Fusion (Explosive #5) (11 page)

My eyes widened when Sierra’s voice chimed in. God, how long had she been there?

“Nice to know, Sierra. I’m manly enough to admit I did the same. Damn Nicholas Sparks,” he said, shaking his head as if the memory were painful.

Which, indeed, it was. I had vowed that it was the last time Sierra got to drag me to a chick flick.

Jace turned back to me. “Think about what I said, Banks. Don’t strike out before you even have a chance to get up to bat.”

With that, he left us alone.

“What was that cryptic baseball metaphor in reference to?” she asked, staring at his back as he walked away from us.

“I have no idea. You know how that guy is. Romantic quips and all that shit. It’s a shock he doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

“I know you’re being sarcastic, but you’re actually right. He’s super cute, and in those baseball pants? Whew,” she said, fanning herself.

My jealousy flared. “Seriously? You have a thing for Jace McAllister?” I asked, trying not to seethe.

She laughed, punching me in the arm. “Of course not. I just meant it
is
surprising he’s single. He’s good-looking, he’s sweet, and he’s smart. Any girl would be lucky to have him.”

I rolled my eyes. “Sierra, you just described me and I’m single, too. Where’s your outrage in that?”

She held her hands to her chest and let out an exaggerated gasp. “God, Jeremy. I just can’t believe it. You’re every girl’s wet dream, knight in shining armor, and perfect man all rolled into one.”

“Smartass.”

“You love me.”

“The paradoxical blessing and curse,” I muttered, causing her to laugh.

“Wow. A big word for such a meathead.”

“You love me,” I echoed, and she beamed at me.

A silence fell over us as we walked home together. If she only knew how true her statement had been. And how much I wished mine were as well.

“Why don’t we stay home tonight?” I asked Sierra as we neared her driveway. The truth was I didn’t want to share her. Not on our last night together.

She laughed and bumped her shoulder into mine. “What are you talking about, Jeremy? You’ve been excited about the end-of-school bash since you were invited by your teammates.”

She was right. Freshmen weren’t usually invited to the football team’s end-of-year beach bash. But, since I was on the varsity team, I’d been extended an invite, and I might have been a little bit smug about it.

“That was before I knew you were leaving me for two months.” I winced at the harshness in my voice.

“Oh,” was all she replied.
Oh.

“I just don’t see why you have to go away for the summer. We’re supposed to be living it up. We’re no longer fresh meat. We need to party like its nineteen ninety-nine!”

She laughed so hard that she snorted. “You did not just Prince me.”

“You did not just use Prince as a verb,” I retorted.

“Whatever. In case you forgot, it
is
nineteen ninety-nine, Jer. We don’t have to party like it anymore. Plus, I’ll be back before school starts and we can party then,” she said.

“Fine,” I grumbled. “I still hate that you’re leaving for the entire summer.”

It was the truth. Things with Sierra and me had been evolving ever since we’d stepped foot into high school. It was like we had been transported to a place where just friendship couldn’t exist anymore. It was a slow burn, with little hints here and there, but neither of us made a move.

Call me chickenshit. I would agree. It’s just… The night she’d cried in my arms about Dawson and Joey having ruined everything in their friendship, she’d also made me promise to never let that happen between us. I wanted to point out that, one, it was fiction; two, Joey Potter had nothing on her; three, I was ten times cooler than Dawson, not to mention with a hell of a lot more game; and, four, it was fiction.

But I didn’t. Instead, I promised that would never happen to us. What I meant, however, was the heartbreak thing. Because kissing her?

I’d had that thought over and over and over again.

In fact, just two weeks ago, I’d gotten tired of hiding my feelings. I’d just mustered up the courage to tell her how I felt when she’d dropped the bomb on me.

Okay, I was being dramatic. But still, it’d felt like a blow when she’d informed me that she was spending the summer in Ohio with her grandparents. I was torn. I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I had feelings for her. The thought of her meeting a guy in Ohio made me want to Hulk out. At the same time, though, it didn’t seem fair to tell her now, forcing us to start our relationship as a long-distance one.

I was getting ahead of myself. I didn’t even know if Sierra liked me like that, but a guy could hope, right? So I sucked up it and spent the next few weeks whining about her leaving me for an entire summer. I
might
have asked my mom what she thought about me going to Ohio, too, citing that I’d see a different part of the country and all, but she’d squashed that plan when she’d reminded me about football camp.

“Pick me up at eight?” she asked when we got to the edge of her driveway.

“Are you sure we can’t stay in tonight?” I made one last ditch effort to get her all to myself.

She laughed and shook her head. “No way. You’ve been looking forward to this for weeks. I’m not going to be the one to keep you from it.”

