Golden Crown Series 02: The Twin Dragons (3 page)

Chapter Four

Back With Scars To Show

I have waited for my feelings to drown. Perhaps it may sound ridiculous to you after knowing how I grew up and my lack of being able to connect to reality. Truth be told
, sometimes it is best to just pretend to be something than to search for what you are. I often dream of my mother. I see her smile, which always seemed real to me. Years after the fact I sit here at my lavish vanity, the same one she brushed her long hair at and stare into the same eyes that she had. Older, wiser and suddenly feeling something I never had before, that of empathy. It is funny how that should be something that is hardwired into a human’s fabric, but it is not. Empathy is something we acquire from our parents. It is something they can either instill into you or you never have it presented close enough to take hold. Mine was the latter.

Do not take this as an admission to being less than what I could be. I feel as if the twins lightened me and pulled back a veil
I had over my heart and my eyes. I never expected to care so much for them, but I honestly think what happened is I took my love for Ryan and placed it onto the boys. My only fear now is that they will someday know what I did to their true mother, and what happened to mine. I would hate for them to see me as a monster although I do not necessarily feel like one. I set my brush down and walked to my closet, placed my fingers on the vintage switch etched deeply with flowers and turned it on as the long room lit up and I stared at all of my “things”. Things, collected on days I would have rather been holding a hand or having a simple “I love you” whispered into my ear, but this has to stop. This ridiculous reminiscing is doing nothing to strengthen me. As I feel my armor fade, the demon himself appears just as he is expected to do to help me harden my heart some more.

“I think you may have more shit than I do
, Beth,” Ryan said behind me. Before I turned, I rubbed my arms to make sure I was awake. So many times I had dreamed of him simply acting normal and I have no fucking need for more teasing. I turned and he was really standing there, looking cleaned up and sober. I looked him over and actually decided to respond to him this time.

“I doubt it,
” I said and his eyes lit up a bit as I never speak more than a word or two to him.

He stepped forward and brushed
by and walked down my long line of dresses, each one costing more than I should mention and worn maybe once or twice since I had purchased them. My buying when I am depressed is a trait most women have, but of course when I buy it could be the amount someone makes in a year cleaning our bathrooms. A quick memory of Ryan as a child when his mother would clean ours flashed into my mind. He turned and smiled at me, it was a smile I had not seen in forever and I started to think I had missed something. Perhaps he is drunk or worse yet, high on some drug. I walked towards him and stopped just close enough to smell him and no traces of alcohol lingered, so my second guess may be the reason he is acting like someone I knew a long time ago. He looked down at me and I stepped back as I realized I was too close to him. He reached out and took my hand and I stopped as my heart did a small flutter in my chest. How annoying that he is can still make this happen to me.

“I was thinking that maybe you would like to…” his words trailed off as I looked up at him and saw him as Ryan and not my enemy who had lingered to make me miserable.

“To what?” I said to keep this door opened up.

“Would you like to go out
, Bethany?” he asked me as his fingers moved slowly on the top of my hand. I looked down and felt his skin against mine, leaving a bit of pain behind. I pulled my hand and then smiled at him.

“Where
to Ryan?” I asked him and he turned and pulled a dress I had not seen in forever and held it up. I shook my head at him.

“I don’t think it would suit you.”

He laughed and then placed the dress back. He looked me over and shook his head.

“Was that a joke?”

I waited and then laughed a bit.

“If it was
, I have to say it is because I have not had my pills yet today,” I said.

“Go without them, one day, Beth,” h
e said to me in a softer tone.

“I need them Ryan.”

“Just try,” he said as he walked past me and out into my bedroom. He looked my large bed over and then turned back and grinned at me.

“Did you take something?” I asked him and he shook his head no.

“You lie,” I said to him as I crossed my arms on my chest and stepped out.

“No, I woke up and did not take a single drink, I am comp
letely sober and it feels great,” he said. I studied him closer and hoped he was not lying.

