God's Gift to Women (15 page)

“Come on!” She grabbed me by the hand and led me down the stairs toward the door.

“Where are you taking me?”

“Outside! I’ve always wanted to do it in the rain.”

“Damn, Terri, you really are a freak!”

“Who you callin’ Terri? My name is Eve,” she said with a sexy smile. Then she flung open the door and ran into the backyard.

I wasn’t about to be outdone in my own house, so I ran after her, dick swangin’ and all. For the next two hours we made love in the pouring rain. Lightning was flashing all around us, but we didn’t care. We made love in the pool, on the deck, and in the grass. It was the most incredible sexual experience I’ve ever had.

By the time we finally made it upstairs, we were exhausted. We took a hot shower together, then collapsed onto the bed. I turned my back and she spooned me from behind. It felt good. Just as I was about to fall asleep, she tapped me on the shoulder.

“What is it, baby?”

“I just want to know if you’re going to get scared and run away.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because that’s what most men do when they get too close.”

“I keep telling you, Terri, I’m not like most men.” I turned around and looked her straight in the eyes. “I’m different.”

“I want to believe that, Julian, I really do! But men have a way of backing away when they start getting too close. I need a man who’s strong enough to be vulnerable.”

“You keep forgetting, I know what it means to love,” I said, then kissed her gently on the forehead. “Now, stop worrying and go to sleep. I’m not going anywhere—not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever.”

WHEN I WOKE up the next morning Terri was on the other side of the bed snoring up a storm. I slipped out of the tangled sheets and went downstairs to cook breakfast. I didn’t bother to put on anything except my drawers. It was the first time in months I had been able to walk around so comfortable on a Saturday morning, and I wanted to take full advantage of the opportunity.

The menu for breakfast was Eggos, turkey bacon, and boiled eggs. I decided to show off my cooking skills by making some of my world-famous hash browns with basil and fried onions. Just as I was pouring the cranapple juice, Terri came dragging down the stairs. Her hair was all over her head and she wasn’t wearing any makeup, but she still looked gorgeous. Not too many women can pull that off.

“Morning,” she said, with sleep still in her eyes. “I hope you don’t mind me borrowing your shirt. Those flannel pajamas were too hot to put on.”

She was wearing my old blue jean shirt, the one Carmen used to wear around the house.

“Not at all, baby. In fact, you look kinda cute in it.” I gave her a hug and kiss. “Now, I hope you brought your appetite, because I made the bomb breakfast!”

I escorted her over to the dining room table and placed a napkin on her lap.

“Looks like you’re feeding an army.”

“Well, I figured after that monster workout last night you might need some extra nutrition,” I said. “This lovin’ is so strong it’ll knock the calcium and potassium right out of a sistah’s bones.”

“Stop strokin’ yourself, Julian. You weren’t all that great.”

“Oh, no? Then what was all this screaming and tremblin’ all about?” I imitated her shaking and carrying on. “You were bouncin’ around and speaking in tongues like in
The Exorcist.
”

“I was just fakin’ it.”

“Faking it, huh?” I moved in closer to her and slid my hand between her legs. “Well, let’s see if you can fake it like that again.”

I spread her legs apart and slid underneath the table. I was getting ready to go down on her when I heard someone clearing her throat. I was so startled that I bumped my head on the table.

“Excuse me, Mr. Payne.”

It was Juanita. Samantha was standing right beside her, watching us. I stood up as fast as I could and tried to play it off.

“What are you doin’ here?”

“I live here, remember?” Samantha said. “Who is that lady, and why is she wearing Mommy’s shirt?”

“I think I better be going,” Juanita said. Then she rushed out.

“Samantha, go upstairs and I’ll be up to talk to you in a minute.”

“I’m not going anywhere until she takes off Mommy’s shirt!”

“Julian, let me go take it off if it will calm her down.” Terri stood up from the table.

“Terri, sit down and eat your breakfast. I’ll handle this,” I said. “Now, for the last time, Sam, go upstairs to your room, like I told you.”

“I hate you, I hate both of you!” Samantha stormed upstairs and slammed her door shut.

“I think I better be leaving.”

“You don’t have to do that, Terri.”

