Gone (22 page)

“What did you do?” I have no doubt in my mind that she would have done something. Fire burns in her probably brighter than it did in that school toilet that day.

“For some reason I kept thinking about those three girls who turned their back on me in the fire drill line. I knew it was them. The next day I caught up with them in the toilets, and I don’t really know what happened but this rage just took over me. I broke one of the girls cheekbones against the sink, the others didn’t fare much better. I got expelled and mum and dad pulled Emily. It’s not something I am proud of. I never wanted to be the kind of person who would hurt another, especially young girls. Even if they are bitches.”

“Shit”

“The rumours followed us. I was known as the girl who broke other girls’ faces, and it didn’t take long for me to be invited out by the wrong people. Let’s be honest, I wasn’t in touch with anyone else. No one wants to be friends with a girl who goes crazy like that.”

“I’m sorry, Bex.”

“Nah, it’s over now. But you need to understand that’s why I can’t stay. The second school we went to I couldn’t stop myself. I trailed Emily everywhere making sure she was okay, every person that came near her got scared off by her big sister. But worse than that, she ended up getting teased more and more because of me and because of the things that I’d done. The labels followed me everywhere. Rebecca Walters the dangerous girl. What with the new label I picked up a couple of weeks back. I can’t have Emily carrying that around. It’s not fair.”

I so get it, and with her words I know that she will be gone in a few days, but I also know that I would never ask her to stay. How could I?

“I understand.”

She turns to me and the amber’s hold my gaze. “Do you get it, Joshua, do you understand that I have to leave it behind and live my own life and let them live theirs?”

I lean myself forward and place my lips against hers, nothing more that the shortest of kisses. “I get it. I hope that you get what you want.” I mean this, but I know that in saying it, I will never get the things that I want. Her.

By the time we’ve driven to our final destination, a secluded beach that can only be reached by a sharp descent on foot, she has told me everything. She has filled me in on the ensuing two years, the crowds she has been mixing in, the trips home with the police for drunken behaviour, the shop lifting, the vodka, and finally up until the day when her dad found her doing something I’m guessing he didn’t want to see. “I don’t want Emily thinking that’s normal and following my example, she’s at an impressionable age, imagine if she turned out like me just because I am the only role model she had.” She’d said with a look of resolution set in her features. It made me grip the steering wheel tight enough to make my knuckles ache as her determination seeped through me.

“So did you not have any friends who tried to help you?” I ask as we look out at the shimmering sea. There is a heaviness in the air between us. Bex has told me everything and I have told her nothing.

“Yeah I did.”

“And?”

“I can’t really talk about it, Josh.” Bex has turned herself from me. I slide a hand along the skin of her back, feeling along every notch of her spine.

What can’t she talk about? Surely she has told me the worst? “Why?”

There is a heavy moment of silence before I see Bex’s shoulders slump in defeat.

“Because she left.”

“What? How?” The questions shoot out of my mouth with me unable to control them. 

“I took it one step too far.”

I button in any further questions. Obviously she does not want to talk about it. I can’t blame her. I know there are plenty of things that I still can’t talk about. Or wont.

“Do I repulse you now, Joshua?” she turns and asks.

I read her face, the crease between her eyebrows,
the slight scrunch of skin around the corner of her eyes. Repulsion is not a feeling I have strongly right now. It’s something else that is claiming me, emotions that I don’t understand very well are surging inside me, the need to protect, the need to fix. Anything apart from repulsion.

I slide a hand along the smooth expanse of skin over her hip, up along her rib cage and move myself closer.

“You would need to do something very bad to repulse me.” My voice lowers automatically but I notice that she flinches a little at my words but then quickly clears her face of all expression. I realise that she has not told me everything. There is something still there, lurking in her past, something darker than all the other secrets she has spilled this afternoon. Something that she really doesn’t want me to know.

“How bad?” she teases obviously hoping I did not notice her expression change.

“Oh, really really bad.”

“Like what?”

I shift over on my knees and grab the bag from the bakers. “Like eat your lunch in only four mouthfuls.”

Bex eyes the large Cornish pasty steadily. “Easy.”

“You’re so going to fail.”

“It’s all about tactics.” She tears the crust of the pasty and breaks it into two shoving one into her mouth. Once she has swallowed it down she pops in the other and then spends another three minutes chewing the overload of pastry.

Next she splits the remaining pastry and mixture of meat and potatoes into two. “You’re going to have to turn around for this, you won’t want to kiss me again if you see me do this.”

“No way, you might cheat.”

“One thing I am not is a cheat.” Her shoulders stiffen again.

“Calm down, and I assure you I will still want to kiss you.”
Like forever.

“No.”

“Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it.” I start to drum the sand with my words and she shoots me her frowny look and then just shoves half of the pie in, squidging it in so far she has to cover her face with her hand because she can no longer close her mouth.

I start to laugh, no not laugh, I start to giggle like a ten year old as I watch her munch it down.

“By the way I am finding you very sexy right now. I just want to throw that out there.” 

“You’
re weird,” she says when she has finally stopped chewing.

“Maybe, but my question is can you do it?”

Bex eyes the remaining chunk and then shrugs and shoves it in. I sit and beam a ridiculous grin at her as she finishes the pasty in the allocated four mouthfuls. When she is done she leaps from the sand and starts prancing about. “I am the champion, I am the champion.”

Standing I grab hold of her hand and ease her bikini clad body into mine. “You certainly are.”

“Have you ever done that?”

“Nope I fail every time.”

“Really?” She starts to dance over the sand chanting “Loser,” at me. Like I am going to let her get away with that.

