Good Intentions (49 page)

“You’re making me a little self-conscious.” “I am?” She was leaning forward on the table, with both hands on her milkshake. “You’re watching me eat while you’ve got nothing. It’s kind of awkward.” Her eyes never left his, but she pointedly put the straw of her milkshake in her mouth. Alex paused, met her stare, and then just laughed. “What’s so funny?” “You. Wow. It’s like…” he shook his head, chowing down on another fry. “I don’t want to sound like a jerk. I’m really happy you’re here. I really like you. But it’s just funny. I guess I realized just now that angels probably don’t exactly date, do they?” Rachel opened her mouth as if to respond, then closed it. Then she put her hands over her face. “Yes and no,” she sighed. “Wow. Yes, Alex, I understand dating. I’ve seen it. I’m sorry. I’m being a fucking spazz.” He shook his head. “It’s fine,” Alex said. “I’m fine. I just felt weird that you were staring is al . I’m good.” “It’s not that. Ugh. This sucks ass.” She peered out at him from between her fingers. Then her hands fell away. “There’s something I haven’t told you. And I didn’t want to tel you because you’re not supposed to talk about your ex during a first date, right? If that’s what this is? Are we dating?” Alex blinked. “I don’t know, are we?” “If you want to be. I’m a little past the dating stage with you, I think. If it’s what you need…it’l drive me batshit insane, but I can deal.” “Um.” He hesitated, unsure of which way to take the conversation. “What stage are you at?”

“Alex, you’ve hardly gotten to spend any time with me at al while I’ve been al over you like the fucking KGB for days. I know things about you that you aren’t capable of knowing yourself. I can’t answer that and not sound psycho.” “So sound psycho,” Alex shrugged. Rachel inhaled. She seemed a bit nervous. “I’m at the ‘run away with him and never look back’ stage.” She pursed her lips a bit, watching him as if she expected him to bolt. “We can take Lorelei, though. I’m totally okay with that. I can share you as long as I can have you al to myself, too.” Alex grinned, then laughed. She laughed, too, a bit nervously. “You’re right,” he said, “that sounds kind of psycho.” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because you make me feel good?” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just…do you believe in love at first sight?” “Funny you should ask that. No. Not for about five hundred years.” “Neither do I. But every time you’ve been around I just can’t help but think how much I like you and how much more I want to see of you.” Her face brightened. “That’s really sweet.” “I don’t know how else to say it. You’re just so alive. I mean, you’re really beautiful, but that goes without saying. But on top of that, you’re just…I don’t know. You feel good to be with. Really good. You’re witty, you’re smart. You’ve just got this energy that I want more and more of and I know it’s totally strange, but I feel like we just…click.” Rachel nodded. “We do.” “I almost feel bad about saying that.” “Why? Because of Lorelei? Don’t. I know you love her. I think that’s fucking awesome. I’d never let anything come

between you two. Why would that make any difference?” “Because it’s like I’m comparing her to you. As amazing and overwhelming as you both are, that’s bound to leave one of you feeling short-changed somehow.” The angel shrugged. “Every relationship is different. Whatever feelings you have for me don’t necessarily reflect on your feelings for her or vice versa, or for anyone else. Tel me how you feel about her. Gush about her. Get mushy. Honestly, I’l be happy to hear it. Neither one of us is going to get jealous of the other, Alex. There’s bound to be some friction between us, but I think the worst of that has already passed.” “You don’t believe in one woman, one man, then?” “Heaven isn’t against gay marriage, no,” Rachel deadpanned. She waited for him to laugh, which after a moment he did. “Monogamous love is beautiful. Polyamory is beautiful, too. Love is beautiful, period. Like I said, jealousy isn’t something I have to deal with. I’m not exactly a normal girl, Alex. Neither is Lorelei. I’m happy to…feel the way I feel about you regardless of any other factor.” Alex looked at her for a long moment. He could hear the catch in her voice there. Something more was there to be said, he suspected, but he doubted the cafeteria right before his next class was the time and place for it. He decided to change the subject. “You were going to tel me something about your ex. If you want me to talk about Lorelei, I guess that’s fair.” Rachel’s shoulders slumped as she sighed. “Yeah,” she grumbled. “Guess I better just get this out of the way…I used to be involved with someone. Another angel.” “Okay.” “I used to think he was al that and a bag of chips, but in 1517 I realized he’s more like a great big bag of rotting cocks.” Alex nearly choked on the bite of hamburger that was in his mouth. He put the rest of it down. Clearly he was done

