Grave Homecoming (A Maddie Graves Mystery Book 1) (15 page)

“No,” Maddie said. “I thought you would run away, and you were the best friend I ever had. I was terrified of losing you.”

“So, you shut me out and forged a new life because you were scared to tell me,” Nick said. “That’s what happened, isn’t it?”

“I … yes.”

“Was it worth it, Maddie?” Nick hissed, taking a step away from her. He was so angry he was afraid he would shake her if he didn’t put some distance between them. “Was it worth shredding everything to keep a secret that didn’t need to be kept?”

“I … .”

Nick couldn’t listen to one more lame excuse. “Just don’t.”

“Nicky … .”

Nick raised his hand to ward off whatever she was about to say. “I can’t even look at you right now.”

“Nicky … .” Maddie’s voice was anguished.

“Go home, Maddie,” Nick said. “Just … go home. I need to think.”

Nick stared out at the stars from his back porch, lost in thought as he warded off the cold. He should’ve been in bed hours ago – an early morning shift at the police department was looming – but his mind was clouded.

Why hadn’t she just told him? Why was she so terrified of what he would do? Was he so bad of a friend that he’d given her a reason to believe he would walk away?

Maddie had always been shy. When they’d met on the first day of kindergarten, Maddie spent the morning cowering in the corner while the rest of the kids played – and mercilessly teased her. Nick had been drawn to her – even then – and the overwhelming urge to protect her manifested early.

By the time they hit middle school, that protective instinct was ingrained in his very being. If anyone even looked at her funny, he would pound them. When high school hit, Nick’s chest was broad enough to absorb the vitriol lobbed at her from every direction. He always recognized what it was: jealousy. Maddie was sweet, and she was beautiful, and she was thoughtful. That scared the girls who didn’t measure up.

How could she possibly think he would ever just abandon her?

Nick had seen the fear on her face right before she told him. She was resigned. She fully expected him to shun her. Was that what he wanted? “Dammit, Maddie,” he mumbled, rubbing the crease between his eyebrows.

Nick wasn’t really angry at her. Part of him understood the fear. She was different. He’d always known that. The oddities of her personality were what kept him close. She could make him laugh faster – and harder – than anyone else in the world. She could make him feel comfort with a simple touch when he was upset. She was his … everything.

He still felt betrayed.

Nick wasn’t having trouble rationalizing her fear. He was having trouble understanding her doubt.

As Nick studied the stars, one of them turned nuclear and shot across the sky. “Make a wish,” he whispered. He clamped his eyes shut as his most fervent – and frequent – wish flitted through his mind. When he opened his eyes, he saw a slight figure hovering at the far end of the patio. “Maddie?”

The figure shifted. “No.”

Crap.
“Cassidy? What are you doing here?”

Cassidy moved around the railing and climbed the steps of the porch. “I was taking a chance you were up.”

“It’s after midnight,” Nick said. “You shouldn’t be out this late. It’s not safe.”

“Well, I was driving to a police detective’s house, so I figured I was perfectly fine,” Cassidy teased.

She was dressed in a long coat, and Nick’s stomach twisted at the sight of it. He had a feeling he knew what was underneath, and it was nothing he wanted to see. Cassidy was becoming more and more desperate with her attempts to entice him, and each move made Nick more and more determined to find a way to break up with her. He was just … done.

“I’m really tired, Cassidy,” Nick said. “I think you should go home. I need some sleep.”

Cassidy’s face fell momentarily, but the set of her jaw became determined as she straightened. “I’m here to help you sleep.”

“I don’t think you are.”

Cassidy’s hands moved to the front of her coat, and she threw it open dramatically. She was completely nude underneath. Nick had no idea if she thought the show was supposed to be hot, but the revelation left Nick cold. “I’m not really in the mood.”

Cassidy faltered. “What?”

“Listen, it’s nice that you went out of your way to come and see me,” Nick said, grasping for a way to let her save some modicum of self-respect. “I’m just … I’m really tired.”

“Too tired for this?” Cassidy gestured to her naked body. She was fit, her breasts large and firm, and most men would’ve jumped her the second they saw her. Nick wasn’t most men.

