Games People Play (40 page)

A flash of red caught my eye, on the driveway, by the big wrought-iron gates. Someone wearing a Santa Claus hat was walking hesitantly up the drive: a small figure with a large rucksack on his back, which looked from this distance like a hump. It was too far away to hear the gravel crunch, or to make out any of the person’s features, but he looked familiar and absolutely out of place at the same time. It was like seeing a fur-clad Eskimo sunbathing on a tropical beach. I pressed my face against the window to try and see more clearly. The figure came closer. I stared incredulously, snapping out of my self-pity. Jackson was barking downstairs, trying to alert the others to the intruder, but presumably they were still celebrating Ivan’s news.

I ran down the stairs, flung open the front door, and ran down the drive in my socks. Gravel pricked the soles of my feet, but amongst all the other, more powerful emotions, I felt no pain from it. The figure stopped, hefted the big rucksack off his back and dumped it on the drive, opening his arms to me. The stones didn’t hurt, but what was physically painful was seeing those familiar, stubbly, red-eyed features, with the dimples punctuating that tentative, sheepish smile.

‘Merry Christmas, Suze,’ he said. ‘Jeez, it’s hard to get around in this country on a public holiday. I thought I’d never get here. I haven’t missed dinner, have I?’

I put my hands on my hips. The self-pity had dissipated, but the anger most certainly had not. ‘If you think I’m going to rush right into your arms and forgive you just because you managed by some miracle to get yourself organized enough to get a passport and plane ticket – without even checking first that I’d be here, or that you can foist yourself on Gordana and Ted at a time like this – well, then you are very much mistaken, you cheating, lying, useless HIPPIE!’ I shouted, in my best impression of a fishwife.

‘A passport, a plane ticket
and
a cab all the way from the airport,’ he added, sounding offended. ‘It cost me a fortune!’

I punched him in the stomach, almost knocking him off his feet. He gasped for air and bent double.

Then
I hugged him tightly. The sheer relief of his familiar contours and his engine-oil plane-scented Billy smell made me feel as if I’d been winded too.

‘B.I.L.Y., Billy,’ I whispered into his ear.

‘B.I.L.Y., Susie, baby,’ he whispered back, when he’d recovered his breath enough to speak.

‘This doesn’t mean I’m taking you back,’ I said firmly.

‘No. Sure. I understand,’ he wheezed, coughing weakly over my shoulder. ‘Any chance of a beer and a bed for the night though? Even us useless hippies need to sleep . . .’

Gordana

It’s a good thing we have enough chairs for everyone to sit at the dining table. I do wish that Billy could have telephoned to let us know he was coming, but Susie says that it’s a miracle he even manage to find his way here on his own, all the way from the Yellow Brick Road, the little Munchkin. She is being quite rude about him when he’s not listening. But then she keeps staring at him, like she cannot believe it. So I don’t know if she is pleased to see him or not. Fortunately Ted bought a turkey that was bigger than Jackson, so we had enough food. I notice that Billy did not eat his parsnips.

Jackson of course thought the turkey was just for him, and was most upset when we all had some. Even now all that is left of it is just bones and bits and pieces of unpleasantness on the spiky silver platter, and Jackson has had a big bowlful of turkey meat, he still wants more. Ted shut the carcass in the larder, and Jackson went to sit patiently outside the door.

Every now and again he whined and scraped. Finally he put his head down on crossed paws, and now he is having a little sleep while he waits for the turkey to come outside again.

The rest of us are leaning backwards in our chairs, full up to the top, drinking coffee and cracking nuts. When Rachel was little we used to have to cut this part short because she was so desperate to open her presents. Now we have some more time to digest our dinner, and do what Ted calls the Christmas Wishes bit. He started this tradition a long time ago, where we all say what we want most to have happened by next Christmas. They must be personal wishes, for ourselves. For years, all Ivan ever said was ‘to win Wimbledon’. Then, for years, all
Rachel
said was ‘to win Wimbledon’.

I wonder what they will say this year? I am a little worried that Jackson will get his wish before any of us get ours. It is more likely that the remains of the turkey will open the larder door, walk across the kitchen floor and climb into Jackson’s bowl than that any of our wishes will come true. But I must not be so negative. I will not be able to do what I have to do if I am negative like this.

‘Christmas Wishes time!’ I chink my teaspoon against my port glass. ‘Who will go first?’

There is a pause. Karl and Billy look around with confusion, everyone else with hesitation.

Susie stands up. She is fiddling with a tiny pack of cards which came out of her cracker; turning it round and round in her hands. Nobody except the fairies could play a game of cards with those tiddly things.

‘OK, I’ll go first,’ she says. ‘My wish...and I’ve been thinking about this all through dinner...is to stop running away from myself. To be settled. To have decided who I am, what I want to do, and where I am going to live.’ She glances at Billy. ‘And who I am going to live with.’

We clap, and she sits down. Billy pats her on the knee and she glares at him. Then smiles at him. ‘Your turn, Billy,’ she says.

