Great Apes (49 page)

‘I don't see why not,' Simon countersigned. ‘After all “grnn” I handled that opening last night, up until I was fool enough to light-up.'

‘And fool enough to “euch-euch” take that cocaine –'

‘The cocaine was crap “hooo”!' Simon chopped in. ‘Total crap!'

‘That's as may be, Simon – and far be it from me to be censorious about using drugs … ‘ Busner's fingers, usually so adroit, faltered and he realised that he would have to sign something to Simon of his own predicament. This he did, although he made a significant omission – there was no representation of the débâcle surrounding the Inclusion trial. Rather, Busner concentrated on those sections of the letter from the GMC that were critical of his unusual therapeutic methods.

‘You mean to sign,' Simon gestured when he had taken this in, ‘that you may well be
struck off
because of the way you've tried to help me “huuu”?'

‘That's about the size of it. ' Busner countersigned ingenuously.

‘But that's “euch-euch” preposterous! You've saved my sanity – perhaps even my life!'

Busner twisted the appropriate expression of humility on to his muzzle, but he was thinking to himself – and placed your sanity in peril to begin with, possibly even damaged your brain.

‘Look, Simon,' Busner resumed gesturing, ‘the fact of the matter is that we aren't through yet. There's this business of your missing infant to resolve. You're still convinced that there is one, aren't you “huu?' Simon mutely nodded. ‘And with this missing infant come all the rest of the disturbing human fantasies, am I right “huu”?'

‘ “Hooo” yes. ' Simon's muzzle blanched as he remembered the night before, the dreams of bestial mating, human copulation. For, from the perspective of the waking world, with its lap ponies, Bactrians and
Planet of the Humans
video cases, the dreams were no longer nightmarish, but erotically charged.

‘ “Gru-nn” Simon, until we've picked apart this negative cathexis surrounding the human, it won't be possible for you to resume ordinary life. Therefore it's necessary for us to gain some sort of funding in order to continue with our work –'

‘I'll pay you, Zack,' Simon flourished, ‘if that's what you need – or want “huu”?'

‘No, Simon “grnn”. ' Busner was gentle but firm. ‘I don't see that as being the right way to proceed. What I'd like to outline is more of a proper alliance …' And he waved on,
showing Simon about his meeting with Knight, the television producer.

“Gru-nnn” Simon vocalised after a while – he manifestly wasn't disgruntled. ‘Are you proposing that we cooperate in making a documentary with this chimp “huu”?'

‘That's right. I have it on good authority that he can be trusted and I've seen his work before – it's good. I can only envision that Gambol's betrayal and the investigation by the GMC will add spice to the cake as far as the television chimps are concerned “chup-chupp”. Simon, I know it seems odd, but just think, these chimps have so much money, if we should need to range far afield in order to continue our work – they'll pay for it.'

After an hour or so of careful, considered mutual grooming and accompanying gesticulation, Busner left Simon to prepare for the session with his ex-group. They parted with a clear understanding between them. Busner would pant-hoot Knight and show him the basis on which they were prepared to do the documentary. Knight could have absolute freedom to film as he saw fit, and would shoulder all expenses incurred, but the Busner–Dykes alliance would retain an absolute veto over the material.

Busner duly placed the pant-hoot. Knight was more than willing to accede to the demands. He was an ambitious young male, making his way up the hierarchy at speed, and because he worked with a pared-down unit – one assistant and a sound recordist, while he operated the camera himself – he was willing to take the risk. ‘If you agree with what I'm suggesturing,' Busner signed, ‘then it might be an idea for you to come to my group home in Hampstead around second-lunch time – I have a hump
there will may be imminent developments in Mr Dykes's condition. Bring the requisite paperwork as well – if you can get it drafted in such a short time “huu”?'

Knight gestured that this was easily done, and after taking down directions, they finished the pant-hoot with some satisfaction on both sides.

Busner's hump was well rounded.

The dykes group – they still retailed the old ascription – arrived at Redington Road in good time. This despite the fact that Jean Dykes, although nearing thirty, still flaunted the long-lasting swellings that had attracted Simon to her in the first place. These went on for weeks and Jean liked to make the best of them – being a devout Catholic – by indulging in as much mating as possible. She had allowed herself to be covered several times in the train on the way from Thame, twice on the tube ride from Marylebone to Hampstead, and there had been four more couplings as the patrol knuckle-walked to Redington Road, only one of which was endogamous.

