Generations 2.7 kindle (31 page)

She’d rolled her window down by the time her returned. He’d hoped she wouldn’t do that—not because he wanted her to continue to inhale the toxic fumes, but because then they’d lose their privacy. Then again, the parking lot wasn’t all that busy. He might still be safe to clear his chest.

Inside the paper lunch sacks were bologna sandwiches, vanilla crème cookies, juice pouches, and small baggie of craisins. The craisins were slightly stale, but Jackson didn’t think she’d notice. Those things never tasted that good in the first place. And he couldn’t think of anything else edible from the fruit group … besides a fruit-filled pie.

When she pulled out her sandwich, she hesitated before taking a bite. “Has this been in your car—all day?”

He chuckled. “No, I had them in my locker. I was worried about the mayo getting too hot.”

“Oh.” She lifted a corner of the bread, peeking inside. “Bologna? Wow. You still eat that? I don’t think I’ve had bologna since sixth grade.”

Jackson didn’t care that she was making fun of his lunch—because she had always made fun of his food. So this was just like old times. First two targets of this mission accomplished. Up next? Delicately pointing out her errant ways.

“So, you going to the tryouts today?” he asked casually, his mouth full of sandwich.

She shrugged. “I haven’t decided yet. It’s cool and all … but I don’t know if I have time for it. Especially once Ben is back in town.”

Wrong. That wasn’t the answer he was looking for.

Jackson took a big drink from the pouch and successfully collapsed it. He should have packed another one of those. That barely was enough to wash the sandwich down. “You really think you’ll be able to spend that much time with him? He’s gonna be pretty busy for a while.”

Again, the shrug. “We’re gonna try. To spend time together. To make up for him being gone now.”

Her cheeks flared. She quickly turned her head and looked out the window. She’d let her mouth get ahead of her brain, and he knew she was regretting it. He had to jump on this, before she clammed up. “Are you guys … official. I mean, I know that you’re not making it public. But … are you guys … an item?”

She looked at Jackson with cautious eyes. Her lips were pursed; she didn’t say anything, so he urged, “It’s just me, Kat. You know I’m not going to take this to the press.”

Her eyes sparkled and a smile grew across her lips. “Oh my gosh, Jack! It is so awesome! It’s so much more than I ever would have thought possible!” And then blah, blah, blah. She spent the next five minutes telling him about how amazing her relationship with Ben was. How kind and considerate he was. How doting. How affectionate. Oh barf. Not what Jackson had wanted to hear. This was worse than the two hours of Barbie talk he’d suffered through with Taylor.

“Don’t you worry about this, Kat?” he asked hesitantly. “About getting this involved with Ben?”
      

“What do you mean?”

“It just that … it’s so much more responsibility. Such a deeper level. Do you really know what you’re getting yourself into?”

“I think I have a pretty good idea, Jack. I’ve been dating him for over a month—unofficially. It is … complicated at times. But it’s worth it.”

Great. “But what about all his traveling? It’s almost going to be like a long-distance relationship.” Jackson was really fishing here. He had to come up with something to steer her away.

“I’m not thinking of it that way. I’m just thinking about the times when he is here.”

Why did she always have to be so dang optimistic? Jackson popped a craisin into his mouth, and then promptly spit it out. “Gross.”

“Yeah, they’re stale. I didn’t want to say anything.” She crumpled up the little snack sized baggie and put it in her paper bag, along with a sandwich with only two bites missing. “But the cookies are great,” she said as she separated her second cookie and licked the frosting. “I just need milk.”

He didn’t know if she would be as patient with another attempted attack on her love-life, but Jackson went ahead with it anyway. “More than just … the complications, do you worry about … what this will do to you? How it will change your life. I mean, I can’t imagine this lasting forever with Ben. But how will anything else ever compare? If you’re dating your ultimate dream guy when you’re only sixteen, how will you ever be excited about … anyone else? You might be building a life of misery.”

