Hanging on (Jessica Brodie Diaries #2) (41 page)

Adam would not let go of her. He’d take whatever punishment she inflicted, to continue trying to help. She was not the victim in this one, she was the attacker.

“
Lump! No!
You’ll be as bad as you said Adam was. You are being your dad right now!
You’ll hurt him! Stop!
”

Lump’s feet were held in such a way that I could tell she was struggling for control.

“You’ll hurt him, Lump. He is trying to
help
you. To
protect
you, Lump. That’s all he ever wanted to do. Why is everything a fight with you?” I was keeping my voice a plead instead of anger. I was scared and I let that trickle into my voice.

To Adam I said, “Put her down, Adam. Get her feet to the ground. Lump,
don’t move
. His shoulder is hurting. He isn’t the bad guy in this.
You
are. I don’t know how to Jane you with knowledge in this, but you are hurting everyone around you. You are dragging everyone down with you.” I felt a tear leak out of my eye.

The fight went out of her. Her limbs went slack. Her expression fell.

Adam slowed, holding her with his good arm, trying to let his wounded shoulder dangle. I stepped forward, ready to take her, but Adam said, “I got her Jessica.”

His voice was soft, supportive. Understanding.

William and Ty ran over panting as a tear ran down my face.

“What happened?” William asked, confused by Adam holding Lump.

“Lump was fighting,
again
, and Adam had to keep her from killing her boyfriend. Or, probably, ex-boyfriend.” I was still looking at Lump.

She had tears in her eyes. I could see the agony and dejected sorrow on her face that must be the mirror of what existed in her soul. It looked as though her demons could easily rival Adam’s.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Adam was now kneeled beside her, talking to her quietly. She was nodding and shaking her head in response to his questions. He was smoothing her hair and rubbing her shoulder. He finally nodded, stood up, and helped her to her feet.

She looked up at William with eyes doing little to mask her inner turmoil and pain. “I owe you an apology. I should not have done that on your land. I won’t be fighting anymore for a while until I get myself under control. I am sorry that I embarrassed you. And myself.”

My heart ached. I looked at Adam, who was also studying Lump.

William, missing all this for lack of not knowing her like I did, and now like Adam did, looked at Ty, trying to mask a smile. “I think you
should
stop fighting for a while. Frankly, I don’t want to piss you off!”

He and Ty chuckled. Adam, Lump and I didn’t.

“However,” he said, suddenly conscious he was missing something, “you far from embarrassed me. I had no idea you could do all that! No one will say anything bad about a woman holding her own. Not out here.”

She still looked down-trodden and miserable, but nodded her thanks. Adam was responding to her emotionally as I had never seen anyone do. It looked like he was reaching out with himself, trying to heal her pain. I had a feeling it was the same pain he had buried inside, he had just worked on dealing with it longer.

“I meet these guys in Muay Thai. None of them know I’ve mastered another discipline for just such an occasion.”

“You’re hurt,” he whispered, reaching without hesitation and wiping away a spot of blood on her forehead. She didn’t flinch or move away, letting him clean her up.

When he finally backed away, he was trying, and failing, to hide his compassion for what she was going through.

It was time to wrap this up. If you let Lump wallow in self-pity, it would eat away at her, taking her into a downward spiral. You had to keep her active so she couldn’t over-think.

“Lump, I am going to ride a steer.”
Which I really don’t want to do.
“Would you mind taking Adam’s spot and helping William get me on?”

She looked up at me, knowing exactly what I was doing, and thankful for it. She nodded eagerly. As we pushed past the others, I saw Lump give William a look of gratitude and a kindhearted smile to Adam.

And here I was. Again. On a damned bull. I really never intended to ride one again. Once was enough for bragging rights. But here I was, yet again.

William secured everything and checked me to make sure I was good. I got me my old friend from last time, the hopper. He then looked into my eyes and saw that I was scared shitless. I knew what to expect—or rather, I knew of all the things I might be surprised with, and I was trembling from the worry.

