Grace: A Christmas Sisters of the Heart Novel (12 page)

“Well, yes. But like I said, it’s none of my business …”

“I don’t have a man,” Melody said quickly. Now she was well aware of Levi’s curious look her way as well. “The man who … um, well. See, I … I won’t ever have anything to do with him. Because he is in jail.”

Next to her she sensed Levi flinch.

Katie was far more verbal. “In jail? My word, what did he do?”

Well, perhaps it was time to tell the truth. The whole truth.

Suddenly, it was so easy to tell her secret. Perhaps because she was slowly starting to realize that it was part of her past? Part of who she was now? Never would she be able to put it in a place to pretend that it didn’t matter.

Because it would always matter.

“The man … he raped me,” she said softly, feeling
proud of herself for hardly stumbling over the statement. “He raped me, and then he raped another woman a few days later. She was brave enough to press charges. That is why he is in jail.”

As stunned silence met her story, Melody felt relief instead of embarrassment. She’d thought that keeping her secret deep within herself would free her, but the opposite had been true. It had only weighed her down.

Perhaps Katie Lundy had been right. Perhaps all of them in this house had become more than guests and innkeepers. Perhaps they’d become friends.

Slowly, Levi reached for her hand. Tears were in his eyes. Melody waited for him to look at her differently … most people had in her town. But what she saw in his blue eyes was the sweetest acceptance. “Never had I imagined such a thing,” he murmured.

Willing herself not to cry, she shrugged. “Why would you?”

Katie wasn’t even attempting to hold back tears. “Melody, I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I am, too.” She squeezed Levi’s hand; half waited for him to pull his away. But he did not. Instead, his large palm warmed her own. Comforted her.

As the silence lengthened, she tried to smile, to make the tension in the room ease at least a little bit. Because the alternative would be to keep it there with them all. Painful and loud. Looking at her hand encased in Jonathan’s she said, “To be honest, I hadn’t planned to tell any of you. I don’t like to speak of it.”

“Of course not,” Levi said quickly.

She raised her head, feeling stronger than she was used to. “But I guess I didn’t want you thinking the worst of me.”

Still holding her hand, Levi murmured, “I never …”

Katie shook her head slowly. “You humble me. First, I didn’t think the worst. I don’t even know what the ‘worst’ is. All of us have things in our past that we’d like to forget. Some are our fault, some are at the hands of others. But beside all that, I am honored you thought enough of me to speak of it. I don’t think I’ve ever met a braver person.”

“I wouldn’t call myself brave.” All she’d done was survive—that was surely nothing to be proud of.

“I disagree,” Katie said. “I don’t know what else to say except that I promise I will now try doubly hard to make up for my earlier behavior. Will you please let me try?”

“Of course.”

Slowly, Katie stood up. “Thank you. I’m grateful. Now, may I get you two more tea or coffee?”

Melody glanced Levi’s way. What would she see? Remorse? Embarrassment? “Do you care to sit here any longer, Levi?”

But instead of seeing any negative thing, she only saw care in his expression. “I would enjoy more hot coffee.”

“And I’d enjoy tea.”

When she and Levi were alone again, Melody felt the silence like a vise to her chest. Perhaps telling him had been the wrong thing, after all?

She attempted to make a joke. “Well, now, I think my ears are burning. I would guess Katie is telling my news to everyone in the kitchen right now.”

“Perhaps. Does them knowing bother you?”

“Usually it does. All I get at home is whispers and comments. Or looks of condemnation and pity. I had hoped for a break from that. It’s one of the reasons I came here for Christmas.”

“I know what that is like.”

“You do?”

“It’s nothing I care to speak of, if you don’t mind. I’d far rather talk about you. Melody, do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“No.”

“Are you okay?”

She knew what he was asking. Was she all right after sharing her story. Was she all right after everything? “Sometimes I am.” Then, feeling that she sounded too sorry for herself, she amended her words. “And physically, I am fine. The doctor has said I’ve been blessed with an easy pregnancy.”

“Blessed,” he mumbled. Like he couldn’t imagine a child born out of such circumstances could be seen as anything but a scar.

