Ham Bones (12 page)

"Certainly not"

"We had an argument the morning she died. Several
people heard it. I knew she'd screwed up the job at ABC
for me, and I let her have it."

I took a seat on the stool that was normally her seat. "I
shouldn't have to point out that I'm the one charged with
Renata's murder, not you. You don't have a reason to cry."

"As soon as they figure out you didn't do it, I'll be the
prime suspect"

Bobbe was a beautiful girl, who looked as if she should
be in front of the cameras, not backstage. I watched as
she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "The sheriff will look
at everyone, but it's becoming clearer and clearer to me,
Bobbe, that someone in this company did kill Renata.
Graf saw you coming out of her dressing room right before the fatal intermission. He hasn't told the sheriff, but
he will." Especially if the heat was turned up on him.

She turned away. "I didn't kill her, but I sure as hell
wanted her dead"

"Well, that's not a crime. Everyone who worked with
her wanted her dead" That wasn't an overdramatization,
either.

"I put that lipstick on her lips." She faced the makeup
table and picked up a tray of lipsticks. "You know, I
thought it was such a lovely shade that I was tempted to
try it on myself."

"Thank God you didn't!" The idea was appalling.

"My fingerprints are on the tube. Once they figure you
didn't do it, how long will it be before I'm in the cross hairs." She sobbed. "I don't have friends down here. I don't
have money for a lawyer. What will I do?"

I put my arm around her. She'd been on the road with
the show for nearly thirty-six weeks without a break to go
home. As I patted her back, I slid my cell phone from my
pocket. "What's your home number?"

"You can't call Danny!" She grabbed at the phone,
knocking it to the floor.

"What's wrong?" I was more surprised than anything
else. She obviously missed her husband and child, and I
was only going to call them down here to be at her side
during a crisis.

"Don't get Danny down here. If he starts drinking and
running his mouth, he'll only make it worse"

I nodded, understanding at last that life with a rock
star could sometimes be rocky.

"What can I do to help?"

"Promise me that if I am accused, you'll take the case
and prove me innocent. I'll pay you, somehow."

"Don't worry about the money, Bobbe. If you're
charged, Tinkie and I will do all we can for you."

Her smile was tentative. "God, why couldn't you have
been with the show all the time? That stupid bitch made it
so much harder than it had to be. I hate her. I'm glad she's
dead"

And though Bobbe's smile was warm, my heart felt a
sudden chill.

ahlia House was cold and foreboding, as if the weather
reflected the condition of my heart. What should
have been a week of triumph left the taste of ashes in my
mouth. I was good. Damn good, on the stage. I sipped my
celebratory Jack Daniel's and listened to the merry tinkle
of my ice. Though the fire in the parlor fireplace crackled
brightly and I'd turned on every light in the downstairs,
nothing could block the fact that I celebrated alone.

Hamilton would have carpeted the floor with rose
petals for my arrival.

Harold would have gently sucked my thumb and ignited the twinkle lights that set my heart aflutter.

Scott Hampton would have penned a blues song about
my performance as Maggie the Cat.

The faces of the men from my past swept before my
closed eyelids like an album of dead possibilities.

I'd settled on Coleman. I'd let his Dudley Do-Right attitude and unspoken promises lure me into love. I'd
checked the answering machine before I made a drink. There was no call from him, no word on Connie. He was
as alone as I was and it served him right!

Though it would have been a sacrifice, I would have
given up the stage to be with him during his time of strife.
Nobody said it better than David Allen Coe. If Coleman's
needs were great, I would've lain with him in a field of
stone.

What he didn't understand was that I had needs, too.
Success brought its own share of gnawing anxieties. Either Coleman didn't realize it, or he didn't care. A dream
that'd been nurtured, worked toward, and brutally battered, had finally come true for me. I needed someone to
share the success. God, I needed his arms around me to
anchor me to Dahlia House and Zinnia and Sunflower
County, because I felt myself beginning to slip away just
like Jitty faded.

In my mind, I could clearly see a house on the Pacific
bluffs, surf pounding against the rocks, the perfect weather
warming my face. Reveler stood in a beautiful barn, unbothered by flies and mosquitoes or humidity. Sweetie
sniffed the ground around the small farm, happy to be a
California hound. With her ears, she'd be a natural at
surfing.

It could happen, and the images tantalized me with
possibilities.

Around me was the home I'd known as a child. My
New Year's resolution was to give up the past. At first, I'd
viewed my dream to be an actress as the past I was meant
to leave behind, but what if it was this older past, this past
of ancestors and wood worn smooth by the steps of dead
generations? What if .. .

"Jitty?" I called her, knowing she wasn't a ghost who
answered summons. I needed her, though. I needed someone.

"Jitty!"

A shimmer of light floated into the parlor and Jitty
materialized in black widow's weeds. A heavy veil covered her face, and I couldn't see the expression in her
eyes.

"Who died?" I asked.

She lifted the veil, and the gentlest smile touched her
face. "You'll have to tell me that, Sarah Booth. It could be
me"

"That's impossible. You're already dead"

"I'm here only as long as you need me"

I'd never considered that Jitty's existence was so
strongly linked with my own destiny. Actually, it was too
terrifying to think about, but I had to ask.

"If I left Dahlia House, would you stay here?"

"All alone, in an empty house? What would be the fun
of that?" she asked.

"This is your home" I almost choked on the word,
overcome by a wave of sadness that body-slammed me.

"Four walls and a roof don't make a home, Sarah
Booth. I'm here because of you."

"If I left here, would you ... disappear?" Die wasn't
exactly a word I could make myself say.

