Girls Love Travis Walker (25 page)

He held out his hand. “Congratulations, Travis. Nothing makes me happier than being able to get you back in here. And we owe Garret for this one.” Perkins turned to him. “Nicely done, Hale!”

“Thank you, sir.” Garret’s grin was so wide you could have hooked the ends over his ears, like a pair of glasses.

 I shook both their hands. “This is amazing. I’m really glad to be back.”

It was a great moment, but I couldn’t quite believe Garret had done this for me. “Thank you,” I said to him, trying not to sound surprised.

“New guys always go through a little… breaking in,” he said. “You got your share of that.”

Yes, I had. It didn’t matter anymore. I was back in the Discoverers.

“You’re damn good, Walker,” Garret went on. “You saved that whole family. How’d you get the kid down that worthless ladder? It took two people to get him into the ambulance.”

“I told him a joke,” I said, while Garret barked out a laugh.

“There’s something else. This way.” Perkins’s eyes twinkled as he motioned us to follow him.

Lined up in neat rows in the training yard were the firefighters of Santa Alicia along with the entire Discoverers group. And my mom, Maggie, and Ms. Val. As I walked in they all burst into applause.

I found myself searching for a pair of gray eyes. She had to know what had happened. She must really hate me to keep staying away like this.

Perkins put out a hand for silence. “It’s my great pleasure to call you here today and present Travis with the department’s Certificate of  Heroism, which is given to citizens who have displayed extraordinary valor and courage in a time of crisis.” He handed me the certificate. “Travis, I hope you’ll consider taking the Firefighter’s Exam and joining us. You’d be a distinguished addition to our station.”

I took the certificate, not trusting my voice to answer him. People pushed toward me, shaking my hand and congratulating me.

“Mrs. Walker, you must be very proud of your son today,” Chief Perkins said. “He’s a hero!”

Mom’s face had deep lines, but her blue eyes sparkled as she tucked her hand into my elbow. “Travis has been my hero for a long time. He kept me alive this year, while I’ve been sick and out of work.”

I patted her hand. “Mom. It wasn’t anything.”

“It was. It was everything.” She leaned her head on my shoulder while I rolled my eyes at Perkins.

It felt good to get a few strokes, though. Pride ballooned up in my chest, and thankfulness and hope for the future. I was really lucky.

And yet my eyes still scanned the crowd for Zoey’s, as I kept alive the small hope that she still gave a shit about me. That small hope was dying fast.

Love

Whenever I drove through Perdido or Santa Alicia—that is, every day—I scoped out heads in passing cars and on the sidewalks, looking for shades of platinum. I didn’t want to call her when she obviously wanted to stay the hell away from me. Occasionally, I’d get a jolt of excitement when an especially promising flash of blonde caught my eye, but it was never her.

That is, until I drove by Perdido Park on a Saturday afternoon and saw a shining ponytail. I pulled over, thinking what a waste of time, then found myself watching the girl I loved running across a lawn, throwing a Frisbee to a little boy. My lovesick eyes saw her in slow motion, her legs stretching out as she ran, her body twisting into the throw, a flash of white teeth as she laughed out loud.

The kid, a skinny boy with stick-straight blond hair, missed the Frisbee, ran to pick it up, and tossed off a wild throw that went sideways instead of forward. Right towards me, in fact.

Putting up an arm, I scooped the Frisbee out of the air.

“Throw it here!” the kid yelled. I skimmed it just over his raised hands. Meaning he had to run after it, which was what I wanted.

Zoey stood there, her arms hanging at her sides. Our eyes met like a head-on collision of emotions:  love, anger, loss, passion, and probably a bunch more that I couldn’t name. We looked at each other for a long moment.

She was taking in quick, shallow little breaths. “I couldn’t bear to come see you,” she said. “I couldn’t handle it.”

I felt like I’d been sucker punched. I didn’t know what to say.

Her eyes swept over me, searching. “You look good. Thin, though.”

“I’ve gained some weight. I was on the Dumpster Diet for a while.”

Pain settled around her eyes and mouth. “I hate that you had to suffer like that.”

 “Zoey?”  Now there were three of them. Small boys with sunburned noses, wiggling like puppies around her ankles. They gawked at me.

