Girl, (Nearly) 16: Absolute Torture! (21 page)

‘I hate you!’ Jess grinned, giving Fred and his backpack a mighty hug.

‘And I assure you the feeling’s mutual,’ said Fred. ‘It’s been well worth coming all the way down here to find that you’re even more repulsive than I remember.’

They ran down the grassy slope and found a cosy place for Fred by some rocks. Jess looked around anxiously. She couldn’t actually see any ditzy blondes in rubber, but she was sure they were hiding in a crack in the rock and the minute she abandoned Fred, they would swarm out and kidnap him.

‘Wish me luck!’ she whispered, giving him a ferocious goodbye kiss. Fred reciprocated heartily. Boy, could that guy kiss. Jess felt as if her brain had been sucked out and replaced by fireworks.

‘I’ll run off now, and I won’t look back,’ she said. ‘In case this whole thing has been a fantasy.’

‘Please, God, let it be a fantasy,’ said Fred. ‘I don’t fancy sleeping on this beach all night.’

Jess ran off, back down Back Road West. Eventually it changed into Back Road East. She loved the names of the roads in St Ives. She loved everything about St Ives. And she loved it even more now Fred was in it. His blessed presence seemed to spread over the whole town, like the smell of chips, only even more delicious.

As she neared Dad’s house, however, Jess began to feel horribly nervous. What would her dad’s attitude be? She would have to be very, very careful and diplomatic and cautious in her approach to the subject.

As she opened the door – very quietly – and tiptoed in, she almost hoped her dad was still asleep. Though it would mean she had to wait longer to see Fred again, it would also give her more time to cook up a good story. Although, wait! It wasn’t a question of cooking up a story. Jess was so used to lying – especially recently – that it was a kind of instinctive response.

All she had to do was tell the truth. But somehow this felt much, much more dangerous than lying. It was terrifying. What if Dad went off on one, accused her of being a sly little tramp? He might lock her in her room with bread and water and summon the heavy brigade – i.e. Mum – to take her back home immediately in a prison van with a police escort.

As she closed the door, Jess heard the sound of a radio in the kitchen. Oh! He had woken up. She had to tell the truth right now. She entered the kitchen. Her dad was sitting at the table staring at a mug of tea. A stone cold mug of tea, untouched. Jess had a weird impression that it was the same tea he’d been holding when she’d left. This was odd, and unnerving.

‘Tea?’ he asked, rousing himself and switching off the radio. ‘In fact, fresh tea. Long overdue.’

‘No thanks,’ said Jess. She could not possibly face anything to eat or drink right now. ‘Did you have a good sleep?’

‘No, I didn’t even have a lie down, actually . . .’ said her dad. ‘I had some phone calls to make . . .’

He looked bit odd. A bit preoccupied. He was glancing round the room as if he had forgotten something. Then suddenly he turned to her and their eyes sort of locked together in a hypnotised stare. Jess’s legs began to shake. It was as if Dad
knew
, or something. Had he gone for a walk and seen her and Fred together on the Island? Deep inside, she blushed hotly at the thought.

But this was clearly the moment. She had to find courage from somewhere. She cleared her throat. Should she sit down? Her legs felt about to buckle anyway. Or should she stay standing up? Then she could get a flying start if it proved necessary to run away. In the end she sort of perched sideways on a chair.

‘Dad,’ she said, in a shaky voice. ‘I’m afraid I have a bit of a bombshell.’

His eyes widened. His head tilted. He said nothing. He looked seriously scared.

‘The fact is,’ Jess went on, ‘I have a confession to make. I’ve got a secret boyfriend. He’s dying to meet you. And he’s waiting, right now, down on the beach.’

Dad’s face went through about a hundred expressions: alarm, amusement, shock, embarrassment, mystery. It was like a mail-order catalogue from the Big Emotion Company. For a long, long minute he said nothing. Then his face settled to a particular look, and to Jess’s absolute astonishment, he seemed, well,
sheepish.

‘OK, then,’ he said, at last. ‘If it’s bombshell time, I’ve got one, too. The fact is, I’ve also got a secret boyfriend. And he’s waiting, right now, down on the beach.’

Chapter 32

Jess felt a sort of roaring in her ears. Then her head cleared and the room was totally silent, except for the suddenly loud ticking of a clock. She couldn’t believe what she’d just heard.

‘Do you mean,’ she said, sounding rather pale and scratchy, because her voice felt somehow shy, ‘that you’re
gay
?’

Dad blushed, and pursed his lower lip up in a kind of rueful smile. ‘I’m afraid so,’ he shrugged.

Jess felt goosebumps run all over her skin. How weird! How incredibly weird! Her brain went whizzing back over the years, remembering times they’d had together. They’d visited the museum, and he’d shown her the dinosaur bones – and all the time he was gay! He’d taken her to the cafe and they’d shared pizza and Coke – and all the time he was gay! He’d read her goodnight stories, he’d gone for walks in the park, he’d taken her to see movies – and all the time, he’d been gay! In a way, though, although the idea was so very mind-boggling, the more she thought about it, the more she felt it explained everything.

‘Well, why on earth didn’t you say so years ago?’ she said. She was beginning to feel a crazy kind of relief. She didn’t like the thought that he might have actually gone to bed with men and kissed them and stuff. However, if he was straight, she wouldn’t have liked the thought that he was going to bed with a woman. One just doesn’t want to think of one’s parents doing that kind of stuff at all.

‘I didn’t – I wasn’t – I thought you might be upset.’ Her dad seemed more uncertain, more tongue-tied and embarrassed than she was.