"I honestly don't know." She was stiller than I'd ever
seen her, a black figure hovering at the edge of the rug.

"Coleman has broken my heart," I confessed.

She nodded. "Some folks can see a train wreck
comin', Sarah Booth. Others have to wait for the steam,
crash, and broken bones"

I would fall into that category. Jitty had warned me
about Coleman. So had Tinkie. And Cece. And Millie.
The list went on. But I hadn't listened. Instead, I'd listened to my heart, a stupid muscle that knew how to do
only two things pump and break.

I cleared the lump from my throat. "The show closes
this Thursday. If I'm not in jail, I'm going to Hollywood
with Graf and take a screen test" I didn't realize my mind
was made up until I said it aloud.

"Dreams are hard to come by, Sarah Booth. Especially
ones that come true. To turn your back on a dream would
be foolish, and God knows, I'd like to see you stop that
track record here and now." Her smile took the sting out
of her words.

"Why do you think Coleman stopped loving me? I
know it was real. I didn't make it up or dream it. It was
real. What happened?"

She came forward and perched on the arm of the sofa.
Her dress was truly exquisite. The low-cut neckline, edged
in black, made her skin creamy, a buttery caramel. "All
along ever'one tole you, he's a married man. You just
wouldn't listen."

"He accused me of murder. That doesn't have a thing
to do with his marital status"

"Think it through, girl. Use your head for a change"

I tried. "What?"

"On the surface it may not, but Coleman is smart. And
one thing about him, he's a man of honor. You're the logical suspect in this murder. He had to come down on you
like a ton of bricks. He didn't have a choice. Now he can't
afford to call you or even talk to you casually, for fear
someone will say he gave you information or evidence to
help you prepare your defense. Whatever else he may
have done, he's lookin' out for you right now. He's doin'
the honorable and noble thing."

Her words cut deeper than a strap. My head knew she
was right, but my heart hurt too badly to accept her explanation. "I need him here, holding me, telling me that he knows I'm innocent. That's what I need from him." I
went to the sideboard and made another drink.

"He has needs, too"

"I don't believe it. You're defending him!"

"You won't listen because you want what you want.
He's giving you what you need, even if you're too pigheaded to see it."

"I want arms to hold me, and I want someone to see
me as talented and not a failure. I want kisses-"

The knock on the door was unexpected, and for a moment I thought my powerful wanting had made Coleman
materialize right on my front porch. I rushed past Jitty to
answer the door. Standing in the cold blast of air was Graf
Milieu.

He didn't bother to ask; he simply stepped inside,
swept me into his arms and kissed me with such passion
that I couldn't stop myself from melting.

His arm reached beneath my knees, and he picked me
up, kicking the door shut as he started up the stairs with
me.

"Graf, I-"

"Don't talk. Don't try to stop this. It's what we both
want. What we both need" He kissed me hungrily again
and took the stairs.

Graf went unerringly to my bedroom. He put me on
the bed, his hands already at the buttons of my shirt before I could stop him.

"Wait."

The one word sounded too loud in the room.

Graf's fingers stopped their work, and he looked me
dead in the eye. "I want to make love to you"

"Do I get a vote?" I swung my legs to the floor and
stood. I had to move away from him while I still had some mental powers. Graf Is passionate kiss had rekindled the
fire of the past. I'd been deeply in love with him. And he'd
been deeply in love with himself-I had to remember
that.

I'd changed, though, and it was possible that Graf had
changed, too. Possible, but only time would tell. I wasn't
about to jump out of the emotional frying pan into the
fire.

"You kissed me back, Sarah Booth. You want this,
too"

Direct, as ever. "I was feeling sorry for myself, Graf.
The man I've been in love with has other obligations. I'm
alone tonight, and I wanted someone to share my success.
You walked in the door, bringing all of the past behind
YOU.

"It's not the past I'm offering, Sarah Booth. It's a future. A real future. This time next week we'll be in Hollywood. The studio will be licking your feet. In a week,
you'll have a contract. In a month, you'll be filming. In a
year, you'll be a star!"

I was on the fast track, according to Graf. I can't deny
that his words soothed my ego. I'd never realized how
deeply I'd been wounded by my theatrical failure. Graf
could talk all night about me, and I would love it.

"I have a life here, Graf. Obligations. Personal relationships. It isn't just about me"

"Isn't it?" He looked around. "You can close up this
house tomorrow. We'll send money back to have workmen spruce it up, give it the love it needs."

"I have a partner in my PI agency."

He shook his head. "Who can carry on alone, or she
can find a new partner. Tinkie has proven she's capable of
rolling with the punches."

I paced the room. "I have a horse and a hound"

"They have grass and kennels in California. That's a
weak excuse"

I swallowed and continued pacing. The only thing left
holding me here was Jitty. A week ago, Coleman would
have been at the top of the list, but he didn't even warrant
a PS position. I'd never be able to explain Jitty to Graf.

"I'll think about it."

"Think about it?" He was incredulous. "What happened to the young woman who stayed up 'til three in the
morning rehearsing for a bit part with no pay?"

"She grew up "" I was surprised at myself, because it
was true. Somewhere in the past year, I had grown up.

"Sarah Booth, you can't turn your back on this."

"I'm not saying that I will." I took his arm and led him
to the stairwell. I didn't want to stay in my bedroom.
Avoiding temptation isn't my strong suit. I'd grown upa lot but I wasn't infallible.

"When will you let me know?"

"Graf, let's just finish the play." I edged him down the
stairs and into the parlor. "I have a lot of things to work
through here"