eating here, anyway. “It gets into al that stuff I can’t tel mortals. But his name is Vincent, and he’s…I used to fol ow him around like a puppy thinking everything he did was cool. Thinking he was heroic. Then we actually became involved. We were in love for centuries. Or at least I was. Eventually I realized that Vincent is only in love with Vincent. I started to realize that he’s just a big show. Doesn’t really do anything meaningful. Doesn’t really change anything. He’l never admit it, but he knows it.” “What do you mean?” “You remember how a demon slain on holy ground is gone forever?” she asked, keeping her tone low so no one would overhear. “Yeah.” “Well , imagine someone who goes around fighting demons but never really puts any of them away for good. And he’s got the same advantage they do in that it’s very hard to completely destroy an angel. He’s never really in a position where he might be at risk. That’d be fine, but he doesn’t even risk anything even when it would really accomplish something, and yet nobody notices that. He knows it, but he never admits it. He’s just a glory hound, real y. “Like that other succubus you and Lorelei ran into Friday,” Rachel said, and then winked when Alex’s face revealed some surprise that she knew about it. “Told you. Motherfuckin’ KGB. Anyway. I saw that was a potential threat to you, so I let her know I’d go nuclear on her sloppy ass if she messed with you. Hopefully she got the message. But unless she steps out of certain lines, I can’t really go after her. Vincent could, but he won’t. Not until everybody knows she’s around and is spun up about it and he’l look awesome for taking her on. He won’t act until he’s got an audience. “Everybody thinks he’s this big, strong, brave demon-fighting hero. He’s al beautiful and chiseled and glorious and thinking about how I used to buy into it al and fawn al over him makes me just want to puke.” Alex fell quiet. She spoke of the relationship in the past tense, but what it really made him think of was Taylor’s ex-boyfriend Gabriel. He had no idea how one could compete with an angel. He wasn’t wounded or worried, but it was the first sign that even this relationship—whatever it might become—wasn’t necessarily al wine and roses, nor a sure thing. naturally, she went on. “Y’know, I gave up my original purpose for him. I was…I guess you could say I was a librarian, is the best way to explain it. But that kept me tied down where I couldn’t fol ow him, so I requested a new role, and I became a messenger. And a lot of that is about floating around speaking into the ears of loonies and winos. Did he ever thank me for it? Did he ever think about what I gave up to be with him? Fuck no. “Ugh. Such a jerk. And most of the time he’d just…just lie there like I was privileged to be fucking him.” The students who walked by heard that, of course. They giggled and moved on. Rachel glanced up at them, then back at Alex, whose mortified facial expression spoke volumes. “Alex, you don’t do that. I’ve watched you screw four different women and you’re the polar opposite of my ex. You’re amazing.” There were further snickers from the passersby, and finally Rachel got the point and lowered her voice. “The only reason you’d get lazy in bed is if your partner wanted to indulge you. It’s not the same.” “This conversation is beyond surreal right now. Do you seriously watch everything?” “Just about,” Rachel said with a sly grin. “I told you before I’d be watching you whenever you weren’t with Lorelei. Now I don’t even have that restriction. I won’t be looming over you 24/7. You’re still going to have time alone for yourself. Everybody needs time alone. I get that. I’m not co-dependent. It’s just that you’re still so new and fascinating, and it’s only been a few days. But…there’s really only one thing that I’d like more than watching you fuck.” The straw went back into her mouth with deliberate slowness. Alex swal owed hard. He was disturbed by the thought that knowing this about her wasn’t disturbing. still , he was only half reassured by what she had said. “Do you feel like you’re over it? With Vincent?” “Oh, fuck yeah. I’ve been over it for four hundred years. I mean, yeah, in some ways that might not sound like a lot for someone who’s basically immortal, but on the other hand, it’s still four hundred fuckin’ years. I’m pretty sure he’s not entirely over the blow to his massive ego, but I’m done.”