“Who’s he?” one of them asked.

“This is Travis,” Zoey said.

“Are these your brothers?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Wasn’t he supposed to come to the park that other time?” the tallest one said.

“You want to play Frisbee?” I said it fast, to distract them.

 “Are you Zoey’s boyfriend?” the boy continued.

“Trying to be,” I said just as Zoey said, “No.”

We formed a circle, the five of us, throwing the Frisbee. Determined to make them like me, I kept the boys laughing with goofy throws and catches where I pretended to stumble and fall before snatching the Frisbee out of the air.

 “I’ve got to take them home,” Zoey said finally. “Nice seeing you, Travis.” Her voice trembled.

“Zoey, wait.” I drew her aside while the kids did whatever kids do. I wasn’t sure, but it was keeping them busy.

“I want to see you,” I said.

Looking up at me. “It’s probably not a good idea,” she said gently.

“Why not?”

“I thought you trusted me,” she said. “I had to find out you were homeless from the newspaper.”

“I trust you.”

“Not enough to tell me anything about your life. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

 “I’ll tell you everything now.”

She shook her head.

“Please. I owe it to you.” I hesitated, fearing her reaction. “Believe it or not, there’s more to say than what was in the paper.”

She wavered. Having her this close to me again made me drunk with love and lust. I wanted to kiss her so bad, but I knew I’d be toast if I did.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow night and take you out to dinner.” Catching her surprised look, I said, “I’m doing good these days. I’ve got a job.” Working full-time with free room and board from The Haven had allowed me to save some money. After paying the tow lot its ransom, I’d put aside enough for a nice dinner out with Zoey. One where we could both order exactly what we wanted.

In her sad face, the corners of her mouth tugged upward. “Good. I’m glad for you.”

 “Thanks. Me too. So, tomorrow night. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

##

At one minute to seven I ran up Zoey’s stairs carrying a bunch of tulips and roses. I’d chosen them one by one in shades of cream, pink and peach that reminded me of the colors of her skin.

 “Lucky girl,” the florist had said, glancing sideways at me.

 I wore a new white cotton button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Zoey had never seen me in anything but an old t-shirt before. I’d bought new cologne. I had a reservation at a little Italian place I’d found, where the food was supposed to be good and the owner had promised me a quiet table.

Zoey looked fantastic, as usual, but it gave me an extra boost to see a wisp of eye shadow and a small, but mind-blowing, bit of cleavage.
Yes.
No matter how mad she was at me, Zoey was working it tonight.

“Thanks. They’re beautiful.” She put the flowers in water, while in my mind I ravaged her on the dining room table.

“
You’re
beautiful,” I said. “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.”

“Do what?” 

“Take you out for a nice dinner. Wine you and dine you.”

She stood a few feet from me, acting cool and calm, but I knew her well enough by now to see that she was stirring inside, heating up, like water very slowly coming to a boil. And I hadn’t even touched her.

“We’re not going there, Travis,” she said.

“Okay,” I said mildly. “But, hey, we can have dinner, right?”

The restaurant was perfect, quiet and softly lit. The candlelight made Zoey’s hair glimmer as it slid down her left shoulder. Hanging on a thin chain, a sparkly jewel nestled at the base of her throat.

My heart was starting to pound and my hands to shake. In a minute I would have to step way, way out of my comfort zone.

“Let’s order first,” I said. She requested some fish thing, and I went for spaghetti with meatballs, although it had a different name on the menu. Something Italian. After that, we sat quietly together. “So….,” she said.

I took a deep breath. “You probably won’t like me much after I tell you all this.”  Another deep breath. “My dad’s a convicted felon. He’s in Soledad for armed robbery.” I had to stop again. “He’s a compulsive gambler and never kept a job in his life.”

I checked out her reaction. Calm, with the beginning of sympathy. If she veered into pity, I would lose it—I knew that.

“So that’s what I come from. After Dad went to prison, I used to go to Chick’s most nights. I slept with a lot of women.” I hesitated. “A lot. But I always used a condom.”

I kept talking, telling her everything. “My mom was really sick, so I was trying to support us both.” I stopped for a second. The next part was really hard. “She’s living at The Haven now. Zoey, I’m the one who took Hilda’s spot from you.”

