Read Girlfriend in a coma Online
Authors: Douglas Coupland
"Sticks and stones."
"Teddy - where
are
we?" Pam moans.
"You're both on the way to Lions Gate," Teddy says.
"Oh, shit," says Pam. "It was feeling so good."
"Linus, is that you?" asks Pam."Yup." "Tell these bastards to sod off."
Karen's nurse knows that Karen is somebody close to Dr. Wendy Chernin - family? She notifies the nursing desk about Karen, then speeds down to Emergency where Dr. Chernin is on call. "Dr. Chernin," she puffs, "your friend!"
Wendy, preoccupied with two gurneys rattling into Emergency, says, "I know, I
know."
The nurse is confused: "But. . . "
Wendy, the paramedics, and the two bodies on gurneys zip by, followed by a stringy-looking
young man the nurse recognizes from a Christmas party as Dr. Chernin's husband. As well, there's a teenage girl dressed all in black, perhaps as a witch for Halloween, eyes darkened out like the old glamour days of Alice Cooper.
The first gurney carries a serene blond woman, a bluish shade of white underneath an asphyxiator; the face looks familiar - magazines? TV? The nurse has seen celebrities here before. No big deal. On the other gurney lies a thirtyish man with some dreadful skin disease. AIDS? He is the sickest-looking admitted patient this nurse has ever seen. He is also screaming at the top of his lungs, telling everybody to fuck off and demanding more heroin. The nurse asks the paramedic what has happened, and she receives a reply - one that is, by 1997, all too common: "China White. OD'd at a Halloween party." The nurse now understands that the sick-looking man is wearing makeup. A dreadful costume.
The gurney moves on and the stringy-looking man, Dr. Chernin's husband, speaks to the young witch: "Megan, what are you doing
here!
How in hell did you know about
this!"
Megan says, "I only came down here to help Jenny Tyrell get a morning-after pill. She drove me. And then I just saw you guys come in. So - what is it? What's wrong?"
"They're toasted on heroin," Linus says.
"Oh, wow. Hey! Aunt Wendy, Wendy quick, tell me, are they gonna
die!
For real? That China White - ""Megan, we'll talk later." Wendy turns around and talks to an orderly.
Linus tries to imagine the world without Ham and Pam. He feels sick and his stomach burns. He remembers visiting Jared nearly twenty years ago, and he thinks of Karen in Inglewood all these years, her blank eyes focused on death and nothingness. Poor Richard, having to live with that forever. The hospital is a place where lives come to an end. This is a place that erases hope. He admires Wendy so much for having the guts to work in such a place, for being an emergency specialist.
How long had they been shooting up? Idiots. Fuck 'em.
Pam and Ham clank into Intensive Care. They are injected, pumped, and probed; new IV's are inserted, more Narcan administered. Wendy is frustrated because there is no single test to administer to heroin OD's that can tell her where she stands. No CAT scans, white blood cell counts, or T4S - she never really knows:
Is this person lost?
The heads are moved back and forth the "Doll's Eye" procedure - to check the neurological system.
The poorly breathing bodies are briefly put into the ventilator. They're fine and will be sleeping for a few hours. The worst is over and Wendy emerges.
They'll make it,
Wendy says. And then she, Megan, and Linus sit in the lobby trying to relax after the close call. The thought of losing two more lifelong friends is more frightening than they could have imagined. Cold air puffs in from outside and they shiver. Wendy feels as if she has an icicle embedded in her spine from the small of her back and into her brain. She is now off duty for the night. Meanwhile, the nurse from Karen's floor approaches the trio and says, "Dr. Chernin, I
really
have to tell you . . . "
"Yes?" Wendy tries to hide her weariness and relaxes her chest. "I'm out of line. What did you need?"
"I thought you should know that your friend is talking now."
"Talking? She should be out cold for the next four hours - and then some. We gave them seda - "
"No. No. Not
those
friends. That. . .
old old
E. Karen."Wendy turns around to Linus and Megan and their bodies curdle; small hairs on the necks prickle; their arms become weightless. They have entered a mesmerizing and frightening realm. The nurse says, "You must know the girl - she's been in a coma for fifteen years now. Karen."
"Seventeen," says Linus instantly. Megan feels like vomiting.
"She said hello to me twice. Her eyes were clear and intelligent. She's all there, all right."
