Give Me a Reason (25 page)

As if all three women in the house were on the same schedule,
Toni walked into the lounge just as Laura was coming down the stairs and
Eleanor was exiting the kitchen, and simultaneously, their forward momentum
stopped. Seeing Toni’s jaw drop open, Eleanor glanced at her daughter, and her
chest swelled with pride. Laura looked absolutely stunning.

Her black skirt was simple and straight, but the slit up the
side which allowed Laura a bit more freedom, also allowed a bit more skin to
show. One quick glance in Toni’s direction confirmed what Eleanor already knew.
Between the crimson blouse and the occasional flash of thigh, her daughter had
captured all of Toni’s attention, and Toni had captured Eleanor’s. She didn’t
mean to stare, but once she looked at Toni she couldn’t look away, and while
the pride she felt wasn’t that of a mother...it was damn close.

In Eleanor’s jumble of cosmetic and hair care samples, Toni
had discovered all that was required to transform her natural beauty into
something so much more. Her brown eyes were now defined with black eyeliner and
her lashes, enhanced by mascara, appeared almost twice as long as before. She
had accentuated her cheekbones with blush, and with the help of some gel, she
had slicked back her hair until it was shining and sculpted.

Believing that Laura was more beautiful than any woman had
the right to be, Toni could not take her eyes off her as she descended the
stairs, but when something deep within Toni stirred, something she believed had
died years before, reality came rushing back. Squeezing her eyes shut, she
silently admonished herself for the pang of awareness between her legs.

A few moments passed before Toni opened her eyes and by that
time Laura was standing directly in front of her. Trying her best to act
nonchalant, Toni took a step backward and stuffed her hands in her pockets.
After giving Laura a casual once-over, she said, “Nice blouse.”

Reality is where things appear as they should, rather than
how one might wish them to be, but Laura could not have prepared herself for
the reality of
this
moment. Toni stood before
her as she used to be, a confident professor with styled hair, stunning features
and a body to die for...and Laura so wanted to die. Her knees felt weak and her
stomach fluttered, and never in her life had she been so titillated by the mere
appearance of another. The only problem was that while Toni had managed to keep
her feelings hidden, Laura’s were now more than apparent through the thin red
fabric of her top.

Suddenly aware that her body was betraying her, Laura felt
her cheeks begin to burn. Quickly turning to get her coat, she said, “Thanks.
You don’t look half-bad yourself.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

“Bloody weather,” Eleanor said, staring at the black clouds
through the window.

“I’m sorry,” Laura said, closing her suitcase. “But you’ve
got to work, and this storm isn’t supposed to let up until Saturday. I just
think it’s safer if we get on the road now, before it gets too bad.”

“You should have flown.”

“That wasn’t possible. Not with Toni.”

Staring at her daughter for a moment, Eleanor said, “You’ve
changed.”

“Have I?”

“I can’t remember a holiday where you didn’t have something
scheduled to do every single minute, but you showed up here with no itinerary,
and you drove. The old Laura would have considered that a waste of time.”

“As long as I’m with Toni, it’s hardly a waste, and if I have
to drive to Scotland from now on, so be it.”

“Speaking of driving to Scotland, should I assume that if you
come up for Christmas, you’ll be bringing Toni with you?”

“I hadn’t really thought about it, but yeah, I guess. Why?”

“Well, I was thinking that she’s probably not had very many happy
Christmas holidays for quite a while, so I thought perhaps if you were coming
up, I’d go all-out and make it one she’d remember.”

“What do you mean? You always go all-out.”

“I haven’t had more than a few baubles displayed in years,
but you’ve been too busy to notice,” Eleanor said quietly.

“What?”

“It’s true. Ever since you moved to London, you’ve been so
wrapped up with your work that you rarely stayed for more than a day or two,
and then we’d spend most of it visiting Nancy and her girls. What I’m proposing
is that you and Toni spend a few weeks up here at Christmas. That way, I get to
know her better, we get to decorate until we drop, and maybe by that time, I’ll
be able to call her your partner instead of just your friend.”

“What makes you so sure she’ll…that she feels the same way?”

“They’re called eyes, Laura, and I have two very good ones.
Now, I know the woman has issues, but I can’t believe you still haven’t told
her how you feel.”

“No. No, it’s too soon for that,” Laura said. “When it
concerns Toni, I’ve learned that going slow is the only option.”