Billy clears his throat and scratches his head. He has a big mop of curly hair, which I feel tempted to ask Manuel to mow, next time he comes to do the grass. Everyone else is dressed up for Christmas, but Billy is wearing sandy-coloured canvas trousers with many pockets, big boots, a once-navy sweatshirt with a rip at the neck, and a bracelet with brown beads on a leather lace.

‘I guess it’s pretty obvious what I want,’ he says, not taking his eyes off Susie, who looks cross again. ‘I want my Susie back. I was a fool, and I don’t blame her for being mad at me, but...Suze ...I dumped Eva. I realized right after you left for Italy that I didn’t really love her; I was just fooled into thinking I did; it dragged on way too long and I—’

Susie held up a hand, like traffic cop, although her voice was soft. ‘Later, Billy. Not now, OK?’

He bites his lip and nods. I feel sorry for him. I hope those two kids work it out. He obviously really does love her. I suppose it depends whether or not she will forgive him, and if they can fix whatever the problem was what make him run off with this Eva person in the first place.

I pass round the bowl of nuts. Susie takes out two big whole walnuts, which she holds in the palm of her hand for a moment like she’s weighing them up, and then she cracks them, viciously, with the nutcrackers.

Billy looks
very
nervous.

‘Ivan, darling, you next,’ I say quickly, giving him a nudge to stand up. I never know what to expect with Ivan. It would not be a surprise to me if he refuse altogether to join in.

But he takes a deep big breath, and then a big swallow of port. ‘I want Mama to have got the final all-clear,’ he says.

‘No, that is not allowed as your wish,’ I cry indignantly. ‘It must be something for you!’

‘That is for me. It’s for all of us.’

‘You know what I mean. Something about your life.’

He sighs. ‘OK. Well, you know the obvious wish – and, thanks to Susie, it looks like I might have got it: for this whole nightmare to be over, soon.’

We all think this is it, but he opens his mouth and speaks again, with a curious shyness. ‘There’s another one, though...a wish, I mean.’

Something strange is happening to his face. For a second I am worried; it is going a funny dark red colour, and his cheeks are blotchy, but then I realize: Good grief, my boy is blushing! This is not a thing which happens very often. He does not look comfortable; as if the blush hurt his skin.

‘What else, Ivan?’ I ask, with much interest.

He clears his throat, and by now we are all sitting up and leaning forwards to hear, even Billy.

‘Um, well, I think probably most of you know that I was seeing someone, before and...well, anyway: there’s been someone in my life on and off for quite a few years now. Natasha.’

Susie and Rachel give one another meaningful looks across the table. Billy examines his fingernails, and Ted pretends that this is the first time he has heard of this, although of course I tell him all about it ages ago, when Ivan first mention it.

‘I may at times have been less than complimentary about her, and not very positive about our relationship, for fairly obvious reasons, but what I wanted to tell you is that I saw her this morning. She came back to England a few days ago; and she wants to give things a real go with me, at last.’

He is trying to look serious but a little smile wobbles at the corners of his mouth. Rachel looks shocked, and raises her eyebrows at Susie.

‘Ivan, that’s great,’ said Susie, ‘but I thought you said she was only after free coaching?’

My goodness, she is brave to just come out with it. I would not want to – what is the expression? – ‘wreck his buzzing’ like that. But I am desperate to hear what he says. I don’t want any silly little tennis player breaking his heart; not now, not ever.

Ivan does not even look cross; instead, a little embarrassed.

‘Yes, well, I may have mentioned to you that at one point I worried that was the case. I was angry, because she’d rejected me. But she says she was just scared of all the changes she’d have to make to be with me – and that she wants to make them. She wants to move over here and be with me, properly. She even knows about the charges, and she’s going to support me – she’s offered to make a statement giving me another alibi! So, my wish is that this time next year, we’re still together, and settled. I can’t wait for you all to meet her. You’ll love her.’

We all look at each other again. Rachel in particular looks very doubtful. But anyway we clap and raise our glasses, and Ivan sits down again, with the biggest smile I have seen on his face since Ted gave him BMX bicycle for his twelfth birthday.

‘Karl’s turn,’ Rachel says, leaning into him and stroking the side of his head. ‘Go for it, gorgeous.’

Karl stands up and gives a little cough-cough-cough. He looks as if he is about to make a speech to five hundred people from a big stage, perhaps like he has just won the Oscar statue.

‘First, I would like to thank Gordana and Ted for inviting me into their home like this. It is most kind, and I have very much enjoyed staying here.’

Then I think he will thank his agent, the public, his mother ...He is not shy, this Karl. But also not arrogant the way that Mark was. I nod graciously, like the Queen. We have missed her speech this year, again. But then we always do. After we open the second bottle of wine, everyone always forget.

‘Get on with it!’ Rachel heckles, poking him in the side.

‘OK, my wish then? My wish is that by next Christmas, I will have a nice flat in this nice part of England. And many boxes full of your good English crisps.’

Rachel laughs, but nobody else does.

‘Do you want some crisps now, Karl?’ Ted asks seriously. ‘We have some in the kitchen. Aren’t you full yet?’

