Hard: A Military Stepbrother Romance (19 page)

When
she looked up at me again, the anger and upset was gone, but her soft face was
written with sadness.

“It
still can’t go anywhere, Seth. Our parents—”

“Fuck
our parents.”

The
harsh words shocked her - shocked me a little - but I couldn’t help it. I was
done using that as an excuse. If this was destined to fail, so be it, but I
wanted to damn well find out for myself.

And
with the way she was looking at me, the way her soft words made me feel, I
wasn’t going to give up that easily.

“Do
you want this, Bella? I want to let you in - I want to show you my life. Make
you part of it. If you still want to be.”

I
held her gaze as I saw the hesitation there, watched as she tried to decide
whether to make the leap with me. It was crazy, and we were stupid to continue
pursuing this, but I wasn’t ready to stop - and from the way she looked at me,
I didn’t think she was either.

“But
what about…everything?”

That’s
a good way to sum up what was stopping us. Everything.

“We
deal with that when we come to it. Hell, might be getting to know me drives you
away anyway. I’m a Navy SEAL, and there are more than enough challenges with
that, even forgetting everything else. If we get that far…we can worry about it
then.”

“The
wedding is three weeks away, Seth.”

“So
we have three weeks to decide if this is worth letting loose all hell.”

Of
course, I was pretty sure I’d already made up my mind.

But
then again, hell had never bothered me.

“And
if it is? You really think we can make it work?”

Fuck
it, the girl never stopped with the questions.

“Stop
thinking, Bella. I’m a Navy SEAL - I can do damn well anything.”

I
pulled her into me, my mouth closing on hers with all the intensity and passion
I’d held at bay before, giving her a fucking good reason to stop thinking. She
moaned, melting into me again in the way I’d missed so badly, and it only took
a moment before she shifted around to sit on top of me, resting on my suddenly
interested cock.

“Okay.
Okay, we’ll try it Seth. But god-damn you’d better make it up to me.”

I
grinned up at her, something easing inside me that I hadn’t even realized was
tight and hard.

“Mm,
I can do that. I have some
great
ideas for how to do that.”

I
started by nuzzling along her mouth, down her neck, but she pulled me up with a
light laugh that was a perfect contrast to the tear tracks still streaking her
face.

“Not
like that. I want more, Seth.”

Her
eyes were hard beyond the laughter and I nodded, another idea taking me.

“Come
with me to Becky’s in a couple of days then. I promised I’d head over there to
do a few odds-and-ends anyway - you can come meet her, the kids. See what being
a military wife means.”

Okay.
That last part was so not intended that way.

She
caught on it anyway, raising a brow immediately.

“Wife?”

“For
reference. Nothing else. Just so you know. You wanted to know.”

So
why the hell was my heart pounding so damned fast?!

She
just grinned at my discomfort, leaning forward for another distracting kiss.

“Alright,
yeah, I’d like that.”

“Good,
that’s settled then.
Now
can I make it up to you in those other ways?”

Her
hands roamed across my chest, down and around my back, and there was amusement
in her eyes as she shifted teasingly on my cock.

“Almost.
There’s a fairly exclusive party next week - I don’t think anyone we know will
be there. Come with me.”

The
idea of taking Bella out in public and giving this a chance to be real sent a
strange mix of excitement and anxiety through me. I didn’t want this getting
back to her father - if we went for it, he needed to find out from us - but I
couldn’t deny the attraction.

“Okay,
done.”

I
turned my attention to her lips again, hands running over her soft body to hold
her hips as they settled against me, but she was still murmuring into my lips.

“It’s
fancy dress.”

At
the dubious rise of my brow, she shrugged.

“Okay,
okay, too far. I know better than to think you’d dress up. Good thing it’s
optional.”

“Good.”

My
voice was a low rumble in my chest and I was done with talking. Bella had
agreed to continue with this crazy thing, and it had been too long since I’d
felt her warm, bare skin against mine.

I
wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my mouth with a ferocity I could
barely control, hearing her gasp and wriggle under me while I devoured her
mouth with mine. It felt so damn good, and my hands explored every part of the
soft body I’d missed. From the way she mimicked my actions, it seemed I wasn’t
the only one who felt that pressing urgency. I only broke the kiss for a moment
to rip her t-shirt off, and then my fingers had her bra unclasped, opening her
pert breasts for my attention. She moaned as my fingers closed around them,
rocking and squirming against me in a way that was driving me crazy.