“Slow is the only option for what?” Toni asked as she walked
in and returned the borrowed books to the shelf.

“For driving in the rain, of course,” Eleanor said quickly,
picking up Laura’s suitcase. “I’ll just take this down and fill up your flask.”

Watching as Eleanor left the room, Toni said, “I really like
your mum.”

“Well, she really likes you.”

“What’s not to like?” Toni said with a shrug.

Grabbing her coat from the bed, Laura strolled over, stopping
in front of Toni for only a moment. Allowing her eyes to travel slowly up and
down the woman, Laura said in a breath, “Absolutely nothing.”

***

After spending over eight hours driving through a storm that
seemed to follow their every move, by the time they reached home, Laura and
Toni were rattled and tired. With no garage or overhang to protect them, they
ran through the onslaught of Mother Nature, stumbling into the house as if they
were connected at the hip.

“Stupid, sodding rain!” Laura said, dropping her bags on the
floor. “I’m soaked!”

“That makes two of us,” Toni said, vigorously scrubbing her
fingers through her wet hair.

“Hey!” Laura shouted when she got hit by the spray. “That’s
enough of that.”

“Oh, sorry,” Toni said, trying not to laugh.

Seeing the puddles forming on the floor as they removed their
coats, Laura said, “I think we should put these in the kitchen until they’re
done dripping.”

“Um...yeah. Good idea,” Toni said, watching as Laura
disappeared through the doorway.

Draping her coat over a chair, Laura turned around to take
Toni’s, but stopped when she noticed that Toni seemed intent on looking
anywhere but back at her. Confused, Laura glanced down and quickly discovered
the reason. Deciding to make the long ride home as comfortable as possible, she
hadn’t put on a bra that morning, and the soaked pale pink long-sleeved jersey
she was wearing made that crystal clear.

“Oh shit,” Laura said, crossing her arms in front of her
chest. “I’d best go find something else to put on.”

“Yeah, you...you do that,” Toni mumbled as Laura ran past
her. “I think I’m going to take a shower and try to get warmed up. See you
later.”

Once safely in her room, Toni let out an exaggerated sigh and
sat on the edge of the bed, allowing her thoughts to return to a wet jersey and
the gorgeous woman wearing it. Twice in as many days, Toni had felt her body
react to the sight of Laura’s curves, and it was doing her head in. Why didn’t
she tell Laura about her soaked jersey the second the woman took off her coat instead
of waiting until she reached the kitchen? Why did she buy a woman she called a
friend a provocative blouse meant for a lover, and why couldn’t she get the
image of her wearing it out of her head?

Silently scolding herself as her body again betrayed her,
Toni walked into the bathroom, turned on the valves and while the water ran
from cold to hot, she stripped and dropped her clothes on the floor. Peering
into the mirror for only a moment, she held her breath as she turned around and
looked over her shoulder at her scarred skin. A few minutes later, Toni stood
under the hot spray and allowed it to wash away her tears. She had nothing to
offer Laura. She had nothing to offer anyone.

***

Unpacking the assorted nibbles her mother had given them,
Laura looked up to see Toni standing in the doorway, her black hair wet and
shiny from her shower. “Hey there.”

“Hey yourself,” Toni said. Looking at the packages Laura had
strewn all over the counter, she asked, “What are you doing?”

“I thought we’d have this stuff for dinner, if that’s all
right.”

“Yeah, it works for me. Anything I can do to help?”

“Well, if you’ll open the wine, I’ll go and see what I can do
about warming up the house.”

“I thought it was just me,” Toni said, briskly rubbing her
hands over her arms.

“No, this place is old and a bit drafty, which is why I keep
the fireplace well stocked.”

By the time Laura returned, the wine glasses were filled, the
last package of cheese had been unwrapped and sliced, and Toni was placing
crackers on the tray. Licking her fingers as she looked up, Toni said, “I’m
assuming we’re eating in the lounge?”

“Well, I don’t want the fire to go to waste,” Laura said,
grabbing the wine and glasses. “You bring the food. I’ve got the tipple.”

A short time later, snuggled into what was rapidly becoming
her
corner of the sofa, Toni popped the last piece
of cheese into her mouth. “I wish I had known about this stuff when we were up
there. I would have bought more.”

“Well, you may have your chance.”

Refilling their glasses, Toni handed one to Laura. “What do
you mean?”

