Get Ready for War (9 page)

“Now that's a shame,” my mother said as she came in and stood over me. She shook her head. “Thought you were grown. At least that's how you brought it to me. But a grown woman knows how to handle her relationships and how to keep her man. Not chase him away.” She rolled her eyes. “But. Then again. When you treat your mother like dirt you get what you get.”

“Ma—”

“Oh please. We're on a first-name basis, remember? Now get up off my freshly waxed floor and go to your room—excuse me,
my
room, that I'm still kind enough to let you sleep in. I don't want to hear all this crying and carrying on for another moment.” She snapped her fingers. “Now let's go. Take that to your bedroom, the one you need to start paying rent on. Because that's another thing grown women do—pay their own way.”

I couldn't believe this was happening. This trick was at it again. All about Logan and nothing about Rich. Here I'd just lost my man, was throwing myself a pity party, and there she was adding piss to my punch. If I had the strength I'd kick her...

I wiped my eyes, stood up from the floor and regained my balance. Just as I'd gotten myself together enough to walk without my legs feeling like willow branches, I looked my mother over and headed straight to my room.

I
watched as Rich snatched up her oversized Balenciaga bag and stormed toward the door in dramatic fashion. And for a hot second, I could have sworn she threw an extra shake in her thick hips just as she slammed the door.
Skank!

I blinked my eyes, totally dumbfounded at what had quickly unfolded in front of me. My best friend literally whoring herself out to my man! So what if she didn't exactly know that's who he was. The point is, she had no business doing it, especially when she was supposedly so “in love” with this Knox guy.

Then again, I shouldn't have been so surprised at what just happened. Miss Gasoline Drawers had always been a walking inferno. Put a fine boy in front of her and she went right up in flames, ready to rip off her clothes and drop, pop, and roll with him; no questions asked. Nasty ho!

And Justice . . . the nerve of him! He stood there and flat-out disrespected me, undressing Rich with his eyes, licking his lips, and practically screwing her
down
right there in the middle of the floor with no regard for me. How effen disrespectful was that?

Yet, there was something in Justice's eyes that told me what my heart didn't want to accept. He wanted her!

Panic gripped my chest. The thought of the two of them going at it like two wild animals in heat made the blood drain from my head. Him touching her the way he touched me, making love to her the way he made love to me—it was all too much to bear. I felt light-headed. And sick!

When I finally mustered up the courage to shift my eyes away from the door over to Justice, he was glaring at me, his jaws clenching and unclenching. “Yo, on e'erything I love, yo. If you was a dude, I'd break ya jaw; for real, for real.”

I gasped. “What? You must be joking.”

He scowled. “Do I look like I'm effen jokin', yo? You lucky I don't put my hands on no chick, 'cause I'd check ya chin real quick, yo.”

I blinked.
He can't be serious!

“For what?” I asked incredulously.

“For bein' so effen stupid, yo. The broad was right here and you wanna be on some BS.”

“First of all, I'm not stupid. Second of all, how did you get in this house?”

He sucked his teeth. “How ya dumb behind think I got in here?”

I swallowed.
Genevieve.
She'd always been the one to open the gates to the rear entrance of the house and sneak Justice in and out of here behind my parents' backs. She'd always maneuvered around the watchful eye of Daddy's surveillance system to sneak Justice out. And she was the one who'd sneak food up to my room for Justice or check in on him whenever I had to leave him here alone. Those were things she did when I asked—no,
told,
her to. But today she had no business letting him in without being directed to do so.

I swallowed, making a mental note to myself to confront Genevieve the first chance I got. “First of all, Justice, the last time I checked, you didn't want anything to do with me, remember that? You stood here and cursed me out and stormed out of here, telling me you weren't beat for me anymore.”

“Yeah, 'cause you had me hot, yo. You always doin' and sayin' dumb ish.”

I huffed. “Get real, Justice. You cursed me out, disrespected me, then didn't give a damn about whether or not my parents were home when you stormed out the front door. I've risked everything for you.”