Alex nodded. “It’s just that you brought him up is al . I mean you remember the date you split and everything.” Rachel sighed. “Not because I still have feelings for him.” She reached out and took his hand. “I remember the date because I remember watching Martin walk up to the church doors with a hammer and nails and some paper, and I thought, ‘ You know, Vincent would never have the balls to do something like this. ’” “Mart…Martin Luther?” Alex blinked in awe. She nodded nonchalantly. “You’re talking about Martin Luther. Are you seriously comparing me to that?” “No, not real y. I’m just talking about having bal s. Look, I’m not comparing you to Martin. I mean that was five centuries ago and a totally different context, and neither he nor I knew what would come of it. But to some extent courage is courage. You have the guts to do what you see is right regardless of the consequences, and I love that about you, Alex. Even if you weren’t a hero, I’d still adore you for who you are. You’d still be wonderful and I think I’d still be hung up on you.” “I’m still stuck on the Martin Luther thing. Are you serious?” Rachel looked away, blushing a bit. “I might have had something to do with al that, yes. I mean being a messenger isn’t just about making acid stains of the Virgin Mary on highway overpasses and whispering into the ears of guys holding crazy signs in downtown Seattle.” She looked back at him. “You did hear what I just said about you, though, right?” He sank back in his chair. “I don’t feel like a hero. I tend to think I’m pretty ordinary. Y’know, the last week aside.” Alex searched for words, which left him staring at his plate. “I mean it’s…you know that I was only in that graveyard because I was hoping to impress a couple girls in my photography class, right? And that was just stupid. I knew it was stupid then, too. But I’m just a guy who couldn’t even get into the Army. I’m not a hero. I’ve had a weeklong string of good luck. I keep wondering when it’s going to end.” “You have no idea how wrong you are about that, Alex.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not like I don’t feel good about some of the things I’ve done. I’m really not scared that I’m going to grow up to be just some loser anymore, and I used to really worry about that. But even with everything that’s happened, I keep wondering when…like, when’s Lorelei going to realize that I’m really kind of boring, y’know? Or you for that matter?” Rachel frowned. After a moment’s consideration, she quietly asked, “Did you know that Lorelei’s a big deal among the demons? I mean she’s not a duke of hell , but as succubae go, her name’s pretty much the first anyone would think of. She’s an icon. Alex, you’ve stolen her from hell . The ritual that captured us was one thing, but it didn’t change her. That priest drew on her evil and my benevolence, but I gotta tel you, I’ve pretty much recovered and I bet she’s gotten a lot better, too. I can’t really tel a before and after difference for myself anymore, and I know she’s recovering. She’s turned away from what she was, and that’s gotta be deliberate. “You’ve taught her love, Alex. Most other guys would’ve just used her as a toy. You taught her compassion and remorse. Magical compulsions didn’t send her into that bathroom at the restaurant to talk to that poor old lady. That was you and everything you’ve taught her and inspired in her, and you didn’t do that through luck. I guarantee you, whatever happens now, she’s never gonna be the same. She’l never go back to what she was before. “Shit like a demon being destroyed happens like once a century or two. It’s rare, and it’s an accomplishment, but it’s not unheard of. But getting one to more or less defect? And someone as notorious as her? That’s unprecedented. Look, it’s not like you changed the course of history or anything, but you’ve kicked a boulder that’s been in place for mil ennia and made it shake. That’s a big deal and oh wow, you are totally beet red right now.” Alex was looking down at her hand in his, fighting the urge to smile. “I don’t hear things like this a lot,” he shrugged. “It’s al true,” Rachel said. “You’re a big fucking hero.” She grinned more. “What? What’d I say?” “It’s, um…” He bit down on his lips. Under her gaze, he finally let it out. “It’s ‘big damn hero.’ Actual y. Is how you’re supposed to say it.” He kept blushing. “It’s a geek thing.” Rachel smiled. “You’re Lorelei’s big damn hero. And mine. You might feel like a goon sometimes, but you’re not. Everybody has self-doubt. Everybody. But al that other stuff you said about being boring is just bul shit. I gotta tel

you, Lorelei and I have both been around long enough to know what’s important to us and what isn’t. We—she loves you, Alex, for who you are. It’s not magic. It’s not the ritual. It’s real. And my feelings are just as real, too.” They were both silent for a long moment. Alex was still searching for words. “You’re both just…she’s overwhelming. She’s so overwhelming. I can’t believe I’m worth her attention. And I feel pretty much the same way about you.” “That’s how love usually feels. Especially at first.” She grinned at him. “And I’l grant that we’re both pretty fantastic.” “We were talking about something else before, weren’t we?” “I could tel you how awesome you are for days,” Rachel winked. “But yeah,” she sighed. “We were talking about dumbass Vincent and the dumbass chip on his dumbass shoulder.” “Well , if you’re over him, what’s it got to do with anything?” “He’s…ugh. There are angels that guard over people, but there are also angels that guard over places. Vincent’s more or less got guardianship over this city as a whole. There’s politics there, so it’s not like he’s got as much authority as that might sound, but he’s got a voice. He gets heard. And Vincent is al bent out of shape over you because you’ve shown him up.” “So you think he’s going to do something to me?” “No. Not directly. That would be taking a risk, which he wouldn’t do. But he’s going to try to get you stripped of my guardianship. And he might push that through, too, ‘cause you’ve got Lorelei protecting you. When someone’s more or less got supernatural protection of one sort or another the guardians basically drop him. Usually that’s because messing with the supernatural involves turning away from the divine, but even when it doesn’t…” she shrugged. “Wow,” Alex breathed. “What does that mean for you and I?” “It doesn’t mean you’l lose me,” Rachel said quietly but firmly. She gave his hand another squeeze. “But I’l have other responsibilities, and if they demote me from being a guardian angel, it’l weaken me. You get…I’m not sure