In five easy strides I have my arms locked around her squirming body and have walked us towards the sea. The day is scorching hot as I predicted and I know the sea will be ice cold in contrast. Oh well. I dump her straight into the water, not deep enough to go under but far enough to get her wet all over.

“Josh!”

“Who’s the loser now?” I pull her up from the
water, hoisting her high and she wraps her legs around my waist, leaning in to kiss me with lips that taste a combination of sea salt and Cornish pasty. Something about her kiss seems different, playful almost, she slides her tongue along the curve of my top lip, smiling against my mouth.

“That really wasn’t very kind.”

“Well you know, I never said I was perfect.”

Bex smiles at me, a true smile, an
d I understand the difference in her kiss. She has told me her worst bits and shown me she is not perfect but I am still here, still holding her, still kissing her. How many friends must she have lost after what happened. How lonely has the girl made of sun been?

I walk us back out of the sea and head back to our hiding place behind the rock. Slowly lowering us onto the towels, I gently let her lie flat against the sand before leaning into her and catching hold of her lips with my own. For the first time I go into the kiss with my eyes shut, waiting for sensation and need to lead me to make the right moves. Bex shifts herself slightly beneath me and slides her hands up along my back before linking her fingers around my neck. I can feel her body rub against mine, slightly. I move myself back in towards her, pushing her further into the soft sand underneath us. Ever so slowly and with my eyes still closed I lower my lips down her throat and plant soft kisses along her skin until I reach her collarbone which I kiss along to her shoulder. All my senses in the absence of my sight are heightened and I can smell the sunflowers on her skin and taste the salt drying in the sun. More than that I can feel, I can feel the warmth of her against my lips and it makes me want more. I want more so badly, it is like a steady throb inside me. I lift myself back up to her lips and kiss her one more time before opening my eyes to the startling daylight. The ambers are watching me.

“Don’t stop.” She says.

“What do you mean?”

Bex does not answer she shifts herself against me again using her hips to move her pelvis against mine and the movement alerts me to what she wants me to do. My body reacts instantly, not that I wasn’t excited already but now I feel the blood flow swiftly to my dick and I know what I want to do with it.

“Bex, we are on a beach.” It’s not an outright no.

I couldn’t say no now if I tried, but then I also know I don’t want our first time having sex together to be on the beach.

“Use your imagination then?” She grins at me, her eyes taunting me and believe me I want to use my imagination, but at the same time I think about all the stuff she told me earlier and I know that the girl made of sun needs more than a quick roll in the sand.

“Well if you say so.” I murmur as I roll us over and then over again wrapping the blanket around us tightly, binding us so closely together there is not a single spec of space between us.

“I feel a bit like Cleopatra,” Bex giggles. She goes to say something else but I stop her lips with my mouth prising her own open as I quickly dart my tongue against hers. She comes right back at me, kissing me with an intensity that makes me feel heat burn up the back of my neck. I strain with a need to move against her but I hold my body dead still. I want it to come from her. This has to be her choice. I open one eye, just a fraction, so I can get a read on her emotions and find that she has her eyes tightly screwed shut. I instantly smile against her lips, the look of concentration on her face is the cutest thing and it makes me realise that she is probably trying to hold her body as still as I am. With one small peck on the lips I roll us over one last time so she is lying on top with her body pressed against mine. I anchor my hips into the sand, determined
not to make the first move. I don’t have to worry, with the spin of our bodies her eyes fly open and stare at me hard. Then Bex gives me a slow one sided smile as she realises what I have done, handed her the power to allow the moment to play out as she wants. She shifts herself against me as much as the tight blanket will allow, rubbing herself against the length of my erection which feels like it is pulsating against the material of my shorts and against her. Bex’s smile grows ever so slightly as she closes her eyes again, and I move my hands as much as the constricting blanket will allow gripping either side of her hips as she sets up a steady motion, up and down, using me to stimulate her. I’m thinking the blanket was a terrible idea because I want to be able to run my hands along her skin and into her hair. I roll us a little again so I can release the tightness.

“Don’
t stop,” she says.

“I’m not stopping,” I kiss against her mouth. I demonstrate clearly how I am not stopping by running my free hands down her back, using both my thumbs to glide along her spine, feeling every vertebrae as I lower to the edge of her bikini pants, pulling both my hands down firmly on her hips again and pushing her pelvis in towards me so that the pressure she creates is almost to the point of being painful, the sort of pain I can cope with. My touch against her skin sparks her to move faster and firmer against me and for a moment I forget to watch her face as I close my eyes and concentrate on the feel of her sliding along my shaft. The movement and sensation is so intense I can feel myself edging higher and higher. That won’t do, this is supposed to be about her, not me.

I catch hold of her shoulders and roll us over one last time so now I am on top and can drive the motion. I lift my head and check the beach is still clear before lowering my lips to her throat which I kiss down until I reach the trim of her bikini top. Ever so slowly, using tentative fingers, I edge the material back until I have freed a nipple which I gently catch hold of in my mouth, rolling it with my tongue. Bex gasps out loud and lifts her legs wrapping them around my back. Raising one hand I use my palm to stroke firmly along her midriff, up and over her rib cage and along her throat until I can slide my fingers around the back of her head and lift her mouth gently up to mine. Bex strains herself against me, her hips lifting higher and higher with every movement she makes. Her hand splay into the sand so she can lever herself higher still and I start to put more intensity into my own actions and move my own hips faster in response. Deep inside me I know I want to reach down and move her bikini bottoms out of the way so I can feel her properly, but I know I need to stick to my original intention. I watch her face and know that she is focused on whatever she can feel on the inside, lips slightly apart her breathing more ragged with every thrust I make. Shit I want her bad. I literally can’t stop myself from crushing her with my body as I put every bit of myself into riding this out.