Grab (17 page)

Jordan sat outside the hospital room, listening to the murmurs of the women talking and laughing. This had been a great idea, and he was glad Mia had come. He could hear the healing happening, right now, as he sat there and listened. He knew it was just a first step, but one that was the crucial next step in his life with Mia.

It was funny, when he’d first met Mia, she’d seemed so exhausted all the time from work. He’d wished he could just watch her rest. Now that she lived with him, he watched her every damn night and most of some days. It was creepy, he knew, and he would never in a million years admit it, but it was one of his favorite things to do. She was so relaxed, and unless she was having her nightmare, she wasn’t afraid or on edge while she slept.

The nightmare had come last night with a vengeance, but he’d been there for her like always. Just holding her and cooing to her until it went away. It was like she gave him a gift by letting him soothe her. They’d been getting less frequent; she’d only had them once a night until last night. He supposed her talking about her experience was what made them come back so much, but she needed to get it out.

Never mind it had killed him to hear it.

He hadn’t been able to sleep at all after hearing about her experience. He’d wished he’d found her sooner, been there when she got home, stopped the fucker before it even happened.

But he hadn’t, and he’d have to live with that. Just like Mia had to live with what happened. They would get through this.

It was time for Mia to heal, and he would do everything in his power to help her. With that end in mind, he called Mia’s mother and made plans to bring Rose home.

Like all progress, Jordan and Mia seemed to be taking two steps forward and one step backward, which was evidenced by the night-time’s activities: Nightmares.

While they had seemed to be decreasing, Jordan was upset to find his own were returning. With a vengeance. It must have been the entire Mia episode, but when he awoke in cold sweats for the third night in a row, being comforted by the woman he was trying to help, it seemed like the worst kind of irony.

So when Jordan awoke, a tangled mass of sweaty limbs, fighting his sheets as if they were the enemy, soft, cool hands stroked his arm.

“Shhhh… It’s just a nightmare…” Mia’s voice was soft in his ear, and he marveled at the guts she had, soothing a vet in the throes of a nightmare. Most women wouldn’t do that. Or at least, they shouldn’t.

Wildly, Jordan gripped her arms, suddenly struggling with reality, trying desperately to focus on the present. Mia was his reality. His present. Mia looked at him with soft, brown eyes, sleep-tousled hair, concern etching her features.

“Mia,” he breathed at her, crushing her to his chest ferociously. His heart pounded, and he struggled to catch his breath, but he had Mia. Mia was in his arms, where she belonged. Yeah, Stewart was dead, Duke was wounded, and Mia was in his arms. The IED was the past. Mia was now.

“You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine,” Mia whispered quietly.

His hand hurt—phantom pains that re-awoke every time he thought about them. When he dreamed, his hand was on fire, raging out of control, but when he woke up, he clenched his fist, determined to make the pain go away with his squeezes. If only that would work.

“I used to have nightmares, but they were getting less frequent until you went missing. They returned with a vengeance. Not knowing where you were, who had you, any of it, the lack of total control brought them back.” He knew he was rambling, but the words came willy-nilly, tumbling out. Her tiny hands stroking his back made him talk.

“I was in Iraq, and an IED went off in a building we were clearing. Stewart thought he could disarm it, and even though I told him to wait for EOD, he tried anyway, cocky bastard. Stewart was lost, and we couldn’t find enough of him to take home. That was the worst part. Sometimes I dream about that, instead of the explosion. Just sifting through shit, looking for enough of him to send home to his wife.”

The words came out in a rush, and he said them while he held Mia to his chest, the past threatening to invade his present with just the words. As if saying them aloud would bring his ghosts back to life.

But he’d buried all that shit. Even the nightmares had stopped, sort of. But all this stuff with Mia, his lack of fucking control, had brought them back. And he was back to tamping them down again.

Mia stroked his back softly while Jordan clung to her soft curves. He groaned. “I’m sorry, Mia.”

He was sorry for making her feel like she had to take care of him when
he
needed to be taking care of
her
, but she was so good. Her hands on his back were gentle and made him feel like a little boy. After the dream, he was happy to be soothed like a baby.

“I don’t dream in pictures.” She spoke softly. “It’s colors and emotions. Sometimes I’ll hear words. Lately, it’s been a lot of words, because
his
voice is right there. I can’t escape it.” She continued petting him, as if providing Jordan with comfort was helping her speak. He was okay with that. “When I have good dreams, they’re filled with blues and greens and purples, all swirling together slowly and gently, along with giddy feelings. Like when I was a kid and Mom took me to a carnival. Or that night when we first met, and you pretended to lock yourself out of your apartment.”

He chuckled, even though it still sounded shaken. “You knew about that?”

He felt her smile against his naked chest. “You’re not the greatest actor, Jordan.” Her fingers trailed up and down his back, and goose bumps erupted across his skin, but as sensual as it was, it wasn’t sexual. “Anyway, the nightmares, they’re all orange and red, like blood and rust mixed together, and the edges are sharp. The feelings and words are all
that man
and one of my mom’s husbands. The one we don’t talk about anymore. Number six. But mostly that man. The colors swirl together faster, sloshing around. It’s hard to explain, but I know if I touch them, I’ll die. That’s the feeling I get in my dream. And
he’s
always calling me beautiful Evelyn. I can’t stand it.”