“
I am confused,” I said and he stepped towards me and stopped just close enough for me to feel a bit awkward. He held my chin up and I should have stepped away but he caught me at a very strange moment, almost as if it were he and I all over again at twenty-one, and nothing could take my thoughts away from a glimmer of hope. He then started to move his face towards mine and a knock came to the door. As I stepped back and rubbed my neck and he let his hand fall as he turned and saw the new maid who had replaced the last one. This one was stunning and my hatred for her was immediately up in the back of my throat like bile.

“I have cleaned the boy
’s rooms, anything else before I move to the garden, Ryan?” she asked and I sighed as her informality told me that something had already occurred between them and it made me close my heart as it should be.

“Mr. Blackwood,” he said in a stern tone. S
he smiled and then glanced at me.

“Mr. Blackwood.”

“Just go for the day,” he said and she lingered until his irritable facial expression told her she should.

“I apologize, I will be back tomorrow.”

“No,” he said to her and she looked up at him.

“What?”

“No, go to the accountant and take a month’s leave.”

“But I…”

Ryan walked to the door and leaned up saying something under his breath. She left us as I stood there feeling like a fool. Ryan turned back to me and I had turned my back to him as I could not face him with tears in my eyes and give him anything more right now.

“Beth.”

“Just go Ryan,” I said and he waited for me to change my mind.

“Beth, that was…”

I turned, actually crying in front of him, and he stopped speaking.

“Beth?”

I reached into my pocket and clutched the skeleton key in my hand as I walked up to him and then took his hand. I kissed it softly and placed the key in his palm and squeezed it. I then let it go and walked back to the window. I turned to look out and see the maid leaving which hardened my resolve to this whole line of shit he was feeding me.

“
I won’t be needing that anymore,” I said and he left me along with a small spark of hope. How typical when it came to him, always an open scar to me, and always lingering longer than he should.

****

Cas stood in the Garden and stared at the entire thing. He held a notepad and looked as if the planning was making him happier than he ever had been before. He walked the lane lined with roses and reached out, letting his fingers trace the stems and suddenly he hissed as a sharp thorn cut into his flesh on the tip of his finger and let a small droplet of blood rise up. He pulled his finger to his mouth and sucked on it, letting the salty flavor of it roll onto his tongue. He then looked down and saw something he did not understand. He lowered to one knee and reached into the thick greenery and pushed it aside. His eyes narrowed as he took his fingers and started to move some dirt, he felt the hardness of the mysterious item before started to pull on it and it turned slowly in his hand. Two eye sockets staring up at him as the skull became completely visible. He swallowed hard as he brushed more dirt from it. He quickly started to pull it up and saw a small locket shining up at him, he pulled his bag and slipped the skull and locket into it and then yelped as a hand extended and pulled him into the thick brush. He stopped as Zane stood there smiling at him.

“Oh my God you almost gave me a heart
attack…look at….”

Zane suddenly kissed him on the mouth and he stopped speaking as he wrap
ped his arms around his neck. Zane moaned quietly as tongues intertwined and heartbeats sped up. Zane’s hand slowly caressed his throat and then slid to the back of his neck as his lips remained pressed against his. Cas kept his eyes closed as Zane’s attention engulfed his senses and made his cock ache behind the cloth of his pants. Zane reached down and let his hand press against Cas’s hidden erection. Cas moaned again and then stepped back as he caught his breath. Zane smiled and placed a finger to his lips and then looked him over, taking one step towards him. Cas laughed and held the notepad up.

“I am trying to plan a party.”

“What did you want me to see?” Zane asked him and suddenly Cas decided to keep it to himself until he could understand it more.

“My plans,
” Cas said as he lied and shook the clipboard in his hand.

“Oh and that is so much more important than letting me give you pleasure?” Zane said and Cas sighed.

“Not here,” he whispered and Zane laughed.

