Goodnight Lady (48 page)

Eileen smiled dreamily. Her deep blue eyes drooped as if she had just woken from a long sleep.

‘A cup of tea would be lovely, thanks.’

Kerry gave her a cup, stirring it solicitously.

‘You’re putting on a bit of weight, Eileen. You look much better for it.’

Eileen nodded. She was staring out of the window at the sea.

‘I like the ships, Kel. I like to watch them. They blow their hooters so loud. Sometimes I can almost feel the spray of the salt water on my skin. I wish I could be on a boat. I watch the sailors pulling up the rigging, or getting the little fishing boats off the sand. It fascinates me how you can live on the sea, be a part of it, and yet only a few miles away we had no real inkling of it. I wish I’d been born here. Born on the sea. It’s clean here. Even the sailors’ breath on cold mornings looks clean. Sister Mary Magdalene says you have to respect the sea because it’s a stronger force. It can be calm and friendly one moment and like a raging tyrant the next. Her dad died on a ship, he was a merchant seaman.’

Kerry sat amazed at Eileen’s monologue. Personally she couldn’t give a tinker’s cuss about the sea, but obviously Eileen had taken a fancy to it and that was good.

‘It is very pretty here. That view. I suppose that’s what it’s named after. I expect you watch the boats all the time?’

Eileen nodded and resumed her contemplation. Kerry smoked her cigarette. She wished Briony and Bernie would hurry back from seeing the doctor. Eileen gave her the heebie jeebies these days.

 

Briony and Bernadette were sitting in Andrew McLawson’s office, looking stunned.

‘Are you sure?’ Briony’s voice was incredulous.

The doctor nodded seriously. ‘I’m sure. Your sister knew, in fact. She’s four months gone.’

‘Bloody hell!’ Bernie shook her head in shock. ‘Does my mother know? Has she been told?’

‘She was informed three days ago. She was very pleased, in fact. Over the moon. I was quite surprised, considering her daughter’s illness. Personally, I’m not sure it’s a good thing.’

‘Do you think Eileen will be able to cope with this pregnancy?’ Briony sounded agitated.

McLawson shrugged.

‘I really can’t say. Your mother thinks it will be the making of her, but in truth I’m not so sure. Your sister is physically very weak, has to be forced to eat. We have a nun here, Sister Mary Magdalene, who seems to be the only person your sister will do anything for. They have a very close friendship. Sister Mary is a very kind girl, only twenty, with a very deep vocation. She loves Eileen dearly. I think maybe she could see her through this pregnancy, but we have no facilities here for children. I’m afraid you’ll have to make alternative arrangements. We’ll keep her here until she’s ready to give birth, then she’ll have to leave. Once she’s delivered of the child, if you can get someone to care for it, Eileen can come back. We all feel she’s doing very well.’

Briony sighed. ‘But not well enough to look after her own child?’

‘Good God, no! I would be very surprised if Eileen ever went back into the real world. I think your mother will probably take on the child. At least that’s the impression I got anyway...’

Briony interrupted him.

‘Over my dead body! She ain’t getting her hands on it, or my Eileen. She’ll drive the girl stark staring mad, as if she ain’t doolally enough as it is! I wish you hadn’t told her, Dr McLawson, she is a very determined woman.’

Andrew McLawson smiled once more.

‘I think it runs in your family, Miss Cavanagh.’

 

Molly was making a large loaf. Her huge arms were stretching and pulling the dough into shape, kneading it to give it a nice crisp lightness as it cooked. Her front door opening was nothing to her, she didn’t even bother to look round.

‘Come away in, woman, and make yourself a cup of tea.’

She expected to hear Mother Jones’ voice. Instead she was surprised to hear Bernadette’s.

‘Hello, Mum.’

Molly swung around to face her. ‘Well, if it’s not one of me daughters. What do you want?’ Her floury hands on her ample hips, she looked formidable. Bernadette swallowed hard.

‘I’ve come for Rosalee.’ She smiled at her sister as she spoke.

‘Oh, you have, have you? Well, maybe I might not let her go today. It’s very cold out.’

Bernadette raised her eyes to the ceiling. ‘Don’t start, Mum. Our Briony’s expecting her, and you’d better not cause any hag. Marcus is keeping the engine running, so I’ve got to go.’

‘How is Marcus? When am I going to meet him properly?’ All her animosity was forgotten at the thought of Bernadette’s beau. She was ecstatic at the thought of one of her daughters having a man, a decent man.