At
least she’s wearing a skirt this time…

One
arm lifted her and the other had her panties stretched around her knees within
moments and she gasped with the quick actions, wriggling around until they were
off completely. Then her hands attacked my belt, my mouth trailing kisses down
across her chest until I got to the hard tits I could never resist. A few
flicks of my tongue as I sucked them into my mouth had her distracted until her
hands weakened in their efforts. I grunted and finished the job for her,
pulling the jeans down until my cock sprang up, more than eager for the waiting
heat that had been perched above it.

She
settled back down onto me without any encouragement, my cock slipping into her
with an ease that felt like it had been made for her hot pussy. Maybe it had.
The way I felt inside her, I wouldn’t be surprised.

She
moaned hard as she started riding me in time with the short thrusts of my hips,
sinking herself further and further onto my thick hardness.

“God,
Seth…”

That
breathless voice told me just how much she’d missed me and I would have grinned
if I hadn’t been too wrapped up in her perfect body, in the way her arms
clutched at me while I drove her crazy with mouth, fingers and cock.

We
were too needy, to desperate for this to make it more than a hard, fast
passionate explosion as I started speeding up my movements, holding her hips to
help her balance as I pistoned into and out of her, grunting every time I felt
her hit the base of my cock. Our mouths latched greedily onto one another,
tongues fucking in parallel to our bodies until I felt my release coming
roaring up at me, balls tightening up as I groaned into her tempting, teasing
mouth.

Her
breath hitched as she started nearing her own climax, and that was all it took
to have me exploding within her, feeling my seed shoot out into her as that
threw her over the edge as well, crying out into my mouth while her hands
gripped my shoulders tight.

I’d
missed those scratch marks.

That
was the only sensible thought I found myself forming as she pushed me down
against the bed, curling up in my arms as I slipped out of her and we took
deep, gasping breaths, recovering slowly together.

My
body eased with more than just the blissful climax as I lay there like that,
and the feeling that snuck up on me snatched at the breath I was only just
getting back.

I’d
come home.

Chapter Eighteen

Bella

“Are
you
sure
you’re ready? I mean, this one looks pretty good.”

Seth’s
fingers trailed over a nearly-transparent pink blouse and I scowled at the amusement
in his expression as he looked over the clothes laid in disarray on my bed. I’d
finally put together the casual shorts and t-shirt outfit after changing it a
dozen times, and apparently he found it
hilarious
to make me question it
all over again.

“Try
that, and we’ll be here for another hour.”

He
turned to grin at me, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the door.

“Okay,
warning taken. Seriously babe, Becky is not going to care at all.”

He
ushered me out of the door and I couldn’t help the quick glance to check no one
was around. I was pretty sure it was going to start getting suspicious how much
time we were spending together, but our parents were too wrapped up in wedding
details to have noticed so far.

I
was pretty sure Becky wouldn’t care what I was wearing - not if anything I’d
guessed about the people in Seth’s life was true - but damn it,
I cared.

It
might be silly that this was important to me, but out of all the silly things I
was feeling and doing at the moment, it didn’t come anywhere near the top ten,
so why not indulge it?

We
made it into the truck and out of the long driveway without a hitch and I
smiled, glad to be back with my handsome Navy SEAL even if I’d only just seen
him yesterday. And even more glad to be doing this.

So
far, not too much had changed between us after the explosion of emotions a few
days ago, but something in me felt lighter, easier. We were taking this
seriously, and I no longer had to ignore the constant questioning of what this
meant to him. It was obvious from everything he said and did, and it had only
become more intense between us.

It
was intoxicating and scary, and I had no idea how we were going to sort it all
out, but I believed him when he said we’d work it out. I had that stupid giddy
feeling that nothing was impossible, if we were together. It might be
ridiculous, but I
did
have a Navy SEAL on my side, and he’d proven
himself very capable of handling the impossible.

“So,
tell me about Becky.”

He
grinned at me and shook his head.

“Well,
she’s quite a…character. You’ll both get on splendidly, I’m sure.”

I
caught the amusement in his tone and poked him.

“Hey!”

His
hand trailed down my leg, playing with the bare skin just under the bottom of
the shorts, and heat immediately bloomed in my stomach. I’d forgotten the last
time I’d been in this truck with him had had very much
no touching
rules.
This could be dangerous.

