Hannah's Blessing (41 page)

He opened it and glanced at the two pictures inside. The look he gave her was deliberately wry, and she blushed. “You kept his picture next to your heart all this time, and then you expect me to believe that you’re happy without him?” He flipped the locket closed and glanced at the inscription on the other side. “
A Vila Mon Coeur, Gardi Li Mo
?”

“Do you know what it means?” she asked, sniffling.

“Of course, I took years of French in school.”

“What does it say? Devlan never told me.”

“It says, ‘here is my heart, guard it well’.”

As the words sunk in slowly, Diana threw back her head and laughed. Bryce startled at the sound, and she absently pulled him closer. “I don’t believe it.”

“Hey,” Brad grunted. “My French isn’t that bad.”

“What a fool!” she gasped. Brad was right. There was still hope.

Brad frowned at her in confusion. “I’m not a fool.”

“I have to go,” Diana said. “Bryce has been fed and has a clean diaper. Put Hannah down no later than eight.  She has school tomorrow.”

Diana came to her feet and handed Brad the sleeping baby. “Wait a minute,” he protested. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to try to fix things. I’m going to say I’m sorry.”

“But how? Do you know where he is?”

“I can guess.”

Finally understanding, Brad smiled. “Good luck Di. I’ll miss you.”

She glanced at him over her shoulder. “I’m not there yet.”

~

Diana drove straight to the finest hotel in Phoenix. Although there were dozens of fine resorts and spas in the Valley of the Sun, there was one hotel that stood apart from the others. The hotel that harbored presidents among the rich and famous, and Diana knew without a doubt that Devlan would be there.

The red paved drive led to the fine stucco front. She slid into a parking space without any aid and rushed into the front lobby. The concierge glanced up in surprise at her hurried entrance. She had tried to straighten her loose hair and fix her face, but the tears had washed away all traces of the makeup she had applied earlier that day. Her clothes were casual and not nearly as finely tailored as the patrons of this exquisite hotel.

“Mr. Doyle’s room, please,” she said breathlessly.

There was a collective murmur behind the desk as the employees glanced at one another in uncertainty. Diana watched them with growing exasperation, her face growing stiffer with tension.

“Please, I need to know where he is.”

When they continued to hesitate, Diana glanced around the lobby frantically. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Mike O’Hare appear from the lounge and breathed a sigh of relief. Shoving herself away from the desk, she pursued the tall bodyguard, calling out his name from across the lobby.

“Mike!”

He spun around, and his eyes widened when he saw her there. “Wow, Mrs. Somerset?”

“Please, Mike. I need to see Devlan.”

He shook his head slowly. “I don’t know... He’s locked up in his suite. Told me to go away for a while and ordered a bottle.”

Diana grimaced. “Will he see me?”

“I don’t think so.”

She felt the tears begin to fill her eyes as despair filled her. Her shoulders slumped as she sighed in resignation. Mike watched her closely, his eyes narrowed. Finally, with a groan, he reached in his pocket and pulled free his room pass.

“Take this. The number’s on the jacket. I’ll find somewhere else to go.”

“Thank you, Mike. Thank you so much.”

He waved his hand and turned away, but not before Diana saw the red stain on his cheeks. She would have hugged him had he not slipped out of sight.

Diana was left clutching the treasured pass. She remained rooted to the spot for another moment before gathering up all her courage and striding purposefully to Devlan’s room. She could do this, she told herself. It was time to admit that she had changed quite a bit since her terrible marriage to Peter. She had learned how to stand up for herself and her daughter, and it was mostly due to Devlan. Now she needed to repay him that favor. It was time they were completely honest with each other, and she had to tell him the truth straight out.

The door was closed, and she could not hear any noise coming from inside. She remained outside for a few minutes, insecurity staying her hand. She had to thrust her pride aside now. It was all up to her. But deep down the fear was there. Haunting her. She was still afraid to open her heart to never-ending pain. Just like before.

The door swung open silently to reveal the darkened suite. The only light came from the bedroom, where the door stood partially open. No sound came from the sunken living room, and Diana squinted into the blackness ahead. Fear made her mouth dry, and it took all of her strength to advance into the room and shut the door behind her when all she wanted to do was run away.

“I thought I told you to go away.”

Diana startled in a mixture of surprise and alarm. Devlan’s deep voice was as harsh as it had been at her condo. He was seated in the living room in one of the plush white chairs. As her eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, she noted that he was facing away from her and a bottle of whiskey was on the floor by his side. His dark head was resting against the back of the chair, and she could see that his eyes were closed. In his hand was an eight ounce glass, partially empty, and the bottle already had a pretty good-sized dent in it. She inhaled sharply. Peter had never been a nice drunk. She had no idea if Devlan would be any better.

“Go away,” he insisted.

The words were cold and clipped. Diana squeezed her eyes shut and took the carpeted stairs slowly. She felt as though she were walking to her doom. However, she knew she could be strong. She could survive this. She would simply tell Devlan the truth and see what he had to say. It would be so easy.

Although she advanced slowly, she saw Devlan’s nostrils flare seconds before he raised his head and opened his eyes. She froze when he pinned her with his angry blue gaze, unable to move a muscle. “What are you doing here? I told you my lawyer would be in touch with yours.”

Diana steeled her resolve and dropped to her knees in front of him. He did not move, although he watched her intensely. When her hands came down on his knees he jerked away, but it was the only move he made.

In an effort to appease him, she held her hands up for a moment before letting them fall to her side, but he continued to glare at her. “I’m here to say I’m sorry.”