She didn’t respond: she just kept nibbling at that cookie. Finally, she turned her face toward his. She looked somber. “You trying to depress me?” She raised one corner of her mouth, like she was trying to joke. “I know that it’s not going to last forever. Believe me Jack, I’m being very levelheaded about this. It’s an amazing experience. And that’s all that matters. I’m not worrying about all the particulars.”

Ha. He wanted to laugh out loud. Kat: levelheaded. That was an oxymoron. Plus, she’d contradicted herself. She was being levelheaded, yet she wasn’t worrying about particulars. That was the same as enjoying an afternoon ride in the country while driving a stolen car.

“I’m not trying to depress you. I just want to make sure you know what you are doing. I don’t want … I don’t want you to get hurt.” He worried that saying this would make her mad.

But she didn’t get mad. She gave him a kind smile and said, “Thank you. Really. For caring. But it’s going to be fine. I know what I’m doing.”

The conversation shifted from deep to light: mainly, they discussed which desserts were better when accompanied with whipping cream and which desserts were better plain. The conversation then came to an abrupt halt when the parking lot buzzer sounded. Lunch break was over.

“Thanks, Jack. This was fun,” she said as she climbed out of the car. “Let’s do it again.” She shut the door, but bent in through the open window. “My car next time. And I’ll bring the lunch.”

Jackson watched her trot away. But she only made it about ten steps before she turned on her heel and ran back to the car. This time, she came around to his window and leaned in. “I almost forgot!” she said excitedly. “Courtnie wanted me to ask you out.”

“What?”

“She wants to go out with you. This weekend.”

“Courtnie wants to go out with me?” Why on earth?

“She likes you.”

Preposterous.
 

He must have pulled a face, because Kat reiterated, “She does, Jack. She thinks you’re cute.”

“Right. She wants to be an actress, Kat.”

“So?”

“So, she thinks that I’ll help her land a role. That’s why she wants to go out with me.”

“No,” Kat looked like she’d never thought of that. “I think she really likes you.”

“Then why didn’t she ask me out before all this happened.”

“I dunno … she didn’t know you then.”

“Exactly.”

Kat’s eyebrows were scrunched. “Don’t be so untrusting. Lots of girls think you’re cute. And I’m sure you’d get asked out more often if you … just show some interest. You’ve got a lot to offer.”

“I do?”

She smiled brightly and gave his arm a shove. “Of course you do. Don’t you know that? You’re a good-looking guy. And you’re smart. And funny. And creative. Come out of your shell a little and you’ll have girls crawling all over you. Just like a rockstar.”

She gave the back of his hair an affectionate little tug before she left. Jackson was a little dazed. But he snapped out of it in time to yell to Kat, “Tell Courtnie no way. No how. I’d rather go out with you and Ben again before I go out with her.”

Kat’s chin lifted, resolute. “Deal.” She shot him a triumphant smile and disappeared behind a car.

Great. What did he just agree to?

……

It’s bright. Too bright. My eyes hurt. I can’t see. I blink, over and over again. And then a man is standing in front of me.

I can see the pain on his face. His mouth is in the shape of an “O” but no sound comes out. He collapses, face first.

I don’t want to touch him, but I do. I have to help this time. I need to save him.

I roll him over, my hands shaking uncontrollably. I can’t really see him anymore: no face, no features. It’s just blood. Everywhere. It begins to splatter on me.

I’m too late. He’s already dead. There is nothing I can do. I start to cry. My heart hurts. The sobs get caught in my throat. It’s getting hard to breathe. I gasp for air. I groan, my body racked with pain.

Then it lifts. I feel like my body has just been resurrected, rising from a dark pit. My muscles are twitching, like I had been running for my life. I inhale deeply, then blink, and wonder if I’m alone. Wonder if anyone heard ….

A
h. New York. Ben felt like he had come home. He had, in fact, spent most of his youth here. And they still had their estate in upstate New York. He loved the quiet and classiness of the old New York towns. Not that he’d get to experience the quiet of the estate this trip; there just wasn’t any time for relaxing. But that was fine, because he also loved the complete opposite: the noise and diversity of New York City.