But
then, since I’d met him, I’d started appreciating danger a little more…

“She’s
the wife of a guy I’ve served with, Ryan. We all stick together, look out for
each other’s families when some of us are away. Makes things easier.”

It
was a warm sentiment, and I smiled. It was nice to think the indomitable men
I’d met at the charity gala had a slightly softer side too.

“You
know I’m probably going to be busy most of the day, right? I offered to help
out in the garden, get it in a decent state before fall starts and we have a
million leaves on our hands. Of course, Ryan should be back to take care of
that.”

The
idea of him gardening also made my heart skip a little, and I softly clamped
down on the girlish nonsense. I liked the thought of my badass SEAL in everyday
life a little too much.

“What’s
Ryan like?”

“He’s
a great guy - got me through my first deployment, really. And then after,
started work on the truck with me, too.”

Since
that night when we’d agreed to make a proper go of this, and Seth had explained
some of his childhood to me, he’d been much more open in talking about
everything else too, which had just reinforced his intentions. He might have
been impossibly guarded before that, but the guy meant what he said. He wanted
to try this with me.

“The
truck?”

“Yeah,
I fixed it up from scratch. It was pretty much scrap-metal when I bought it.”

“Impressive
- I didn’t know you had a mechanical bent in you.”

Made
sense though - guys and their toys. Military types were the worst for it.

He
just shrugged though, glancing briefly at me before centering his eyes on the
road again.

“Ryan
got me into it, actually. After deployment, it was hard being back home.
Adjusting. Not thinking every damned civilian might have a bomb strapped to
their chest. And also…stepping back from that killing edge. It’s hard to accept
what you do in the depths of hell, when you get back and see it in the light of
day. He always said we should do something constructive - create, to balance
the destruction. He always talks that way. Thinks too much, if you ask me, but
he was right on that one. Fixing things helps - eases those feelings. I don’t
know the meanings or the whys of it, but I took the advice.”

I
listened in fascination. I’d never really thought about it at any length - what
it must do to a guy, to live as Seth did - and the more I heard, the more I
wanted to help - to provide shelter and safety from that landscape. It was a
silly, sentimental feeling, but I was starting to enjoy those, especially as I
listened to Seth talk. I was liking the sound of Ryan, too.

“So
Ryan repairs things too?”

“Nah
- his fix is carving. Tried to get me into that at first - my fingers weren’t made
for that shit.”

I
laughed, then glanced up at the wooden eagle hanging from his windscreen
mirror. It was reminiscent of the one on his chest and I’d always wondered
about it. He turned off the highway and started down smaller roads as I caught
it, looking at him speculatively. He got the meaning straightaway.

“Yeah,
that’s his - gave it to me as a good luck charm, after we were done with the
truck. He’s a good guy, Ryan.”

The
tone of his voice when he spoke about these guys told me a lot about what they
meant to him. There was more to the SEALs than met the eye, and I smiled as we
pulled to a stop in front of a cheery looking house in the suburbs, happy to
finally have the chance to understand more.

*  *  *

“You
been together long?”

I
glanced back at Becky, my gaze distracted by the sight of Seth ‘gardening’ with
three little boys that seemed to dog his every footstep. It was something I
could never have pictured an hour ago, and I couldn’t kill my fascination. I
was getting used to Becky’s directness, and Seth had been right - once I’d
adjusted to her no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point attitude, we’d hit it off
together. I’d always preferred people who told it like it was and didn’t make
you have to second-guess everything they said and did. It was part of the
reason Kaylee had always been such a blessing to me - even if I could’ve done
without half of her blunt, honest comments.

I’d
offered to help with the gardening, but she’d given it a dismissive wave,
telling me that watching would be much more fun. I had no doubt about that, and
having met her in person, I couldn’t begrudge the way her eyes danced as she
looked at my SEAL. It was obvious she didn’t really have eyes for anyone but
her own.

I
smiled and looked back towards Seth, amused at just how little time it had
taken for these insane feelings to develop.

“Not
long, but…”

“But
it’s intense, right?”

I
nodded, blowing on the refill of tea she’d just poured.

“Always
is with these guys. Doesn’t quit, either - I don’t think they do a damned thing
without that controlled ferocity.”