Devlan shook his head and emptied his glass. When it was gone he inhaled harshly and scowled at her. “Go away Diana. I’d rather not look at you right now.”

Diana shook her head. “No. You asked me earlier to tell you why I left. I’m here to tell you now.”

“I can’t listen to your excuses right now.”

She hesitated long enough to gather her courage and put her pride aside. “I was so scared Devlan.”

“So you say.”

“I was. I was so terrified that I panicked.”

“I really don’t want to hear this now, Diana. I’m in no mood.” He waved his hand and reached for the bottle. Diana was tempted to pull it from his hand, but she did not want to inflame him any more than he already was.

“Devlan, please. Listen to me. That’s all I ask.”

“I can’t anymore. I’ve tried to be patient, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever suspect you of hiding your pregnancy from me.
My child
, Diana.”

She bit her lip. He was totally and absolutely correct. But she had reasons, and she wanted him to hear them before she left. “Devlan, please, just listen. Just give me these last few minutes, okay?”

When he did not answer, she jumped at the chance to speak. “Roxanne came over and told me that you realized how in love you were with her after her trip to the hospital. She said you were announcing your engagement to her on Christmas Eve. Who was I to doubt her?”

“I told you we were nothing more than friends.”

“But you have to admit that she came first with us several times. After all, you left my bed to be with her on two occasions.”

“Then why didn’t you rage at me and get it out in the open? Why did you bottle it all inside you?”

“I was afraid. She was there a long time before I was.”

“But I told you.”

“Yes, but you showed me something different.”

“I had commitments to complete. You should have trusted me.”

“I’d been wrong to trust before. I still couldn’t know for sure.”

“Because you didn’t have any confidence. I told you I would take care of you while you found your self-esteem again.”

“You also told me that you would follow me if I ran away again.” Diana laughed bitterly. “You never searched me out until now, and I know that you could have easily found me. Besides, who am I to compete against a woman as beautiful as she is?”

Devlan shook his head. With a feeling of some triumph she noticed that he almost reached for her. “You are every much as beautiful as she is, if not more so. I used to think that you had more caring and depth than she did.”

She could feel a blush rising on her cheeks and ducked her head. “I didn’t know. I was going to stay and question you, but then I realized that I might be pregnant. I went to a drug store and bought a kit. When it came up positive, I went wild. I assumed that you would take the baby away and want to raise it with Roxanne. The very idea of Roxanne holding my child made me crazy. I was so scared that I ran away.”

“If you had stayed long enough to ask me, you would have realized Roxanne would never touch my son.”

“But it wasn’t just her. I was afraid to tell you too. I admit that. You had referred to our vacation as a fling and had already expressed your reluctance to have children with me that night on the boat.”

“A fling?” he frowned as he struggled to remember. “I never…”

“You did. On my birthday, you said no one knew about our fling in Hawaii.”

“I was trying to reassure you that what we had would remain between us,” he said angrily. “Why are you twisting everything?”

“I’m not twisting,” she insisted. “I’m trying to explain my point of view. You said things and then did others. I came to my own conclusions.”

“Yeah, the wrong ones. You once accused me of refusing to commit, Diana, but you should take a look at yourself. I offered you everything I had. I committed fully to you.”

He was right, she knew that now. How she had despised the very thought of him because she believed he was a commitment-phobe, but she had proven herself to be just as guilty. “There was never talk about a future. Everything we had in that time was under the understanding that I would leave once Hannah had recovered.”

“You never gave me the chance. I was going to talk to you the evening of your birthday. I was going to ask you to stay with me. You were the one who took off.”

“I was wrong. I know that. And it was wrong for me to wait to contact Thomas, but the idea of you and her sharing my baby or you marrying me out of duty was just too much to bear. I thought I was helping you from facing an awkward conversation. Never, Devlan… never did I think I was hurting you.”

“But you did,” he said softly.

“And I am so very sorry.”

She reached for him again, and this time he did not pull away. She threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his abdomen and burying her face in his chest.

“Roxanne said that you were planning a family together,” she said brokenly. “I figured that Hannah and I would be like a bad memory, the black sheep of the family, and I wanted to save you from having to tell us to leave. I had to protect my daughter. She loves you so much.”

He did not push her away, but neither did he participate in her tight hug. His arms remained over the chair as he sat, unmoving, beneath her. Having said her piece, she finally released him. She came to her feet slowly and stared down at him. Her face was completely unguarded as she managed a small smile for him.

“I came here tonight to tell you. You deserved to hear the whole truth. You are such a wonderful person, Devlan, and you truly deserve the best. I know that I reacted too quickly, but I have no intentions of keeping you from Bryce. He’s your son, and you are an amazing father. My children are the world to me, and I only want what is best for both of them.”

Waiting for a response that never came, Diana slowly nodded her head in understanding. She had come to say what she wanted to say and had survived it. It was now time to bow out. She turned and headed for the stairs with heavy feet and an even heavier heart. Disappointment at his continued coldness filled her, but she had hurt him deeply. He needed time to digest it all, and she had to be willing enough to give him all that he needed. Patience. Devlan had always been so patient with her. It was her turn to do the same for him.

Dropping the room pass on the glass table beside his chair, she glanced once more at Devlan as he sat unmoving. With her head held high, Diana placed one foot on the bottom stair. “Goodbye Devlan.”

Tears blinded her in the darkness, and she stumbled on the last step. She quickly regained her balance and hurried to the door, hoping to escape before he heard her sob again.