Good Morning from Paradise (7 page)

Saturday 22
^nd
June

Hi Di,

Waking up alone still sucks but its better
now I’m back in my own bed. Bud is home and keeping my feet extra warm. God
I’ve missed the little fella. It just feels right having him around. Amber
called last night and I couldn’t hold back, I told her everything Jonathan had
told me, she was going to call Kyle straight away and tell him. Together we
were going to come up with a plan to make Rachel admit the baby wasn’t Dan’s.
Amber said she was going to ask Kyle about the dinner party dates so I was just
waiting to hear from her. I’m starting to feel optimistic again and for all it
doesn’t feel as good as being in his arms, its way better than the way I’ve
been feeling lately so I’ll take it. I just hope something happens sooner
rather than later because waiting isn’t my strong point. Two more days and then
I’m back at work and I’ll have something to occupy my mind. I’ve never wanted a
Monday morning to come around so much in my whole life.

Ella xx

My
phone sprang into life but I didn’t recognise the number. I answered it anyway
thinking it would be my mum telling me she’s lost her phone again and this was
her new number, seriously, she needs to learn how to look after phones.

‘Hello.’
I answered

‘Hi,
Ella?’ a voice spoke quietly. ‘It’s Kyle, I hope you don’t mind but Amber gave
me your number, I thought if we were going to work together on a plan to
eradicate the bitch then we should be able to contact each other, right.” My
face burst into full smile, it was so nice to hear from Kyle and to know he was
going to help me.

“Hi
Kyle, good idea, why are talking so quietly? I can hardly hear you.” There was
a shuffle on the other end of the line.

“Sorry
El, it’s just I’m in the office checking the diary for the date you wanted and Dan
is right outside, if he comes in I’ll pretend I’m talking to someone else. If
he knows I’m talking to you he’ll get all moody and start asking loads of
questions.” More shuffling, I suspected he was turning the pages of the diary
looking for the date of the dinner party. My heart was racing just because I
knew Dan was near to the other end of the line.

“How
is he?” I asked, I couldn’t help it.

“Miserable
as sin.” Kyle replied “Ah, here we are, the work finished in late January the
dinner party was on Jan 31st. That any help to ya?” I did a quick count.

“So
she started seeing Michael in February and she could only be four months
pregnant, max. It fits like a glove. That’s perfect Kyle, thank you so much…”

“Shh!
Ella, he’s coming into the office” I presumed he meant Dan because he started
going on about some kind of material as if he was placing an order. I heard Dan
speak in the background.

“Sorry
Kyle, I didn’t realise you were on the phone, I’ll come back later.”
 tears flooded down my face, I loved hearing his voice but I wished he was
talking to me.

“Ella,
you still there?” Kyle asked quietly again.

“Yeah”
I sniffed, thankful that neither Kyle nor Dan could see me in this state.

“El,”
he spoke softly, “you know you could just call him, right? He’d love to hear
from you, hell, he asks about you all the time. I understand why you can’t
accuse her outright because he’s trying to support her but you can still be
friends through this, maybe hearing from you would be a good thing, keep him
interested and all, not that he’s interested in anything else, he just about
manages to keep on track at work. I’ve never seen him like this Ella, and I’ve
known him my whole life.” I took a deep breath.

“Thanks
Kyle, and thanks for your help, I appreciate it. Speak soon yeah?” I tried to
sound cheerful but I don’t think I pulled it off.

“No
problem, speak soon, and El, take care of yourself ok?” We said good bye and I
considered what he said. Maybe it couldn’t hurt to be friends, it’s better than
nothing for now. I called his cell before I had any more time to think.

“Ella?”
he answered, tears threatened again. I didn’t know what to say, maybe I should
have thought longer. I struggled to get the words out.

“Hi,
I ...I just wondered how you were,” I started to choke up. “Sorry Dan, I wanted
to be friends but this is harder than I thought it would be.”  I sniffed.

“Yeah,
I know what you mean. It kills me to hear you cry gorgeous girl.” He sounded
low too.

I
took a deep breath and spoke quickly before the flood gates opened.

“I
just wanted you to know that we can still stay in touch, ok. Maybe texting is
best for now, if you want to that is, got to go before I break. Bye Dan.” And I
hung up before he could answer, if he didn’t want to stay in touch he just
wouldn’t text, at least I wouldn’t have to actually hear him say it.  My
phone pinged within seconds, it was him.

Good to hear your voice, gorgeous girl. God I
miss you so much, if friends are all we can be then I’ll take that over nothing
any day. Keep in touch.