“Yo, you ain't risked a thing for me, yo. So save that bull. All you care about is yaself. I've been sweatin' you from the rip, tryna get you to see how much I love you, but all you wanna do is keep playin' me, yo. I called you to apologize, to make up wit' you; to let you know how I miss you, and ya dumb-azz brush me off for them birds, like I'm some scab.”

I pulled in my bottom lip. I missed him, too. More than he could ever imagine. But I refused to tell him that. Not after the way he played me in front of Rich.

“Well, what did you expect me to do, Justice? Be all grins and giggles? Greet you with open arms? You broke up with me, remember? Then you just show up here, like everything's all wonderful. Then you turn around and straight-up disrespect me by kicking it to Rich right in my face. How nasty is that? That hurt me.”

He clucked his tongue. “Umph. Ya silly behind don't know the first thing about bein' hurt, yo. You hurt
me
. I gave you my effen heart, yo. I ain't never give no broad my all, 'cept ya silly behind. And what you do? You throw it all back in my face. Playin' head games wit' me, talkin' about how you had a connect out here. That you had a master plan to get me put on, gettin' my hopes all up that I would snatch up my own record deal. Actin' like you was all 'bout it, 'bout it. Then you come out here and turn 'round and eff my whole world up, talkin' 'bout you don't wanna go through wit' it 'cause you done had a change of heart.” He took a deep breath, palming the front of his face like he was ready to lose it. He dropped his hand down to his side, balling it into a fist, then pressed the back of his fist to his mouth. “You hurt me, yo; real talk. How the eff you think that made me feel, yo? Tellin' me to go independent, like I ain't good for nothin' else. You tryna crush my dreams.”

I couldn't believe he would think that. His dream had become my dream. Hell, it was all I thought about. The last thing I would ever do was hurt Justice. I loved him too much. He had to know that. I reached for him, but he brushed my hand away.

“Don't touch me, yo.”

Inside I was falling apart, bit by bit. I still tried to hold on to what little pieces of me I still had left, but they were slowly slipping through my fingers. I held back my tears.

“Justice, you mean everything to me. I love you.”

He eyed me. “London, quit the bull, yo. I don't mean jack to you. And don't talk to me about
love
, 'cause you don't know the first thing about
love
. Love is about making sacrifices. You 'posed to have my back. Not be tryna block my flow. Not tryna throw hate all up on me. But that's how you roll, London.” He twisted his lips up. “Talkin' 'bout you love me, yeah right. You don't even love yaself . . .”

Ouch! That cut me
deep!

He didn't know what he was talking about. He couldn't. I
did
love me. I just loved
him
more.

“You have a lot of nerve, Justice. You claim you love me, but you stood”—I pointed to the spot where he and Rich had stood, flirting and lusting after each other—“right there and practically tongued down Rich. How do you think that made me feel?”

“Oh, here you go wit' the exaggerations now. Now you wanna be the victim. Poor lil London, done got her lil feelin's hurt. Yo, get outta here with all that. You should already know what it is. I was just spittin' game to that broad.”

I folded my arms tightly across my chest. “Well, it looked like a whole lot more than game to me. It looked like you were really feeling her.”

“See. Here you go again wit' the okey-doke. I don't give an eff about that chunky broad. What I look like tryna eff wit' some piglet ho? Effen thighs rubbin' together like two drumsticks. That broad is only good for one thing . . .”

I shook the thought from my head. “This isn't how it was supposed to go down; that's all.”

He sucked his teeth. “Well, last time I checked, plans changed, remember that? So tell me. How was it
supposed
to go down?”

“Do you wanna sleep with her?”

He frowned. “What? Yo, are you effen listenin' to me? I just told you that bit—” He shook his head. “You know what, just forget the whole thing. Do you. And I'ma do me. I told you what it was wit' us and you still on the dumbness.”

“Stop calling me dumb, Justice. I'm only asking a question. I saw the way you were looking at her, then you call me some
L-Boogie
, like I'm some around-the-way hooch. How hot trash is that?”

