Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily) (18 page)

“My Uncle Eric plays backup dad.”

“That’s good,” I muttered, not knowing what else to say. I didn’t want to ask how either of his parents died. I hated discussing my family’s death.

“It’s nice to have someone who knows how I feel.” River connected his iPod and hard rock songs blasted through the speakers.

We turned onto Dry Creek Road—a part of town I’d never been to—and I shouted over the music. “Isn’t one of the vortexes out here?”

He lowered the volume and groaned. “Boynton Canyon is nearby. Locals claim it’s a vortex, but I don’t believe in that mumbo jumbo.”
 

“Nice neighborhood,” I said as we turned into a gated community.

“Would you expect any less from me?” Sometimes River’s cockiness annoyed me, but most of the time I found it amusing.

We parked beside a huge pick-up truck covered in dirt. “Who owns Bigfoot?”

“That’s my play vehicle.”

“You have
two
cars?”

“Why have one when you can have two?”

“Of course, what was I thinking?” I rolled my eyes and climbed out of the car.

River’s house had black leather couches and tables made of glass and marble, but very few decorations or artwork. The smell of bleach and cleaning products reminded me of my awful stay in the hospital.
 

“Where’s your uncle?”

“He doesn’t actually live here. He travels a lot, mainly Europe, and doesn’t stay here much.”

“You live here by yourself?” River had to be the luckiest kid I knew.

“Sort of, I have a housekeeper and chef that live here—my uncle’s way of keeping tabs on me.”

Lucky and spoiled. “So the Jag? Is that your Uncle’s?”

“No, it’s mine. I traded my old one in last winter.”

“Your old one? You’re seventeen. How old could it have been?”

“Uncle Eric bought me my first car when I was fourteen.”

“
Fourteen?
”

“He isn’t big on laws and rules. Besides, that’s when my dad died. He didn’t want me depending on my servants to drive me around.”

“Servant sounds so demeaning.”

“If the shoe fits,” he shrugged. What a pompous thing to say. Sometimes I wondered how April and him ever ended up together. She seemed too sweet to go for his type.

“So, where are they?”

“They stay in their wing of the house, unless I ask them for something. Eightball is around here somewhere.”

“Eightball?”

“My bulldog.” He pulled a beer out of the refrigerator. “Want one?”

“What? No,” I replied, stunned that he casually drank at home. But since he didn’t have adults telling him what to do, it was probably normal for him. “Why’d you name him Eightball?”

River smiled, popping the cap off his bottle. “Eight ball of cocaine.”

My face must have twisted with disgust because he almost spit out his beer, trying not to laugh. “I’m kidding. Hang on, you’ll see why. Eightball!”

Paws tapped along the tile floors in another room and a wrinkled round body waddled around the corner. His head was mostly all black except for a white circle around one of his eyes.

“Ah, I get it. He does look like an eight ball.” I squatted down and clapped my hands but Eightball just snorted and lay on the floor. “He’s so cute.” I tried petting him, but he jumped up and trotted away.

“He’s scared of people. I think he might’ve been abused as a pup.”

“Aw, poor thing.”

River plopped down on a leather sofa and turned on the television. I sat on the other couch and focused on the huge flat screen, but River paused the show.

“Tell me something I don’t know about you.” He moved to the end of his sofa and snatched my hat off of my head.

I stood up and grabbed for it, but he put it between his legs, so I sat back down. “Like what?”

“Like a secret nobody else knows.”

“My life isn’t interesting enough to have secrets.”

“Everyone has secrets,” he argued.

No way was I telling him about my psychic visions of Nathan or what happened in New Mexico. And Krista was the only person who knew I blamed myself for my family being killed, but I wanted to keep it that way. River sensed my hesitation.

“Ha! There is something. I can tell.”

I thought of another secret and looked away. “You’ll think I’m mental.”

“I doubt it. I’ve got some twisted thoughts of my own.”

My focus darted between him and the television. Would he freak out like Nathan did, or would he understand because he lost his parents too? April told me he’s the easiest person to talk to, that he never judges and always knows the right thing to say. She knew him better than I did, so I took a chance. “Sometimes,” I confessed quietly, “I think about killing myself, so I can be with my family again.”