“I’m tired, Cassidy.”

Cassidy licked her lips and shifted her head so she wasn’t facing Nick. “We haven’t spent any time together in a week.”

“We went to dinner,” Nick replied.

“And you picked a fight with Todd Winthrop and offered to let him take me home so you could take … someone else … home with you.”

“That was just an old rivalry,” Nick said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I also took you to the fair.”

“And then you left me there … alone … while you chased
someone else
and disappeared for an hour.”

“I found a missing child,” Nick pointed out.

“You did,” Cassidy agreed, closing her coat and wrapping her arms around her waist. “You didn’t leave to find a child, though. You left to take care of Maddie.”

“She was sick.”

“Nick, I don’t … ever since Maddie returned to Blackstone Bay, you’ve been distant.”

“I think you’re exaggerating.”

“Really? We haven’t had sex in almost two weeks. It’s not like you’re an animal, but you usually don’t turn me down.”

“I’m not turning you down,” Nick said. “I’m just … tired.”

“Because of Maddie?”

Nick couldn’t go down that slippery slope. “Because there was a murder in town. We all have a lot of work to do.”

“So, you’re denying your sudden disinterest in me has something to do with Maddie?”

“Maddie and I are just friends.”

“Right,” Cassidy said, unconvinced. “That’s why, when you look at her, you look like you want to crawl into her skin and live there with her. Just the two of you.”

Nick knew he shouldn’t be annoyed. He knew he was the one wronging her. The accusation grated him, though. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“I know that we were happy until Maddie came back to town.”

She was obviously oblivious. “My life doesn’t revolve around Maddie,” Nick said. “It also doesn’t revolve around you. I have a job to do. A woman died. Get some perspective, Cassidy.”

Cassidy’s face contorted.

“I’m sorry if I’m hurting your feelings, I really am, but I didn’t invite you here,” Nick said. “I need some sleep, and you need to go home. Stop worrying about Maddie, and start worrying about yourself. That would be a great way to start a new day.”

With those words, Nick left Cassidy standing in the back yard and disappeared into his house, locking the door behind him for good measure. He felt guilty for being so harsh with her, but he was so twisted by Maddie’s admission earlier in the night he couldn’t focus on anything else.

He had decisions to make, and he couldn’t make them without some sleep. Everything would be better in the morning. He was almost sure of it.

“YOU
look like you’ve been run over by a truck.”

Maddie jerked when Olivia popped into view. She was curled up in the window seat in the front of the store, her eyes red and puffy from hours of crying, and she’d fully expected to pass out from sheer exhaustion around dawn. Olivia had created the window seat – which was larger than normal – just so Maddie could read in the store when she was a child. It was the place she retreated to when she was upset.

“Where have you been?”

“Nowhere,” Olivia replied truthfully. “Why? How long have I been gone?”

“Days.”

Olivia moved toward her daughter, studying her face with a worried expression. “What happened?”

“Nick knows.”

“Nick knows what?”

“He
knows
!”

“Oh,” Olivia said, lowering her voice thoughtfully. “You finally told him?”

“He caught me at a crime scene talking to a ghost.”

“That’s … unfortunate,” Olivia said. “How did he take it?”

“How do you think he took it?” Maddie was beyond rational thought.

“I think he was probably angry,” Olivia said, moving to the window seat and hovering as close to her daughter as she could manage. “I wish I could hug you right now.”

Maddie ignored the sentiment. “He was furious.”

“Did he yell at you?”

“He said he couldn’t even look at me.”

Olivia sighed. “He didn’t mean it, Maddie.”

“He meant it,” Maddie said, burying her face in one of the pillows so she could hide her misery. “He hates me. I knew this would happen. Maude said he would accept it. Christy said he would accept it. I knew, though. I knew he would hate me.”

“Oh, Maddie, stop being so dramatic,” Olivia chided. “You’re not a teenager anymore.”

Maddie was stunned. “Excuse me?”

“Nick could never hate you,” Olivia said. “He’s loved you for as long as I’ve known him. He’s loved you for as long as he’s known you. He just feels betrayed.”