“Julian, you told me your daughter hasn’t seen you with any women since her mother died. Given what just happened, I think it’s fair to say she’s traumatized.”

“You’re right. I’ll go upstairs and talk to her,” I said. “Thanks for the advice, Doc.”

“Don’t mention it. Now, that’ll be one hundred dollars and I do accept Blue Cross Blue Shield.”

“Very funny.”

While Terri gathered her things, I ran upstairs to get her a pair of gym shorts and a T-shirt to wear home. On the way out the door she gave me a passionate kiss.

“And there’s more where that came from,” she said. “Call me later. Bye.”

“Wait a second! I almost forgot! Are you coming out to the WBMX party at the Hilton tonight?”

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m not going to be able to make it. I’ve got tons of cases to review. And besides, those radio station events are too wild for me. The music is too loud, the men are disrespectful, and there are entirely too many half-naked hoochies.”

Right on cue, Eddie comes strolling in the door.

“Did somebody say ‘hoochies’?”

“Now I
know
it’s time for me to go. Good-bye, sweetheart. And good day to you—Eddie.”

Once Terri was out the door, I let Eddie have it! “What the hell happened to you last night? You know I was counting on you to watch Sam.”

“My fault, dog,” Eddie said casually. “I got caught up.”

“You mean
laid
up.”

“I’m sorry, Julian, but Janet wouldn’t let me go. After I gave her some of this Chicago-style lovin’, she was sprung.” He laughed. “I freaked that young girl in so many ways she thought she was in
The Matrix.
”

“I don’t wanna hear that shit, man! You could have at least called so I could’ve made other arrangements!”

Eddie noticed the wineglasses on the counter and the trail of candles up the staircase.

“Looks like everything worked out just fine for you,” he said while picking up one of the candles. “I guess I’m not the only one who got his freak on last night.”

I wanted to kick his ass for not taking me seriously, but I had more important things on my mind, like what I was going to say to Samantha. It was going to be hard to explain why I was on my knees with my head between a strange woman’s legs under the table in our kitchen.

IT WAS STILL raining when Eddie and I arrived at the Hilton. I parked in the area reserved for the radio station employees, then opened my flask of Hennessy. I took a long sip and passed it to Eddie.

“Just like old times, huh, partner?” Eddie said. “Remember when we use to drink Old E and get drunk on the baseball bleachers in Gately Park?”

“I remember all right—the first time you tried to hang with the older boys you got sick as a dog and threw up all over Timothy Redd’s brand-new Members Only jacket. You were praying to God to let you live through it.” I imitated his whining: “Just let me get through this one, Lord, and I promise I’ll never drink again.”

“Well, at least Bernard Miller didn’t signify on my mama all the way out to Markham skating rink. I’ll never forget that joke he told on the bus about your mama’s house being so cold that the roaches had to huddle around the toaster to stay warm.”

We laughed and slapped five. Those bus rides out to Markham were showcases for neighborhood comedians. It was our version of
Showtime at the Apollo.

“But what about the time when you showed up at summer camp with those cheap P.F. Flyer gym shoes?” I said. “Everybody followed you around all day singing, ‘Don’t buy the shoes with the slip and slide, get the shoes with the stars on the side!’”

“How could I forget that torture? I felt so bad I told my mama I wasn’t leaving the house until she bought me a pair of Converse All Stars.”

“Yeah, those were the good old days.” I took another sip and reflected. “We’ve come a long way since then.”

“Yes, we have; especially you.” Eddie sounded serious. “Just look at you, a big-time radio personality! You’ve got a nice crib, a beautiful little girl, and a great career. Damn, Julian, you made it! And just in case I haven’t told you lately, I’m proud of you, man.”

“Thanks, partner. That means a lot coming from you.” We gave each other dap. He might piss me off every now and then, but I loved him like a brother.

“Okay, that’s enough of that sentimental stuff,” he said. “I don’t want to get all misty before I go mack down these southern girls.”

“Judging by the caliber of women I’ve seen going in, there won’t be much mackin’ going on. It’ll be more like herding cattle.”

I left the windshield wipers on so I could get a good look at who, or what, was going into the hotel. Most of the ladies were dressed very classy, formal black dresses and pantsuits. But then there were the ghetto queens all decked out in gaudy jewelry with tinted burgundy hair. One woman who was grossly overweight had on a crop top exposing her flabby gut
and
she had the nerve to have a pierced belly button.

