Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily) (11 page)

People gathered in front of me, blocking my view of the stage, so I looked up at the stars. One shot across the sky then dissolved into darkness. For the first time since my nightmare night, I closed my eyes and made a wish.

I wish to find my true love, and for us to last forever
.

Maryah

Over the next month, April’s prediction came true. River and I became friends—or the closest thing I could be with the most popular guy in school. He even walked me to classes sometimes. He’d slip me notes asking me what I thought about his new song lyrics. No matter how many times he acknowledged me, it continued to astonish me.

River shot me an irritated glance during music class. He thought our teacher hated him because he was doing what Mr. Milton could only dream about—sing in a band. River made lots of snide remarks like that, but I never took him seriously. No one could be as full of himself as River pretended to be.

Mr. Milton had been giving lessons on the “musical greats.” He started a few weeks ago with music from the 1890s and early 1900s. My favorite week of lessons was the 1920s to the 1950s. Each song Mr. Milton played for the class made me think of my parents dancing around our living room.

Music during that time had so much dignity and soul. There wasn’t a bunch of obscene language, or lyrics about murder, sex, or how cool it was to be a criminal. It wasn’t that I’d been dropped off on the wrong planet—which is how I felt most of the time. I’d been born in the wrong era. If I had my way, I’d have been born in the 1920s. That way I could see the greats like Louie Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald.

It was Friday, and our last lesson on the '90s. We’d studied many genres, but Mr. Milton seemed to actually get excited about the grunge scene: Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, and Nirvana.

Kurt Cobain was the main topic of discussion and people gave their opinions about his suicide. Since the attack, I’d considered ending my own life a few times, but I was too much of a coward to shoot myself or take a bunch of pills.

The bell rang. River approached my desk as I packed up my books. “Dope lesson, huh?”

“I guess so.”

“Do you like Nirvana?”

“I like a few of their songs.” I wasn’t going to admit I was a geek and preferred music before the rock era.

“You seemed to be zoning out during class.”

“Guess my mind was somewhere else.” In my peripheral vision I saw Faith and Harmony looking in our direction.

“And where was that?” He sat on my desk.

“With April. I’m worried about her. Promise you’ll tell her to call me next time you talk to her?”

“I told you. She barely returns
my
phone calls. But she’s fine. Just busy playing nurse to her mom.”

Faith interrupted us. “Maryah, let’s go! Louise and Anthony want to leave right away.”

“Right.” I stood up and rolled my eyes. “I have to go.”

He straightened, looking more alert. “Do you want to hang out this weekend? There’s a big party Saturday night.”

River was asking
me
to go to a party with him? Talking to me at school was one thing, but being seen with me in public? “I, um—I would, but we’re going to this thing in New Mexico.”

“You’re skipping town.” He smiled his Cheshire cat grin. “I’m jealous.”

Faith whined from the doorway. “Come on, Maryah!”

I shrugged my backpack over my shoulder. “Please tell April to call me.”

“Enjoy New Mexico. Don’t miss me too much.”

I followed Faith as she prattled on about how much fun this weekend would be. We were taking a road trip to Albuquerque for a Balloon Fiesta to celebrate Nathan’s birthday. I’d never seen a hot air balloon in real life, so I was kind of looking forward to it.

Not to mention, I’d finally meet the renowned Nathan.

∞

Everyone was ready to go when we arrived at the house.

Anthony had already loaded my bag into the trunk. Carson had changed clothes and packed his car. It felt like River and I had only talked for a few minutes, but Carson grumbled something about me taking forever as I passed him on the porch.

“Let’s get this train out of the station!” Anthony shouted from the driveway.

Louise explained that Helen’s company sponsored a balloon in the event, and she and Edgar were supposed to be home in time to go with us, but they got delayed in England. Anthony’s Mustang led the parade of cars, followed by Shiloh’s boxy FJ Cruiser, containing him, Faith, Harmony, and Dakota.

Carson insisted on illegally driving his new car. How Louise and Anthony were okay with it baffled me. Everyone else refused to ride with him, so I had to choose between riding with Mr. McSnotty, getting windburn from riding in the convertible, or being smashed in a backseat for hours with Dakota and Harmony. Reluctantly, I chose physical comfort over mental ease.

