging him at the town meeting that day, then climbing on Blondie for the first time. He saw her standing in the falls with him, tossing off her clothes, water cascading down her slender back. He saw her lying naked in his arms, kissing and stroking his body until he came apart. He saw the tears glistening in her eyes when he’d returned her mother’s necklace, then again when he’d thrown her unselfish offer of money in her face.