D xx

And
let the floodgates open!!

After
the crying stopped and I read his message a few more times I felt more
positive, I got ready and took some lunch to Brits boutique. She was using
today to catch up on sales and store drama before Monday morning returns and
it’s all systems go.  She was busy spinning on her new stool when I
arrived, seems she likes her gift.

“Ella,
you’re a real star do you know that?! I’ve been sitting on my stool, smiling
all day so far and it’s given me a creative buzz Ella. Honestly, I’m on my
third design today and before Bali I struggled to do one a week.” I didn’t
really want to burst her bubble but I was pretty sure her creative flair has
returned because she’s had a break, sorted her love life out and come home
stress free. I was willing to let the stool take the credit, I had bought it
for her after all.

“I’m
so glad you’re winning at life my friend” I laughed “I brought you a tuna mayo
sub and a coffee for lunch.” I placed her lunch on her desk and she stopped
spinning to investigate the contents of the paper bag. She looked up at me.
“Marry me Ella” she joked clasping her hands together as if she was pleading to
me. I giggled.

“Ok,
why not, but if it ends in divorce I’m taking the dog!” For a moment she looked
like she was actually considering it and then she wrinkled up her nose and
shook her head.

“Nah,
the dogs a deal breaker my friend.” She spun round again.

“Ok,
if that’s how it’s going to be I guess we’ll just have to keep living in sin.”
I shrugged. “Will you be home for dinner tonight?” I asked, for the first time
in forever I felt like cooking something.

“I’ll
have to take a rain check I’m afraid, Daddy Sleaze-Ball is taking me out for
dinner, better make the effort while he’s in town.” Her face fell, she hated
spending time with him but I wondered if that would change if he told her the
truth. Not that he ever will.

“Go
easy on him Brit, you never know, you might end up enjoying yourself.” I saw
her mouth drop open and made for the exit quickly before she started asking
questions. Way to go Ella.

On
my way home I called at the local grocery store to see if I could get some
culinary inspiration for my home made meal for one this evening. I picked up some
steak, some veg and other random ingredients and headed for the wine isle. As I
was perusing the merlot I felt him, smelled him, he was here, my body was
suddenly frozen to the spot. Breathe Ella, I reminded myself.

“‘Hi”
he said from behind me.

“Hi”
I said as I turned to look at him. He looked older, tired. It was quiet for a
while then he spoke. “Glad to see you buying food, gorgeous girl, you’ve lost
too much weight” he never took his eyes from mine. I subconsciously pulled my
basket up between us as if it would hide my ever decreasing waist. “I felt like
cooking but Brit’s going out so its steak for one tonight.” He reached out to
touch my face but I stepped back.

“Please
don’t Dan, please.” Tears rolled again and I wondered where they were all coming
from, I’ve cried so many over the last few days you’d think I would dry out but
no, they just keep on coming. “Sorry.” He dropped his hand and so that I didn’t
look like a complete bitch I carried on the conversation.

“How
about you? Doing anything fun tonight?” Why the hell did I ask that?!

“Working,
actually” he said.” I’ve got some designs to finish for a meeting with a new
client tomorrow but Kyles going it alone because Rachael has her first baby
check -up and she wants me to be there. I just called in for something to eat
when I saw you.” The mention of her name, the fact that they were doing things
like a family was a real sobering thought. God I need to get out of here
quickly, I can’t stand to hear him talking about her like they’re a couple.

“Well,
I hope it all goes well for you, the designs, the baby and all.” I grabbed the
first bottle of red I laid my hands on, it doesn’t matter what it is, it
wouldn’t last long once I got home anyway.

“See
you around.” I said and rushed to the checkout before I had a major breakdown
in public. He didn’t speak. I didn’t look back. I managed to save the breakdown
until I got home and opened the wine. I sat at the kitchen island and thought
about my life. I can’t go on like this, getting drunk every time I see him,
I’ll have liver failure before I’m thirty at this rate. My phone pinged and I
knew it would be him before I even looked at it.

I’m sorry El, it was totally insensitive of
me to mention her around you. I hate this. I’m sorry. Hope you enjoy your steak.

D xx

I
replied:

It’s ok, I’m ok. Sure the steak will be
lovely if I get round to cooking it, the wine is hitting the spot for now.
Don’t worry about me Dan, I’m not your concern now. Pretty soon you’ll have a
family to worry about. I’ll be fine, I promise, I just need to get over you
that’s all.

