Hardboiled & Hard Luck (10 page)

The second song—Yūmin’s incredibly depressing “Autumn Travels”, which, for reasons I can’t fathom, was Kuni’s favorite—started playing.

And then Sakai spoke.

“I know that right now your heart is still reeling from the shock, and it feels like the middle of winter. But if I go to Italy to visit you when summer comes, will you take me around some towns out in the country?”

“Of course!” I said.

“It’s not like we’re out of luck, is it? We’re just too wrapped up in this mood, right? It wouldn’t work out now. But that’s because the timing is bad, right?”

“I think so.”

The image of those tubes, the sound of the respirator, and the painful light that streamed through the window were still etched into our memories.

“We’ll go out every afternoon for pasta, and the sky will be clear, and we’ll go and see all kinds of scenery. We’ll walk until our feet hurt, and drink wine, and we’ll sleep in the same room. We’ll look out new windows, and feel different from the way we do now with all that summer light pouring down around us, when it’s so hot we can’t stand it. I’ll wait until then—I won’t forget you. I don’t want things to end like this, only having known you during this strange time. But right now, I just can’t think about the future.”

Sakai nodded. “I know.”

The music kept ringing in my ears. The winter stars were always there, always the same when I turned my gaze upward, no matter who I was with. It was me who changed. The three stars in Orion’s belt were still there, just the same. Just as they had been in the days when Kuni and I raced to find them first.

... Yes, it will happen just like it does in the lyrics of Yūmin’s song, I thought. This autumn will never come back; it was one of a kind. And it’s setting out on its distant travels tonight, weaving away through the barren winter trees. And then, ever so quietly, a cruel , unknown winter will set in.

About the Author

Banana Yoshimoto was born in 1964. She is the author of
Kitchen
,
N.P.
,
Lizard
,
Amrita
,
Asleep
and
Goodbye Tsugumi
. Her acclaimed stories, novels and essays have won numerous prizes both in Japan and abroad. She lives in Tokyo.