Hard to Hold On (23 page)

He places his fingers against the strings of his black guitar and
I stare at him, grinning like a little girl with a brand new Barbie doll. He begins to sing “Happy Birthday” and I’ve never been more excited than now. I really didn’t think he would remember. November twenty-seventh is a day I’ve completely forgotten about and that’s mainly because so much has been going on that my birthday is the last thing to come to mind.

As soon as N
olan finishes his song, Dawson and Harper scream “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

“Wow, guys. Thank you,” I say. “But no cake right now. It’s, like, seven in the morning.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Harper yawns. “He acted like he couldn’t wait a little later and wake you up with a simple “Happy birthday, Natalie”. Guys are so overrated.”

“Oh, are we, babe?” Dawson asks, taking the cake out of her hand and pla
cing it on top of the dresser. She giggles as he picks her up in his arms and then makes his way out of the door. “Nolan we’ll pick your car up from the lake house when we go and get Harps,” Dawson says, his eyes hard on Harper.

“Happy birthday, Nat!
” Harper squeals. “We’re going out for dinner later so be ready!” she calls before disappearing.

I laugh, listening as her
bedroom door shuts and then I look at Nolan who’s placing his guitar in the corner. “I seriously can’t believe you remembered, Nolan. I didn’t expect you to.”

“I wouldn’t forget my Bunny’s birthday.” He climbs on top of the bed and steals a kiss. “She means too much to me.” He kisses me again and I kiss him back. This feels so right.
We always feel right. Natural. I can’t believe I’ve been away from it for so long.

“I bet my parents have been calling me constantly,” I say as I pull away from him to get to my phone.
Back when I lived with them, they would come up to my bedroom at six-twenty in the morning and scream “happy birthday” to me. Six-twenty AM is when I was born, twenty years ago. Sure enough, as I check it, there are a dozen missed calls from the both of them.

“Give me a sec,”
I say to Nolan as I climb off the bed.

“Take your time, babe. I have until two today.”

“Why two?” I ask curiously.

“Some of us have jobs
and bills to pay.” He winks, standing from the bed to stretch. He then stares at me, his smile fading. “Do you . . . do you remember last night at all?” he asks.

“What about it?”

“After you left from me you went with Tyler. He took you outside and later on you came from the trees scratched up and nearly unconscious.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “I remember talking to Tyler, yeah, but I don’t remember the
scratched-up-trees part.”

I gaze down at my stomach, remember
ing the Band-Aid. “Natalie, I’ve been trying to get you to remember but it seems like you can’t. Last night you kept saying his name and then you said something about denying him.” His eyes turn stern as he takes a step towards me. “I’m worried about you. I don’t want you hanging with him anymore.”

“Nolan, I’m fine,” I say through a dry laugh. “I swea
r. Tyler’s a sweet guy. I’m sure I just fell or something.”

“Oh yeah?” He frowns, taking
another step forward. “Then why hasn’t he been answering his phone? I called him last night from your phone because I wanted to find him and beat his ass for leaving you out there but he didn’t pick up.”

I shrug, staring
into his eyes. “Nolan . . . I don’t know. I’ll call him later and ask him about it.”

“I don’t want you to see him
by yourself. If he asks you to meet him, you let me know and I’ll go with you.”

“Why is it such a big deal?”

“I don’t trust him and neither should you, Natalie. I find it strange that he isn’t answering his phone after something happened to you. After you passed-out randomly. You were fine while you were with me. That doesn’t bother you? It sure as hell bothers me. Unlike that idiot, I care.”

As I stare at Nolan, that’s when what Brittany said to me at
the coffee shop comes to mind. She dated him and passed out at one of his parties. She couldn’t remember anything but she woke up sore and tried to call him for weeks but he wasn’t answering.

I try to conceal my emotions and luckily it works because I don’t want Nolan to see me get all panicky. “We’ll talk about it
later, okay?”

I don’t leave him time to respond because I’m out of my bedroom and hurrying for the balcony.
I take a deep breath and brush it off. It’s my birthday and right now I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to assume that Tyler may actually be harmful after he’s been such a gentleman towards me.

I call my parents and luckily they’re both together be
cause it spares me the need to make two phone calls. It’s been a week since I’ve talked to my parents but that’s only because they’ve been extremely busy. Dad is booked for the next month and has been working under the hood and beneath cars constantly and Mom always volunteers to work overtime at the hospital, as always. She tells me she’s been shopping a lot more so that’s a good sign. She’s finally starting to open up to her creative side.

“Nat, you gotta let me see the new hair-do,” my dad says.

I laugh. Ever since I’ve brought it up, he’s been asking me to snap a picture. “I’ll take a picture and send it later, Dad. Harper and I are going out so when I’m dressed and nice-looking I can send you one.”

“You’re always nice-looking to me, Nat,” he says.

“Yeah, I agree!” my mom interrupts. “But I do want to see. I’ve always wondered what jet-black would look like on you. I bet it’s hot.”

“It’s awesome, Mom. I lov
e it.” Nolan comes into view, bringing me back to where I really am. Back to reality and a ton of confusion. When I talk to my parents, I always get excited. I’m always pulled away from the world because lately they’ve been making me smile like an idiot. I miss them and it’s a good thing I’m going to see them for Christmas. “Guys, I have to go. It was nice talking to you and thanks for the birthday wishes. I love you so much.”

“We love you, too, Nat,” my dad says. “And don’t forget my pic. I’ve got to see this.”

“I won’t,” I giggle.

“Love you, Natty!” my mom calls.

They hang up and I sigh, turning around to look at Nolan. He’s already smiling at me, his head tilted and his eyes curious. “Seems like things are a lot better between your parents,” he says.

