Go Your Own Way (15 page)

Lennox stopped at the flipped over L spot. For his sister, his mother, sometimes—if he dared to think it—for himself. He ran his finger over the rest, running down the rows all the way to W. For Will and weak and wimp. For everything he tried not to live within or around. Lennox pulled that cigarette out and looked it over. It wasn’t anything special, no different than the others. Not stronger or tastier. Just one in a billion others being lit up and stubbed out.

Click click click.

For a moment, Lennox held it up to his lips.

Get rid of him.

Will was out of his life now; they’d gotten off and that was it.

That’s all I am to you, isn’t it?

He flipped it over and tucked it back into its spot.

Will spent a long night in his bedroom. For almost an hour, he sat in the bottom of his shower and wiped tears from his eyes. He’d never felt worse. Not at five when he’d skinned his elbows and knees going down the embankment of a river on his first bicycle. His dad had been terrified, but Will had been fine after a box of Power Ranger Band-Aids and several popsicles. Diving headfirst into second base three years ago and getting knocked cold by a bad throw had been okay, too. Everything was fine compared to how he was right now.

Karen had left him a chicken Caesar salad in the refrigerator. Will shoved it around a plate until after midnight while he typed up their report and then attempted his math problems again. They’d been due that morning, and Will had turned in nothing. Mrs. Thompkins graded for accuracy instead of promptness, so for Will—who had yet to get a single problem correct—not turning the problems in was better than turning them in with all wrong answers.

Will avoided Lennox for the next two weeks. At school, he spent all of his time with a friend or two by his side. Lennox, for some strange reason, kept his distance, too. If anything, that only proved what Will had assumed all along. Lennox wanted to get off with him and nothing more. The hopeful fantasies Will had constructed in his dreams had been a waste of time. Lennox wasn’t going to hold his hand as they walked down the hallways. He wasn’t going to walk him to class or lie beside him all night and talk about whatever came into their minds. They wouldn’t be sneaking out to lie in his truck bed and cuddle under the stars. No whispers, no secrets, no new life blooming where the two of theirs met. Lennox wanted an orgasm, and now he’d gotten it.

For a few days, Will even avoided his dad and Karen. They didn’t need to know how stupid he’d been. Nobody could ever know he’d fallen to pieces and dived right into Lennox’s arms without any questions or commitment. Both of them would worry, and his dad would bring out the old handgun he’d bought when he’d retired from the Navy.

The first weekend in October, Will and the baseball team played their annual fall scrimmage games against Madison county to their south. The team spent the weekend in Louisa, and Will was glad to find that his hotel roommate was Aaron.

“Sleep with the light on, Saunders,” Ted Martin hollered down the hall as Will carried his baseball bag into their room. “I hear Osborne likes to mount boys when they’re sleeping. You know, since he can’t get any volunteers.”

Will headed toward the hall, but Aaron beat him to it. He took his glove and a baseball with him.

“Hey, Martin,” he bellowed. Aaron threw the ball, and a second later Will heard a pained cry from down the hall. Aaron slammed their door closed. “Fastball, eighty-nine I’d say.”

“More like seventy. You always overestimate, but it’s getting better,” Will said, even though his voice was sullen. “Let’s work on your curve ball this weekend.”

“Way it sounds, Lennox has turned into one,” Aaron said. He flopped down on his bed and tossed a new ball at the ceiling. “What’s up with you two?”

Will watched the baseball arc toward the ceiling and then back to Aaron’s glove. “Nothing. He’s… I don’t know. It’s weird having so much attention from a boy.”

“But you like him?”

“I thought I did. But he just wants—” Will poked his tongue against the inside of his cheek and Aaron laughed.

“Those aren’t so bad, you know. If you’re ready for that sort of stuff,” he added at Will’s frown. “I guess it’s sort of different and not, isn’t it?”

“A little. I mean, blow jobs ought to go both ways, and Len­nox… I don’t know. If he was less… himself, then…”

“Then you’d see if you like giving or receiving one better, yeah.”

Will flushed. “Shut up.”

“Guys, lights out at ten.” Coach Davis thumped her fist on the door until they both agreed.

They swept the short series in Louisa and returned home on a rowdy bus ride Sunday evening. Will slept in the next morning. It was the second Monday in October, and luckily for the team, it was their first Teachers’ Workday, which meant no school. Will was ready for a break to spend some time by himself.

But by himself was going to include his dad and Karen.

“Will! Will, get up. We’re leaving in twenty minutes!”

Will groaned, rolled until he was wrapped up in his blankets like a burrito and wiggled until his head was tucked under his pillows. Upstairs, he heard a lot of heavy footsteps and the stair­way door was opened and closed several times. After ten minutes, Ben stomped down the stairs and flung himself right on top of him with a shout.