Justice gave me a disgusted look. “Well, uh, how 'bout this: if the trash bag fits, wear it. I'm done wit' goin' back and forth wit' you. You know what I'm tryna do, and you either wit' it or you not.” He snapped his fingers. “Wait, I got the digits already. So, uh”—he flicked his fingers at me—“
poof!
Dismissed. Ya services are no longer needed, L-Boogie. So you can go take ya silly lil behind somewhere and lick ya wounds 'cause I'm handlin' mine, somethin' you shoulda been doin'.”

Whoa.
Did I miss something?
All I could think at that very moment was
What did I do to make him so mad? When did this whole thing between us turn so ugly?
Clearly I couldn't have done anything to him that bad to warrant this level of... disrespect and loathing. Who was he?

My man hated me!

I ran a hand through my hair at the nape of my neck. Tension was coiling around us like a knotted rope, and it was becoming harder for me to breathe. I clutched my chest, trying not to hyperventilate.

He stared at me, then actually snorted out a laugh. “On some real ish. You're pathetic, London.”

I was losing this fight. But I didn't want to throw in the towel. I didn't want to surrender to the fear of it being over. And I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing me break down in front of him. No. As bad as I wanted to fall to my knees and wail at the top of my lungs, I wouldn't.

I squared my shoulders and steadied my shaky nerves. “Why are you being so mean and nasty to me? What did I do to deserve this?”

He walked up and glared down on me. “ 'Cause you real effen stupid, yo.” Then added, “You make me sick, yo. Wit' ya ugly self. You insecure. Fat, nasty . . .”

His words cut into me.

“Well, if I'm all of that, why were you with me?”

“'Cause I feel sorry for you. Look at you. Ya mother sweats you about ya weight 'cause you're two biscuits away from bein' a submarine. All you need is some lettuce and tomato and you'll be a full ham sandwich. And your mother, she was tellin' the truth. Face it, London. You can't even make ya way onto the runway.”

“Stop it! That's enough!”

“No, what's enough is you bein' a hater. I'm sick of you, yo. If I woulda knew how silly you was I woulda never effed with you from the rip. Look at you, six-foot-tall, giraffe-neck self. Big-foot Amazon. Don't nobody want you. I was the best thing you'll ever have, and you couldn't even get that right. At least ya girl Chunky Monkey was ready to show me some love. At least she knows what a real man is all about. I can tell she knows what to do wit' a real man. And I bet you she'd appreciate havin' a real man by her side. You still a lil girl, L-Boogie.”

“That's not my name, Justice!”

“It's ya name if I say it is, lil girl.”

I blinked. I couldn't believe I let him do this to me. Stand here and say all these hurtful things to me, about me. He was right, I was so stupid. I thought he loved me—flaws and all—but now I see I'm on my own. My eyes burned with tears.

My lips quivered. “All of this because of Rich?”

He scowled at me. “No, all of this because of
you
.” Then, as if my nightmare couldn't get any worse, he took his hand and mushed me in the face. “Stupid-azz trick!”

Dying...

Dying...

Dead!

Now I knew what death was.

I was in shock. I was hurt. My own father had never, ever put his hands on me. Yet the only man I'd ever loved had just hit me, and called me stupid and insecure and fat. He called me an Amazon. Everything in me crashed.

I didn't want to fight back. I didn't want to argue. I didn't even want to hate him. I wanted to love him. And all I wanted to do was pretend that this wasn't happening. That it didn't exist. I wanted to rewind the clock and make it all go away. To start over and make up. But it was getting worse by the second.

Then go upside his head
, the voice inside my head egged on.

And in one swift motion I reared my fist back and punched him in the face. I jumped up and started swinging on him like I was possessed. And in some sense, I guess I was. I was crazed by love and hurt and disrespect and anger.

“Yo, what the fu—!” He lunged at me, grabbing me by the wrists. “Are you effen crazy, yo, puttin' ya hands on me like that?”

“Get off me!” I tried to break free from him. “I'm sick of you hurting me like this!” Tears started pouring out of my eyes as I kicked and clawed at him, trying to hurt him the way he had hurt me. “I do nothing but love you and you treat me like dirt!”