I let out an exasperated sigh and placed my hands on top of my head. “I don’t care! It’s one party. There will be plenty this summer.” I dropped my hands and grabbed one of hers. “But my time with you is limited, and I don’t want to share you.”

Her eyes dilated. Her voice was soft and slightly trembling when she said, “You’ll never have to share me, Jeremy. You should know that by now.”

Just like that, something inside me clicked. I didn’t want to share her. Not with anyone there. Not with anyone in Ohio. This was it. I couldn’t wait anymore. She needed to know, even if it meant we had to wait two months to really be together.

I took a step forward just as she did. My free hand lifted to her cheek.

“Sierra,” I whispered, pausing as I memorized every inch of her face.

“Yes?” she breathed, her eyes searching mine.

“You better bring me back a buckeye.”

I couldn’t do it.

And I’d never been more disappointed in myself.

I blinked twice at Jeremy’s words. I could’ve sworn he had been on the verge of kissing me or revealing some deep, dark secret. Instead, he’d asked for a freaking nut? A poisonous one, at that? Right then, I could’ve shoved a few poisonous nuts down his throat. My nose burned, and tears threatened to flow.

I stepped back and nodded quickly. “Umm, sure. I’ll put that on my list. Okay, I need to go get ready. See you later!” I said before running into the house.

The way I flung myself onto my bed and buried my face in my pillow was probably dramatic. But I did it anyway. It masked the sobs racking through me. I cried for my stupidity. I cried for the humiliation of yet another near kiss. I cried because the one person who’d never made me cry was making me do just that, and even still, I couldn’t fault him for it.

After tiptoeing around my feelings for him for nearly the entire school year, reading way too much into every move he made, everything he ever said, analyzing his actions to see if it meant anything more, I finally had my answer.

I hadn’t budged an inch outside of the friend-zone, and I was finally realizing I never would.

I was such an idiot. How could I have thought I’d ever be anything but Tod to him? He’d never see me as anything more than the girl who always conceded and gave him the nun-chucks. The girl who didn’t hesitate to spit in her hand and shake, no matter how gross Lexi told me I was. The one who took one look at his pale face and swooped in to save the day, dissecting that frog all by myself so he wouldn’t get sick.

I was the reliable best friend, willing to do anything for the boy she loved.

I was Joey freaking Potter.

No, I was worse than Joey Potter. At least she got to kiss her best friend. Not me. I’d just been reminded that this entire thing was one-sided.

I was just glad I hadn’t told him.

As the tears finally stopped flowing, I resolved then and there that I’d never again let his nearness give me butterflies.

I thought leaving him that summer was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do.

Staying would’ve been so much worse. And, as much as I had been dreading the goodbye, now, it couldn’t come soon enough.

I was an idiot.

I knew it even before Jenna shoved me and told me that I was one. She’d witnessed the whole ordeal and was none too impressed with how her twin brother had handled himself.

“She was practically begging for you to kiss her! And you ask for a freaking leaf?” she screeched as soon as I walked into our kitchen.

“It’s a nut,” I informed her.

She rolled her eyes. “No,
you’re
a nut.” Then she put her hands on her hips. “You’re unbelievable. Unbelievable!”

“What do I do, Jenna? What if she doesn’t like me like that? What if I tell her how I feel and then she says she only sees me as a friend. I’d ruin everything.”

She scoffed. “So you’re an idiot, unbelievable, and blind. What a freaking trifecta. Get a clue, Jer. She
likes you
likes you.”

“Are you two talking about Sierra?”

I jumped at the sound of Lexi’s voice.

“Yep,” Jenna said. “Numb nuts over here doesn’t think she likes him.”

Lexi let out a loud laugh then slapped her hand on the kitchen counter. “You’re kidding me, right?”

Jenna shook her head.

Lexi sobered a little. “You are a numb nuts.”

“Stop talking about my nuts!” I shouted, stomping out of the room.

The sound of their laughter followed me even as I plopped down on my bed and buried my face in my pillow.

As much as I wanted to deny it, they were right. I wasn’t just an idiot. I was a coward. I wasn’t thinking straight, and I was terrified that everything would change the minute I told her how I felt.

But wasn’t that the point? I didn’t want things to stay the same. I wanted them to change—for the better. And how could that happen if I kept my mouth shut and my feelings hidden away? It couldn’t. So, that night, as I got ready, I listened to the sweet, sappy sounds of Boyz II Men, psyching myself up to tell Sierra the truth. My brilliant plan was to get to the party, make a few rounds, and then drag her behind some sand dune far away from everyone else and ask her to be my girlfriend. Sounded perfect, right?