Gavin (A Redemption Romance #3) (13 page)

“Are you okay?” He asked, I was blocking the door, I needed and muttered an apology, looked at the older woman who had been studying me, gave her a fake smile and walked toward her.

“Can I help you?” She asked me, worry evident on her face.

“Yes, I just wanted to drop these off for Gavin McNeil, can you see that he gets them please?”

“Of course, but he’s here, I just saw him. Let me call him up here for you.”

“No, no, thank you, um, I need to go. Thank you.” I stuttered, as I backed toward the door.

I probably should have just kept them, but I’d been standing there looking like an idiot, and a vicious part of me, wanted Gavin to get them and to realize what I’d seen. I wanted him to wonder, to worry about it, because I’d never take a call from him again. I wasn’t that stupid, not even for him.

Rushing to my car, I heard someone calling my name, but I ignored it and climbed inside. It was Trent, I could see him jogging toward my car.

Tears were streaming down my face, totally uncontrolled now, but I wouldn’t let Trent see, I wouldn’t allow myself to be made a fool of anymore. He knew, fucking men stuck together, I knew it.

Locking myself in, I pretended that I hadn’t heard him. I backed out and drove. I looked a mess, I knew Trent had seen it, my face was pale, I was shaking and my eyes were wide with distress and overwhelming grief, not to mention the mascara smearing down my cheeks. Unfortunately, at a stoplight, I’d looked, not a good idea.

Within minutes, my phone began to ring. I let it go, not even touching it, the calls rolled over to voicemail. When there was a lull, I picked it up and asked Aurora if I could have a little extra time on my lunch. I was due back in twenty minutes, but I needed to clear my head. I was a bawling mess, and I knew that she could hear it over the line.

“No, sweetie, you can take the rest of the day, we aren’t busy.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, trying my best not to sniff, but I knew I had.

“Of course, call me later, okay?”

I agreed and we hung up. For the next three hours, I drove. It was my one solace, when I’d been young, first getting my license, it had been my only reprieve. I needed the clarity now. About forty-five minutes outside of town, in the middle of absolutely nothing, I flicked to
Apologize
by Timberland and put it on repeat. It was the perfect I’m sad and fuck off kind of song.

My emotions ran the gamut, total sadness, mourning the loss of something I’d never have, something that didn’t exist, just like the idea of my fucking father, to supreme anger at the lying bastard. I couldn’t believe that Gavin had done that. I tried to remember his exact words from the night before, but he’d told me that it would only be me from then on. I knew he had. Fucking asshole.

My phone had been ringing almost non-stop for the past several minutes, but I was driving way too fast to do anything about it just then. I wished he’d just stop. Just fucking leave me alone. Hadn’t he done enough, did he have to be the standard asshole that every other guy was? I thought he was different. Was he always like that? I had no idea. No fucking clue, though I’d believed that he was a good guy when we were young, I was four years younger than him, I had no idea how he’d treated girls back then. Maybe he’d always been a dick-player.

A few hours later, I pulled up to my house and finally looked at my phone. I scrolled through all the calls from Gavin, but stopped on the seven from Aurora. She was alone in the store, but it hadn’t been busy, I worried that something had happened and she’d needed me after all.

She sounded concerned, but I didn’t share. I wondered now if she knew the woman that Gavin was seeing. Obviously, Trent knew, since they shared an office. Did everyone know? That thought hurt.

“Sweetie, are you all right? I’ve been so worried all day.”

“Yeah, sorry about today, I’m fine, just got a nasty headache.” It wasn’t a lie, after the hours of crying, I had a bad one now.

“Huh, okay. Can I bring you anything later?” She asked, though she clearly didn’t fully believe me.

“No, I’m going to lay down. Don’t worry.”