Wendy looks at her friends; glances are exchanged. Linus's brain empties as though passing through a trapdoor in the floor. Within moments, the three race down the ozone corridor and then endure a long, tense elevator ride. Nobody speaks, and a few breaths later they arrive in Karen's room, now buzzing with staff. Karen is crying. Someone is about to give her a sedative, and Wendy grabs the needle and throws it into the trash. "No. Don't
do
that. Jesus. That's how she ended up here in the first place. No drugs of
any
sort. None. Ever. Everybody - out . . .
out!"
Everybody clears the room save for her, Megan, and Linus. Wendy says, "Karen. It's me. Wendy. I'm here, honey."
Karen raises her eyes, her hysteria dwindling: "Wendy? Is that
you,
Wendy?" Wendy walks forward, kneels down, and puts her left arm on Karen's shoulder. She then wipes her eyes with the other hand. "Hey, Karen? Yeah - it's me, Wendy. I'm here, girl." Wendy has been a doctor long enough to know that Karen's awakening is a miracle. She tries to keep her composure as she has done throughout her life, but now she isn't sure she can do it.
"Wendy - what happened to me - my body - I can't move. I can't see any of it. What the hell's happened?"
"You've been asleep for a long time, Karen. A coma. Don't worry. You'll get your body back. Soon." Wendy is hoping that her face doesn't betray this last lie.
"Oh, Wendy. I'm glad you're ..." Karen closes her eyes. Several breaths later, she reopens them. Her eyes dart sideways. "Is that Linus?" Karen's voice is rasping, like beard stubble rubbing on paper. Linus comes over and sits beside Wendy."Hey there, Karen. Welcome home." He kisses her forehead. Karen lies there and looks into the eyes of her friends. They are older. Much older. This is not right.
"My body," Karen says. "Where's my
body!"
She cries once more. "I'm a fucking pretzel." "Shhh," Wendy says. "You've been gone a long time. You
will
get your body back. You will.
I'm a doctor now. We missed you, honey. We missed you so badly."
Karen looks about, her eyes darting. She asks Linus how old she is now. "You're thirty
four, Kare."
"Thirty-four.
Oh,
God."
Linus says, "Don't worry, Kare - your twenties suck. Believe me, be glad you missed
them."
"Linus, what
year
is it?"
"It's 1997. Saturday, November the first, 1997, 6:05 A.M."
"Oh. Oh,
God.
Oh,
my!
My family - how's my family?"
"All fine. Alive and well."
"And Richard?"
"Pretty good. In good shape. He's visited you once a week all these years." She focuses on Megan, standing by the door. "And
you
- you by the door. I - I think I
know you."
"No," Megan says. Megan feels bashful for one of the few times in her life. "Come here," Karen says, because there is something about this teenager that Karen has
been told - by whom? She remembers the Moon. She remembers talking to Richard on the
Moon. Bullshit. Nonsense. "Come here. Please." Megan meekly shuffles forward, nearly
paralyzed with hope, anticipation, sickness, and fear. Karen looks over Megan calmly.
"You're related to me - aren't you?" Megan nods. "A sister?"
"No."
Karen is now understanding just how long she's been gone. She
focuses on Megan as though she were a difficult algebra equation. Her brows knit. "What's your name?""Megan."
Karen thinks out loud: "Mom had a daughter once - a miscarriage. 1970? The name was
Megan."
Megan buckles. She walks to the bed and hops onto its metal rick-etiness and lies down
beside her mother as she did the first time she met her. She places her face directly before
Karen's and they look at each other, retina to retina, brain to brain.
Who is this creature?
Karen is now calm about this scenario. She knows that answers will come. She says to
Megan, "You're very pretty, you know," to which Megan sniffles, saying, "I am
not."
Karen asks, "And I've never seen makeup like yours, either. Concert last night?" "I wear it all the time. If you want I'll take it off. I really will." She gouges her palms into
the eyes.
"Stop," croaks Karen. "Stop."
Megan is trembling. "I took your makeup off once, too," Megan says. "The first time I ever
saw you. I was seven."
Karen is silent. She pauses and looks at the ceiling and sighs and meditates:
This must
surely be a sister, but she says she isn't. And she looks like Richard.
"How's Mom and Dad?" The floodgates open: "I - I've been a . . . a . . . real
shit
to them. I'm a horrible person. And
you're awake. Mom - my real Mom."
Karen is unable to move her neck, but her eyes are focused deeply on the boo-hooing
teenager clutched against her right side. "I never thought you'd wake up. And now you
have
and I see I've just been
horrible
to
everybody."