“We have to see the daylight where we can,
jah?”
she said softly. “Every day can’t be cloudy and gloomy.”

A muscle in his jaw worked. “And the baby …”

“The nurses say it is okay, too.”

“I imagine it was quite a surprise.”

“You imagine right. I didn’t realize for a long time what was happening to me. I had no idea what to expect.”

“What are you going to do with the baby when it’s born? Will you give it up for adoption?”

She curved her hands around her stomach. “Oh, no. I’m
going to keep him or her,” she said firmly. Realizing at that very moment nothing could be more true. “This baby is a part of me.”

“But it’s also of the … man.” Looking at her worriedly, he whispered. “You don’t fear it will be a reminder?”

Melody flinched but kept her head high. “Yes. But I think it will also be a reminder to me that the Lord doesn’t do anything without a reason. Perhaps one day I’ll discover what His reasons were for me to have this child.”

Levi nodded. “Yes, one day we’ll all look forward to discovering the Lord’s reasons, I suppose.”

Katie bustled in minutes later, her mother right behind her. Each carried a teapot and a fresh mug.

“Melody, hot tea has always made me feel better on the most dreary of days,” Mrs. Brenneman said gently. “And Mr. Bender, the coffee is fresh. I hope you will find it to your liking.”

Next to her, Katie looked ready to speak when Anna came through the doors, too. “I have hot pretzels,” she said with a smile. “Fresh from the oven. I hope you both will enjoy them.”

“We shall,” Levi promised. “I’m sure we shall enjoy them very much.”

When the ladies left again, and only the two of them sat together, silence stretched between them. Taut, unsure.

Neither seemed to have anything to say.

Melody wondered if, perhaps, she had already said too much.

December 23, 4:00
A.M.

Oh, but sometimes she felt as if she could see her stomach grow bigger by the minute. Melody groaned as she dried her hands and turned off the bathroom light. As she waddled down the hall—as she was now doing every two hours—she felt as big as a mountain.

And twice as old. No longer did her body seem like her own; instead, it seemed to be owned by a wee baby in her belly, and she was at its beck and call. Tonight, the baby seemed to have a fierce need to go push on her bladder.

As she returned to her room, her blurry, sleepy eyesight righted itself. Out of habit, she glanced at the clock. Four
A.M.

It was too early by most
Englischers’
standards, but for
the Amish, not so much. Melody knew before long she’d hear footsteps of Mr. Brenneman or Henry as the men lumbered down the stairs to attend to the farm animals.

Soon, Mrs. Brenneman would wake and she’d prepare breakfast. Such was their way.

It had been the same at Melody’s home, too. Her family of four rose before dawn and worked to get their chores completed as competently as possible.

May was their gardener and canner. In the spring, she rose early with her beloved plants and seedlings and coaxed them to yield more fruits and vegetables. Summer and fall brought hours of harvesting the bounty. Her father, who had found a lot of work making beautiful custom kitchen cabinets in rich peoples’ homes, would tend to the horse and buggy; then, after a quick breakfast, would ride his bike to his workshop.

And their mother, the heart of their home, polished and swept. She made everyone’s meals and organized their lives. She sewed and helped watch a neighbor’s children three days a week.

Melody was the baker. By all accounts, she baked bread better than the other women in the house. So each morning, she’d rise and prepare another batch of either Friendship bread or yeast bread. And then she, too, would leave for work.

Until recently, she had left on foot.

As the memory tried to resurface, Melody pushed it away. She’d already talked about it with Levi and Katie. Surely her mind didn’t need to revisit things again?

With a sigh, she moved to the rocking chair. Rocked back and forth, tried to clear her mind. Tried to only think of good things, like the way her family used to laugh at supper.

How good it used to be.

Before she’d been attacked, their home had been an organized one. A close one. A happy, if not terribly fufilled, and at least content, way of life. And then, one Friday evening, everything had changed.

May later told her that an elderly couple heard her cries for help and rushed to her side. Melody vaguely remembered the lady’s kind face assuring her that the worst was over. Soon, a police woman arrived on the scene and summoned an ambulance. Later, another officer had gone to her parents and told them the news.

