Guns Of Brixton (77 page)

    'The
daughter of the man who murdered my father.' 'That was never my fault and you
know it.' He didn't reply, and the silence stretched to near breaking point.
Eventually, he said: 'I wouldn't be here if you'd come with me that day. We'd
be somewhere warm together. You, me, Luke and Daisy.' 'Happy families again, is
it, Mark?' 'Something like that.' 'Because you never had one?' 'I did. John and
his.' 'But not yours, Mark.' 'Is that wrong?'

    'No.
But just to turn up like that and demand I leave everything. Everyone I know,
everything I own.' 'Would it have been so hard?'

    She
turned away before he could see the tears that sprang to her eyes. 'If only
you'd waited,' she said. 'What?'

    'If
only you'd waited. Like you did that day at school in the rain. Remember?'

    'I'll
never forget that day. You sent your friend with a note.' 'I know. Most of the
bloody school was looking out at you sitting there getting soaked.' 'It was
wet.'

    'So,
why didn't you wait the last time?'

    'I
was being pursued by half the police in England. Your brother's a cop. You said
you'd call him. I had to go.' 'I would've come. If only you'd persevered.'
'Don't say that, Linda. Don't make me regret something else.' 'I don't think
you know the meaning of the word.' 'Of course I do. I've had more regrets than
most.' 'Don't start singing
My Way,
for Christ's sake. I couldn't take
it.' He smiled again. 'I promise I won't do that.' 'So, where did you go?'

    'Like
I said, somewhere warm. Portugal. I found a little place where I could see the
sea, and there was a bar and restaurant within a few minutes walk. It was good.
Comfortable. You'd've loved it, and the kids…' 'They'd've loved it too, I
know.'

    'And
we could've stayed there the rest of our lives and forgotten all

    about
this.' His gesture took in London, England, everything. 'We could've been
happy.'

    'And
now we can't?'

    'I
don't know.'

    'Where
are you living?'

    'Out of
a suitcase. I've been staying in hotels. Moving around. You know.'

    'No,
I don't. Have you seen Chas?'

    'Briefly.'

    'And
how's Martine?'

    He
had wondered how long it would be before she came into the conversation. 'She's
fine, as far as I know,' he said. 'I haven't seen her. She still blames me for
John's death.'

    'But
I bet she'd have you in a minute.'

    He
dismissed Martine with another derisory wave of his hand. 'She's nothing to
me.'

    'Then
she should be. Her family took you in.'

    'I
know that.'

    'Then
show some bloody respect. Well, you have. You went to bed with her.'

    'I
did not.'

    'She
says you did.'

    'She's
a liar. She'd do anything to split us up.'

    'She
doesn't need to. You can do all that for yourself.'

    'Thanks.'
Although he knew it was true.

    'So,
what are we going to do?'

    'That's
up to you.'

    'I
find it very hard to like you these days, Mark, let alone love you.' But she
was lying. She knew it, he knew it, even Daisy knew it, smiling a very cynical
smile for someone so young. Or it could've been wind.

    'I
still love you,' said Mark.

    'And
what does loving me mean? Picking me up and dropping me whenever you feel like
it. Taking me and my family away from everything we know and dragging us from
one hiding place to another until we don't know who we are anymore. And what
happens when Luke and Daisy grow up? What kind of people would they be? Expats.
Strangers from their own country, not knowing who they are.'

    'I
can't make life perfect, Linda. I've tried that and it doesn't work.'

    'When
have you ever tried to make my life perfect?'

    'There's
no answer to that, if you don't know.'

    'I
don't, Mark. I've spent the last months since you went away again, trying to
work it out, but I've come up empty.'

    'Is
there anyone else?'

    'No.
There's never been anyone else. I've told you that a hundred times. Even when I
was married I still cared more for you than for my husband.'

    'I'm
sorry about that, Linda, I really am,' said Mark.

    'I
know,' she said. 'I know you are.' She looked at him sitting there, bearded, in
his sunglasses, with his cropped hair streaked with grey, his face lined like a
man years older than he really was, and her heart melted in her chest, just
like in the romances she'd read as a girl. Just like it always had since that
first day in the Wimpy bar in Croydon. 'So why don't we do it?' she asked.

    'Do
what?'

    'Piss
off out of here.'

    'Are
you serious?'

    'Of
course I am.'

    'I
don't understand. Me going, and Martine, and every bloody thing.'

    'I
love you.'

    'I
love you too.'

    'So,
let's do it. Let's go. Let's find this Shangri-La you're always telling me
about.'

    'You're
kidding me.'

    'I've
never been more serious in my life.'

    'And
Luke and Daisy?'

    'They'll
come with us. It'll do them good to see something of the world.' 'But their
schooling?'

    'We'll
find somewhere, Mark. Have you got cold feet all of a sudden?'

    He
thought about the weekend, and what was going to happen. 'No,' he said. 'Not at
all. I just can't believe you'd change your mind like that.'

    'A
woman's prerogative, I believe.'