“Your d
ad is surely drunk and your mother is high, seriously how would they know?” he said and Cas stepped out, a bit irritated. Zane called out to him and he kept walking. He loved him, if love was what this was, but Zane could be such an asshole and when it came to Cas and his mother, no one was allowed to talk about her in a bad light. He could not have anyone talking badly about her, not even his first lover and best friend in this world. Cas heard a whispering to his right and glanced to see Zane standing there with nothing on and he covered his mouth and ran into the thick brush again and shook his head at him.

“Get your clothes back on!” he said and Zane smiled at him as Cas tried to ignore his erect cock.

Zane stepped up to him and kissed him hard on the mouth as Cas struggled a bit, but Zane has a way about him that makes it impossible for Cas to refuse him. Zane reached down and unzipped his pants, pulling out his cock and slowly stroking it as his lips moved from Cas’s lips to his neck. Cas looked up as Zane lowered to his knees and started to suck on the tip of cock, slowly at first and then with more speed. Cas closed his eyes and let himself get lost in it as he always does, deep and lost in the need for him.

His body tensed up as Zane held onto him tightly and moaned, moving his cock in and out of his soft lips. He smiled, staring up at Cas for a moment until Cas looked down and placed his hand on the back of his head.

“Don’t stop,” Cas whispered and Zane returned to pleasuring him as he loved to do.

Chapter Five

Chain

“Stop,” Zoey said as August pulled up and smiled at her from between her legs. “Just stop,” she said as she pulled her legs towards her and August watched her a bit confused.

“No way
that I suck at this.”

“No, of course
not. I am just not in the mood,” she said. August sighed and pulled out a cigarette as she eyed him.

“Don’t smoke in my car, you know it pisses me off.”

“You mean your mom’s car?” he said as he held the lit flame up to the tip of his cigarette. She rolled her eyes and got out of the car. He lit it and took one puff and blew it all over the dashboard as the interior of the Porsche looked pristine and always did. He stepped out and looked up at the stars in the sky and then saw Zoey standing at the edge of the cliff overlooking the large houses and properties below. She held her arms out as the wind blew her hair up and her body looked beautiful, completely naked and covered in moonlight. She was stunning and as much as August would love to say she was not something he wanted, she was. In fact, she was the only thing he truly cared to call his own.

She looked back at him and smiled as the wind continued to play with her hair making her look more like an apparition
than that of a real girl. August walked towards her and she smiled as she tilted her head and watched him closely. She stepped back and teetered on the edge as August ran and she held a hand up to him.

“Any closer and I will jump.”

“What?” August said as he stopped and looked her over.

“I said, any closer and I jump,” s
he said as she looked down into the darkness. She knew if she jumped she would surely die.

“Stop messing around,” h
e said as she looked back at him and grinned.

“I am not playing with you,” s
he said and he took another step. “I said stop or I will.”

August smiled at her and looked up at the sky.

“I know you Zoey, you love shopping too much to die.”

“I don’t care about things,” s
he said and he looked at her.

“What else is there?” he asked her and she looked up and stepped back furth
er, barely able to balance. He tried to control his panic without her knowing.

“We have everything, why would you just toss it away into nothing.”

“You don’t think there is anything after this August?”

“
I think we help the plants grow,” he said and she looked him over.

“How sad to think that way.”

He looked her over and then settled on her eyes.

“Since when did you think there was something more than this?” he asked.

“I have always believed in more. My mom tells me there is a beautiful place waiting just on the other side, she has seen it.”

“She has seen all kinds of shit
, Zoey,” he said in a low tone as she stopped looking so peaceful and stared him down.

“There is something ugly inside of you that won’t allow anything pretty to grow.”

August laughed, but she did not, so he cleared his throat and waved his hand at her.

“Come away
from the edge, I think the weed has your head all messed up.”

“No,
” she said and he stopped looking so amused.

“I am not kidding, step away from the edge
, Zoey.”

“Say it,” s
he said and he tilted his head.

“Say what you crazy bitch?”