As we disconnected the call, I thought about how Aurora and Amber had questioned me non-stop in the previous weeks, about my feelings for Gavin. Would they encourage me if they knew he obviously had feelings for someone else? I’d experienced first-hand how nasty women could be, but these women weren’t like that, were they? My entire foundation had been rocked. The man I’d believed Gavin to be, he wasn’t. He wasn’t stupid, he knew I had feelings for him. Why would he do that to me?

After talking to Aurora, my phone chimed with a text, glancing at it, I saw it was Gavin. I’d have to deal with him, but it wouldn’t be right now. No fucking way, so I shut it off. Then, realizing the time, I worried that he’d show up here, I’d turned my phone back on long enough to send a text.

Dawn: Saw you called, can’t talk now. Later, k

Before I could power the phone down again, his response came in.

Gavin: Thank god, was worried sick. Sorry I missed you when you came by the station. Thanks for the coffee and cookies. Be there in an hour or so. Want takeout?

I was sorry too, sorry that I’d seen what I had, but on the other hand, it was for the best. At least now, I knew, I was positive that I couldn’t continue to be friends while he dated other women, at least not now, maybe in a few months - years. My feelings had grown too strong; it was time I put some serious distance between us.

There was a storm coming in strong and the winds were high. Seemed like the perfect weather for my mood, though I hated to drive in it. I stood and looked out the front window, watching the weather considering how I should answer. I knew I had to, or he’d show up. Eventually, I’d have to face the lying bastard, but this wasn’t the day. I needed to be stronger for that.

Dawn: Yeah, can’t tonight. TTYL

All of a sudden, my house went dark, it startled me out of my melancholy. Looking up and down the quiet street, I noticed that none of the houses were lit up, damn, the power must be out again. This neighborhood was old and one of the last ones to still have power lines up on poles, since most of the other areas had them buried.

Thankfully, being the sort of person to prepare for any and every eventuality, I had all I would need for a long, dark night. It also gave me an excuse to not answer my cell, since I wouldn’t be able to charge it. I’d powered it down and I had every intention of leaving it off, to save the battery life in case of an emergency. I did, or course, have two cordless charges I kept for just such an occasion, but I’d use this excuse to stay incommunicado. Besides, Gavin would probably be held over at work now too, which sucked for him, since he’d already been awake about thirty hours. I wanted to feel bad for him, I really did, but it was difficult to muster up the pity.

Candles were placed decoratively around my house, so I set to work lighting those, then retrieved the battery powered lanterns I kept for emergencies. My old gas stove worked too, I just had to light the burner by hand. I prepared myself a modest dinner, tomato soup and grilled cheese; the perfect comfort food for bad weather and heart break.

Obviously, television was out, but my e-reader was charged and backlight. I settled into my warm bed and began to read. Of course, my favorite Stephen King novel,
The Tommyknockers
wasn’t the best choice for this night, but I’d already started it and wasn’t one to leave a book unfinished.

After about an hour, I began to really get creeped out. The sound of wind whipping through the trees outside and the rose bushes scratching against the windows made the cozy room feel ominous, as well as the flickering candlelight that created odd shadows around the house.

The shrill sound of my house phone ringing scared the shit out of me. I jumped, then glanced over at the dark clock. I rolled my eyes at myself, of course my digital alarm wouldn’t be working right now. Climbing out of bed, I slid my feet into warm slippers, picked up the lantern and walked into the kitchen. It was the only room with an old fashioned phone, one that didn’t require power.

“Hello,” I greeted into the handset, knowing it could only be Tyler or my mom. No one had my house number, I never used it. Mostly, I got solicitor calls on it.

“Oh, thank god,” Tyler breathed into the line. “I’ve been worried sick. The storm is nasty and there’s some flooding in the streets near you. I’ve been calling and calling, but your cell isn’t working.”

“It’s dead,” I explained, not sure if it was a lie. I hadn’t turned it back on, though it probably was, the battery had been low earlier in the day and I hadn’t charged it. “I’m fine, are you all right?”