    His
brain was running full tilt. 'Oh, Linda, why are you doing this to me?'

    'Because
I can.'

    'I
know.'

    'Well,
let's go then.'

    'When?'

    'Today.'

    'No,
Linda, not today,' he said. 'You'll need to sort things out.'

    'What
things?'

    'All
sorts of things. The house, for instance.'

    'Sean's
living here. He can look after it. And put it on the market. It's worth a good
half million now.'

    'And
what then?'

    'We'll
live on the money. I get an income too. If we're careful we can last for years
on that and my investments. You'll never need to work again. If you can call
what you do work. You'll be safe. I'll be safe. We'll all be safe.'

    'It
all sounds very nice…'

    'I
hear a "but" coming.'

    'No,'
he said. 'No buts. We'll do it. We'll leave on Monday.'

    'Why
so long?'

    'I
have things to organise too. Pack up over the weekend. We'll drive to the
Continent. We'll take your truck. My one's a bit warm, if you know what I
mean.'

    'I
think I do,' said Linda.

    'OK.
I do need a couple of days, I suppose.'

    'Course
you do.' There was an awkward silence until Linda said, 'I think it's time for
Daisy to take a nap.' 'Do you?'

    'Don't
you? We've got hours until anyone comes back.'

    'Do
you mean what I think you mean?' asked Mark.

    Linda
nodded. 'I've never done it with anyone with a beard.'

    'It's
the best offer I've had all day.'

    'I
should hope so too. Come on, Daisy, time for a little lie down. For all of us,'
she added. Mark smiled and followed them upstairs.

    Afterwards,
they lay together in Linda's bed, the door open so that she could hear Daisy in
the next room. They needn't have worried, the child slept like the baby she
was. 'That was good,' said Mark, feeling content for the first time in a long
time. 'It's been a while.'

    'How
long?'

    'Nosy.'

    'No,
how long?'

    'Since
the last time with you.'

    'Liar.'

    'I
swear.'

    'What
about those Portuguese senoritas, or whatever you call them? Did none of them
catch your eye?'

    'Lots
of them caught my eye, but most of them threw it back. What about you?'

    'Same
here. I'm an honorary virgin.'

    'Not
any more.'

    'That's
true. Can we really make it happen, Mark?'

    'I
hope so.' Suddenly, it all came flooding back. Hunter, Butler, Sean, the job,
and he felt the same old heaviness descend upon him. 'Oh, Linda, I really hope
so.'

    They
discussed the time and place to meet on Monday afternoon. They decided on the
street where Linda's old school had been, opposite the park where they'd first
met, at four o'clock.

    'So
what do we do about tickets and all that?' asked Linda.

    'I'll
worry about that. We can get tickets at the ferry. Just bring your passports.'
'It will be good to have someone else in charge, for a change. I'm tired. So
tired. You won't let me down, will you?'

    'No,'
he said.

    'Promise?'

    'Promise.'

    'Can
I see you over the weekend?'

    'I
don't see why not. If you can get away. I've got one or two things to sort out,
and I might have to go out of town for a bit. But otherwise, I'll be around.
But not a word to Sean, mind.'

    'Of
course not.'

    'You've
got to carry on as normal.'

    'That's
the last thing I've been recently - normal. Come downstairs, I need a
cigarette.'

    'Still
smoking?'

    "Fraid
so.'

    'My
fault.'

    'If
you like. Sean hates it.'

    'I
know,' he said, remembering her brother's look in the pub when he'd lit up.

    'How
do you know?'

    'What?'

    'That
Sean hates smoking.'

    He realised
he'd made a blunder and hastily said: 'I dunno. You must've said something
about it some time.'

    'Yeah,
I suppose I must.' She jumped out of bed and pulled on a silky dressing gown
quickly, but not quickly enough that Mark didn't see the curves, angles and
secret places of her body and begin to get aroused again. 'Christ, it has been
a long time,' he said. 'I fancy another.'

    'Down,
boy, I've got to check on Daisy. And I really need a smoke. There'll be plenty
of time for that later. Won't there?'

    'You
bet your life.'

    Or
mine, he thought. She left the room and Mark got out of bed and dressed, before
going down to the kitchen where Linda was sitting at the table smoking. 'Want
one?' she asked. He took a Silk Cut from her packet and lit it with her
lighter.

    'Listen,
I'm going to go. Like I said, things to do. Can I call you?' 'Sure.'

    'Same
number?' 'Of course.' He nodded. 'Do you remember it?'

    'That's
one number I'll never forget. If I give you my mobile, can you remember that?'
She nodded and he reeled off the number and she repeated it. 'Great,' he said.
'What are you going to tell the kids?'

    'That
we're going on holiday. Not that Daisy will know what I'm talking about. I'll
tell Luke on Monday. It's a bank holiday and school's off, and I've let Greta
have a few days off too, so we'll be on our own.' 'Great. I'd better go now,
but I'll be in touch.' 'Make sure you are.'