Give Death A Chance (11 page)

“Nothing wrong with a bending mind,” John said.

“For a Zombie, maybe. But not for a mortal.”

“Well then, Scribe, I have a question for you. How about if I Zombified you? How about if I made you a Liverpool Zombie?”

“Um…”

“Listen, Alan, your life is all about writing, and doing yoga, and eating Mexican food, and watching Chicago sporting events. Now that sounds like a pretty fookin’ good life to me, mate, and, if I’m you, I’m wanting that life to go on forever. And let’s face it: you’re not getting any younger, and I don’t even know what to say about your wardrobe, but it’s all going downhill. You’re not looking as good as you did when you interviewed me ten fookin’ years ago, but the good news is that, if you stay on this planet for all eternity, you can get your shite together like nobody’s business.”

He had made some good points, and I told him so.

“Of course I made some good points, Scribe. I’m Johnny fookin’ Lennon.” He chuckled, then said, “So let me take you down where there’s nothing to get hung about.”

It was a frightening, albeit intriguing offer. Relatively speaking, Liverpool Zombies lead a decent undeath: They could eat human food; they could have sex and even ejaculate; and they were as strong and fast as Hell. On the other hand, as a Liverpool Zombie, I’d be shunned by family, by loved ones, by strangers, by animals, and, well, by every being other than a Zombie, and this shunning would go on forever.

So. On one hand, I could be an immortal on this mortal coil, while alienating 99.9999 percent of the humanity on the planet, all while hanging out with the Beatles. On the other hand, I could continue on with what, for the most part, has been a pretty damn good life, a life filled with love, warmth, and sincere human connections.

John and I stared at one another for who-knows-how-long, and an unspoken communication passed between us, and I saw in his eye how horrible and wonderful eternity as a Liverpool Zombie would be. Horrible. Wonderful. Horrible. Wonderful. Horrible. Wonderful.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, then told him my decision.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thanks to my awesome fans for their awesomeness.

Thanks to my agent Jason Allen Ashlock of Movable Type Management for the support and encouragement.

Thanks to Larry Norton, David Wilk, and all the fine folks at INscribe.

Thanks to Kate Griffiths, Mik McDade, and Jess Paul for their magnificent artwork.

Thanks to Jeffrey Brown for his badass cover.

Thanks to my lovely wife Natalie, for her love and, well, for being her.

Alan Goldsher is the author of 13 books, including the acclaimed remix novel
Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion
. As a ghostwriter, he has collaborated with numerous celebrities and public figures. For more information, please visit
http://www.AlanGoldsher.com
or write
[email protected]