‘No, thank you, Ted, that is very kind but it is a private joke with me and Rachel. There is one last part of my wish, that with the crisps in my flat there will be Rachel living also. Even though it has only been a very short time since we are together, I am sure of this.’

He sits down again, and they smile fondly at each other. Rachel does not look surprised, so they must have discussed this already. Everyone says ‘Aaah’, even Ivan, which is a miracle.

‘Ted?’

But I know Ted’s wish already. Ted’s face is purple, same as his party hat from the cracker. He need to watch that blood pressure.

‘Mine…’ he says slowly, ‘is to be able to dance with my beautiful wife, on our fortieth wedding anniversary, which, for those of you who aren’t aware of it, is next June, June the twenty-fifth…’

He stops speaking and his lip is wobbling a great deal. I need to help him out here.

‘Yes!’ I stand up and clap my hands together. ‘There will be big party! I am thinking about it already. We will do it at the tennis club, with purple and green balloons for Wimbledon fortnight, and a barbeque, and maybe even a Midweek tournament first. Lots of dancing, and whirly disco lights for my special dance with my darling but soppy husband. That is my wish, but also, there is another part of mine too: I want there to be a band, and I want to sing for everyone, on the stage. My career of singing may be a little bit late starting, but who cares? Better late than never, that’s what I say!’

Everyone claps and cheers, and I smile at the dream of it. I know what I will wear; my long royal blue dress what is all sequins. I will have to get matching shoes. Perhaps an evening bag with many beads to sparkle on it.

Ted gets up. ‘I’ll just get some more coffee on,’ he says in a funny voice, and leaves the room. I think I must give him a moment. Poor Ted. I can hear him blowing his nose in the kitchen.

‘My turn now,’ says Rachel as Ted comes back in, looking less purple. ‘Forgive me if I don’t stand up. But I’ve got a big wish. It’s an announcement, really, too. I have something to go with it. Karl, could you…?’

Karl right away jumps up and leaves the room. We all look at each other. What is going on? This year it can’t be a Wimbledon wish. And surely they are not getting married so soon, they only just met.

He comes back in with an armful of square, flattish parcels in Christmas paper, about the size of a record sleeve but thicker. He gives one to me, one to Susie, and one to Ivan. Then he checks the label on the last one and puts it on his own place mat.

‘I have to give you all your Christmas presents now, as part of this,’ Rachel says. She sounds embarrassed and her cheeks are pink. ‘Pops and Gordana, that one’s for both of you. Go on, everyone, open them. Sorry, Billy, I didn’t know you were going to be here. I haven’t got you anything.’

‘No problem,’ says Billy, raising his glass to her. His midwest accent sounds funny. What a mixture of accents, I think: my Croatian; Karl’s German; Billy’s Yankee Doodle Dandy.

‘Open them, everyone,’ repeats Rachel in her very English one, even more English in her awkwardness.

She takes a mouthful of the coffee at the bottom of her cup, but it must be cold, because it’s been there for ages. I think she just wants something to do with her hands, which are trembling. I have no idea what is in the packages. Ted rips the paper off ours first and holds it up: it’s a picture, a big rosebud with dew drops, crimson against a plain pink background. It’s lovely. I haven’t got my reading glasses on but it looks like a fuzzy photograph.

‘Thank you, Rachel, it’s very nice, darling,’ I say, leaning over and kissing her.

Ivan’s is a dark, heavy purple and black tulip head. ‘Thanks, Rachel,’ he says, a bit puzzled. I can see that he wonders why she give him a picture. Art and decorations and so on was Anthea’s business. He only bothered with electrical appliances and gadgets, or sporting equipment.

‘What’s this got to do with your Christmas wish? Not thinking of becoming an art dealer, are you?’

She smiles mysteriously, but says nothing.

Susie opens hers last. It’s a beautiful dandelion clock, up close, each individual fluffy stem glowing silver against the black background. I cannot tell if it’s a photograph or a painting. I look more closely at my rosebud, and realize it is a painting.

‘Oh!’ says Susie, and for some reason she starts crying. She gets up and hugs Rachel. ‘Oh Rach,’ she says. ‘It’s gorgeous.’

Suddenly I get it. Rachel did not buy these pictures. ‘My darling, you surely didn’t paint these yourself?’

She nods, half-proud, half-embarrassed. ‘I did. Do you like them?’

There is a big noise as everyone talks at once, a big noise of praise and delight and surprise and admiration. The paintings are so much life-like.

‘But what’s this got to do with your Christmas wish?’ asks Ivan. In a
very
worried sort of a voice.

I do not think any of us are too surprised when she tell us.

‘I wanted to let you all know at the same time.’ She is holding Karl’s hand very tight. ‘I’ve decided…’

She looks at Ivan and gulps. Then she speaks in a big rush. ‘I’ve decided that I’m not going to play professionally any more. My wish is that ...by next Christmas I’ll have finished my first term at college. Art college. I want to do a degree in art.’

There is total silence, except for the distant sound of Jackson serenading the dead turkey outside the larder door. Susie’s eyes are sparkling and she is smiling a big smile, even with her face still wet from tears.