“Seriously?” He looked more impressed than surprised.

“I could never go through with it, but I think about it a lot.”

“Hmm,” he mused, nodding his head. “Now it makes sense.”

“What makes sense?”

“Why your eyes look like that.”

“Like what?” I protectively blinked, thinking about my dream when Anthony called my eyes lusterless.

“Like they’re, I don’t know…haunted. Makes you seem mysterious.” He took another swig of beer. “What do you want to know about me?”

Mysterious. I hoped that was a good thing. At least he didn’t tell me I was crazy or try to grant my death wish like Nut Job Nathan. “What do you want to tell me?”

He stared at the ceiling like he was choosing from a long list of possibilities. “Some girl at school has a crush on me.”

“All the girls have a crush on you.”

He laughed louder than normal. “You think?”

“Oh please, they swoon over you.”

“You don’t.”

“I’m friends with your girlfriend. Plus, you’re not my type.”

His eyes narrowed. “Who’s your type?”

“I’m not sure.” I smoothed down the ends of my hair. “But not you.”

We both laughed. Sometimes I enjoyed putting River in his place.

“Whatever,” he said. “You’d so date me.” His conceit never ceased to amaze me. He finished his beer and let out an obnoxious burp. “Can I trust you with a secret?”

“Sure.”

“I don’t think I’m into April anymore, but with her mom being so sick I’d feel like a douche breaking up with her.”

I did
not
want to know that secret. April would be heartbroken if she knew, and I certainly didn’t want to be the one to tell her. Would that make me a horrible friend for knowing and keeping my mouth shut? “You’re right. You can’t break up with her. I’m sure things will get better once she’s not so busy helping her mom.”

“I don’t know. Her mom could be this way for months, maybe longer.” He leaned back, sinking into the couch. “We never have fun together anymore.”

Guilt kicked in. Was this his idea of fun? Playing hooky and drinking beer while we were supposed to be in class? I couldn’t picture April doing that stuff, but then again I couldn’t picture me doing it either. “I’m sure it’s hard for her to have fun when she’s so worried about her mom.”

He nodded but didn’t look convinced. “Just don’t say anything. It’ll be our secret.”

“Only if you swear not to tell anyone we skipped class today.” Faith would never let me hear the end of it.

“Deal.” And just that easily, we became the keepers of each other’s secrets.

Nathaniel

“Nathaaannnn!” Amber’s high-pitched scream rattled the house. “Help!”

I instantly envisioned her hazel eyes and traversed to her. She was standing alone on the back deck, nervously bouncing the ends of her scarf against her curly hair.

“What’s wrong?” I scanned the dark backyard. “Is someone here?”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “He made me do it.”

She’d barely spoken the last word when I heard Dylan’s voice. “Nathan, please—”

I threw my hands over my ears and traversed to the garage. Snickering, I pulled my phone from my pocket and texted Dylan.
Forget it. I’m not trying the glasses
.

It had become a game between us. Dylan trying to catch me so he could persuade me into testing Carson’s glasses, and me traversing out of hearing range before he could use his ability to make me try them. Mainly, I enjoyed the friendly competition of outsmarting each other, but I also didn’t want to look through Carson’s glasses and see the dark place where Maryah’s star used to be. Some delusional part of me figured if I didn’t confirm it wasn’t there, then Shiloh’s theory might stand a chance of being true.

“You will not traverse,” Dylan said.

Bollocks.

The garage light came on and Dylan strutted out from behind Amber’s car. “Ha. Got you.”

I couldn’t traverse—no matter how badly I wanted to. That’s the thing about Dylan’s ability. If he gives an order, there’s no choice but to follow it. “You were just out back.”

“No,” he grinned smugly. “My tape recorded voice was out back. I took a lucky guess that you’d flee to the garage.”

I walked toward the door that led inside the house.

Dylan stepped in front of me. “You will—”

“Dylan, enough. Carson already said they don’t work.”

“He designed a new pair and made some adjustments.” He reached up on a shelf and handed me glasses similar to the other ones, except they felt lighter. The automatic garage door opened. “Put them on and look at the sky.”

Of all the things he could use his ability for, he chose trivial nonsense like this. I didn’t want to follow his order, but my hands were already sliding the glasses over my eyes. I walked out of the garage and looked up.