Together with Jean were the three new male members of the Dykes hierarchy. The alpha, Derek, was the garage-chimp from Tiddington. Simon, peering out from behind the curtains in the sub-adult males' bedroom, recognised his heavily freckled muzzle, thick thighs and hefty rump. The other two weren't known to him and he didn't much like the look of them, especially the round-muzzled individual with the great ruff of white fur under his chin. As Simon watched, this male covered his ex right by the front gate, taking Jean with such rapid insouciance, that had Simon not known better he would have imagined the two chimps to be merely bumping into one another.

But it wasn't the adults that concerned him, whether mating or not, it was his own beloved infants. Where were they? First one little head, then another, emerged from behind the hedge. Simon had been desperately worried that he wouldn't be able to identify them – but he needn't have. He would've been able to pick out Magnus in a pullulating group, so distinctive was the lick of blond fur that flipped over his brow. And as for Henry, the infant, he was as chubby-muzzled and cuddly in his simian incarnation as he had been in his human.

As Simon watched, his two infant males barged past the mating adults, barrelled though the gate and came tumbling up the path to the front door, where they were met by a gaggle of Busner infants. The two parties fused into a typically chimpanzee ruckus, all leaping about, screeching, chasing and tickling. How unlike the standoffishness of human infants, Simon thought to himself as he came down the stairs hand over hand and skidded to a halt by the coat rack in the hall.

Busner emerged, and knuckle-walked ponderously from the direction of his study, with a chimp Simon recognised as Colin Weeks, the rather ineffectual Busner distal-gamma male. “HoooGraa,” Busner vocalised. ‘Are you prepared, Simon “huu”?'

‘I'm as “hooo” ready as I'll ever be, Zack. ' The front-door bell chimed its ordinary dissonance and Colin Weeks opened it. The Dykes infants came rolling in; a bundle of light-brown body fur exactly the same shade as Simon's halted in the middle of the floor. Disentangling themselves the two little males sprang up and came scampering towards their alpha crying, “HoooH'Graaa! HoooH'Graa! HoooH'Graaa!”

They leapt into Simon's outstretched arms, Magnus grabbing him around the neck, Henry around his upper arm, both began inparting at once so that the signs felt mixed up, spliced together: ‘Alphy! Alphy! “Gru-nnn” where have you been “huuu”? Did you bring us a present “huu”? What have you got for us “huu”? Alphy! Alphy!'

‘ “Huh-huh-huh-gru-nnn” now calm down, you two, calm down …' Simon bestowed kiss after kiss on their muzzles. He ran his fingers through their head fur, he kissed their outsize ears and smelt the furry essence of them, the commingled odour of him-and-them – the very smell of consanguinity.

In those few moments that the infants dangled off him, their fingers and toes tightly entwined in his fur, Simon Dykes, who had once had pretensions, dared to ape his own ideal, felt nothing but love for his offspring, regardless of their species. ‘ “Gru-nnn” it's so good to touch you, my darlings,' he fingered, ‘you look fantastic. Have you been good with your mother “huuu”? Looking after her “h'huu”, obeying her?'

‘ “Grnn” ye-es, Alph. ' Magnus prodded his alpha's muzzle, the signs beading Simon's brow like meaningful sweat. ‘We've both got really good reports this term, and I got two gold stars from Mrs Greely –'

‘Well
done
, Magnus “h'hoooo”. What a bright young male you're turning out to be.'

They were oblivious to the rest of the chimps who crowded into the hall, but now Simon broke off, hearing a familiar pant-hoot. “HoooGraa”! Jean Dykes vocalised, then, when she had his attention, signed to Simon, ‘Well, old Alpha, here we are!' Simon had been most worried
about meeting his ex again. There was so much baggage, so many misunderstandings, fights and falling-outs. There had been disagreements on matters of principle, precedent, hierarchy and fact. There had been fusions, fissions, alliances and coups within their group – too many to recall.

Simon feared that the sight of Jean's muzzle alone might plunge him into his psychosis. And even if that didn't happen, he had no image of how he should behave with her, of who should present to whom. ‘Don't worry “grnn”. ' Zack Busner had held him in check. ‘When the time comes – you'll know what to do.'