That
made me smile. It was nice having someone who could put into words all the
unconscious things I picked up from Seth - to know that others had experienced
this before me. And survived.

I
watched as the littlest one - Jamie - scrabbled around in the soil, throwing
clumps of dirt everywhere. One hit Sam and looked like it might start an
all-out war until Seth swung him over his shoulders and asked him to point out
the branches that needed pruning.

“I’ve
never seen him with kids.”

It
was an idle thought, but one I kept coming back to. That silly part of me was
trying to tell me he’d be a great father.

Which
was
such
a premature idea.

“Yeah,
they miss Ryan like crazy when he’s gone, but it helps to have the other men
come around. They all have that same way about them - doesn’t replace Ryan, but
gives them a taste of him. They need the constant male role model.”

I
nodded - it made sense, and as I thought again of Seth’s own childhood, I
figured maybe this was good for him too.

“Doesn’t
look like they’re getting much done.”

She
snorted lightly.

“Probably
not. Imagine he’ll pick up the pace later in the day, when the boys are good
and tired.”

We
sipped tea in silence for a little while, as I pondered how to bring up the
thing I was
really
wondering about. Until I’d arrived here today, I’d
never really thought about what being a Navy SEAL meant - for the SEAL, or for
anyone around them. Seeing Becky raising three kids with her husband gone
whenever his country called had me thinking about it slightly differently.

Seth
and I had never talked about it, but there could be no doubt that it was a hard
life. Anything could happen to him, and he might not be there at any given
moment. I found myself wondering whether I could deal with it - the strength
and fire in Becky’s gaze inspired me, but I didn’t know whether I had the same
thing within myself. The thought of something happening to him had my heart
freezing in its chest as it was, and so far, his work hadn’t even taken him
away.

Of
course, the thought of him not being with me did the same thing, so I wasn’t
sure what to think.

I
knew this was what he’d meant when he said I might still run a mile - he’d
lived and worked with these guys for three years now. He’d seen families like
Becky’s - wives and girlfriends and partners. I couldn’t even think about the
ones he’d seen fail to make it.

If
we were actually going to do this, to consider this, I needed to be okay with
this part of his life. And on the surface of it, I thought I was. But the
reality of endless nights alone, worrying about him…I bit my lip and glanced at
Becky. I didn’t want to come off rude, or tread where I wasn’t welcome, but…

“It
must be hard - having him away all the time.”

Her
eyes when she looked at me were full of an understanding that both reassured
and unsettled me. She nodded, and sipped at the tea, before answering with an
honesty that surprised me.

“It
is. This life is difficult as hell sometimes. But it’s part of him. Part of who
he is and what I love about him. So I can’t help but accept it, because it gave
me the man I love. Even if it takes him away again and again.”

“I -
if you don’t want to talk about it…”

“No,
I do want to talk about it.”

Her
eyes were hard and certain when she looked at me, and I had the sudden
impression this wasn’t the first time she’d had this conversation.

“It’s
important to talk about it, Bella. This isn’t something that you choose
lightly, or without knowing exactly what it means. Divorce rates for the
military have always been high, but among SEALs…it reaches 90%. There’s a good
reason for that, because most people can’t hack it. And no disservice to them -
there are some brilliant, passionate, amazing women who’ve tried. It’s just
that what it asks of you is often too much. They come, and they sweep you off
your feet with the ultimate definition of an alpha male - power and confidence
mixed up with such a deadly competence that it could scare you if it didn’t
make you hot with need. And when they’re here, it’s the best thing in the world
- you get that alpha male to be your own personal champion, to protect and
defend and fight for you, even if it’s just taking you to dinner - you know
that’s what’s behind every little thing they do. But then they leave, and you
realize that your champion isn’t just yours - that he has to go off and save
the world, protect others as he does you, even if that means leaving you alone
to deal with life. It’s every woman’s fantasy - half of the time. A mess of
contradictions. It’s not hard to understand that divorce rate, when you think
about it like that - how much they give…and take away.”

My
heart was in my throat at the words, the unease I’d felt earlier redoubling as
she described everything I’d ever felt about Seth - and all the things I hadn’t
thought about.

“It
gives you some of the most courageous, amazing, fiercely protective and loyal
men I’ve ever known. And if you asked me, I’d say it’s worth it. One hundred
times over. But that’s something that everyone has to work out for themselves.”