Ghost Light (26 page)

No, as painful as it was, it was best to leave things as they were and just hope… yes, hope, even after this long, that he would eventually get in touch.

Friday morning started out chilly and foggy, but by eleven o’clock, the sun broke through, and a surprisingly warm current of Indian Summer heat blanketed the city. Cindy thought it might be fun to pack a lunch and drive out to Fort Williams, near Portland Headlight, for a picnic, but waves of loneliness rippled through her as she got ready. She found herself wishing that Alice wasn’t at work so she could invite her along, but she told herself that she had to get used to doing things by herself. Even if she ended up keeping Krissy and Billy until they grew up and moved away to college or whatever, she could see that they were starting to develop attachments here, lives of their own. She could almost envision them staying right here in Portland, making new lives for themselves—Cindy without her husband, and the kids without their mother and father. The pain of all of their losses would go away… eventually.

She drove across town and took Shore Road in Cape Elizabeth out to the lighthouse. With every mile, she felt her nervousness slowly unwinding. She kept telling herself to believe that everything was going to be all right; they had made it through the roughest part. Now all she had to do was wait a few months and then contact a lawyer so she could begin working to gain legal custody of Billy and Krissy.

Everything was going just fine, she told herself, even though a small whispering voice in the back of her mind told her not to believe it.

Summer, apparently, was giving one last strong kick before allowing Autumn to settle in. There weren’t many people at the park, only a few mothers with preschoolers and a few groups of men and women dressed in business suits and dresses, obviously taking advantage of the nice weather during their lunch hour. Cindy parked the car, took her lunch, and walked over to one of the picnic tables close to the, cliffs that looked down at the rocky shoreline. Having spent her entire life in the midwest, she was astounded by the power and beauty of the ocean. Close to the shore, strands of kelp and seaweed swayed in the green pull of the tide like loose tangles of hair. Further out, the ocean was a shade of brilliant blue that she was sure she had never seen before in her life. Small boats, mostly lobster and fishing boats mixed with a few pleasure crafts, dotted the inner harbor while far out to sea, moving imperceptibly along the horizon line, was the dim silhouette of what looked like an oil tanker. Seagulls wheeled high overhead, calling out their harsh cries as they were buffeted about like stringless kites in the strong, salty breeze that blew in off the water.

Cindy ate her lunch slowly and in silence, often closing her eyes and leaning her head back to allow the sunshine and fresh air to work at soothing her nerves. After she was finished, she threw her trash away and wandered along the network of narrow paths that wound through the thick stands of scrub pine, sumac, and wild roses that clung to the rocky cliffs. The chilly nights had already started to change the color of the leaves, so mixed in among the bright green were shocking explosions of bright yellows and fiery reds. Cindy found the damp, woodsy smell mixed with the ocean air unbelievably refreshing. She was surprised when she glanced at her watch and saw that she had already been here walking around for almost an hour. There was no hurry, but she would have to leave within the next half hour or soil she were going to be in time to pick up Krissy from school.

She followed the trail out to the crumbling ruins of the old fort, which commanded a beautiful view of Casco Bay. After looking around awhile, soaking in the view while trying hard to ignore the bright splashes of spray-painted graffiti, she hiked back up the slope to where she had left her car. Breathing heavily from the unaccustomed exertion, she started up her car and headed back through South Portland. The brief respite from her worries seemed to have passed by in a flash. In no time she could feel the familiar dark gloom pressing down around her, enveloping her like a blanket.

Jesus, this isn’t any good
, she thought, sighing heavily and chewing on her lower lip as she drove.
This isn’t good at all to let things get me so down… It’s not good for me or the kids.

She drove through Cape Elizabeth and South Portland, and was just rounding the long curve after crossing the Million Dollar Bridge into Portland when a loud thump sounded from underneath the car.

“Oh,
shit!
” she shouted.

For a split second, she thought she had hit something in the road that she hadn’t seen, but then she recognized the sound and realized it was a flat tire. The car swayed heavily around the turn, the steering wheel almost pulling from her grip, but she held onto it, fighting hard to keep it under control. For a terrifying instant, the guard rail loomed close, but in spite of the dragging pull, she negotiated the curve and pulled off the road into the first available space she saw. After shutting off the engine, she took the keys from the ignition, slid across the seat, and got out on the passenger’s side.

“God
damn
it!” she shouted once she was standing on the roadside and staring at the fiat. For a flickering instant, she felt a curious dissociation, as if this couldn’t
really
be happening to her; but there it was. The tire was squashed flat, looking like it had melted into the roadside.

Heaving a trembling sigh of frustration, she glanced at her watch and did a quick mental calculation. If she could get the tire changed within five or ten minutes, she’d still be on time to pick up Krissy. She wished she had a car phone so she could call the school and tell them what had happened. She swore again, louder, when she opened the trunk and saw that the spare tire was flat, too. Sputtering with anger, she hauled back and kicked the side of the car, denting it slightly.

“God
damn
it!”

She hadn’t fixed the spare since they’d gotten that flat tire on the turnpike several weeks ago, when they had first arrived in Maine.
Now
she wished she had a car phone so she could call a tow truck. She paused in thought for a minute, staring vacantly at the stream of cars zipping past her like comets. She wondered if she should just sit tight and wait for help to arrive—maybe a policeman or someone else would stop. Or maybe she should start walking and hope to find a nearby service station.

A sudden blast from a car’s horn drew her attention, making her yelp with surprise as she shook her head and looked around for the source. A white van had just come around the curve, moving slower than the rest of the traffic. Cindy squinted, unable to see the driver through the sunlight glaring off his windshield, but she saw a hand rise up and wave to her as if he recognized her. The brake lights flickered as if he were about to stop, so she waved, hoping this was the help she needed, but the driver—whoever he was—drove right past her, turned left at the next intersection, and was gone, leaving behind a thin haze of exhaust.