“You sound like a dying cow,” Will said. He tried to wiggle out of his dad’s reach, but his arms were pinned to his sides from his blanket burrito. “You weigh as much as one. G’off.”

“Can’t do that.” Ben chomped down on something and began chewing loudly in Will’s ear. “But I can still throw you over my shoulder and fling you into the backseat.”

“Can’t,” Will mumbled into his pillow. “G’way.”

“Nope, none of this grumpy teenager act. You know what today is.”

“Sleep-in day? No school. Sleep.” Will grunted as his pillow was yanked off of his head.

“Skyline Drive Day!” Ben shook him and kept munching. A few crumbles sprinkled on to Will’s face. “We’re packing lunches now. You want tuna or ham?”

“Dad!” Will wiggled into a sitting position and struggled to unwrap himself. Crumbled pieces of his dad’s honey bun break­fast were all over his bed. “You’re getting your sticky heart attack all over my bed. Ugh!”

Ben laughed and started for the stairs. “Come on. Get dressed and wash your butt and your teeth or whatever you need to wash. Hurry up or we’ll make you run in front of the car all day.”

Will grumbled as he wrenched his arms free of the blanket and wiped the crumbs off of his bed. After a quick shower, Will searched for something to wear. Upstairs, he could hear his dad and Karen laughing and the thump of running footsteps. They were still such newlyweds sometimes. It was nice, even though it reminded Will of Lennox and everything he still wished could happen with him.

“Will? Do you want grape or blue Kool-Aid?” Karen hollered down. Then she shrieked, scolding his dad between laughs. “Ben, stop! You’ve tickled me enough to last a lifetime. Go… no, go. Pack up the Jeep.” She paused and Will pictured them sharing a sweet kiss before Ben’s feet clomped away. “Grape or blue, Will?”

“Uh, grape.” Will looked under his bed in search of his running shoes. “Hey, Karen, have you seen my running shoes? The green and blue ones?”

“They’re, uh, in the garage, I think.”

Will pulled on his jeans and socks before looking for a shirt for the long ride. Skyline Drive was a long, winding road through the mountains just west of them. They would see beautiful rock formations, trails, creeks and, during this time of year, the leaves starting to turn. Every year, his dad, and now Karen, took him to see the bright oranges, robust reds and brown-peppered yellows.

After donning a faded purple T-shirt, Will checked his email and was getting ready to head upstairs when something crashed and shattered over his head.

“Dad?”

Oyster’s yodeling barks ricocheted down the stairs. It wasn’t like him to bark so much.

“Oh my gosh. Ben!”

Will hurried up the stairs three at a time. He slid into the kitchen to find Karen kneeling beside—

His dad. His dad was on the floor. He wasn’t moving or talking. Oyster sniffed at his hand and whined. Will froze in the doorway, his hand reaching for something to support him and instead finding a bowl that tumbled to the floor and shattered. Weak-kneed, Will stared at Ben’s face.

“He’s unconscious. Heart attack, his pulse is dropping,” Karen said as she pressed her fingers to his neck and looked at her watch. She turned then and looked Will dead on. “Will… William!”

Will swallowed, his breathing shallow as he met her eyes. The stepmother he knew was gone. In her place was a well-trained, calm nurse; her steady gaze brought feeling back to Will’s limbs.

“Will, pick up the phone and call 911. They’ll walk you through everything you need to say. Tell them your dad has had a heart attack and is going into cardiac arrest and to send an ambulance immediately. Then grab the first aid kit in the coat closet.”

Will watched as Karen gave Ben CPR. He couldn’t move. Any second now she might tell him he was gone, that it was all over—

“Will, call now!”

“O-okay.”

The next two hours were a whirlwind. He knelt beside his dad, checking his pulse as Karen continued to give him CPR. Ben Osborne didn’t stir, not on the kitchen floor or as he was rushed out of Will’s sight at the hospital.

“Come on, honey,” Karen said. Some of her usual self seeped back into her voice. “They’ve got a lot of tests they need to run. It’ll be a while before we see him and I need some water.”

“If he’s still—”

“He will be,” Karen said, and she sounded so sure that Will fell silent. They found seats together in the waiting room. “He’s strong, Will. Where’d you think you got all your bullheadedness from?”

“He eats like a toddler on a sugar rampage.”