William smiled. “I’ll be in the ring with you, okay? Remember to let go. This little guy will do the same thing he did last time, so just hang on for dear life.” He winked and hopped into the ring.

Lump was up with the chute, Adam on the ground beside it.

“Okay, Jessie. You a’right?” Adam called.

“Uh huh.”

He laughed. “Nervous?”

“Uh huh.”

“Kay, now. Do just like Willie said. Hang on to the brute, but when you start to fall, remember to let go. Keep that hand up, move that ass like you were ridin’ Willie!”

The guys gathered around started laughing.

“A’right, Betz. Show time. Give’er a count and set that gate flyin’!”

Lump smiled down at me and giggled.
Lump
,
giggle?

“Good luck!” she said as she flung the gate open.

“Waaiiiiiitttttt!” I said as the steer took off.

I did like Adam said. I put one hand in the air, and tried to move my bottom half with the bull, letting my upper half relax. I definitely stayed on longer than the last time, but then I felt myself starting to slip.

I let go and pushed with my legs to jump off. I landed on my back, jumped up, and ran.

“Wrong way!”

William was walking over to me with a big smile on his face. He hugged me tightly. “Have fun?”

“Hot tub.”

He snickered. “Well, you managed seven seconds. You almost made it! That is great for your second try!”

“It was a ball-less bull, Little Willie, I don’t think that counts.”

He laughed and kissed me.

I felt pretty good anyway. I tried to control my strut as I went to see if Ty needed any help getting Lump ready.

“I am doing gate this time,” I announced.

Lump looked at me with an excited smile. “Sorry Jess, but you work better when you don’t expect it.”

“Seven seconds to beat,” I said.

“Easy,” she retorted. Famous last words.

She was strapped on a steer as well, but I noticed hers was bigger than mine was. I wasn’t stupid enough to get offended.

I got to my place at the chute. Adam started talking her through it like he talked to me, only he gave her some general instruction about the bulls movements, which I already knew from the last time.

Lump was fiercely athletic, as anyone could guess. She took the advice, then turned to me. “Now or never. Let her fly.”

“Ready. Set.
Go
!”

I threw the gate open and the steer went leaping out. Lump held her hand up like a pro. She moved her body in a close mimic of the form, and held on for dear life. She made it to about five seconds and started falling. She let go and not so gracefully hit the dirt.

Without any signs of outward panic, she got up and dusted herself off. The bull was hopping toward the exit.

“You good?” Adam called.

Her smile lit up her face. “This is
so
my new sport. It is exhilarating!”

“No!” Three guys said in union.

Lump rolled her eyes as she climbed the gate to get out.

“New sport!” she whispered to me.

William came over and put his arm around me. “You two never cease to surprise me. Do you want to go to my house tonight?”

I got a bout of butterflies at that thought. He still made me nervous when anticipation was a factor.

“Let me work out the car situation with Lump real quick. Be right back.”

Lump was still over at the chute taking off her stuff. As I neared, I heard Adam saying, “Well, you shouldn’t be with a guy like that Betsy. He’s dangerous.”

“And
you
are safe, huh?”

“That’s why I’ve stayed away from you.” Adam’s voice was gentle. It sounded like it was about to break. “You don’t deserve to be around someone that scares you.”

I knew I shouldn’t be hearing this, but if I walked away they would hear me and think I was eavesdropping, which I was. So I opted for the overly loud approach.

“Hey Lump?” I called as if I didn’t know where she was.

“Yeah?” She called.

I walked up and saw Adam leaning against the gate looking at the ground. Lump was wiping a tear from her eye.

“Um. Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“Right. Well, do you want the car because I can get a ride with William.”

“I’m coming Jessica. Wait for me, I’m coming.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Dumb ass.”

She quickly finished up and left Adam, who was still looking at the ground.

When she caught up to me, I asked, “What was that fight about?”