Even though she spoke so quietly he almost couldn’t hear her, he knew this was major. This was a breakthrough. He didn’t know how to stop the nightmares, but maybe now that they’d shared them, they could be less afraid.

Jordan laid back down, still holding Mia, and together, they wrapped their bodies around each other in a comforting cocoon.

Yeah, this was major.

The next morning, Mia awoke more refreshed than she had in a while, and memories of the night seeped in slowly with the sunlight. She looked over her shoulder to see Jordan sleeping peacefully, the weight of his arm welcome across her chest. Her gaze turned to her chest to see one of Jordan’s massive paws cupping a breast, holding onto the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. That was probably what had woken her up.

But she wasn’t going to move it, not just yet. Jordan nuzzled into her shoulder while he grunted, grinding his morning erection into her hip. She couldn’t help it, she giggled, which snapped Jordan’s eyes open. His blue eyes suddenly alert and on her.

“Good morning. What’s funny?” Jesus, his voice when he was just waking up had to be one of the sexiest things she’d ever heard in her life. As she lowered her gaze, looking pointedly at her chest, he grasped what he was doing, his entire body pressed up against her. Jordan released her and backed away. “Sorry,” he muttered in a sexy grumble.

“It’s okay, really,” she reassured him. She wasn’t ready for sex yet, not after
him
, but it was freaking Jordan. She’d have to be dead not to have some sort of reaction to him pressed up against her like that.

As he got up and walked to the restroom, Mia’s thoughts turned toward last night. Jordan had been having nightmares for a couple of nights now, and it was nice to see him vulnerable. Not because she wanted him to hurt, but because she wanted to soothe him. The mutual comfort they’d been able to offer each other spoke to something inside Mia—a maternal instinct she’d never had the opportunity to indulge in.

Although, with the events planned for the day, she would have plenty, if Rose was willing. They would be picking her up at the airport this afternoon, and Mia was nearly giddy with excitement at having her sister with her again.

Even though he’d been willing, Mia was nervous about Jordan and Rose together. He was acting like they were going to be one big happy family, and Mia was scared to tell him she and Rose had had enough of those. With all her mother’s husbands and boyfriends, she was afraid Rose would just assume Jordan was like all the rest.

Mia knew he wasn’t but didn’t know how to tell Rose that, and she didn’t know what Jordan could do to prove he wasn’t out to be Rose’s new daddy. As he flushed and started the shower, Mia propped her head on her arm behind her. She’d just have to see what happened and hope for the best. Jordan seemed to think he knew what he was doing. Mia knew he wasn’t going to hurt her, or Rose, either, for that matter. She just wasn’t sure he knew what he was getting into.

Would it all be too much for him?

Time would tell.

The airport was crowded and hectic, and Jordan could see the wild fear in Mia’s eyes, even as she tried to hide it. But he held her hand, squeezing it occasionally in a silent gesture of support as they waited for Mia’s sister, Rose. Jordan was under no illusion he could be what Rose needed. He didn’t think father to a fifteen-year-old was in his skill set. But Mia needed her here, and he would do what was necessary for Mia.

Mia stood on her tiptoes, watching eagerly for her sister, and Jordan was caught up in watching her. He hadn’t seen this side of her yet, and he was excited. He knew the time was coming when he needed to introduce her to Evan, and maybe even the rest of the Securities guys from Pierce, but he’d been worried they wouldn’t act right. Now he knew it would be time. Soon.

Mia let go of his hand with a squeal and launched herself into the crowd. It was so sudden, Jordan tensed, ready to go in after her, but when the sea of people parted, he saw Mia in a bear hug with a girl who looked nothing like her but was squealing just the same.

They both wore the same smile, and the same tears tracked from similar eyes. Jordan knew then, without a doubt in his mind, he’d done the right thing.

Striding up to the women, he held out his hand. “I’m Jordan. Welcome home, Rose.” She shook it, still wrapped up in Mia, giving him a look of trepidation. Understandable. According to Mia, their mom had had a never-ending stream of men in the house, which was a shitty way to raise daughters, in Jordan’s opinion.

Eager to do something to get the look out of her eyes, Jordan offered, “Pizza, hamburgers, or pot roast?” He knew she probably missed American food, even if she wasn’t a picky eater. That’s what he’d missed the most.

“Anything that doesn’t have rice is good. Do you have a TV?” She was testing him, and that was totally cool with Jordan.

“Yup, five hundred and eighty-nine channels of garbage, waiting for you to veg out in front of.”

“Awesome…” she breathed. Jordan sighed. That was easy. For now.

He took the girls out to eat at Salt Lick Barbecue, a staple for Austin food. As they waited for their ribs, beef, and sausage with all the fixin’s, Jordan looked at Mia and Rose, examining them for similarities. It was obvious they had different fathers, as Mia’s Hispanic features were ironically highlighted by the girls’ similarities in features. They had the same mouth, nose, and shape of their eyes, but where Mia’s features were dark and olive, Rose’s were lighter. Her hair was a light brown, almost blonde but not quite. Her eyes were blue, and her skin had a pinkish hue. As different as they looked, they were definitely sisters. When they smiled, the same sunshine broke out of their faces, and their laugh was double trouble for Jordan. He realized he would do anything in the world to hear it. All day, every day.