She bit her lip and looked behind her. “Say you believe in more.”

“I will not,” h
e said.

“You will say it.”

“I will not, it is a fucking lie.”

She paused and looked him over.
“Then say I love you Zoey, more than the moon and the stars.”

“What?”

“I already know,” she whispered to him and he shook his head.

She leaned back and he ran to her and caught her hand just in time. She closed her eyes as she dangled from the edge and August yelled out as he pulled her up and felt the muscles in his arm and back tearing from the weight of her. He pulled her up over the edge and held her, rocking back and forth as she touched his face
, and he caught his breath.

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to see how much you loved me and now I know,” she whispered.

He hugged her and closed his eyes as they sat on the edge of darkness and August knew then that he had never truly been in control of this thing with her and probably never would be.

****

“I find it impossible to say.”

Cas looked at me and grinned as the hired help moved heavy cement pots filled with imported greenery. Truth is I never walk out here in the garden, I find it boring. I always have but Cas loves it as does August and this party will occur with everything they desire, as it should be.

“Well, I think it would be better if we divided it up into sections instead of making one big area. It could be fun to have a ma
ze of sorts,” he said and I looked at him. He stood there looking so grown up, so like Ryan in many ways. He held the clipboard as if he were planning the design of the next shuttle to outer space. Cas has always been the one who cared more than August. I mean, August had asked me but then abandoned the planning to his brother, whom we all know is truly equipped to do it. It is not that August is ignorant in anyway. In fact, his intelligence is unsettling at times, but Cas is the organizer of all things and had been their whole lives. It is a strange thing to watch twins function, it is truly like watching two halves of one soul working together. I know there is a bond between them that I would never ever understand. To this day I still wish I had siblings, at least one and it almost seems like yesterday that the thought of having two brothers was enough to make the sting of everything fade away, but the reality of it is far more sinister. I glanced over the roses and remembered dragging Miko’s body in the darkness, or trying to anyway. The butler and Ryan had really done it all. Though out of morbid curiosity I had to watch as her face was covered with dirt. I even walked over the spot a few times to be sure the earth swallowed her up properly. There was no love lost there, none at all.

“Mother,
” Cas said and I turned and looked at him as he pulled me from my haze.

“Yes?”

“What do you think?” he said and I looked around and quietly cleared my throat.

“Sections?” he added and I nodded to him.

“I would think you know best, you have always been good at these things, Cas.”

He smiled and wrote on his clipboard as I watched him.

“Remember when you decided to re-design your room?” I asked him and he looked up and nodded to me.

“It was atrocious,” h
e said and I laughed.

“I thought you liked
it.”

“There was no reason to have all those childish things around for so long.” He said and I paused.

“Childish things? You were eleven.”

“Eleven
is far too old for toys.”

“You think so?”

Cas stopped and stared into my eyes.

“Yes, it was time to become more grown up.”

I stepped up to him and touched his hair as he sighed.

“T
hat sounds like August, not you,” I whispered and he glanced up at me.

“Sometimes it is hard to tell a difference.”

“Not to me,” I said as I touched his chin and he moved slightly to break my touch. It was a bit unlike him.

“So what do you think?”

I smiled at him. “I think you have grown up too fast and I hate it.”

“Mother
,” he said as he shook his head.

“Okay…sections would be great. Do you have a theme yet?”

“Well of course I do!” he said as he turned the clipboard and I saw the pictures he had attached to it like a collage. I leaned in and grinned.

“Masquerade Ball,
” I said and he nodded.

“It will be amazing.”

“I have no doubt,” I added as he left me standing there as people moved all around us. His ability to be in charge came from Miko, I do believe, and perhaps it was the only thing she gave him that was worth anything at all. Everything else she had to give fed the flowers here and maybe that is the reason we had so many problems growing anything when the boys were young. In fact, this garden used to look like a terrible nightmare and yet the boys still gravitated towards it almost as if she would never set them free.

Chapter Six

Unexpected Shine