“Adam is mad because I keep dating dangerous guys.”

“No, not that fight--let it be known that I completely agree with him—but with David?”

“Aren’t you the girl that always loved danger?”

“Yes, when I was 19 and stupid. You gotta grow out of that, Lump. You have to find a guy that treats you right. There is nothing better. We deserve no less, you know?”

She sighed. “I don’t know what I am doing. I always pick assholes.
Real
assholes, that want to hurt me. Tonight I wanted to push the envelope with David to see if he was one of those guys. When I started dating him I
knew,
just
knew,
he wasn’t. But he would have hit me sure enough.”

“He would’ve if you gave him a chance, yeah. Stop picking those guys. There are nice guys out there that treat a woman right but aren’t whimps. I found one. They exist.”

“I don’t know how to stop picking those guys,” she said with tears in her eyes.

It was like a cover was taken off, allowing Lump’s tears to rise to the surface at a moment’s notice. She needed a trip to Dr. George! I must remember to mention it to Gladis.

With all the things I constantly had to remember, I seriously needed to think about getting a notepad!

“Then stop picking guys for a while,” I said, getting my line of thought back on track. “Let one pick you and prove himself. Maybe that will change things.”

She nodded, resigned. I’d take it.

We walked the rest of the way in silence. When we made it to William he looked at me jovially. When I didn’t return the feeling he looked at Lump and saw that there was a problem. His face immediately went blank as he adopted a patient pose, waiting for us to do as we would.

“Do you want to come with us?” I asked Lump. “William has an extra room, or five. You wouldn’t have to be alone.”

She shook her head. “I think I’ll go hang out with Gladis. She’ll be up for another hour. She always knows the right things to say somehow.”

“They call that wise. I don’t think we’ll ever learn our lesson enough to get there when we are old...”

Lump laughed flippantly. “See you. Bye Willie. I’ll be here next time for another ride.”

“We’ve created a monster,” he said with a smile as a good-bye.

I climbed into his truck, waited for him to climb in and get settled, then laid my head in his lap.

“She’s lost,” I said. “The one guy that seems to understand her doesn’t want to be near her. And she doesn’t trust
him
. Well, and he has a cute, rich girlfriend. What a mess.”

“I doubt the girlfriend is in the way. She is anything but Adam’s type. He is probably just lonely and she is good for sex.”

“William!”

“It’s true.”

“Yeah, like that fake blond with big boobs that one time?”

“You always bring that up.”

“I wonder why...”

He rubbed my head then my back. “I love you, you know.”

“Oh, really? I didn’t get the memo.”

“And now I know what type of ring you like. You will never be safe!”

“Don’t even think about it! I’m too young. And I am still not convinced you aren’t going to leave me.”

“You’re rarely stubborn, but when you are it is about the silliest things.” He sighed. “I promise, I won’t ever leave you. Not even if I die. I’ll just keep on, haunting constantly, rattling chains and opening curtains. Especially if you are with another guy!”

“William? What is it about me that draws you? That you can’t find in a girl with your same situation?” I still hadn’t been to figure out what Gladis had said—to guard what he wanted.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Yes. That’s why I am asking,” I said sarcastically.

“Girls in my
situation
have had everything handed to them. They are deeply imbedded in an endless supply of money. And yes, I could, too, if I wanted. My brother thinks that way. But I am ambitious. I want to make my own empire, or vastly improve the families’. I want to make a difference by what I do, not just have money. It all sounds so noble, but it’s not. It’s just...money is great, and certainly helps, but...it’s not all there is.”

“I would take a life with a bunch of money if it was offered.”

“Sure, not many wouldn’t. But you have already learned the lessons of not having it. What you said to Dez that day was exactly why you are the only one for me. Why you make sense to me. You could have gone a different way in life, and even if you made it, you realized it would have changed you. So you chose a different path. A path people would probably say you are crazy to take because you had an opportunity to be a
star
and
matter
.