He was halfway through his publicity tour. He was still alive with energy and excitement. But he could feel the underlying fatigue beginning to pull on his hem. That edge of crabbiness was there. That desire to find a dark spot and sleep for hours without interruption.

The hype was great though. “Generations” was at number one for the sixth week. The video was breaking records of its own: first as being the most downloaded video in a single week, followed by month. And it was still talked about non-stop. So was that more recent kiss with Kat—the one caught by the paparazzi. But he didn’t really regret that. He’d shown discretion for so long. And they were on the top of a huge Ferris wheel. It’s not like it was PDA. It was rather private up there. Or so it had seemed.

Speaking of Kat—or not speaking to Kat—the hectic pace of the City hadn’t allowed Ben much time to talk to her. They would text frequently, but to coordinate the three hour difference in time zones with his crazy schedule was another thing. Today he got to hear her voice for the first time in a week. It was almost as invigorating as a nap.

First thing he asked: “Did you see my interview with Nora?” He felt a little uncomfortable about that one. Then he remembered that Kat would have been in school when it aired.

“Yeah,” she replied. “I TiVo’d it. Just got done watching it, actually.”

Cool. She was taping his interviews that aired while she was in school. That was sweet. “Was it … okay? Not too sentimental or anything?”

“No, Ben. It was perfect. Really. It was … kinda tender in parts. But it wasn’t mushy or anything.”

 
“Hmm. Obviously Nora thought it was mushy. She cried.”
“I know. But she cries on nearly every show. I think she has over-active tear ducts.”

This made him chuckle. Kat always knew exactly what to say. Especially when she added this: “It didn’t make you look … weak. Just real. Like you have the same feelings we humans do. Kinda tore down that extraterrestrial image.”

He could feel his Katrina smile coming on. The one that he just couldn’t wipe off his face anytime she was around. “And that’s a good thing?” he asked.

“Yep. You want to appear normal—sometimes.”

“That’s what Paul said.”

“He can be wise … occasionally.”

Ben knew she was being sarcastic, but still, what gives between her and Paul? They were going to have to learn to like each other eventually.

“And I saw you wear the T-shirt on the late show, underneath that black blazer. Looked good,” she said.

“Yeah? What’d your dad say? He think it was cool?”

“Oh, yeah. Totally.” Why was it that she sounded insincere just then? She did that occasionally. It always baffled him. Was it that her dad could have cared less to watch one of Ben’s performances? Or that Mr. Hayes wasn’t really keen on Ben borrowing the Clash shirt? Ben wanted to ask, but he didn’t know what kind of answer he’d get. Kat would likely dismiss it. Say it was nothing. Just like she had done with Brishell. Which, as awesome as it was for Kat to shrug off that photo shoot, something told Ben that she wasn’t entirely okay with it. Maybe it was the way she blinked when she first saw the photo, almost like the picture was blinding her.

And as he was thinking about that night in his theater with Kat, he felt this awful pang in his heart. He wanted her near. “I miss you Kat,” he whispered. He hoped it would feel like he had just blown those words into her ear, in the way that made her shiver. He loved that. He tried it again, making his voice a little lower, a little breathier. “I really, really miss you.”

She didn’t respond for a second. When she did, her voice was light, like she was trying to joke. “You gave me goose bumps.”

Awesome. He wished he could be there to feel them prick on the back of her neck.

“It’s gone fast though—this week. Don’t ya think?” She was trying to focus on the good, like always.

But he couldn’t feel the good right now. He could just feel the weights of longing pulling his heart down. “Yeah. But thinking about the next week feels like … I don’t know, like waiting for spring in New York.”

“It’s still cold there?” she asked. She’d misinterpreted his metaphor. He was trying to say that waiting until he could see her again felt like waiting for flowers to bloom in the middle of a snowstorm. But she wouldn’t understand that. She was in sunny California.

He felt like he couldn’t survive without that … heat that burned between them. Like without seeing her brightness every day, he would shrivel and die. He wanted to say that … and more, but he didn’t want it to get lost in translation again. He needed to say those kinds of things face to face. Which he would, just as soon as he got back.