“I know. I found out from Maggie.” She folded her hands in front of her. “But I’m glad you told me yourself.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt Hilda’s chances. But we’d been evicted and I had to find a place for Mom.” I told her about clearing the lot and getting fired.

“Then I got thrown out of Discoverers. I didn’t know about the eligibility requirement until I was already enrolled, and Perkins never checked it out. I should have told them. It was wrong not to.”

“But you’re back in now?”

I nodded. “I got an award for heroism. I’m going to be a firefighter, Zoey!”

“I’m really glad for you. You deserve to have … everything.”  Her eyes filled with pain. “But why did you shut me out?  I felt like such an idiot. I felt unimportant and left out.”

She balled up her napkin in her hand. “Why didn’t you tell me, Travis? I would have helped you.”

“I’m not those people, Zoey!” My tone was a lot sharper than I’d intended. “I’m not Hilda and Johnnie. I don’t want your help.”

“We’re all Hilda and Johnnie, Travis. We all need help.” She sounded agonized. “And how can I ever trust you again? Knowing you’ll clam up and keep secrets from me?”

I thought about it. “You can trust me.” There was something different about things now, but I didn’t know what it was.

“Dessert menu?” The waiter stood by our table.

We ordered a tiramisu with two spoons. “You don’t want your own dessert?” I asked. “I’m good for it. You won’t end up washing dishes or anything like that.”

She laughed. “I know. I’d rather share.”

“Can you believe I really have a future now?” I was still amazed at how much my life had changed. “And Mom’s getting better, although she won’t be able to go out on her own any time soon.”

“Will the two of you get an apartment together again?”

The check came. “Yep. I’m still gonna be the dweeb who lives with his mother.” I didn’t mind though, especially now since I’d have the money on a firefighter’s salary to take good care of her. Not today or tomorrow, but maybe in a year or two.

Zoey gave me a tender look. “You’re good to her. I love that about you.”

I paid the bill in cash and followed her out of the restaurant. We drove home in a silence that had me nervous and hopeful and despairing all at once. As we entered her place, Zoey walked straight back to the curtained corner that she referred to as her closet, methodically peeling off her wrap, hanging up her purse, and putting her shoes away.

I stood near the door, not sure what to do, but not about to leave either.

Now barefoot, she padded over to her table and sat down in a chair. She didn’t invite me to sit. When she lifted her eyes, her expression was torn, changing from undecided to loving to lustful to angry.

“When was the last time you went to Chick’s?”

I thought back. “It was before I started working at the soup kitchen.”

“Really?” She sounded surprised. “You didn’t go there… more recently?”

“You mean, since I got with you? No.”

“So you were faithful to me while we were together?”

“Yes. I still am.”

She sat back in the chair. “What am I supposed to do with you, Travis?”

The answer burst out of me. “Love me. The way I love you.”

There. I’d said it. Now I couldn’t stop talking. “I love you so much, Zoey. I want you. I never wanted to deceive you or shut you out.”

And all of a sudden I knew what was different. It was me. And I had to tell her. I would  rather have rushed into another burning building.

I started to shake and my voice came out gruff. “You see, I think … I’ve been afraid, you know?”

“Of what?”

“Oh, God. Everything.” I shifted from one foot to the next.  “Afraid of getting evicted, being poor, being uneducated.”

I stole a look at her. She sat very still, her hands clasped tight in her lap.

“I was afraid of becoming my father and ruining my life. And the lives of people I loved. You know? Dad went down in flames and took us with him. I didn’t want to do that to anyone else.”

“Oh, Travis….” Zoey stood up. She stayed where she was, gripping the back of her chair, but eyes were starting to warm.

  I kept talking. “But I’m not scared anymore. I don’t know why. I’m just not.” I forced myself to stay by the door, feeling she still needed that distance between us.

“I’ll never hide anything from you again. I want you in my life.”

She licked her lips nervously, but her eyes longed for me.

 “I’m yours, Zoey. My heart is yours.” I grinned. “Every part of me is yours.”

The corners of her mouth twitched. “Now there’s an offer!”

 Again I thought of water over a fire. It stirred and rolled as small bubbles began to rise to the surface.