‘He’s fine, Mum, now can I please take Rosalee?’

Bernadette was already putting Rosalee’s coat on. Molly watched her without speaking.

‘Kerry’s fine, Mum, if you’re interested.’

Molly went back to her task of making bread, not even acknowledging her daughter’s words.

Bernadette swallowed down an angry remark and instead said, ‘I’ll bring Rosalee back tomorrow afternoon, OK?’

‘If you like. And tell that Briony she’s not to stuff her on cakes and sweets, she’s a big enough lump as it is.’

‘Okey doke. Come on, Rosie darling, we’re going in the car.’ Rosalee grinned and said, ‘Bri, Bri.’

Bernadette kissed her face and said, ‘That’s right, Rosie, we’re going to see Briony.’

Molly wiped her hands on her apron and kissed her daughters on their cheeks.

‘Watch her now, she’s got a cold coming on.’

‘See you tomorrow, Mum.’

Molly walked out to the car with them. Smiling widely, she waved at Marcus Dowling. She approved of this big man with his blond good looks.

Marcus waved back. Once Rosalee was settled in the back of the car with Bernadette beside her, holding her hand, he drove away. Molly waved until they were out of sight, then Mother Jones came out of her front door.

‘He’s a fine-looking specimen and no mistaking.’

Molly nodded in agreement, then in a jocular voice said, ‘I wouldn’t mind his boots under my table meself !’

Mother Jones cackled in agreement.

 

Rosalee and Briony were sitting on the hearth rug before a roaring fire. Briony was shelling monkey nuts and Rosalee was opening her mouth at regular intervals to eat them. Kerry sat on the settee, her knees drawn up under her, and Bernadette sat on a chair by the fire, her feet resting on the polished brass trim of the hearth.

‘She eats so much, Briony, we should cut her down. Mum said she was getting too heavy for her to lift.’

Briony laughed. ‘Mother always says that, then she feeds her a great slice of apple pie.’

Kerry was at the sleeping stage of pregnancy. At five and a half months, all she wanted to do when she relaxed was have a quick nap. She yawned widely, making a throaty noise. Briony laughed.

‘Keeping you up, are we, Kel?’

‘Oh, Briony, I feel so tired. I’ll have to have an early night tonight.’

Briony was immediately concerned. ‘Look, I think you should cut the club now until after the birth. Concentrate on your recording. I reckon that’s where you’ll be best off. The contract’s signed and they can’t do nothing. You just get that out of the way. Bessie Knight can do two spots at the club, she’ll be glad of the dosh anyway.’

Kerry nodded lazily. ‘I like Bessie, I like all the Velvetones. She goes down well and all, don’t she? With the punters. Very good-looking woman.’

Bernadette said, without thinking, ‘Marcus said she ain’t bad looking for a ...’ She stopped speaking and the room went very quiet. ‘Oh, Kerry, I’m sorry.’

Kerry pulled herself upright, awake now.

‘For a what, Bernie? A blackie? A soot? What did the marvellous Marcus Dowling say then?’

Briony knelt up and put her hand on Kerry’s leg.

‘Come on, Kel, she never meant nothing by it. Let’s not let this ruin a nice evening. It’s bad enough we ain’t got our Eileen here. Let’s not have any rows. Not tonight anyway.’

Kerry made a moue. ‘Well!’ Then, her voice lowering, she said: ‘I’m shitting myself about having this baby, Bri, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to face what it’s going to bring.’

Bernadette leant forward in her chair and said firmly, ‘Don’t you worry, Kel, we’ll weather anything. That baby is going to be the best looked after kid this side of the water.’

Kerry smiled.

‘I wonder what I’ll have. And what Eileen will have. Mother’s over the moon about Eileen’s baby at least.’

Briony blew out her lips in a very unladylike way.

‘It’s your baby she should be pleased about, if anyone’s. Eileen won’t be able to cope.’

‘Mum wants it, don’t she?’

Briony laughed. ‘Well, Mum ain’t getting it! Eileen’s coming here. Once she’s delivered safely, we’ll see how the land lies. If she still ain’t all the ticket, she can go back to Sea View. I’ll have the child.’

Bernie and Kerry both heard the deep aching longing in her voice and exchanged glances.

‘You!’