The first hour of the ride, Carson and I didn’t talk. Then, during the best part of a great song, he turned down the radio and pushed his white mirrored sunglasses to the top of his head. “Can I ask you something?”

Oh boy. “Sure.”

“Do you like River Malone?”

I peered at him under my hat. What an out-of-nowhere question. “Why does it matter?”

“He’s cocky, and an attention whore.” Yet another wrongly accused victim on Carson’s growing list. “I’ve seen you two walking around school together. He’s obviously interested in you. I didn’t think you’d go for that type of guy, but lately you look kind of…happy, when I see you with him.”

No way was River interested in me. Not only was he way out of my league, but he loved April and had been pretty good about not flirting with other girls. “We’re just friends. We relate to each other.”

“Relate how?”

“Music. Friends. He lost his father at a young age and I…lost everyone.”

“You didn’t lose everyone. Lots of people here love you.”

I couldn’t believe it. Carson said something nice to me. “Thanks for saying that, but don’t worry. River’s not interested in me. Plus, I’m friends with his girlfriend.”

“How come you never had a boyfriend in Maryland?”

“I don’t know, guess I never—wait, how do you know I didn’t have a boyfriend?”

He fiddled with his rearview mirror. “Lucky guess.”

I refused to let Carson make me feel inferior again. “I made the choice not to date. Why waste my time with the wrong person? I like the idea of waiting for that one person meant for only me—no matter how long it takes to find him.”

The car slowed. Carson gaped at me as the engine grew quieter, then he fixed his eyes on the road and accelerated again. The shock of me sticking up for myself must have temporarily incapacitated him.

He reclined in his seat. “I guess we’re opposites. I don’t date because I know there’s no
one
person meant for me.”

 
“You don’t know that. My mother says everyone has a soul mate.”

“If she believed that then why—” He paused. “Never mind.”

Sadness body slammed me against my seat. I realized something for the first time. My mother would never see me fall in love, never attend my wedding, and never know her grandchildren. “Say it. If my mom believed that, then what?”

I thought I saw warmth flicker in his eyes before he covered them with his sunglasses. “Then she’d agree that River isn’t right for you, and to be on the lookout for your soul mate. I’ve heard they’re never far away.”

My stomach felt queasy. My mother used to tell me the mean boys on the playground only teased me or said cruel things because they liked me. Was Carson’s crappy attitude his twisted way of flirting? I didn’t know what to say, so I grunted and watched the desert zip past us for the rest of the ride.

∞

By the time we arrived at our hotel, the sun had disappeared and the temperature dropped. I put on my sweater before climbing out of the car. Shiloh had already parked his truck and Faith was bouncing around the parking lot.

“How exciting is this?” She clapped her hands together like a toy monkey with cymbals.

Carson, Shiloh, and Dakota grabbed bags from the truck. Harmony didn’t bother waiting for anyone. The back of her black-and-purple head disappeared through the hotel entrance.

Louise and Anthony looked even happier than usual. I felt so out of place. This was an important family event, and I didn’t want to be a party pooper. I faked a smile. “Woo-hoo, my first trip to Albuquerque. I’m stoked.”

Faith’s smile fizzled, and she reached for my hand. “Come on, ya big liar, let’s go see if Nathan’s here yet. Shiloh, you guys can handle our bags, right?” She didn’t wait for an answer.

We entered the lobby and found Harmony sitting in a chair shuffling several keycards. “Sorry to kill your buzz, but he hasn’t checked in yet.”

Faith stomped her foot. “Dang it!”

“Don’t worry. He’ll be here soon.” Louise patted Faith’s back. “Let’s get settled into our rooms. My head is vibrating from listening to that engine for the past five hours.”

I knew how she felt. Mustangs were loud, and my head was rattling with a headache too. Then again, I always had headaches, but complaining never helped.

Faith, Harmony, and I were sharing a room. Louise and Anthony took the one next door to us. Carson, Shiloh, and Dakota claimed the room across the hall. The illustrious Nathan would be staying in the guys’ room. I had to admit I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I’d heard about Nathan every day since I arrived in Sedona. It was time to put a face with the name.

