Fuzzy Nation (22 page)

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Authors: John Scalzi

BOOK: Fuzzy Nation
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“Lots more,” Holloway said.

Chen looked like a kid getting a puppy for Christmas. “Excellent,” he said.

“Dr. Chen,” Soltan said. “Is this language? Is this speech?”

“Are you asking for a determination?” Chen said. “Because I don’t have enough data.”

“Guess, then,” Soltan said.

“If I had to guess, then, yes, sure,” Chen said. “And not just because of phonology and apparently morphology. Look at how the creatures react and respond to each other in this video. They’re clearly listening attentively and responding, not with rote or instinctual sounds, but with new patterns of sound. If it’s not language—if it’s not speech—then it’s something very close to it.”

“Does it warrant further study, in your opinion?” Soltan asked.

Chen looked up at the judge like she was stupid. “Are you kidding?” he asked.

“You’re in my courtroom, Dr. Chen,” Soltan growled.

“I apologize,” Chen said. “It’s just that this is tremendously exciting. This is the sort of thing that you pray for as a xenolinguist. What are these things? Where are they from?”

“They’re from here,” Holloway said.

“Really?” Chen said. Then it hit him. “Oh,” he said, looking around the room. “
Oh
. Wow.”

“Yes,” Holloway said. “Oh, wow.”

Soltan looked over to Meyer. “Any other questions for Dr. Chen?”

Meyer shook her head. She could see where this was going. Soltan excused Chen; Holloway just about had to tear the infopanel from his grip.

“Based on the information provided today, I’ve decided there is not sufficient cause to order the Zarathustra Corporation to file a Suspected Sapience Report,” Soltan said, after Holloway and Chen had sat down. “However, these creatures are from all evidence clearly something more than just animals. Whether they rise to the level of true sapient beings is a determination that no one here, with all due respect to Drs. Wangai and Chen, is able to state definitively. If there was ever a case in need of additional study, this would be it.

“I will be filing a request with the Colonial Environmental Protection Agency, under whose auspices sentience determination is administered, to dispatch the appropriate experts here for additional study and to make a decision regarding the sentience of the ‘fuzzys.’ Until that time, the Zarathustra Corporation will continue its normal operations, with the understanding that it will now conform to CEPA guidelines regarding exploitation of disputed worlds. I’ll be posting the inquiry ruling later today. Any objections, Ms. Meyer?”

“None, Your Honor,” Meyer said.

“Then this inquiry is adjourned,” Soltan said. She rose and disappeared into her chambers.

 

Chapter Nineteen        

Holloway was walking Carl, finding a good place for the dog to take care of his business, when Wheaton Aubrey VII appeared in front of him as if by magic.

Holloway peered around Aubrey. “Where’s your shadow?” he asked. “I wasn’t aware you were allowed to go anywhere but the bathroom without your body man.”

Aubrey ignored this. “I want to know why you pulled that stunt in the courtroom,” he said.

“I’m wondering what part of it constitutes the stunt for you,” Holloway said. “The ‘telling the truth’ part, or the ‘not telling you I was going to tell the truth’ part.”

“Cut the shit, Holloway,” Aubrey said. “We had a deal.”

“No, we didn’t,” Holloway said. “
You
said we had a deal. I don’t recall agreeing that we did. You assumed we did and I didn’t bother to correct your misapprehension.”

“Jesus,” Aubrey said. “You can’t be serious.”

“Jesus I am,” Holloway said. “And if you want to take it to court, you’ll find there’s quite a lot of case law that supports my point of view. Oral contracts are shaky enough as it is, but oral contracts in which one of the parties does not audibly and explicitly give consent to the agreement are not worth the sound waves they are spoken through. Not that you’ll be wanting to take this to court, of course. Encouraging perjury is not looked upon very kindly by any court I can think of. And while I don’t know if encouraging someone to perjure themselves at one of these quasi-legal inquiries constitutes a prison worthy offense, at the very least I would guess that it’s a slam-dunk that the supposed deal wouldn’t have legal standing in the first place.”

“Let’s assume for a moment that you and I both know that none of anything you just driveled on about matters one bit,” Aubrey said. “And let’s also pretend that both of us know what’s actually true here, which is that the last time you and I spoke, you had every intention of doing exactly what we had planned. All right?”