Simon did – instinctively. He knuckle-walked to where Jean squatted, noting that she was unchanged, the same exact fringing of dark fur around her low brow, the same religious fervour flickering in her hooded eyes. “HoooH'Graa,” Simon vocalised, then, presenting very low, he swivelled and pushed his trembling scut towards her muzzle. Jean bestowed a sloppy kiss on Simon's ischial scrag, then they reversed positions and Simon found himself kissing her arse. For a while after that, ignoring the other chimps who were establishing a provisional hierarchy around them, the two former nestmates gently and tenderly groomed one another – for old times' sake.

Zack Busner looked on at this emotional refusion of old group members with a mixture of feelings. He wanted Simon to be well, naturally, and this scene couldn't help but betoken a further alleviation of his ally's morbid condition. Yet Busner also felt a certain sadness. Simon was his last patient, his final case; with his full recovery would come the end of Busner's therapeutic career. The
old ape might as well – metaphorically – crawl off into the underbrush and build his final nest.

Pushing these disturbing images to one side, Busner got bipedal, drummed the wall and vocalised loudly, “H'hoooo!” When the hubbub had died down a little, he flourished, ‘I would like to welcome adult and infant members of Simon's ex-group to our home, and sign what a pleasure it is to see all your magnificently effulgent arseholes. Now “gru-nn”, there is a purpose to this fusion – Simon, Jean and I need to have an important gesticulation. I think it would be a good image if you infants went off and played together in the nursery – I don't know whether you, Magnus, and your brother have the new play trees yet, I imagine you'll find brachiating in them a hoot – while you visiting adult males have some first lunch “h'huu”?'

The big male who covered Jean Dykes by the front gate had been tardy, but he now knuckle-walked through the door with all the pedestrian pomp of a provincial professional chimp. Seeing this familiar gait, Simon suddenly knew who he was. It was Anthony Bohm, his doctor and old ally. So, that's who Jean had taken on board, along with Derek the garagechimp and the thin beardless male with the dark-brown sideburns. “HooH'Graa,” Bohm vocalised, then knuckle-walking quickly over to Simon he presented low, gesturing, ‘Simon, how good to see your scrag, please kiss my arse “huu”?' which Simon duly did.

Busner came over and gently separated the two chimps, signing, ‘Dr Bohm, please be so good as to have some first luncheon, there's fresh durian on offer “chup-chupp”. After my gesticulation with these old nestmates, I'd like
to finger with you in private for a while – if you're amenable “huu”?'

Bohm presented low to Busner, signing, ‘Of course, Dr Busner, I am your guest, beholden to your beautiful ischial pleat, dependent on your divine dominance. I shall look forward to “gru-nn” holding forth anon. ' Colin Weeks came up beside Bohm and got his fingers in the GP's fur along with Busner's. The two Busner chimps tickled the doctor's fancy with more titbits, and in due course all the chimps fissioned into other rooms.

Once they had arranged themselves around the large oak desk in Busner's study – Jean and Simon curled up in the chair, Zack squatting on the blotter – the three chimps got on with the matter in hand. ‘ “H'huu” Mrs Dykes –'

‘Please. ' Jean waved him down. ‘Do ascript me Jean, Dr Busner. I acknowledge your temporary, temporal suzerainty, and while initially I had not envisioned your “euch-euch” soul doctoring doing any real good for my poor, benighted ex-alpha, I see now from the expression of humility on his muzzle that you have managed to drag him back some way towards the path of righteousness “h'hooo”.'

Busner was somewhat put out by this blazoning of belief, but he had been warned by both Jane Bowen and Simon himself about Jean Dykes's consuming piety, so he let the signs stand uncontested, merely fluttering, ‘You're too subservient, Mrs Dykes, too subservient.'

Simon, who had been signlent since breaking from the infant hurly-burly, was grooming Jean's groin fur with great gentleness and – which explained the expression on
his muzzle – great humility. Of all the chimps he had encountered, apart from his own infants, Jean's body was the most familar to him. Her fur, her figure, her eyebrow ridges, even the peculiar dappling on her elongated teats – all of it reminded him of the past, of their group life together when he lived at the Brown House.