Kerry’s voice was loud and Briony looked her full in the face. In the firelight Briony’s hair looked redder. than ever, her eyes for once a glittering black.

‘And why not? I’ll get a wet nurse in to do the business with the feeding, and I’ll oversee its upbringing. What’s so bloody strange about that?’

Kerry shrugged. ‘Well, ain’t you got enough on your plate? In a way I think Mum would be the best bet. Let’s face it, she’s sod all else to do all day.’

‘She’s also got Rosalee and her life with Abel, such as it is. She’s too old for a baby in the house. Not only that, I can give it more, give it a better start in life.’

Kerry sat back on the settee. ‘I suppose so. Bri?’

‘What?’

‘Can I ask you something, without you getting all aereated?’

Briony grinned. ‘Of course.’

‘You really miss Benedict, don’t you?’

Briony’s face dropped. She bit her lip before answering.

‘Shall I tell you something? I miss that boy with a vengeance. I’ll be walking down the road, happy as a sandboy, and then I’ll see his little face. Wonder what he’s doing, who he’s talking to. Whether or not he’s happy.’ She stared into the fire then, watching the flickering of the flames.

‘In the dead of the night, I daydream. I imagine how it could be, you know. I imagine me and him living here, Tommy and me married and looking after him. Tommy taking him out to play in the garden, a swing for him, a rabbit. You know, things children like. I see him asleep in bed, and me kissing him goodnight, ironing his little clothes meself, ready for the next day. I see me combing his hair, smoothing it over his forehead. I miss him all right, Kerry. I miss him so much it’s like a physical pain. Especially on his birthday or Christmas, because I can’t ever really touch him, or smell him, or talk to him. He’s my child and I have no contact with him at all.’

Her voice trailed away and Bernadette patted her shoulder. Rosalee leant towards her and kissed her, a whacking wet kiss that sounded loud in the quietness of the room. Briony hugged her sister close, smothering her with the little dry kisses she knew Rosalie loved.

‘I think you’re right, Bri. I think Eileen and her baby will be better off here. At least you’ll really love it.’

Briony looked at Kerry and said: ‘And I need a baby to love, don’t I?’ Her eyes were full of tears.

‘You can have my baby and all if you want.’

Briony coughed to give herself time to recover.

‘I’ll love your baby, Kerry, I’ll love it and care for it. I swear that to you.’

Kerry smiled. ‘I feel just like you do, about Evander. I think of him in the night. It’s as if the darkness makes you think more somehow. I imagine me and him married, and everyone pleased for us...’

Briony nodded. ‘I know. I’m sorry I chased him away, Kerry. Honestly. If I could put the clock back, I would.’

Kerry answered her bitterly, ‘But I don’t want him back, that’s the funny thing. Because it’s only now, with this baby, that I realise I was chasing a big dream. A pretend life. Because I’m not strong enough to live a life with him. I know that now. This baby has taught me that much.’

Bernadette said softly, ‘Are you going to keep the baby after you have it, Kerry? Have you decided yet?’

She shook her head vigorously.

‘Ask me again after the birth. One minute I want it, I love it to death. The next the thought of its colour and the effect it’s going to have makes me feel faint. I can’t answer you, Bern, ’cos I don’t know the answer meself.’

‘Well, whatever you decide, I’ll stand by you. And so will you, Bernie, won’t you?’

Bernadette nodded her head. ‘Of course. There’s a girl at the club, her baby’s with a woman in Devon. She travels down every couple of months to see her. The baby’s father is a married man, and she can’t hack the thought of people knowing she has an illegitimate child. She says the arrangement works well, ’cos the father coughs up the money like.’

Kerry sighed. ‘I don’t know if I could have the baby too far away. Oh, to be honest I don’t know what the fuck I want. I don’t know whether I want a shit, a shave or a shampoo, as the old man used to say.’

They all laughed then, the atmosphere lightening. Rosalee pulled on Briony’s sleeve and she said to her, ‘What, darling, what do you want?’

Pointing to the nuts, she opened her mouth, opening it as wide as it would go.

Bernadette and Kerry both started screeching with laughter, Kerry’s with a tinge of hysteria to it.

Briony picked up the bowl of nuts and said seriously, ‘Of course, madam. If madam wants the nuts, madam must have them, tout suite!’

Rosalee closed her mouth and Kerry shook her head slowly. ‘At least she knows what she wants, Bri, which is more than I do. Ain’t that right, Rosie darlin’?’