“If you say so,” Holloway said.

“Well, then,” Aubrey said. “I repeat: I want to know why you pulled that stunt in the courtroom.”

“Because they’re
people,
Aubrey,” Holloway said.

“Oh, bullshit, Holloway,” Aubrey spat. “We both know you don’t give a damn about whether they’re
people
or not, especially when you’re looking at billions of credits. You’re not built that way.”

“You haven’t the slightest idea how I’m built,” Holloway said.

“Apparently not,” Aubrey agreed, “because I assumed that despite all evidence to the contrary, you were capable of logical thought, and of working for your own advantage when necessary. Doing this doesn’t help you at all. The only thing it does is let you make nice with that biologist. I hope the pity sex you get out of that is worth the billions you just pissed away, Holloway.”

Holloway counted to five before replying. “Aubrey, you talk like someone who’s never gotten the shit beat out of him for being an asshole,” he said.

Aubrey opened his arms, wide. “Take your shot, Holloway,” he said. “I’d really like to see you try.”

“I already took my shot at you, Aubrey,” Holloway said. “You might recall. It’s why we’re having this little conversation right now.”

Aubrey put his arms back down. “This wasn’t about me,” he said.

“No,” Holloway agreed. “That was just one of the side benefits.”

“You know those fuzzy creatures of yours are never going to be found sentient,” Aubrey said.

“I’m well aware you’re going to throw a lot of resources into making the case against them,” Holloway said. “Which is not the same thing.”

“We’re going to make that case,” Aubrey said.

“Then you’re out the relatively minimal cost of the legal proceedings and your paid experts and what have you,” Holloway said. “For ZaraCorp, that’s next to nothing. You, Aubrey, probably make more in interest off your share of the company each day. So what. But if you
don’t
make the case, then the fuzzys have the right to their own planet, in which case all of this is immaterial, and you should consider what you have stripped off the planet a gift, rather than your right. You really can’t complain.”

“I still don’t understand why you did it,” Aubrey said.

“I already told you why,” Holloway said.

“I don’t believe you,” Aubrey said.

“As if I
care
about that,” Holloway said. “Look, Aubrey. It could take the experts years to make a determination. If you have your way with your own lawyers and experts, that will certainly be true. In which case you still have years to exploit the planet. More than enough time to prepare your company and your stockholders.”

“Or they might make a determination within months,” Aubrey said. “In which case the company is screwed.”

Holloway nodded. “Then I suggest you prioritize your efforts,” he said. “You’ve said yourself that sunstone seam I found is worth decades of revenues for ZaraCorp. If I were you, I’d be putting just about everything I could into it.”

“It’s already our top priority,” Aubrey said.

“Now it’ll be your top priority with a special sense of urgency, won’t it,” Holloway said.

Aubrey suddenly grinned, grimly. “
Now
I understand why you did it, Holloway,” he said. “Having us exploit the sunstone seam in our usual way wouldn’t get you rich enough fast enough. You wanted as much as you could get as quickly as you could get it. So you show Judge Soltan just enough of your little talking monkeys to force her to rule for more study—but not enough so that she requires us to file an SSR. Zarathustra Corporation is put into the position of having to focus on the single most profitable project on the planet, which you just
happen
to have discovered.”

Holloway said nothing to this.

“This proves you don’t actually give a shit about those little fuzzys of yours,” Aubrey said. “You’ll still get your percentage of the sunstone seam whether the experts decide the fuzzys are sentient or not. You’ve played your biologist friend, and you played ZaraCorp at the same time. Very nicely done. I can almost admire it. Almost.”

“It’s not as if ZaraCorp won’t see the benefit of it,” Holloway said. “If you exploit that seam quickly, you’re creating an endowment for your company. You hold the monopoly on sunstones. You can store those sunstones and dribble them out over decades, whenever you need an extra boost to the bottom line. That I get my bit up front is neither here nor there.”

“We have a monopoly only if the fuzzys are found not to be sentient,” Aubrey said.