El xx

That
was it, I needed to move on. If the baby wasn’t Dan’s then he’d find out
eventually I guess, it doesn’t matter. He chose her, he chose them. Who was I
to come in the way of a baby having the most amazing dad as I’m sure he’ll be.
Maybe one day he’ll fall in love with Rachael again. I won’t be the one to
stand in his way. This was how it was meant to be, it wasn’t going to change. I
had to come to terms with it and move on. My phone pinged again.

You said you could never be with anyone else.
Have you changed your mind?

D xx

Now
the wine was kicking in and I was getting angry. It’s not as if I’m about to
jump into bed with the next guy I meet but even if I did its none of his
business now.

What do you want from me Dan? You made the
choice and I never tried to change your mind. I didn’t say there was anyone
else, I’m not interested in anyone else but I can’t feel this way about someone
who’s not there Dan. It’s not healthy. Am I supposed to be this crying,
alcoholic mess my whole life because you didn’t want me anymore? Is that what
you want?

El xx

Ping…

You know I would never want you to suffer,
hell I don’t know what I want Ella. I can’t abandon my child, I won’t, but I
still can’t stand the thought of you with someone else.

D xx

I
hate the thought of him being with her too.

I would never ask you to abandon your child.
It’s all a huge mess Dan. Don’t you think I hate the thought of you being with
her? I haven’t got a choice. I was going to fight for you but I realise now
that it’s a fight I would never win. I have to accept that you have made your
mind up. You’ve got her now, she needs you, the baby needs you. You’ll make an
amazing daddy I have no doubt.

El

I
turned off my phone. I needed some space. This whole thing was a mess. Tomorrow
I’ll speak to Amber and tell her I’ve let him go, let her get on with her life
with Kyle. It’s shit but I’m sure I’ll be fine. One day, maybe. I threw the
steak away and finished the wine. I must have fallen asleep on the sofa because
the next thing I knew Brit was waking me up.

“Hey
El, how come you’re not in bed?” I checked my watch, 11:30pm

“Did
you just get in?” I asked her rubbing my sore eyes.

“Yeah,
turned out to be a mega night.” she slumped down on to the sofa next to me.

“Spill.”
I waited for her to get settled. She sighed.

“Jonathan
told me some pretty deep stuff tonight, things about my mom and my real dad.”
She reached for the wine bottle but it was empty, she looked at me with raised
eyebrows.

“I
ran into Dan in the supermarket.” Enough said. She went into her room and
emerged with a bottle of whisky. I brought two glasses and we settled again.
She told me what Jonathan had told her, pretty much the same story as he had
told me but a few added niceties for his daughter so to speak. Brit said her
nannies had hinted on several occasions that Jonathan wasn’t her real dad so
she wasn’t as shocked by the truth as I thought she might be. We chatted about
it for a while. Then she asked me what about what had happened with Dan so I
filled her in. She was shocked.

“Ella
you can’t just give up on him because you’re upset. It’s going to be hard every
time you see him for a while but that’s because it was meant to be with you
guys before that psycho turned up again knocked up. Besides, the whole reason
Jonathan told me the truth was to help you and Dan sort things out. He really
likes you both, he wants you to be happy and he can’t stand the thought of that
bitch getting her hands on Dan’s money and ruining his life. He told me about
one of the new clients they’ve got lined up, it’s a renovation project in the
city.” I picked up my glass and took a drink.

“‘So?”
I said as the harsh liquid burnt my throat.

“So…”
she laughed at my scrunched up face as the alcohol went down. “So, Ella the guy
who’s hired them is young, rich, single and handsome.” I looked at her still
visibly confused. She sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes at me.

“He’s
just Rachael’s type El, not only that but he’s Amber’s boss.” I took a while to
process the information.

“Billy?
Billy is getting his house renovated by Dan and Kyle? He’s single? Even so Brit
we can’t make Rachael and Billy like each other. Plus, nobody is going to want
to have an affair with a pregnant woman.” I slumped back on the sofa. Brit
slapped my arm.

“Eleanor
May Stephenson don’t you dare give up on me!
IF
Rachael is pregnant, and
it’s a big if then it’s way too soon to tell so we need to move quickly. And I
have the perfect plan my friend.” She beamed.

“‘Carry
on” I indulged her.

“Well,
in two weeks it’s Ambers’ Birthday, I say we throw her a party, invite Dan and
Rachael and Billy, who, by the way has asked Amber if she has any single
friends recently, and once she finds out he’s the vet that’s funding the
renovations on his massive city property, if she’s as money hungry as Jonathan
says she is, it’ll be a walk in the park.” Brit looked pretty pleased with
herself.