Megan uses her tears to wipe off her eyeliner
and kohl. Her eye sockets are a mess.
"Shhhh
. . . " whispers Karen. "It's over now. All over. I'm here." Karen thinks over this
outburst.
Mom?
"Megan, did you call me Mom?"
"Yeah. Because you
are.
My mom, I mean."
Karen is faint: "What are you talking abou Oh,
man."
That
night with Richard on Grouse Mountain? This is not possible.
"I've wanted to talk to you all these years. Did you like punk rock? It's coming back in now."This last comment distracts Karen. Suddenly, Megan is off on a tangent discussing the Buzzcocks and Blondie. Karen, meanwhile, assembles pieces. She notices the absence of a mirror in the room. Hair that has fallen into her face tells her she has gone gray. In spite of her bedridden condition and seventeen-year-old mind, she knows that
she
is going to have to be the mature one here.
As she thinks this, Wendy is taking pulses and doing medical thin-gies. Outside in the corridor, employees are quietly milling about. News is spreading quickly. A friend of a patient down in the lobby has phoned the city desk of a local paper. Wendy has asked staff to clear away from the room.
Karen says, "And Wendy . . . there's something wrong. I can tell. Wendy. Wait - what are all of you
doing
here? I mean, it's Sunday morning. How did you
know
I was - that
this
was going to happen?"
"We didn't," Wendy says, recognizing the morning's coincidences. "We had no idea."
Megan butts in, as though imparting hot gossip, "Hamilton and Pammie OD'd on heroin last night. They're down in Intensive Care. They're, like,
complete
heroin addicts now. Linus was at a party with them. Wendy fixed them up an hour ago."
"Thank
you, Megan," Wendy says.
Karen thinks. "They're doing
heroin?
At thirty-four? That's so old. That's
my
age." "Heroin's big these days," says Linus.
"Ugh."
All of the dramatic things Wendy and Linus had once planned on saying upon Karen's
reawakening have vanished
poof.
Instead, they discuss the commonplace. "Hey, Wendy - do I still
smoke?"
"Not anymore, hon." Then Wendy says, more to herself than to anyone present, "You
know,
I just can't understand the coincidences - Ham and Pam, Megan, Linus, and then
you.
That leaves Richard, I suppose. No doubt he'll be traipsing in soon."
Karen looks at her arm, bony, defleshed, and prisoner-of-war-useless looking. "Shit. Just
look
at me, Wendy. I was gonna go to Hawaii. Whatta disaster. I look like a praying mantis." Karen is nowoddly objective about her body - her
self.
She looks up at Wendy. And then she yawns. "Hey there, Wendy - I saw you watch me yawn. Don't sweat it. I'm going to be falling asleep soon. But it'll only be
normal
sleep. I won't be going into deep freeze ever again." She blinks. How does she know this?
Wendy asks again how Karen feels. "Woozy - and thirsty, too. Is there lemonade here? I get really thirsty here in 1997. There's a tube in my belly button!" A small kerfuffle explodes in the corridor and Gatorade and a straw are produced from somebody's lunch bag. "My tongue," she says. "It feels like a box of cotton. Linus, can you go get my parents? I don't want them to hear about this over the phone. Can you do that?"
"Sure."
"Good. When they arrive, if I'm asleep, don't wake me up." She pauses. "That sounds sick.
Just ask them to wait. I'll be back."
Megan gives Karen a peck on the cheek, then resumes lying against her mother. Wendy tallies all of Karen's vital signs now. Everything, given the extraordinary conditions,
is about as normal as can be. Megan is resting like a papoose against Karen's back. "Look - I got your fingernails," Megan says. "And your hair, too. Well, it's gray now. We'll dye it together. My friend Jenny's really good."
"Why are you dressed in all black?" Karen asks.
Megan now feels immature. She doesn't want to tell her mother that she views herself as Death - the cause of so much darkness. "It's a phase. It's over now."
Linus is on a chair beside the bed, happy. Linus thinks the world is a cruel place, and in his mind he is thinking of the deserts he used to walk through, the endless crappy little small towns and the meanness of the world, and yet here, from nowhere really, blooms a flower. Such moments are so rare, as rare as a ruby plucked from a salmon's guts as he remembers from childhood. That ruby - it had been only a
piece of taillight plastic found when gutting the salmon on the docks
up at Fender Harbour, but to Linus it was a ruby.