“Mum thought...well, she suggested that we spend our
Christmas break in Scotland. I’ve been a bit lax about visiting, and I know
she’d be thrilled if we accepted.”

“Oh,” Toni said quietly as she relaxed into the cushions.

Sensing Toni’s hesitation, Laura leaned over and touched her
on the leg. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I haven’t celebrated Christmas in quite a while. That’s
all.”

“But you’re not opposed to it, are you? I know that...I
mean...at least I think I know...that is I’m fairly certain—”

“I thought I was the only one with a stuttering problem.”

Playfully glaring at the woman, a hint of added color crept
across Laura’s face. “It’s apparently something I just recently developed, and
you didn’t answer the question.”

“Laura, I haven’t celebrated anything in a very long time.
There weren’t any Christmases or birthdays where I was, and it’s hard for me to
imagine having them again.”

“You won’t have to imagine if you say yes.”

Toni was torn between listening to her head or listening to
her heart. In the shower, she had told herself that the feelings heating her
blood were wrong, but with Laura’s hand on her knee, those same urges returned
in force, and when she looked into Laura’s eyes, all her strength seemed to disappear.
“Exactly what would Christmas entail at your mother’s?”

“Well, she told me she’d like to go all-out. And if I know my
mum, that means we’ll spend our days putting up lights and garland, and our
nights making biscuits for the family and her church group.”

“Biscuits, eh?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t like Christmas biscuits.”

“I’ve got a confession.”

“Okay?”

“I’ve never actually baked a biscuit.”

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“Nope.”

“Not even when you were a child?”

“Rich family, remember? The staff baked. The Vaughns did
not,” Toni said. Taking a sip of wine, she looked at Laura. “I’ll go if you
want me to.”

“I want you to do what
you
want to do, Toni.”

“And if I say that I want to stay here, but you can go. Will
you?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether or not you can give me a reason.”

Already annoyed that she couldn’t keep her eyes from
traveling to the plunging neckline of Laura’s sweater, when Toni heard Laura’s
question, she erupted, “Here we go again,” she shouted, jumping off the sofa.
“You and your goddamned reasons!”

Sitting up straight, Laura placed her glass on the table.
“Toni, it’s just a question.”

“Yes, it is, and it’s one that you’ve asked a dozen times.
Isn’t it?”

“Yes, I have, but there’s no need to get upset. Like I said,
it’s only a question.”

“Well, let’s turn the tables, shall we? Toni barked back.
“Stop answering my question with a question and give
me
a reason!”

“For what?”

“Tell me why you want to spend all your time with me instead
of the good doctor?”

“Because he’s a bore.”

“Oh, and I’m the life of the party?”

“No, but you’re getting better,” Laura said, displaying a
devastating smile.

“Don’t flash that bloody smile at me, Laura. It won’t work.”

“Sorry,” Laura said, trying to hide her amusement.

“Tell me why you took me to Scotland.”

“Because I wanted to show you that the world isn’t as gray
and dark as you think it is.”

“And why did you want to do that? Why do you want to waste
your time on someone as fucked up as I am?”

“You’re
not
fucked up!”

“Oh, trust me, Laura...I am.”

“Toni, we’ve gone over this before. You have every right to
be afraid of strangers and the like. That doesn’t make you fucked up. It makes
you human!”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“No? Then explain it to me.”

Turning toward the hearth, Toni stared into the flames.
“Laura, look...things are just starting to get a bit muddled for me. Okay?”

Going over to join Toni by the fireplace, Laura looked up at
her. “In what way?”

“It’s nothing. I...I just need to sort something out.”

“Have I done something wrong?”

“You haven’t done anything, Laura. It’s me. Like I said, I’m
fucked up.”

Tugging on Toni’s sleeve, Laura forced her to turn around,
and cupping her chin, Laura looked her in the eye. “Please stop saying that.
You’re scaring me.”

“That makes two of us.”

“What are you scared of?”

“Do you want a list?”

“Stop being flippant and answer the question. Why are you so
down on yourself tonight?”

“I’m just having a bad day. I’ll be fine in the morning,”
Toni said as she walked away.

Grabbing Toni’s hand, Laura spun her around. “What did you
mean by things are getting muddled? What things?”

“Laura, I’m tired. Please, just drop it. Okay?”

“Tell me.”

Shaking her head, Toni sighed. “I miss who I once was, and I
just realized that I can never be that person again.”