Her parents and May had ridden in the back of a police car to the hospital. They’d been questioned by detectives and given updates by nurses. All three had stayed by her side for the night she’d stayed there. Never did they utter a word of complaint. But somehow their family had changed.

And became more strained when Melody learned she was carrying a baby.

Sometimes, her mother said that the hardest part to deal with was the knowledge that a lifetime of innocence could be ruined in mere minutes. That a lifetime of prayer and good works could be overlooked in a flash.

Every so often, Melody liked to think of her family as a beautiful puzzle that had been put together carefully,
each piece fitting just right. Her rape had destroyed the picture, thrown her family into disarray, strewn into a thousand pieces.

Of course, the only thing to do had been to try to pick each part up, one at a time … only to find that some pieces were gone. Lost. And that picture would never be the same.

In her room, rocking, Melody wondered if she could ever forgive herself for that.

December 23, 10:00
A.M.

Leah liked Zack’s family from the moment she saw them shoveling their driveway together. They had on matching blue-and-white ski jackets and looked as athletic and fit as their son.

“Why isn’t Jack out here doing this?” Zack said as soon as he parked his truck off to the side.

“Your brother had to go to work,” his dad explained. “But don’t worry, we’ve got it.”

“I’ll finish it up,” Zack said, already pulling on his gloves. “This is Leah, the gal I called y’all about. Why don’t you take her on in?”

“Glad to meet you, Leah,” his mom said. “I’m Pam. This is Tom.”

Tom waved a snow-covered glove while Zack looked her way. “Will you be okay for a few minutes?”

Leah couldn’t help it, she was charmed. It was so cute to see how well Zack got along with his parents. “I’ll be fine.”

“The rest of this won’t take too long,” Tom called out as Leah started walking toward the house after Pam. “I’ll have Zack back to you in a jiffy.”

Leah grinned as Zack volleyed a snowball at his father. “Honestly, Dad—”

Pam shook her head. “Don’t mind my husband. He likes to tease our oldest. Zack is always so serious.”

“It’s fun to see,” Leah said. For years, it had been just she and her mom. She’d almost forgotten what it had been like when her parents were still married. “And thank you for letting me come out here.”

As they walked into the shelter of the garage, Pam smiled kindly. “We’re happy to meet you, though sad about the circumstances. I’m sorry you’re stuck here in Louisville.”

“It would have been worse if I hadn’t met your son.”

“He does have a nice way about him,” his mother agreed. “All right. Let me get my boots off and then we’ll get inside where it’s warm.”

Leah unlaced her boots and then followed Pam into a sunny blue-and-white kitchen. Flower-painted tiles dotted the walls and blue gingham curtains framed the windows. Instantly, Leah felt at home.

“How about hot chocolate?”

“That would be great, thank you.”

As Zack’s mother bustled around, heating up water and pouring mix into mugs, she directed Leah to the pantry for marshmallows.

Pam had just finished telling Leah about her job as a school secretary and Tom’s job for the fire department when the two men joined them.

“We’re kind of big into public service,” Zack said when she handed him his own hot chocolate. “Jack is an EMT, like I used to be.”

“I guess this is the best place to be if I ever have a problem, then,” she teased. “Someone here could always fix it.”

“Yeah. I think that’s kind of our way. All of us hate sitting around, waiting on other people,” Tom explained. “We’d kind of rather take care of things ourselves.”

“Or maybe, we’re gluttons for punishment,” Pam quipped.

After finishing their drinks, Zack stood up. “So, are you ready to see some puppies?”

“Of course.”

“Be careful, Leah,” his mom warned. “They’re so cute, you’re going to want one.”

As she followed Zack down the hall, she looked at him with a new perspective. Little by little, the man beside her kept revealing a new side to her, and she had to admit she was intrigued. Not only had he helped her, but it looked like helping others was a basic part of his life.

“I like your parents.”

“Thanks. I like them, too.”

“I liked learning more about you from your mom. You’ve done some pretty incredible things as a highway patrol officer.”

He looked down. “I was just doing my job, Leah.”

“You seem embarrassed. Are you?”

“I just don’t think my job is anything special. Not like yours. You’re going to have the ability to influence a lot of people as a guidance counselor.”