“Of course, look, I’m almost there. I was freaked, then I remembered your house phone and thought I’d try that. So, watch for me, I’ll be there in like five, okay?”

“You don’t have to, I’m fine.”

“Shut it, I’m coming over. Unless, you aren’t alone?” His teasing question pierced my heart, I knew he was hoping that Gavin would be with me, but of course, he wasn’t and he wouldn’t be, not again.

“I’m alone. See you in a few.”

Five minutes was more like twenty. I sat in the living room, wrapped in a blanket, and waited for the headlights to shine in the window. When he finally got there, I opened the door and saw just how hard the rain was coming down. Tyler was soaked, just walking from his SUV to my front door.

“Come in, let me get you a towel.” I told him, opening the door wider. The rain was falling sideways, so I stepped back to get out of its path.

“I’ll hug you after I’ve dried off.” He chuckled and waited on the entry way rug. Thankfully, not getting my old wood floors wet. Once he was dry, he started a fire in the fireplace and I boiled water to make coffee in the French press. I had a feeling we’d be up for a while.

Settling in on the couch, we shared the large fluffy blanket, Tyler brought in from the second bedroom.

“What’s the sadness I see in your eyes? You’ve looked so happy lately.” Tyler asked me, always knowing just what I was feeling. It was unsettling at times, not being able to hide anything from him.

Of course, I spilled it all. He already knew that Gavin and I had been hanging out for a few weeks, and that we'd made out, but not much more, until the previous night, of course. I gave it all to him.

When I told him about today, showing up at the station and the beautiful woman we’d seen Gavin with before, I noticed Tyler’s fists clench, then looked up to see the angry look on his face. Ty was nothing, if not protective.

“It’s okay, Ty, I’ll be fine. Don’t do anything crazy.”

He grunted, but didn’t answer verbally.

“I’ll be fine, but I’m glad to find this out about him now, and not later.” I tried to reassure him, but I could tell that it wasn’t working.

We stayed quiet for a long time, watching the lightning shoot across the dark sky outside. It was an eerie sight, with the power out, there weren’t any streetlights to lessen the severity of darkness.

Tyler, being the sweet man he was, changed the subject and told me a hilarious story. He’d been in the locker room after a game last week to interview one of the players. Of course the guys were showering and changing, in different stages of undress, when the door swung open and one of the player’s very pregnant wife waddled in.

She was shouting for her husband, screaming, “it’s time, it’s time.” Obviously, she’d gone into labor. Her husband was so freaked out that he ran out of the shower, grabbed his keys, picked her up and started running out, and down the hall toward the back entrance to the parking lot, completely naked.

Tyler had a gift for making me laugh uproariously, even under the worst circumstances. He was the best friend anyone could ask for. A couple of hours later, I was startled awake when I felt movement, I was being lifted.

“Gavin?” I asked sleepily, forgetting all that had happened.

“No, sweets, it’s Ty, I’m going to crash on the baby bed, okay.”

“Okay,” I answered, the memories flooding back in. My head was against Tyler’s chest, so he didn’t notice when a tear dropped from my eye. He laid me down in my bed, kissed my forehead and left to sleep in the other room.

He called it a baby bed, because it was a twin and his feet hung off the end. It was a running joke between us, but that room was so small, I couldn’t keep a larger one in there. Every time he stayed over, I offered him my bed, I could easily sleep in there, but he’d never let me do that.

Before falling asleep again, I thought about Gavin. The heaviness in my chest was crushing. It was juvenile that I hadn’t been honest with him, but I felt silly. The thing was, he hadn’t come over. When I didn’t answer his calls, I thought he would have shown up at my house, especially after I’d blown him off. He hadn’t, which told me all I needed to know. I would have to turn my phone on tomorrow and let him know I wasn’t going away with him over the weekend, if he hadn’t already figured that out and decided to take someone else.