“Things are much better,” I sigh. “I’m
glad they’re happy again.”

“Yeah. Now it’s our turn
to be.”

I pull m
y lips in and bite on them, forcing myself to keep my eyes on him. “Are you coming out for dinner tonight?” I ask quickly, hoping it will overcome how turned on I am.

“Yep. W
ouldn’t miss it for the world. You’ll just have to text me and let me know where we’ll be eating at.” He takes a few steps forward to get to me and as his solid, bare chest brushes against mine, I inhale sharply. “You were probably thinking about what happened between me and Sharon in California when you walked away from me last night, weren’t you?”

“How’d you know?” I ask sarcastically.

“I know you. You never let shit go.”

“Not true,” I say, scowling
at him.

“Very true, Bunny.”

“It’s only if that person means a lot to me.
You
mean a lot to me. I just need to know you won’t do it again. Promise me.”

“I
promise I’ll never do it again, Natalie. I told you I want to change. I fucked up—I know—but I swear on both of my parents’ graves that I will never hurt you like that again. I’m putting it on my
parents
, Natalie. That’s saying a lot.”

I look into his
soft grey eyes and a smile touches his lips. I know it means a lot. When it comes down to his parents it means he’s taking the situation seriously. He lifts my knuckles to his lips and kisses them. His lips are warm and his breath tickles my skin as he stares into my eyes. He then leans forward to press those lips against my cheek. I ignite on the inside and without even realizing it, I’ve moved in closer.

Chuck
ling, he brings his head down, his lips colliding with mine. I tangle my fingers through his silky, dark hair as he lifts me up to hold me in his arms. Hooking my legs around his waist, I sink against his chest and he makes his way to my bedroom.

After he’s shut the door behind him with his foot, he lays me on the bed and his lips trail down to my neck. “One for the road, Bunny,”
he murmurs, pulling my pajama shorts down.

I melt between his fingers and allo
w him to go for it. What do I have to lose?

Chapter Thirty

Nolan

After Dawson and Harper got back with my car, I was on my way home to get ready for work. As I enter the apartment, Mills has his headphones on and is dancing in the kitchen. I’ve never seen him so alive . . . not since Mom’s death.

“I take it you got a good blow-job and a
nice piece of ass this morning,” I say as he removes his headphones.

He chuckles, pouring
some milk into his cereal. “The ass was great but the blow-job was even better,” he smirks. “But that’s not the only reason I’m excited. Just checked the mail and saw that we have the check for selling Mom’s house to the bank. They gave us forty-six thousand dollars for it, Nolan. Way more than we were supposed to get. Do you know what we can do with that?” he asks, almost in a squeal.

My eyes stretch as I watch him dig in
to the back pocket of his khaki pants to pull out a single half-sheet of paper. “You’re kidding.” I take a step towards him and yank it out of his hand.

“I wouldn’t lie. We’re done stressing, bro. I know we shouldn’t be happy since it was Mom’s home a
nd she loved it but I know she wants this for us. She wants us to get our own place—plus I’m tired of being roommates with a fag.”

I punch
his arm and he laughs, reaching for his cereal. “I’ll let you know right now that Natalie and I are on good terms. Last night was . . . unbelievable. I don’t even want to tell you ‘cause it might make you feel bad about your sex game.”

“There’s nothin
g wrong with my sex game.” He raises an eyebrow along with another smirk. “I know you hear Lorie at night sometimes. She’s a screamer.”

“Nah,” I shake my head. “I never hear anything.
You must be doing something wrong.”

“Yeah,” he scoffs. “Whatever.” He takes a bite
of his cereal and I sigh, leaning against the wall. “So Natalie isn’t dating the other kid anymore?”

I shrug. “I don’t think she was ever dating him. I
think she was just using him to distract herself from me. After last night, I don’t think she’ll be talking to him anymore. It’s her birthday so Dawson and I will be going out to eat with her and Harper.”

“Sounds cool.”

“Yeah,” I agree. “It is cool. It’s good to feel alive again, you know? I don’t know how she does it, but there’s always something about her that makes my heart beat faster. Shit’s never happened to me with a girl before.”

“Pussy whipped,” Mills snorts over his bowl of cereal.

“Shut the hell up. Lorie owns your ass.”

Rolling his eyes, he steps past me while shoveling another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “She wishes.
” He fishes his keys out of the pockets of his khakis before turning to face me. “I’m about to head to work, though. Dino told me to come in early to help set up a stand for a school field trip.” He places his bowl in the sink and then steps out of the kitchen. “Oh, that letter from Dad is on your bed. Make sure you read it sometime soon.”

I nod
as he makes his way to the living room. The door creaks open and then slams shut behind him and I bring a hand up to run it through my hair. I make my way to my bedroom and sure enough there is a folded sheet of paper lying on the middle of my bed. My heart races as I stare at it. I’m not sure what’s been written inside of it. What should I expect? I don’t want to read it just yet because it may take me back to wallowing all over again. I don’t want to feel the pain. I don’t want to relive the memories right now. I miss both of my parents but what my dad may have written might not be good to read while I’m actually in a good mood.

Instead of going for it, I hurry to the bathroom to take a quick shower. After my shower, I wrap a towel around my waist and go out to my bedroom again to pull my uniform out of my closet.

I try to distract myself from grabbing the letter and reading it but it becomes nearly impossible. After tugging my shirt over my head, sliding into my pants, and then gelling my hair, I sigh as I face the letter once again.

I decide
I have nothing to lose so I grab it. The edges are crumpled and it looks a bit aged. I can see the ink through the folds and as I begin to unfold it, my heart beats louder and louder. The banging of my heart drowns all other sounds out as I finally get it open and read it.

To Nolan AKA my Dream Chaser