Through the glasses, the black sky appeared almost white. Every visible star was sepia toned with a halo of gold surrounding it, like specks of glowing dirt thrown onto a white screen. The real sky put the altered version to shame. That couldn’t be how Shiloh viewed the world, colorblind or not.

I located my star and squinted, searching the space beside mine. I stared for over a minute then removed the glasses from my head.

“Well?” Dylan asked, stroking his goatee. Amber stood on the front porch watching us.

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

Amber sighed.

Dylan bowed his head. “I’m sorry. Carson thought—”

“It’s done. Please don’t mention her star or those shoddy glasses to me ever again. What’s done is done, and I don’t need to keep being reminded that she’s gone.”

“We were only trying to help,” Dylan said.

“Imagine how horrible we feel.” Amber plugged in the Happy Halloween sign attached to her scarecrow’s hands. “She was killed at our wedding.”

We had avoided this conversation for years, but apparently Amber was finally ready to discuss it.

“We all were,” I said.

“Nathan!” She threw a tiny pumpkin at me. “Thanks for making me feel worse.”

Dylan clarified. “What he meant was, nine of us were killed on that beach. Maryah is the only one who chose to erase.”

“Nine,” Amber repeated. “So then you don’t think they killed Gregory?”

I hesitated, hiding the shiver that ran through me, but not from the cold. “No, I believe they wanted him for his ability.”

Dylan lit a candle and set it inside a jack o’ lantern. “He’d never help them.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” I agreed. “Not willingly.”

Amber sat on the porch swing beside the scarecrow, fiddling with fake spider webs. “I can’t help wondering what if we all hadn’t been gathered in one place. What if Dylan and I hadn’t had our wedding on that island? We were trapped and unarmed. We didn’t stand a chance.”

I remembered the scene like it was yesterday. Amber looked exquisite in her wedding gown. It had been only months since we last gathered, but Amber was disappointed when Anthony and Louise’s flight got cancelled. Edgar had a severe ear infection which prevented him from flying, so he and Helen were also unable to attend. In hindsight, it was a blessing the elders weren’t present. Anthony tortured himself with the scenarios that might have played out had he been there to use his ability. But “what if” is an awful game to play with oneself.

 
“We had no idea they wanted any of us,” I said.

Amber’s cheeks were sucked in, possibly from fighting back tears, or biting back the memories. “Dylan shakes me awake sometimes. He says I punch and scream in my sleep. Every time it’s been nightmares about the Nefariouns. The gunshots, the blood, the cracking of bones: like it’s happening all over again. Sometimes, I only hear screaming. You’re all screaming, fighting for your lives, but I can’t get to anyone.”

Dylan wrapped his arms around her. I remained silent, not knowing how to ease the heaviness of her grief or guilt.

“And Gregory,” she choked on his name. “I keep seeing him there, chained to that tree, having to hear it all—even the horrible things none of us could.”

“I’m sure he blocked it all out,” Dylan said.

“No.” Amber shook her head. “Not with all of us in danger. Especially Harmony and Carson. He probably kept his mind open to hear everything. Every fear, plea, and terrified thought running through our heads.”

 
I sat down on the porch steps with my back to them. I couldn’t tell them what I’d seen, what I knew. I couldn’t tell anyone. As guilty as I felt for keeping such a grave secret, I had to. Our kindrily couldn’t handle additional devastation.

“Speaking of Carson,” I said. “What have you two decided about spending more time with him?”

The swing creaked then Amber moved into my peripheral vision and leaned against the porch railing. “Of course we will. It’s easy to forget how hard the first few rounds of life were. And Carson, with no soul mate. I can’t imagine how hard that must be.”

Her hand darted to her mouth when she finished her sentence. “I’m sorry, Nathan. I can’t believe I just said that.”

I waved it off. “It’s fine. I know what you meant.”

She sat down beside me. “Dylan has been talking to Carson on the phone every night. We’re going to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with him. And I’m going to face my guilt and spend time with Maryah as if we’ve never met.”

“You haven’t met. She’s not the soul we knew. She’s a stranger.”

Amber sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. “Are you still determined to stay away from her?”