“He thinks I’m a freak,” Maddie countered.

“He thinks no such thing,” Olivia scoffed. “He’s not angry because of what you are, sunshine. He’s angry because he feels like he’s been lied to. He doesn’t understand why you kept it secret.”

“I told him it was all your fault,” Maddie admitted. “I told him you told me to keep it a secret.”

“I never told you to keep it a secret from him,” Olivia countered. “I told you to keep it secret until you could trust someone. There is a difference.”

“But … .”

“No, don’t you dare blame this on me,” Olivia said. “I never understood why you didn’t tell him. If anyone could accept it – if anyone could understand – Nick is the person.”

“But you told me that people would be scared of me if I told them,” Maddie protested.

“I told you to be careful with your secret,” Olivia said. “I never once doubted that Nick would accept you and still love you.”

Maddie moaned into the pillow. “Now you tell me.”

Olivia mimed brushing her hand over Maddie’s hair. She couldn’t give her daughter the comfort she so desperately needed, but she could give her a good, hard dose of reality. “Nothing is ruined here, Maddie.”

“Nick said he couldn’t even look at me!”

“He’s hurt because you lied, not because you’re different,” Olivia said. “He’s also the most forgiving boy – man, he’s a man now – that I’ve ever met. Things will be okay.”

“He hates me.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Olivia said. “Nick could never hate you.”

“Well, he does.”

“Maddie, Nick Winters is the most loyal individual I’ve ever seen,” Olivia said. “He’s always loved you. He will always love you. It’s in his DNA. Just give him time to process. He’ll forgive you. Things will be … different … now.”

“He’ll never talk to me again.” Maddie was belligerent in her beliefs.

“You need some sleep,” Olivia said, resting her transparent body against Maddie’s shaking frame. “Things will be better tomorrow. I promise.”

Maddie didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Sorrow was overtaking her.

“Go to sleep, sunshine,” Olivia said. “I’ll be right here while you sleep. Things will be okay. Things will … be better. Have faith. You and Nick are destined to be together. I’ve always known it. So has he. Just … give him time.”

Maddie’s sobs didn’t subside for almost an hour. Finally, as the sun moved across the horizon to initiate a new day, sleep claimed her. Only then did Olivia leave. There was another person to check on, and she loved him almost as much as he loved her daughter.

Nick’s sleep was just as restless as Maddie’s when Olivia popped into his bedroom. She did her best to soothe him.

“It’s going to be okay,” she whispered in his ear. “Things will be better now. You’ll see. Don’t give up on her.”

“Maddie,” Nick murmured, shifting in his bed and clutching his pillow desperately. “My Maddie.”

Olivia smiled. “She’s waiting for you.”

Maddie was more exhausted when she woke up than when she finally passed out. Olivia had left while she slumbered, and Maddie felt her void as keenly as she felt Nick’s. She needed to get out of the house.

After a quick shower, Maddie let her hair air dry as she escaped out the back door. She’d heard Maude banging around on the second floor, and as much as Maddie loved her grandmother, she couldn’t deal with another emotional upheaval. Not today.

Instead of heading to the lake like she normally would – she didn’t want to risk someone discovering her there – Maddie hiked five miles east. If the day would’ve been hotter, it would’ve been an arduous trek. Since it was still spring, Maddie only worked up a mild sweat during the walk.

She arrived at Black Creek about two hours after she left the house, following a meandering path to her destination. While Willow Lake was where Maddie felt at home, Black Creek was where Maddie went to escape. And she needed to escape today.

Maddie was angry with herself. She should’ve thought of a lie to tell Nick when he started questioning her. She should’ve stayed away from the alley. She should’ve … done something.

Maddie sank down on the ground and removed her shoes, dipping her feet in the slow-moving creek as she stared at one of the many hidden gems Blackstone Bay had to offer. The town was an abundance of water. There was access to Lake Michigan on one side, Willow Lake on the north end of town, and Black Creek in the woods at the northeast corner of the town grid. That was on top of the fast-moving river on the west side of town. For water enthusiasts, Blackstone Bay was a dream.

So, why did Maddie feel like she was trapped in a nightmare?