Gavin

It was ten in the goddamned morning and I couldn’t get Dawn to answer her mother fucking phone. I was about to go out of my mind. I knew her neighborhood had no power the night before and I had wanted to head over there after not being able to talk to her. During the chaos of the storm, a little girl went missing. It was all hands after that.

I thought about calling Luke to go check on her, but then realized that he was at work too, when I saw him during the multi-agency brief. The search for the girl had encompassed three counties, but thankfully, someone had found her around four in the morning.

The mother’s ex-boyfriend had snatched her. Though the girl had been frightened, she hadn’t been hurt. Now, I was completely exhausted. I’d been up now for about twenty-eight hours, after getting a few hours early the morning before. I had to get some sleep and then I was going to find Dawn.

Shelly, the civilian employee at the sheriff’s department who manned the front desk, said that a young woman had come in and dropped off a paper bag and coffee for me. I’d been back in my office, talking to Chelsea. Then, Trent came in and said he’d seen her, but she looked freaked, and he’d seen tears running down her face. I had no idea what was wrong, but I needed to find her and figure it out. I’d wanted to find her right then, but I couldn’t

I’d wanted to go by Indulgence to talk to her, but after Chelsea left, I had a meeting and then was scheduled to be at the range. By the time I’d gotten to the store, Aurora and Amber were closing early because of some local flooding and told me that Dawn hadn’t come back in, but Aurora had talked to her on the phone and she was okay. I’d been about to head to Dawn’s house when I got the call to come back in.

The entire day before that had been fucked, all I wanted to do now was find my girl and get some sleep. When she didn’t answer her phone, again, I called Aurora to figure out Dawn’s schedule for the day. She was supposed to work later, but there had been some minor flooding around the store, thanks to a nearby creek that swelled quickly overnight. It wasn’t horrible, but she had to keep the store closed for a day or so with some heavy duty fans to help the flooring dry out. She didn’t want the mold and bacteria take over.

So, Dawn had an unexpected day off. Interesting. Regardless of how tired I was, I drove past her house, no matter that it was a good ten minutes out of my way.

“God damn it!” I shouted, when I saw that her car was not in the driveway. Where the fuck was she? I found a piece of paper and left a note on her door. If she wouldn’t answer her phone, I’d find another way to get my message across. I seriously considered just using the key I had, but sensing there was something more going on here, than just missed calls, I decided not to push my luck.

As I finished writing the note, I noticed a man standing on the porch, looking right at me. Where had he been just a minute ago? I hadn’t seen him. Jumping down from the truck, I made it to him, quickly, freaked as hell that I couldn’t find Dawn and this dude was hanging around.

“Who the fuck are you?” I snarled before the older man had a chance to speak. I took him in, in his late forties maybe, about six-foot, gray hair with a liberal amount of black sprinkled through, pulled back into a pony tail. He looked at least partially Native American, but definitely not full. He was wearing a leather MC cut, and as I got closer, I could see. Fucking shit, it was a Dawning Death MC cut. Jesus Christ, why in the ever loving fuck was this old biker standing on her front porch?

The other man raised an eyebrow and his eyes lit with humor, but nothing else about him changed.

“You don’t know me?” The man asked, apparently recognizing me from the bar, where I’d seen him just a few weeks ago, and I got the feeling I’d seen him somewhere else as well.

“I’ve seen you, but no, I don’t know you. So, who are you and why are you standing on my girl’s porch?”

Now, both eyebrows rose to the sky and a smirk appeared on the man’s face.

“Just dropping by to chat with my friend Dawn, that’s all. Nothing for you to worry about, Deputy McNeil.”

Shit, he was giving me a clear message. He knew her, and he knew about me. I needed to make the time to figure out who this guy was and find out what he was doing.

Raising an eyebrow in question, I moved the keys in my hand, like I was going to open her door and watched as he shrugged and started to walk away.

“See you later, deputy.” The man said, his gravelly voice calling back over his shoulder.