“Ain’t no shame in her game.” Eddie laughed as he took one last sip of Hennessy.

“Terri was right, the hoochies are out tonight.” I turned off the ignition. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

The minute we entered the ballroom women bum rushed me. Eddie quickly stepped aside to avoid getting trampled.

“Julian, I love your show. Can I have your autograph?” a woman shouted.

“Remember me?” another woman yelled out. “I’m the woman who called in yesterday about the man who fell off the roof and broke his neck.”

Several security guards had to come to my rescue and pull them away. I wanted to feel flattered, but instead I felt violated. I had never experienced women grabbing at me like that before. I wanted to be successful and famous, but I didn’t know it would be like this. The show had only been on the air for three weeks, and this was the result.

Once I was safely in the VIP section, Mitch came over to make fun of me.

“So, how does it feel to be famous?”

“Damn, Mitch, this is insane! These woman are out of control!”

“That’s the price you pay for celebrity. Did you think it was gonna be all fun and games?”

“Hey, man, I’m just a radio personality, not Jesus.”

“Do you think that’s why WBMX is paying you six figures, to be a radio personality? Think again. You are paid to give advice and entertain,” Mitch said. “You may not realize it now, Julian, but these women have come to depend on you, especially the ones who don’t have a strong man in their life. When they’re alone at night, your voice is their comfort. You are the one who assures them that everything is gonna be all right. And believe me when I tell you, my friend, that’s power!”

“And responsibility!” I said as I looked around at all the eyes watching me.

“This is only the beginning, Julian; you’d better adjust yourself to that fact. If I were you, I would get a gun and move into a gated community.”

“What about you? You’re on the show, too. Why aren’t they attacking you?”

“Hey, I’m just a peon! The only reason these women give me the time of day is so they can get to you.” Mitch laughed. “But I’m secure enough with who I am to handle that. I’m too old to be chasing around all this young pussy anyway!”

We both laughed. Just then an attractive waitress came over to take our orders. She was wearing a skimpy black miniskirt, a sheer top, and high heels.

“Excuse me, gentlemen. Can I get you something to drink?”

“You’re right on time, young lady,” Mitch said, trying not to look at her breasts. “I’ll have a shot of Seagram’s and Seven. And give my friend here a double shot of tequila. And don’t forget to bring the salt and lime.” Then he sent her on her way.

“What are you tryin’ to do, kill me?”

“No, just tryin’ to get you to relax and enjoy yourself. This is our night to enjoy the fruits of our labor.”

“Okay, I’m with you, Mr. Producer! You set ’um up and I’ll put ’um down.” I slapped a fifty-dollar bill on the table. “Besides, I have a designated driver.”

“Who?”

“Eddie. He flew in from Chicago yesterday.”

“You mean Fast Eddie?” Mitch said. “In that case, you’d better get ready for a long night. If I know Eddie, he’ll be on the dance floor until the party is over!”

_______________

By two o’clock I had put away a glass of white zinfandel, a shot of Grey Goose, and two Coronas. I was drunk as hell and ready to go. Mitch bravely ventured out into the ocean of bouncing bodies to find Eddie. Ten minutes later, he came stumbling back to the VIP section all sweaty and out of breath.

“There must be at least a thousand funky negroes out there,”
Mitch said. “It’s dark, the music is loud, and I’m so damn drunk I’m seeing double. There’s no way in hell I’m gonna find Eddie out there.”

“Okay, that’s it!” I said. “I’m outta here!”

I was looking around for the waitress so I could pay my tab when I noticed Eddie making his way toward me. He was dragging some woman by the arm, but I was so drunk I couldn’t make out who she was. When he tried to step through the ropes into the VIP section, the huge bouncer stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Hold it right there!” He pushed Eddie in the chest. “This is for VIPs only; do you have a pass?”

“I don’t need a pass, I’m with him.” He pointed at me.

“It’s okay, brotha, he’s cool.”

“That’s right, I’m cool—you big ox,” Eddie said under his breath.

When he got closer I saw whose hand he was holding. It was Janet.