“You have a monopoly either way,” Holloway said. “As I mentioned to someone else recently, the fuzzys only recently discovered sandwiches. Sentient or not, there’s no way they’re going to be ready to handle the world of interplanetary business. It’s unlikely the Colonial Authority will allow them to for decades. It was only a decade ago the CA decided the Negad were competent enough to enter into resource deals on their own planet. The fuzzys are far behind where the Negad were when they were declared sentient. ZaraCorp’s monopoly isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.”

“It will still cost us hundreds of millions of credits to refocus all our planetary resources on that seam,” Aubrey said.

Holloway shrugged, and the message was clear enough:
Like I care
.

“And we might decide not to,” Aubrey said.

“I understand the Aubrey family doesn’t see fit to give ZaraCorp voting stock to the plebian masses,” Holloway said. “But the folks who own class B stock in the company can still sell it when they see the corporate governance doing something stupid. Like, say, not exploiting a sunstone seam that’s arguably worth the rest of the entire planet combined, when there’s an excellent chance the entire planet will soon be placed off-limits to future exploitation. The only real question in that case is how low the stock will go. I’d guess not
quite
low enough for Zarathustra Corporation to get delisted. But one never does know, does one.”

Aubrey smiled another mirthless smile. “You know, Holloway, I’m delighted that the two of us have had this little chat,” he said. “It has put so many things into perspective.”

“I’m glad it has,” Holloway said.

“I don’t suppose you have any other surprises you want to share with me,” Aubrey said.

“Not really,” Holloway said.

“Of course not,” Aubrey said. “They wouldn’t be surprises then, would they.”

“The man has a learning curve,” Holloway said.

“One other thing,” Aubrey said. “I’ve decided that when your contract runs out, I’m going to have ZaraCorp renew it. All things considered, I think you’ll do us less damage here than anywhere else. And I want you where I can keep track of you.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence,” Holloway said. “I don’t suppose you still plan on giving me that continent, though.”

Aubrey walked off.

“Didn’t think so,” Holloway said. He turned to Carl. “There goes a real piece of work,” he said to his dog.

Carl returned the comment with a look that said,
That’s nice, but now I really do have to pee
. Holloway continued their walk.

*   *   *

“You’re late,” Sullivan said, as he answered his door.

“I got waylaid by a very pissed-off future Chairman and CEO of Zarathustra Corporation,” Holloway said.

“That’s an acceptable excuse,” Sullivan said, and then glanced down at Carl, who was lolling his tongue at the lawyer.

“I promised Isabel I’d bring Carl around,” Holloway said. “I assumed she’d be here.”

“She’ll be around a bit later,” Sullivan said. “Why don’t you both come in.” He stood aside from the door.

Sullivan’s apartment was the standard-issue Zarathustra Corporation off-planet living space: twenty-eight square meters of floor plan divided into living room, bedroom, kitchen, and bath. “I think it’s disturbing my cabin is larger than your apartment,” Holloway said, entering.

“Not that much larger,” Sullivan said.

“Higher ceiling, in any event,” Holloway said, looking up. He could place his palm flat on the ceiling if he wanted to.

“I’ll give you that,” Sullivan said, walking through the front room to the kitchen. “You also don’t have an intern living above you playing noise until the dead hours of the morning. I swear I’m going to make sure that kid never gets another job with the company. Beer?”

“Please.” Holloway sat, followed by Carl.

“So what did Aubrey waylay you about?” Sullivan asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“He asked me what I was thinking in the courtroom today,” Holloway said.

“Funny,” Sullivan said, coming back into the living room and handing Holloway his beer. “I was thinking of asking you the same thing.”

“Probably not for the same reasons, however,” Holloway said.

“Probably not,” Sullivan said. He twisted the cap off his own beer and sat. “Jack, I’m about to tell you something I shouldn’t,” he said. “The other day Brad Landon came into my office and told me to draft up an interesting sort of contract. It was a contract ceding operational authority for the entire northwest continent of the planet to a single contractor, who in return for handling substantial operational and organizational tasks for ZaraCorp, would receive five percent of all gross revenues.”

“That’s a nice gig for someone,” Holloway said.

“Yes it is,” Sullivan said. “Now, I was instructed to design the contract so that unless certain stringent production quotas were met, the contractor got very little, but you’ll understand that ‘very little’ in this case is a distinctly relative term. Whoever got this gig would be rich beyond just about any one person’s ability to measure wealth.”

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