I gave the obligatory head nod, and opened her front door. I hadn’t intended to go inside, but with this guy hanging around, I needed to make it look like I belonged here. Maybe he’d think twice about hanging around.

From the front window, I watched as he walked back toward his bike, swung a leg over and roared off. He’d been parked down by the trail, I’d seen that bike, and I had a feeling that he had no other connection to the neighborhood than Dawn. Did she know him?

Once he was gone, I decided to look around. I was searching for something, looking for a clue as to why Dawn had all of a sudden stopped talking to me, and where she was now. Tuesday night had been amazing. I had been ready to drop to one knee right there and then.

Making love to Dawn had been perfect, which wasn't a surprise. The way she'd been able to play with me in bed and out, having fun with me, and she got off on it when I went all possessive on her, had surprised me. I absolutely loved to control women, to overpower and dominate them in bed, I wasn’t into any lifestyle stuff, though I’d tried a fair bit of it. I loved to hold her down, and I wanted to take her further over the edge than she’d been before. I’d held back some with her, having no idea what kind of experiences she’d had, but I couldn't wait to investigate. I had a feeling she'd really enjoy some experimentation.

She’d been amazing when I’d been called in, she found food and drinks for me, even had those cold coffee drinks I took sometimes. She was supportive and sweet, and even fucking helpful. It was like she’d been a cop’s wife for fifteen years already. Damn, she should have been – maybe. Well, maybe six years or so anyway.

It had been incredible, that she’d gone out of her way to bring me food at work, she knew how crazy my day was, I’d told her about it. She got it and knew I hadn’t eaten. Whatever happened to change things, seemed to have happened between the time I talked to her on the phone and the time Trent saw her in the parking lot.

I was way too tired to give it serious consideration, I’d have to figure it out later on, right now, I needed to sleep. Once I got home, I fell onto my bed, I had just enough energy to untie my boots and kick them off, before falling asleep.

I’d been able to sleep for five hours, before my work phone started blowing up. The ringer was so loud, I jolted awake disoriented. It took me a second to pull the stupid thing to me, and get my eyes to clear. Answering the call, I heard the disembodied voice of the automated SWAT call-out message. I thought they should just have the computer tell us to get our asses to work, instead of the thing telling us what was going on.

Tripping over my boots, as I stumbled out of bed, I made it to my closet and pulled on my SWAT gear. It was going to be another fucked up night, another night of hurry up and wait. Another night that I couldn’t talk to Dawn. I was fucking this whole thing up and I knew it. With me basically MIA since she’d come to the station, she’d think I didn’t care about her, which was the farthest thing from the truth.

As I rushed into the station, I made it to line up a few minutes ahead of some of the other guys, so I found my personal phone and checked it. I had a text from Dawn.

I didn’t know why, but a feeling of foreboding rushed over me as I opened the text to read it.

Dawn: Hey, sorry, but I can’t go to the beach this weekend. TTYL

Was she serious? No explanation, nothing? Did she think that I’d just let it go at that? She was out of her mind. Glancing around the room, I noticed that we had a few more minutes. I pulled on the rest of my gear, then replied.

Gavin: What’s going on? Are you okay?

I wanted to scream, to beat my chest, but I couldn’t; not right now. This was the weekend I wanted to put it all out there. I wanted to tell her just how I felt. I wanted to promise her the world. She was mine, that was it. She was my one in a million, she always had been. I’d fucked it up eight years ago, but I’d be damned if I’d do it again.

The commander came into the room, to brief us before she sent another text. For the next twelve hours I waited, we were called to a crime scene and the perp was still inside, armed. Thankfully, he was alone.

We were attempting to make contact, but he was unresponsive. We’d cleared the area, in the event of shots fired, we’d never put the public in danger. It had been a long, cold night of tension.

