Going Down (7 page)

When I graduated, I got a job in Kansas City and Charles and I lost contact. During my first year there, I explored my sexuality in a desperate attempt to find satisfaction. I had every kind of sex imaginable. I had sex with women and men. I had threesomes with two men, with a man and a woman, and with two women. I went to orgies. One of my partners took me to an underground sex club. I’ve had anal sex, bondage sex—hell, I even went to a dominatrix a few times. Still, I found no joy in sex. Through it all, my experience with Marvin stayed on my mind, but I always pushed it aside.

That all changed one night when I was out with some coworkers. We went out for drinks to celebrate the completion of a project. By the end of the evening, everybody, except me, was pretty drunk. As the night went on and talk of sex became the topic of conversation, I allowed myself to think about the satisfaction I got from killing Marvin, and the only orgasm that I ever had. It was then that I noticed this guy. He had been wandering around the bar, hitting on just about every women in the place. When he approached our table, one of my coworkers shut him down and he stayed away from us for the rest of the night.

Sometime around midnight, our party began to break up because we had to be at work in the morning. I left with my group, waved good-bye to everybody, and got in my car. I sat and watched as one by one they drove out of the parking lot. Once the last car was gone, I got out and went back inside. He was still there, sitting alone in a booth near the back. I walked over to the booth.

“Is this seat taken?” I asked.

He looked up at me and smiled. “I been keepin’ it warm just for you,” he said and slid over.

“Why don’t you go and get me a drink,” I said, instead of sitting.

He jumped to his feet and had to steady himself. “What are you drinking?”

“Whatever you’re drinking,” I said and sat down. I watched him stagger to the bar. He wasn’t a bad looking man, but he was skinny. Tall and skinny. When he came back, he handed me a glass. “What are we drinking?” I asked, and he sat down next me.

“Gin,” he said, and I could smell it on his breath. “That okay?”

“Sure.”

“You know what they say about gin?”

“What’s that?”

“Gin will make you sin,” he said and raised his glass.

We turned up our glasses and drunk them down. “Is that what you want to do?”

“Baby, there are a lot of things that I wanna do with you,” he slurred. The smell of his breath was killing me, and I figured that I needed to get this thing going before his breath changed my mind.

“Well then, why don’t we get outta here?”

Once again, he jumped to his feet and, once again, had to steady himself to keep from falling.

I got up quickly and began making my way through the crowd. He followed as closely behind me as he could in his condition. I moved as quickly as I could because I didn’t want anybody to see us leaving together.

I was standing by my car when he finally made it outside. When he saw me standing there, he staggered over to me. “I thought that I had lost you.”

“No chance of that happening. You got some place we can go?”

“Yes,” he said quickly. “My place isn’t far from here.”

“Good. I’ll follow you.” I got in my car and followed him out of the parking lot. As I drove, I thought about whether I really wanted to do what I had planned. I could just as easily drive home and go to bed, but I didn’t. When he pulled over and parked, I drove down the street and parked near the corner. He stood outside the building and waited for me.

“Why’d you park all the way down there?”

“I wanted to make you wait.” I laughed. “But I promise I’ll be worth the wait.”

“I know you will,” he said and tried to kiss me.

I moved out of the way and he almost fell on his face. “Don’t you think it will be better if we did it inside?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said and rushed inside, fumbling for his keys as he walked.

As soon as we were inside, he tried to kiss me again, and once again, I moved out of the way. “You got anything to drink around here?”

“Yeah, baby, sure. Make yourself comfortable.”

“Where’s the bedroom?”

His eyes bucked open. “Right through that door.” He pointed. And I walked in that direction.

While he made the drinks, I looked around his bedroom and wondered how I was going to do it. I had no weapon, but I was determined not to leave there without experiencing satisfaction. I took off my clothes and had just laid across the bed when he came in.

“Wow,” was all he managed to say. He very quickly drunk his drink and hurried to the bed to hand me mine. While he frantically pulled off his clothes, I put my drink down.

When he was naked, he laid down next to me. His dick was little, but I didn’t care. I took his little dick in my hand and stroked it until it got hard. Believe me, it took a while. Once I finally got him up, I took him in my mouth and began massaging my clit. Over the years, I’ve grown rather fond of playing with myself while I sucked a man’s dick. Even though I didn’t reach any type of climax, it still felt good.

I licked his shaft up and down and then took the whole thing in my mouth. Once I had had my fill, I sat up and straddled his body, and lowered myself down on him. I could barely feel him inside me, but at least he stayed hard while I rode him. “Damn, that shit feels good. You got some good pussy, baby,” he mumbled.

“So I’ve been told,” I said as he grabbed the pillow with both hands. At that point, I knew what I was going to do, how I was going to kill him, how I was going to cum. I grabbed his hands, pushed them to the side, and snatched the pillow from under his head. His head hit the bed and he closed his eyes as my excitement built. I put the pillow over his face. My excitement caused my pace to quicken and I rode him hard. He didn’t seem to mind at first, but it didn’t take long before he began to struggle to get out from under that pillow. But he was too drunk to fight me off. His body began to jerk and his dick seemed to get harder. I pressed down harder; fucked him harder. I was almost there!