“
Shit! Fuck! Damnit!
” Cindy cried, raking her fingers through her hair in frustration. “What the
hell
am I supposed to do
now
?”

3

K
rissy came slowly down the school walkway, her eyes flicking quickly back and forth as she scanned the schoolyard trying to spot her aunt’s car. All around her, laughing and yelling kids streamed from the school building to the buses and the cars that were waiting at the curb, but she didn’t see her aunt’s light blue one anywhere. On the street in front of the school, more cars and trucks whizzed by, their tires making loud tearing sounds on the road. As her tension mounted, everything seemed to start moving in dreamy slow-motion as Krissy’s hands clenched into fists and she looked around, expecting to see… something else—
Like maybe the blue lady
, she thought, feeling a clammy ripple go through her.

Is she around here somewhere?

Nervousness tightened her stomach as she looked around but still saw no trace of either her aunt or the blue lady. The knapsack kept bouncing against her lower back, making her realize how bad she had to go pee.

Once she got down to the sidewalk and was standing under the sparse shade of a spindly maple tree, she shaded her eyes with both hands, all the while looking around.

Come on… come ON!… She’s GOT to be here somewhere!
she thought, but another voice whispering in the back of her mind told her—
No, your aunt isn’t here… She’s left you stranded!

Krissy’s lower lip began to tremble, and a sharp stinging filled her eyes, making the sunlit world go all blurry. The sounds of the kids seemed to fade away almost to nothing. Her chest hurt with every breath she took as she stood there, wondering what to do next.

If she could only find Billy, he might let her walk home with him, she thought, but she was sure that by now, Billy was long gone with his friends. They usually burst out of school as soon as the bell rang and ran to Art’s Variety to buy soda and candy before heading home. She wished she could catch up with him, but he probably wouldn’t even allow his “little sister” to tag along with him and his friends anyway. Sometimes he could be so nice to her, but lately, ever since he’d made friends with those boys from the neighborhood, he’d been ignoring her a lot.

Of course, she could go back into the school and wait until Aunt Cindy showed up. She knew that would be the smart thing to do because she was sure her aunt didn’t really mean to leave her abandoned like this. No, Krissy thought, trying to hold back uglier, scarier thoughts, she must be out shopping or something and just lost track of the time, or else she’s stuck in traffic somewhere.

Her other choice was to start walking. Her aunt had been driving her back and forth to school for two weeks now, so she was pretty sure she knew the way home. Anyway, there were groups of kids heading that way now, so as long as she kept up with them she should be all right. And even if she didn’t recognize where she was, she could always ask a policeman for help.

Sucking in a deep breath, she squared the knapsack between her shoulders and headed out, running until she was only a few paces behind a group of five other kids, all older. The crossing guard smiled at her as she held up traffic and signaled her across the street.

There, see?
Krissy told herself.
Everyone around here’s nice and
friendly. There’s nothing at all to worry about.

4

“J
esus Christ, I can’t believe it worked! It fuckin’-A! worked!”

After tooting his horn and waving at Cindy, Alex drummed his hands joyfully on the steering wheel as he slowed for the turn onto State Street. He told himself to be satisfied if all that resulted from Cindy’s flat tire was a mild case of aggravation for her today. If anything more happened as a result of it, well then, fine; but he cautioned himself not to get
too
excited. He had to hold himself back from speeding as he drove through Portland, heading toward Pine Knoll Elementary. There was no sense getting stopped by a cop now. If what he had in mind next worked out, that would be great; but if it didn’t… well, there was always another day.

Yesterday, after spending the previous day sobering up, he had gone over to Cindy’s apartment building to have a look around. He had parked on Lincoln Street, which runs parallel behind Coyne Street. Wearing a work suit and holding a clipboard so he would look like the electric company’s meter reader, he had gone to each house on the block, all the while checking out the area. Most of the houses were packed close together, with nothing more than postage stamp-sized yards. Less than half of the houses had garages. Some of the larger buildings which, at one time must have been private residences, had obviously been turned into apartment buildings, judging by the number of cars parked in most of the driveways. It was dangerous, he knew, to be sneaking around like this. He could see Cindy’s car parked in her driveway, so he knew she was home; but even if she didn’t notice him,
someone
else might and call the police. But he just wanted to get a quick lay of the land.

Behind Cindy’s apartment building was a garage that looked too decrepit to use. One wall sagged inward and was supported with rotten, unpainted wood. He didn’t see much inside the building from the quick glance he got through the spider web-encrusted window. A footpath went around behind the garage to Lincoln Street. Alex studied it for a moment, just in case he had to come this way to get away from the building fast some time.

After pretending to check the electric meters on Cindy’s building, he went over beside her parked car. On the ground by the garage, as if it had been placed there just for him to see, was a bent, rusty nail. Thinking quickly, he picked it up and then, bending down while pretending to be tying his shoelace, tried to wedge the point in between the treads of her tire. It kept falling out, so he finally gave up on it, but he had the idea now. He would stake her out and follow her around town. When and if the chance occurred, say when she was parked at the mall or whatever, he would drive a nail or screw into her tire so she’d get a blowout. Satisfied now that he had a plan, he straightened up and dusted off his clothes, then continued his leisurely stroll down the block back to where he had parked his van around the corner.

Then this morning, he had followed her out to Fort Williams. Once he was sure she was out of sight down by the water, he had driven a nail into her right rear tire and placed another one at an angle under it so it would go into the tire as soon as she backed out of her parking space.