“Why not?”

“Because she’s dead, and there’s nothing I can do to make her
come back from the grave. I just need to stop trying.”

Moments before, Laura had been scared, but now she was
terrified. Fearing that she was about to watch Toni plummet back down the
rabbit hole of despair and darkness, Laura didn’t think about consequences or
consider the passage of time. She listened to her heart and acted on her
feelings. Pulling Toni’s face to hers, Laura kissed Toni squarely on the lips.

Stunned, for a split second Toni stood with her eyes open,
staring back at the woman whose mouth was pressed against hers...and then
instinct took over. Slowly closing her eyes, Toni savored the moment, allowing
it to continue even though she could feel rage growing inside her.

Laura knew that there wouldn’t be a difference between
kissing a man and kissing a woman, so there was no hesitancy in the pressure
she was applying to Toni’s lips, but Laura had forgotten one thing...and it was
important. She had never been in love with the men she had kissed, but she was
totally and unequivocally in love with Toni Vaughn.

The flavors of their meal swirled between them as they
separated for a second and then their lips met again. Laura could taste the
Cabernet, oaken and spicy on Toni’s lips, and the mellow nuttiness of the
Scottish Cheddar blended with something new and wonderful…the taste of Toni.
Unique and heady, her flavor blended with the others to form a combination that
Laura could live on for weeks. She could smell the sandalwood soap she had
placed in Toni’s shower. Purchased on a whim months before in a shop promoting
all things natural, its scent brought back the memories of a field in Scotland,
and Laura breathed it in. It was glorious.

The only sound in the room was that of their breathing and
the occasional crackle of the fire, and losing herself in her dreams, the tip
of her tongue touched Toni’s lips. In an instant, Laura’s dreams were shattered
when Toni jerked away. Seeing the anger in her eyes, Laura said, “Toni,
I’m...I’m sorry.”

Taking another step backward, Toni almost tripped over a
chair as she tried to put space between them. Angrily wiping the back of her
hand across her mouth, she glared at Laura. “What the
fuck
do you think you’re doing?”

“Toni—”

“Why the fuck did you do that? What the fuck is wrong with
you!”

“I’m sorry, Toni. I made a mistake.”

“Yes, you did, Laura. Yes, you bloody well did!” Toni yelled,
storming into her room and slamming the door before Laura had a chance to say
another word.

***

Laura sat alone in the kitchen, nursing her second cup of
coffee and feeling absolutely horrible. Unable to sleep, she had tossed, turned
and paced for hours. Finally dozing off at four in the morning, she woke up two
hours later feeling more tired than she had when she’d fallen asleep. Resting
her head in her hands, Laura closed her eyes and waited for the painkillers to
take away the ache between her temples.

Hearing Toni’s bedroom door open, Laura looked up just as she
came into the kitchen, but instead of their usual exchange of morning
greetings, there was nothing but silence. With a sigh, Laura lowered her eyes
and stared at the mug in her hands.

Toni poured herself a cup of coffee, and turning around, she
leaned against the counter and stared angrily in Laura’s direction as if daring
her to look her in the eye. Seconds turned into minutes and as each passed,
Toni found her annoyance returning.

Fueled by anger, frustration, and hormones that seemed to
have a mind of their own, Toni had spent the better part of the night trying to
convince herself that what had happened—hadn’t. She had silently berated,
audibly scolded, and stomped about her room for hours, but as hard as she
tried, she could not get the memory of the kiss out of her head…or out of her
heart. Never daring to dream that she’d ever know what it was like to kiss
Laura MacLeod, the thought of it was now etched in Toni’s soul. She would never
forget the tenderness of lips so pink and smooth or the hint of a perfume,
earthy and crisp, but what lingered and filled her body with warmth was the
flavor of the woman before her, and knowing that she’d never taste it again
filled her with rage.

Deciding that an apology might break the ice, Laura looked
up. “Toni, about last night—”

“
I thought you were straight
!”
Toni yelled, taking a step toward the table.

Flinching at the anger in her voice, Laura said softly, “I
thought I was too.”

Setting her jaw, Toni leaned over the table and growled, “If
you ever fucking do that again, I’ll move out. Do you hear me? I’ll quit Calloway,
and you will
never
see me again!”

Standing straight, Toni glared at Laura for only a moment
before she strode from the room, and seconds later the front door closed with a
bang, leaving Laura alone with her tears.