“Did you hike out here alone?”

Maddie jerked her head when she heard Nick’s voice. She shouldn’t have been surprised to find him out here. They’d discovered the spot together while exploring as children. Since they both deemed it “magic,” they only returned on special occasions. Maddie had fled to the spot for refuge today. She could only wonder if Nick had done the same. “I … just felt like walking.”

Nick’s face was unreadable as he studied her. After a few moments, he moved to her side and sat down next to her. He wasn’t close enough to touch her, but he wasn’t pulling away either. He removed his own shoes and plunged them into the cool water. “I was doing the same thing. I honestly thought I would be alone out here.”

“I’m sorry,” Maddie murmured. “I can go if you want.” She made as if to pull her feet out of the water.

“Stay right there,” Nick said. “Don’t go.”

Maddie’s heart sank. “I … are you ready to yell at me?”

“I’m not going to yell.”

“You can,” Maddie said. “I think you’ve earned it, and I definitely deserve it.”

“I’m not going to yell at you, Maddie,” Nick said, irked. “Stop trying to get me to yell at you. You’re only doing it because you think it will make you feel better. I’m not going to emotionally beat you up to fulfill some stupid imaginings from ten years ago.”

Maddie’s mouth dropped open, stunned. “That is not what I’m doing.”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing,” Nick countered. “You’ve spent two decades convincing yourself that I would turn on you if you told me the truth. Well, guess what? That’s not what’s going to happen. Now, just sit there and shut up. I’m still thinking.”

“You want me to sit here and shut up?”

Nick smirked. “Do you think that’s possible?”

“I … fine.” Maddie snapped her mouth shut and focused on the trickling water. “You’re going to miss the sound of my voice, though. You’ll see.”

“Shut up, Maddie.”

NICK
studied her profile thoughtfully. Her eyes were puffy, and he had a sneaking suspicion she’d been up crying all night. Her hair was freshly washed – he could smell the faint citrus scent wafting from it – but it was straggly, like she’d run a brush through it and then forgotten about it. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, but he liked her face scrubbed and bare. She still didn’t look like herself.

Nick knew they needed to talk. He just wasn’t sure how to start the conversation. He was determined to get everything out in the open and then move on. He’d just gotten his best friend back – even though they were still struggling. There was no way he was going to let her slink away and hide inside a cloud of self-doubt now. Enough was enough.

He finally decided to break the silence. “Did you sleep last night?”

“I thought you didn’t want me to talk?”

“You can speak now,” Nick teased. “I just needed a few minutes to collect my thoughts. I wasn’t expecting you out here.”

“I told you … .”

“You’re not leaving, Maddie,” Nick said. “I didn’t say I wanted you to go. I said I needed a few minutes.”

“You’re so bossy,” Maddie grumbled.

Nick sighed dramatically. “Oh, good grief. Did you sleep or not? Your face is all puffy, and you look tired.”

“You look tired, too,” Maddie shot back. “Did you sleep?”

“Not a lot,” Nick admitted. “I tossed and turned most of the night. When I finally did get to sleep … I had a really odd dream.”

Maddie’s eyes widened. “Were you killing me in it?”

Nick chuckled. “No. Your mom was there, though. It wasn’t really a dream. It was more like I could hear her talking to me.”

“What was she saying?”

“I don’t really remember,” Nick said. “I just remember feeling … comforted.” Maddie bit her bottom lip, and Nick could see her mind working. “What?”

“My mom was with me for a few hours last night,” she said.

Nick shifted his shoulders. “Is your mom still here?”

Maddie nodded.

“Is that why you came home? Did you know she would be here?”

“I hoped she would be here,” Maddie clarified. “I came home because … because I wanted to come home. I’ve wanted to come home for as long as I can remember. Mom dying was just the final straw.”

“Why did she stay? I mean, does everyone stay behind?”

“No. Most people move on. Mom stayed for Granny.”

Nick waited.

“Granny says that Mom won’t leave until they can go together,” Maddie said. “She says that a mother should never outlive her child.”

“That’s nice,” Nick said, considering. “Do you think Olivia came to see me last night?”