‘Of course I’m not upset!’ said Jess. ‘It’s brilliant! It’s so cool! Wait till I tell all my friends! They’ll be
so
jealous!’

‘Don’t you . . . mind, then?’ said Dad hesitantly.

‘Mind?’ said Jess, making a huge, heroic effort to reassure him. ‘I’m thrilled to bits, you moron! Congratulations! Give me a hug!’

She broke into a dazzling grin, and her dad smiled uncertainly. They both got up awkwardly and fell into each other’s arms. There was a cracking noise.

‘You’ve broken my rib now,’ said Dad. ‘This is why I’ve never messed with women. They have the strength of ten men.’

‘Of ten tigers, you mean!’ said Jess. Then a thought suddenly occurred to her. ‘Does Mum know?’

‘Yes. Well, it became obvious. It was why the marriage broke down really.’

‘She should have told me!’ said Jess.

‘I know – my fault, too,’ said Dad. ‘We just kept discussing how and when would be the appropriate time, and somehow we hadn’t got around to it yet.’

‘You should have told me years ago,’ said Jess. ‘It’s a brilliant reason for your marriage not working, don’t you see? I mean, obviously your marriage wouldn’t work if your husband was gay.’

‘I think I need a cup of coffee,’ said Dad, moving towards the kettle. ‘This has all been so sudden.’

‘It hasn’t been nearly sudden enough, if you ask me,’ said Jess. ‘Honestly, Dad! You should have told me years and years ago. It would have made perfect sense of everything.’

‘Well,’ said Dad, filling the kettle, ‘I was really mixed up when I married your mum and I thought getting married would sort me out. But it didn’t work. All I did was put her through a horrible rejection.’

‘That wasn’t
all
you did, you muppet!’ said Jess. ‘You created me, your fabulous daughter. Mum couldn’t have done it on her own. However, moving hastily on, and avoiding that gruesome topic, I’ll have a hot chocolate, please.’

Now she’d got used to the idea, Jess was really delighted about it. ‘So many cool people are gay, Dad. Honestly. You’ve got to have a bit of confidence in yourself. What about gay pride?’

‘Yes, well,’ said Dad nervously. ‘There still is a lot of prejudice about it. My own father wouldn’t speak to me for two years after I told him.’

‘What!’ exclaimed Jess. ‘Grampy?’ She was outraged. Nanna and Grampy, Dad’s parents, had emigrated to Australia ten years ago, so Jess hadn’t seen much of them. They still sent her Christmas and birthday presents and talked to her on the phone sometimes, but she wasn’t really close to them like she was with Granny.

‘It was to do with the way he was brought up,’ said Dad. ‘I mean, his parents were born in the Victorian age.’

‘I so hate the Victorians!’ said Jess. ‘They were so harsh. Still, never mind about them. Tell me about your boyfriend!’

Dad blushed again. The kettle came to the boil, and he made a cup of coffee for himself and a hot chocolate for Jess.

‘What’s his name?’ said Jess.

‘Phil.’

‘What, the same as your lodger? Wait! I get it! You said he was your lodger to keep me in the dark.’

‘Well, yes – I had to think on my feet. You turned up unannounced a day early.’

‘So all that stuff about his ex-girlfriend was garbage as well?’

‘’Fraid so. Sorry, sweetheart.’

‘What does he do?’

‘He owns a boutique. And he’s got a little boat. He likes fishing. And he’s a surfer.’

‘A surfer? Wow! And he’s down on the beach right now? Let’s go!’

‘Wait, wait,’ said Dad. ‘I haven’t finished my coffee. And you haven’t told me about your boyfriend.’

‘Oh, well. There’s nothing to tell really. He’s just the most brilliant, funny, crazy boy in the world.’

‘What’s his name?’

‘Fred.’

‘Ah! Frederika, I assume.’

‘Yes. Sorry I lied, Dad.’

‘Well, we’ve both lied. It’s a shame it’s not a commercially valuable operation. You and I could lie for England. We could found a company called Lie-U-Like.’

‘Or Lies ’R’ Us! I also lied about all those school-friends of mine, too. You know – Eleanor whose mum went to live in California and had two babies called Carlo and something or other.’

‘I thought it was her dad who went to California?’

‘Possibly, possibly, Dad. Who cares? I was only trying to make it easier for you to tell me you had a new wife and revolting baby.’

‘Well, you were barking up the wrong tree there.’

‘Well, I’m dying to see him again! Let’s go now!’

‘And I’m going to meet Fred,’ said Dad, looking apprehensive. ‘I hope he’s not somebody you picked up on the beach?’

‘Don’t be a moron, Dad,’ said Jess. ‘I’ve known Fred all my life. We met at playgroup when I was about three and a half. He hit me over the head with an inflatable bus and we’ve been best mates ever since.’

‘And what’s he like?’

‘Well, to be honest, Dad, I think he’s a little bit like you. Sort of useless, and amusing.’

‘God help the poor lad, then,’ sighed Dad. He finished his coffee, washed up the mugs, and then turned to Jess with a big smile. ‘Come on, then,’ he said. ‘Let’s get it over with. Although frankly I would rather eat a live porcupine than meet a boyfriend of yours.’

‘Likewise, I’m sure,’ said Jess. ‘I’d rather eat a live bison.’

They went out and strolled hand-in-hand down the higgledy-piggledy whitewashed lanes of St Ives. When they were nearly at the beach, Jess stopped for a minute.