She tucked her arm around his shoulders and kissed his fore­head, the way the mom he couldn’t remember probably had fifteen years ago. She’d probably walked around his nursery with him all night when he’d been sick, too. She’d meant everything to Will back then, and he’d forgotten every moment of her existence with him. Fifteen years from now, would he be thinking the same about his dad? Would there be anyone left to remember? “He’s almost fifty, Karen. What if—”

“No ‘what ifs’ right now. We’re going to sit here and talk about his new diet and what we need to clean out of the fridge when we get home, okay?” Karen held him closer and Will sank into her. “He needs to eat more vegetables. All of the Slim Jims are going. More frequent exercise. More bike rides for all of us. I’ll buy a portable defibrillator for the house, too. They aren’t cheap, but it’ll be a good investment if he ever has another incident.”

“And get rid of the toaster pastries and sticky buns,” Will added. He sniffed and wiped his nose on his shirtfront. “Why haven’t we gotten on him about this before? Even I shouldn’t eat so much junk.”

“Your dad likes to pretend he’s about two decades younger than he is,” Karen said. “In more ways than one.”

“Oh,
eew
,” He laughed until he remembered where they were and, more importantly, where his dad was right now. “How long will he be in there? Are they, like, cutting him open?”

“No, that would be a last resort,” Karen said. “They’ll give him oxygen and stabilize him. Then an EKG, blood tests, medication if his system can handle it and most likely cardiac catheterization for the blockage. With any luck, they’ll be able to treat it instead of having to do a bypass later once he’s recovered. It’ll be a few hours before they call us. Maybe more. They were still trying to stabilize him when we got here. It just took too long for them to get to the house. I couldn’t keep—I should have known that he might—”

“You did more than I ever could have,” Will told her. He hiccupped and ran a hand through his hair. It stood on end from the number of times he’d run his hands through it. “If it had just been me and Dad…”

“You would have done fine,” Karen said. “You’re a smart young man, Will. I’m sure you would have panicked a little, but that’s perfectly natural.”

“But
you
didn’t.”

Karen opened her purse and pulled out a packet of gum. Will accepted a stick and chewed it slowly. “I’m also a nurse,” Karen reminded him. “I’ve been trained to remain calm in those situations.”

“Right,” Will said. “Thanks for—” He could end that sentence in a dozen ways. For loving his dad, for sharing her life with them, for giving him someone he could call Mom someday. Even for the gum he was chomping on.

“Come on,” Karen said. “I’ve got my phone. They’ll find me as soon as they know anything. Let’s get you something to eat. You didn’t have breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Humor me.”

Will let her guide him back down the long hallway to the ele­vator. Lunch was just wrapping up in the cafeteria. Karen bought each of them a salad and Will a ham sandwich.

Will unwrapped his sandwich. A wall of windows separated the cafeteria from a small courtyard where people pushed patients in wheelchairs. For a moment, he could picture his dad in one of those, grumbling about having to wear a hospital gown and asking Will to sneak him a bag of Doritos. That would be his dad. It
would
.

“He should be out soon,” Karen said. “Eat.”

“I’m not—” Will’s stomach gave an enormous rumble and he picked up his sandwich before Karen could scold him. He nibbled the edge of it and grimaced. It was like eating shoelaces. Will shoveled it into his mouth anyway, more to keep Karen off his back than to stop his stomach from shriveling.

Karen’s phone beeped. Will snatched up their trays and tossed their trash before she’d even stood up. She didn’t rush back upstairs. Instead, she read the message again and glanced at Will.

His heart dropped through the floor. “What’s wrong? He’s not—”

“No, he’s alive, but they have bad news.” Karen grabbed her purse and then his shoulder. “We won’t know more until we go upstairs, okay? Don’t panic, honey. He’s alive and stable. That’s
good
.”

Will let her steer him back upstairs. He tried to focus on the good the way she was, but seeing that look on her face—on the face of a nurse—told him the bad news was serious. His chest fluttering with the beginning of panic, Will followed her back down the hallway to the waiting room to where a pair of doctors waited for them. They greeted Karen by name and led them into a small room.

“This is Will, my stepson,” Karen said. “How is he?”

“Hello, I’m Doctor Carson,” the first doctor said. She shook Will’s entire arm. “He’s being moved to ICU. He’ll have his own room once he’s there.”

“And the bad news?” Will asked. Karen squeezed his shoulder but it only made his throat feel tight.

“I’m afraid the blockage was severe, over eighty percent in his right coronary artery,” Doctor Carson explained. “He was fortunate that Karen was there and that we had an ambulance already in the area. He was stabilized by the time he got here, but I’m afraid for now he’s comatose. It’s very common after cardiac arrest, but there’s no set time frame on when he’ll wake up. Sometimes it’s a few hours, sometimes weeks or months. We’ve already begun therapeutic hypothermia to lessen any brain damage that might occur.”