“She knew I was upset,” Maddie replied cagily. “I think it would be just like her to go and see you. She always loved you.”

“I always loved her, too.”

“Did you see her a lot after I left?”

“I had lunch with her once a week once I was back in town after the academy,” Nick replied, guileless. “I would bring lunch to the store and we would just … talk.”

“Thank you for being there for her,” Maddie said, sniffling as she fought back tears. “You were better to her than I was.”

“I think Olivia knew you were struggling, Mad,” Nick said. “She didn’t hold it against you.”

“Well, she gave me an earful last night,” Maddie said. “It seems I might have … misunderstood … some of the advice she gave me.”

“She expected you to tell me the truth a long time ago, didn’t she?”

“I don’t understand,” Maddie admitted. “She drilled it into my head over and over again: Don’t tell anyone your secret. When I told her what happened, she was angry because I never told you the truth.”

“I’m not just anyone, Maddie,” Nick said. “Olivia knew what you refused to see.”

“And what was that?”

“I would never just abandon you,” Nick said. “Even though that’s exactly what you did to me.”

Maddie’s face contorted as she dropped it into her hands. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know you’re sorry,” Nick said, fighting the urge to reach over and pull her to him. They weren’t there yet. He still needed more time – and there was more to talk about. “I think you’ve been sorry for a really long time. That doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t trust me. I have to wonder what I did to make you think I would turn away from you.”

“I … I just couldn’t bear the thought of you not being in my life.”

“So, instead, you cut me out of your life,” Nick said. “That makes a lot of sense.”

“I … .”

“I want us to be able to get past this, Mad,” Nick said. “I’m just not sure how we’re going to do it. You’re obviously feeling vulnerable, and I’m still feeling … .”

“Betrayed,” Maddie finished.

“Confused,” Nick corrected. “While we’re working our way through this, though, I need you to understand that I’m not scared by what you are. I spent hours last night thinking back … and I’m not sure how I missed it. I feel a little stupid now.”

“You didn’t want to see it,” Maddie said. “You wanted me to be normal, like you.”

“Yeah, that’s not it,” Nick said. “I never once thought you were normal. That’s why I liked you in the first place. I never could’ve been friends with a normal girl.”

Maddie faltered. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“A normal girl plays with dolls and hates bugs,” Nick said. “A normal girl cares about make up, hair spray, and clothes. You cared about playing in the woods, and watching action movies with me. You were never normal, Maddie. You were better than that.”

“So, you’re saying you would’ve been fine with all of this if I told you back then?” Maddie’s face was twisted with doubt.

“I would’ve been fine with it,” Nick said. “It might have even been fun.”

Maddie started crying again, and this time Nick couldn’t resist comforting her. He shuffled over and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her onto his lap as her shoulders heaved against his chest.

“Don’t cry, Mad,” Nick said, resting his forehead against the back of her head. “I can’t take it when you cry.”

“I ruined everything.”

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Nick said. “You just … screwed it up for a decade.”

Despite herself, Maddie laughed. The sound, although harsh, lifted some of the weight off Nick’s shoulders.

“It’s okay, Maddie,” he said. “We’re … going to figure this all out.”

“How?”

“Well, we’re going to start over,” Nick replied.

“And how do we do that?”

“We’re going to start from the beginning,” he said. “I want to know everything.”

“Everything?”

“Everything,” Nick confirmed, rubbing his hand over the back of her neck to soothe her. “You’re going to tell me everything, and I’m going to listen, and then we’re going to figure out how to move on from there. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, and I’m not saying everything is going to be figured out today.

“I’m not going to let you run away again, though,” Nick said. “I can’t take it, and I’m pretty sure it would destroy you. So, let’s take the first step. When did you first talk to a ghost?”

Maddie sucked in a deep and steadying breath. Nick was worried she was going to clam up again. He was terrified she would start lying to protect herself. Instead, she launched into her story – and she didn’t stop talking for hours. Nick took every step down memory lane with her, and things were … different … when she was done. He wasn’t sure things would ever be the same, but he was almost certain they would be better.

It was a start. Now he just had to figure out what the next step was.