Faith and Louise wanted to wait for Nathan before going to dinner, but it was getting late and Anthony and the guys were starving, so we made our way to the hotel restaurant. Faith checked her phone about a hundred times during the meal, hoping to get an update from Nathan about his arrival time. But no calls or messages ever came, and he didn’t reply to the ones she sent him.

“Where is he?” Faith whined.

“Give the guy a break,” Carson chimed in from the end of the table. “It’s hard for him.”

“I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t show at all,” Harmony snorted beside me. I was majorly disappointed when she chose the seat next to mine. “He might take a rain check given the circumstances.”

Trying to keep up with everyone’s encrypted conversations was draining. We had to get up early in the morning, and I had tried to decipher enough for one night. The waiter brought the bill, and I asked where the restrooms were then excused myself.

I splashed water on my face, unsuccessfully trying to wash away my headache and tiredness. I headed back to the restaurant, determined to get our room key so I could go to bed, but everyone had gathered in the hotel lobby. They all turned to look at me at the exact same moment—all except one.

I froze dead in my tracks. Everybody else disappeared into the background.

All I saw was
him
.

He was looking down at his phone. Black sporty sunglasses covered his eyes, but I knew without question, it was him. His short dark hair, the sharp angle of his jaw, his flawless skin, even the way he dressed. My movie-star angel man. Was I asleep? Or was I so obsessed with him that I didn’t need to be asleep to see him? Maybe he really was the angel of death and he had come to finish his job.

Faith stepped out of the fuzzy cloud of figures surrounding him. She came into focus and took my hand into hers. “Maryah, it’s time you met Nathan.”

My feet wouldn’t move. They were cemented to the floor. There couldn’t have been more than six feet between us, but he felt so far away. He raised his head and stepped toward me.

I couldn’t say anything. I just stood there, paralyzed, as he made his way over to me. The dinging of the elevators, the murmurs of hotel guests, they all faded away until only he and I existed.

He slid his phone into the pocket of his jeans then stopped in front of me.

His chest rose, expanding wider, then his warm breath grazed my forehead and I fought the urge to touch him. I slowly raised my chin. He seemed so tall now that he was close to me, close enough that I could see my ghostly reflection in the lenses of his sunglasses. He took them off and locked his emerald green eyes with mine. The same perfect, breathtaking, jewel-like eyes that had been haunting my dreams were now very real. My knees weakened. My heart stopped beating.

“Hello, Maryah. I am Nathaniel.”

They were the only five words he uttered, but that’s all it took. My ears buzzed louder than ever. Pain radiated from the back of my head into my eyes. Faith gasped beside me, and then I passed out.

Nathaniel

“Nathan!” Harmony bellowed, clenching the dashboard. “How about demonstrating some self-control?”

It was a childish thing to do, but I squealed my tires as I drove out of the hotel parking lot. “Please put your seatbelt on.”

Harmony was used to my adrenaline-fueled actions. She joined me in almost every extreme sport I participated in regardless of the danger, so the speed of my Mustang Cobra hardly alarmed her.

“Well,
that
was unexpected.” She relaxed into her seat.

“You find it comical that she fainted?” My engine roared as I merged onto the highway at a speed well above the legal limit.

“Come on, Nate. The girl has been walking around like a shattered shell of a human. The first real spark of light she showed was when she saw you. You revealed your eyes to her and she collapsed from the overwhelming love she felt. Comical—no, entertaining—yes, and it takes a lot to entertain me these days.”

“We don’t know for certain what caused her to faint.”

“Faith said she felt
love
, Nate—love
and
recognition. What if she does remember?”

“She doesn’t. You’ve seen her eyes. They are devoid of all imprints and indicators. Not one shred of who she used to be shines through.”
 

“We’ve been wrong before. What if there’s an exception to this rule too?”

With great care and empathy I chose my next words. “Harmony, you and I share a similar pain, but Gregory did not erase. I know how desperately you want to find him, but,” I placed my hand on top of hers, “Maryah does not, nor will she ever, have the ability to help you. It’s impossible.”