Then he stopped moving, but I didn’t. It was like the flood gates had opened and I couldn’t stop myself. “
AAAAAAAAAAH
!” I screamed and kept the pillow on his face. Then I screamed again, “YES, YES, SHIT, YES!” and collapsed on his chest. I laid there for a while, breathing hard, but feeling feelings that I had never experienced. This was even more intense than when I killed Marvin.

I don’t know how long I laid there before I finally got up and took the pillow off his face. I pushed him a few times and he didn’t move. I leaned close to him to see if I could hear him breathing, but I couldn’t. I got out of bed and got my mirror from my purse. I held it in front of his mouth. He was dead. I laid back down next to him. I had an uncontrollable urge to masturbate while I looked at him. Looked at the man I had just killed. I fingered myself and looked at him and I came again.

Over the next two years, I killed five more men before I saw on the news that the police were looking for me. I moved to Dallas two days later. When I got to Dallas, I promised myself that I wasn’t going to do it anymore. But before long, I found myself out late at night, in a bar, and leaving with my prey. I stayed there for three years and eight more victims, before moving on to Phoenix. My pattern continued in Phoenix for a year, and then I relocated to Las Vegas. I stayed in Vegas for five years. That’s when I lost count of how many men I had killed. It was so easy to kill in Vegas because there were so many willing prey. But as always, the police began looking for me, so I moved on to LA. It didn’t take them as long to realize that they had a serial killer on their hands, and because of my own carelessness, over confidence really, they even had a description of me. That’s when I decided to that I needed to move east.

I had heard so many good things about Atlanta and, once again, I promised myself that I was done. That I was going to try to lead a normal life. That I was maybe even going to get some help for myself, ’cause you gotta admit, I am a little crazy. That night in Chicago was my last one. I’m for real this time.

The worst part of going back to work on Tuesday morning, is that everything you put off on Friday, plus all of Monday’s work, awaits you. I worked as an accountant for Abraham, Hall & Associates; an established and well-respected firm with a large client base.

I sat at my desk and systematically began to dispose of all the work that had piled up. I planned to get back on track by staying late that night and coming in early the next morning. I don’t like being behind, my work ethic won’t allow it. When I was growing up, my pops always worked hard. It was him who instilled this work ethic in me. He would throw little clichés like “an honest day’s work for a full day’s pay,” “hard work breeds character,” stuff like that. It’s amazing to me sometimes how stuff you hear when you’re a kid suddenly comes rolling out your mouth.

Now, I’m not one to pat myself on the back, but I’m a pretty good accountant. I come to work. This ain’t no place to play. I come here to get paid. I handled a number of very large and very important accounts and I received adequate compensation for my efforts; and I’m always available to answer questions or help in any way I can. People tell me that I’m a natural leader.

Several months ago, Allan Lewis, who had been the account manager for the last ten years, quit abruptly, and moved to Alabama with a handful of client’s to start his own firm. In a move that surprised many, myself included, I was asked to assume the quote, “administrative duties” of the vacant position on an interim basis. Basically do the job without the title and the money. However, with the beginning of the new fiscal year, money had been allocated to permanently fill the position. So I applied and I’m confident that the job is mine.

My strongest competition would be Peggy Lynch. Peggy is a California girl. Very pretty for a white girl, with smartly cut, blonde hair, gray eyes, and a cover girl figure. Most people around the office think that she’s sleeping her way to the top, but I think they’re wrong. She’s a formidable presence and not to be taken lightly. Peggy is very smart, extremely aggressive, highly motivated and exceedingly ambitious. She came to the firm three years ago and began a meteoric rise to prominence.

The only other applicant is Brent Davidson. He came from another firm about the same time that I started working here. Most people wondered how he passed the CPA exam. Sometimes Brent just seems like he’s not all there. He asks stupid stuff. Brent always had questions and you’d have to break answers down to the lowest common denominator for him, otherwise, he’d be lost. He was more the type of guy that you would like to have hosting your cocktail party than running your office.
 

The day dragged on and I plowed through my work. I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes for a minute. Before I knew it, I was asleep.

“Wake up, Tavarus.”

I opened my eyes and Linda Terrell stood before me. She was one of the four Black accountants at the firm. Linda was the first Black accountant hired at the firm. She had been with them for fifteen years and handled her job exceptionally. She was the kind of woman that made you proud to be Black. It was more than just the way she did her job. It was the way she carried herself. And, on top of that, even though she was married and ten years older than me, Linda was sexy as hell.

When I first came to the firm, Linda took me under her wing and taught me a lot about the business. She looked out for me the way a big sister looked out for her younger brother. Once I got my feet under me around the office, Linda took me .

It started out simple, little flirtatious comments, followed by a little harmless sexual innuendo over long lunches. But she would always retreat behind her marriage when things got too thick. That all ended one afternoon when Linda was getting ready to leave and I was getting ready for another late night. I never will forget that day.

Linda was wearing the shit out of this tight red and black dress, and she came into my office. She closed the door behind her and sat down on my desk, something she had never done before.