Two years ago, at a scene way too similar to this one, we’d lost two officers. They’d been shot upon entry to the house. I’d been there that night and a hundred others. There was always that chance, and though we came into this life, knowing the risks, most of us wanted to help, to make a difference. It was the same in the military, and I’d seen way too many lose it all.

The command staff was gun shy these days, which was sometimes good, but all too often hindered us from doing our jobs effectively. Our lieutenant was good, but had been there that night too. None of us wanted to see another officer fall.

Finally, he gave the order for four of us to gain access through the upstairs balcony at the back of the house. We knew that the suspect was downstairs in the hallway. We’d been able to see his boots, though they weren’t visible now, we hoped that he hadn’t moved far.

The man had beat his pregnant girlfriend, left her broken and bleeding, and gone and held up the liquor store down the street, shooting the store owner. Thankfully, the girlfriend would survive and the store owner would too.  The woman had confirmed that the suspect was high, he was a heroin addict. The man would be volatile, and completely unpredictable.

We found the balcony door locked, but Trent was able to pick it quickly and quietly. He held up his hand, showing three fingers, two and then one. He opened the door and we slipped inside. This wasn’t an instance where we could announce our presence. Our goal was to take the man alive, if he started shooting, that would be almost impossible.

Clearing the upstairs of the small house, we found a lot of trash, clutter and absolute filth, but no one else. We crept down the stairs silently, and as I got to the bottom, everyone stopped behind me. I held my hand up and peeked around the corner, gun up and ready.

Immediately, I saw him. The young, thin man was crumpled on the floor, a needle sticking out of his arm, the cloth he’d used to tie his arm off above, still there. He was unconscious, hopefully. But the odd angle of his head and absolute stillness of his body gave me serious concern.

I hit the red button on my radio and whispered “ambulance” into the shoulder mic. I looked again, before heading toward him, he hadn’t moved. Guns raised, we walked to him in formation. There was a gun just inches away from his right hand, but he didn’t even flinch when we called out to him.

Trent grabbed it, quickly dealing with the weapon as Nate and I bent down to check him. I carefully removed the needle, capped it and bagged it for the doctors at the hospital. Checking for a pulse, I found one, but it was weak and thready. This guy was out and he didn’t look good.

Relaying the information to the team outside, Justin opened the front door, allowing the team inside. The ambulance crew arrived quickly and rushed him to the hospital, under police guard.

I watched my fellow SWAT team members as the tension faded away. Everyone was okay, and hopefully the perp would be too, he’d have to pay for his crimes, but I prayed he’d find the help he needed and that his girlfriend would too.

By the time I made it home, the sun was shining bright in the sky. My phone had died hours before, thanks to my frequent checks to see if Dawn had texted me back. She hadn’t.

Exhausted, I got back to my place, stripped and passed out. I was supposed to be at work right now, but I couldn’t even remember what day it was. Obviously, I wasn’t going in, which wasn’t an issue, my sergeant knew already and would actually be pissed if I showed up, unless of course, there was another call out.

Opening my eyes to complete darkness, I glanced over at the clock. It was one in the morning. Damn, I’d slept for almost twelve hours. Thinking back, I couldn’t believe how insane the week had been.

I picked up my phone, but it was still dead. I’d forgotten to charge it before I fell asleep. Rolling over, I plugged it in, then went into the bathroom for a shower.

Feeling better, I came back to the phone and powered it on. I stared at it, waiting, hoping, expecting, but nope, no response from Dawn. I had a call from my mom and a text from my brother. That couldn’t be good. Opening it, I was relieved to see that he was just telling me he would be in town the following weekend, knowing Chelsea would be here, apartment hunting, he asked if we all could get together.

It was strange for Zach to be initiating a family gathering, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt – as usual. Probably I should stop doing that, but it was difficult, he was my older brother after all. I’d looked up to him for a long time. I still remembered the protective brother, the nice guy, I wasn’t sure when he’d changed, but I rarely saw that same person in him anymore.